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UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA. 

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THE  DIARY 


OF  A  JAPANESE  CONVERT 


By    KANZO    UCHIMURA 


ENCOURAGEMENT: 

"Veracity,  true  simplicity  of  heart,  how  valuable  are  these  always! 
He  that  speaks  what  is  really  in  him,  will  find  men  to  listen,  thouj?h 
under  never  such  impediments." — Thomas  Carlyle. 


FLEMING  H.   REVELL  COMPANY 

NEW   YOHK  CHICAGO  TOROWTO 

Tokyo,  Japan    :   Keiseisha   :  Idzumocho.  Kyobashikn 


u-5 


I  am  grateful  to  you  for  sending  me  the  advance  sheets  of 
this  wonderful  book,  for  it  is  a  wonderful  book.  It  is  an  inter- 
pretative study  which  a  man  makes  of  himself  in  life's  crises  and 
in  the  more  serious  periods  of  his  career.  It  has  visions  of  truth 
such  as  are  given  to  but  few  to  see.  It  also  has  a  vital  element  in 
every  part,  which  grips  one  to  the  book  with  tremendous  fixedness. 

I  shall  be  interested  to  know  whether  the  thinking  people  of 
.America  wake  up  to  the  presence  among  themselves  of  a  book  of 
this  character. 

What  a  satisfaction  it  is  to  come  into  close  relations  with  a 
mighty  mind!  Most  of  us  human  beings  are  fitted  for  only  a  com- 
mon life.  Of  course  "God  likes  common  people,"  as  it  is  said, 
"or  He  would  not  have  made  so  many  of  us,"  but  after  all  I  am 
sure  that  he  prefers  the  nobly  uncommon,  and  we  ourselves  cer- 
tainly like  the  uncommon  and  conspicuous. 

CHAS.   F.  THWING. 

President  oj  Western  Reserve  University,  Cleveland,  Ohio. 


lof^ 


^0 


I  am  glad  that  this  heart  experience  of  a  Japanese  is  to  be  given 
to  the  public  in  America.  It  is  suggestive,  instructive  and  val- 
uable in  many  ways.  No  one  can  read  it  without  realizing  more 
fully  the  strength  of  Christianity,  and  that  its  strength  is  in  the 
living  Christ  himself,  who  dwells  with  the  soul  who  will  receive 
Him. 

I  am  srlad  that  this  picture  is  given  of  the  outcome  of  the  year 
of  work  which  President  Clark  did  in  Sapporo,  as  he  helped  to 
ortjanize  the  Agricultural  College  there,  and  insisted  that  the 
Bible  sliould  be  taken  as  the  ba«?is  of  the  morality  taught  in  the 
in«5titution.  The  little  band  of  believers  whom  he  left  there  have 
hell  on  through  more  than  twenty  years,  almost  everyone  of  them 
a  tower  of  strength  ni  Jai)an. 

I  am  glad  of  this  tribute  tf)  the  noble  heart  of  President  Seelye, 
(jf  Amh^'rst,  as  well  as  for  the  words  ( in  general  just )  of  criticism, 
favor.iblc  and  unfavorable,  upon  our  American  Christianity,  and 
upon  foreign  missions.  J.  D.  DAVIS, 

0/  Doshislia  University,  Kyoto,  Japan,  and  Author  of  '''■Life  of  Nescima,'" 

October,  /8qj. 

Copyright,  1895.  by  Fleming  H.  Revell  Company. 


TO  ALL  THE  GOODLY  SOULS 

WHO  APPEAR  IN  THESE  PAGES  BY  THEIR 

INITIALS  AND  OTHERWISE, 

AS  GOD-SENT  MESSENGERS  TO  PREPARE  Ml? 

SOUL  FOR  HEAVEN, 

THIS  HUMBLE  DESCRIPTION  OF  THE 

CHIEFEST  OF  SINNERS 

IS  MOST  AFFECTIONATELY 

DEDICATED. 


NOTE,    

This  Book  by  a  native  Japanese,  written  in  English  by 
himself,  from  his  Japanese  home,  will,  we  believe,  be  accept- 
able to  a  wide  circle  of  American  readers.  So  far  as  we 
know,  it  is  the  only  book  of  the  kind  ever  published  in  any 
language ;  and  as  a  vivid  portraiture  of  a  struggling  soul 
seeking  light  and  peace  for  his  and  his  nation's  salvation,  it 
will  be  read  with  deep  interest  by  all  who  desire  the  good  of 
humanity.  It  touches  upon  many  vital  questions  connected 
with  Christian  missions  in  *'  heathen  "  lands  ;  and  written  in 
autobiographical  form,  it  has  all  the  freshness  and  reality  of 
the  author's  own  actual  experiences. 

Except  in  a  few  instances  when  the  meaning  might  not 
have  been  quite  clear,  the  work  is  issued  as  written  by  the 
author.  The  occasional  indications  of  a  foreign  idiom  but 
enhances  the  reader's  interest,  and  it  was  not  thought  best 
to  alter  these  or  critically  correct  every  minor  inaccurate 
form  of  expression  as  judged  by  our  English  usage. 


PREFACE. 


In  many  a  religious  gathering  to  which  I  was  in- 
vited during  my  stay  in  America  to  give  a  talk  for 
fifteen  minutes  and  no  more  (as  some  great  doctor, 
the  chief  speaker  of  the  meeting,  was  to  fill  up  the 
most  of  the  time),  I  often  asked  the  chairman  (or 
the  chairwoman)  what  they  would  like  to  hear 
from  me.  The  commonest  answer  I  received  was, 
"O  just  tell  us  how  you  were  converted."  I  was 
always  at  a  loss  how  to  comply  with  such  a  de- 
mand, as  I  could  not  in  any  way  tell  in  '^fifteen 
minutes  and  no  more"  the  awful  change  that 
came  over  my  soul  since  I  was  brought  in  contact 
with  Christianity.  The  fact  is,  the  conversion  of 
a  heathen  is  always  a  matter  of  wonder,  if  not  of 
curiosity,  to  the  Christian  public;  and  it  was  just 
natural' that  I  too  was  asked  to  tell  them  some 
vivid  accounts  of  how  ''I  threw  my  idols  into  the 
fire,  and  clung  unto  the  Gospel."  But  mine  was 
a  more  obdurate  case  than  those  of  many  other 
converts.  Though  moments  of  ecstacy  and  sudden 
spiritual  illuminations  were  not  wanting,  my 
conversion  was  a  slow  gradual  process.  I  was  not 
converted  in  a  day.  Long  after  I  ceased  to  pros- 
trate myself  before  idols,  yea  long  after  I  was 
baptized,  I  lacked  those  beliefs  in  the  funda- 
mental teachings  of  Christianity  which  I  now  con- 
sider to  be  essential  in  calling  myself  a  Christian. 
Even  yet  ''I  count  not  myself  to  have  apprehend- 
ed" ;  and  as  T  press  toward  the  mark  for  the  prize 
of  the  high  calling  of  God  in  Christ  Jesus,  I  know 


6  Preface, 

not  whether  I  maj  yet  find  my  present  position 
to  be  still  heathenish.  These  pages  are  the  hon- 
est confessions  of  the  various  stages  of  the 
spiritual  growth  I  have  passed  through.  Will 
the  reader  receive  them  as  the  unadorned  ex- 
pressions of  a  human  heart,  and  judge  with 
leniency  the  language  in  which  they  are  written, 
as  it  is  not  the  tongue  that  I  learned  from  my 
mother's  lips,  and  the  ornate  literature  is  not  the 
trade  by  which  I  live  in  this  world.  K.  U. 

An  Isle  in  the  Pacific. 
May  1,  1895. 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER.  PAGE. 

Introduction           9 

I.    Heathenism ii 

II.    Introduction  to  Christianity        .        .        .  19 

III.  The  Incipient  Church          ....  29 

IV.  A  New  Church  and  Lay-Preaching          .        .  65 

V.    Out  into   the    World— Sentimental    Chris- 
tianity         86 

VI.  The  First  Impressions  of  Christendom           .  lOi 

VII.  In  Christendom— Among  Philanthropists  .  ii6 

VIII.  In  Christendom— New  England  College  Life  I4i 

IX.    In  Christendom— a  Dip  into  Theology      .    .  i69 

X.    The  Net  Impressions  of  Christendom— Re- 
turn Home i86 


DIARY  OF  A  JAPANESE 
CONVERT. 


INTRODUCTION. 


I  propose  to  write  how  I  became  a  Christian  and 
not  whj.  The  so-called  "philosophy  of  conver- 
sion" is  not  mj  theme.  I  will  onlj  describe  its 
^'phenomena,"  and  will  furnish  materials  for  more 
disciplined  minds  than  mine  to  philosophize  upon. 
I  early  contracted  the  habit  of  keeping  my  diary, 
in  which  I  noted  down  whatever  ideas  and  events 
came  to  pass  upon  me.  I  made  mj^self  a  subject 
of  careful  observations,  and  found  it  more  mys- 
terious than  anything  I  ever  have  studied.  I 
jotted  down  its  rise  and  progress,  its  falls  and 
backslidings,  its  joys  and  hopes,  its  sins  and  dark- 
ness; and  notwithstanding  all  the  awfulness  that 
attends  such  an  observation  like  this,  I  found  it 
more  seriously  interesting  than  any  study  I  ever 
have  undertaken.  I  call  my  diary  a  ''log-book," 
as  a  book  in  which  is  entered  the  daily  progress 
of  this  poor  bark  toward  the  upper  haven  through 
sins,  and  tears,  and  many  a  woe.  I  might  just  as 
well  call  it  a  "biologist's  sketch-book,"  in  which  is 
kept  the  accounts  of  all  the  morphological  and 
physiological  changes  of  a  soul  in  its  embryolog- 
ical  development  from  a  seed  to  a  full-eared  corn. 
A  part  of  such  a  record  is  now  given  to  the 


10  Dion/  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

public,  and  the  reader  may  draw  whatever  con- 
clusions he  likes  from  it.  My  diary,  however, 
beji^ins  only  a  few  months  'before  1  accepted 
Christianity. 


Heathenism.  11 


CHAPTER  L 

HEATHENISM 

I  was  born,  according  to  the  Gregorian  calendar, 
on  the  28th  of  March,  1861.    My  family  belonged 
to  the  warrior  class;    so  I  was  born  to  fight — 
vivere    est    militare, — from  the  very  cradle.     My 
paternal  grandfather  was  every-inch  a  soldier. 
He  was  never  so  happy  as  when  he  appeared  In 
his  ponderous  armour,  decked  with  a  bamboo-bow 
and  pheasant-feathered    arrows   and  a  50-pound 
fire-lock.    He  lamented  that  the  land  was  in  peace, 
and  died  with  regret  that  he  never  was  able  to 
put  his  trade  in  practice.     My  father  was  more 
cultured,  could    write    good    poetry,    and    was 
learned  in  the  art  of  ruling  man.    He  too  w^as  a 
man  of  no  mean  military  ability,  and  could  lead  a 
most  turbulent  regiment    in  a  very    creditable 
way. — Maternally,  my  grandfather  was  essential- 
ly an    honest  man.     Indeed    he  had  few    other 
abilities  than  honesty,  if  honesty  could  be  called 
an  ability  in  this  glorious  selfish  century.    It  is 
told  of  him  that  when  he  w^as  asked  to  lend  out 
some  public  money  with  usury-interest  (a  custom 
very  common  with  treasurers  of  petty  provincial 
lords,  who  of  course  pocketed  the  whole  of  the 
interest  money),  my  grandfather  was  too  wise  to 
offend  his  head-officers  by  disobeying  them,  but 
was  too  conscientious  to  exact  exorbitant  rates 
from  the  poor  borrowers;   so  he  kept  the  money 
with  him,  and  at  the  expiration  of  the  term,  he 
returned  it  to  the  usurious  officers,  with  high  in- 


12  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

terest  upon  it  out  of  his  own  pocket.    He  also  was 
a  total  abstainer.     I  do  not  believe  more  than 
twenty  cups  of  fiery  drinks  ever  passed  his  lips  in 
his  life-time,  and  this  only  by  the  recommendation 
of  his  doctors. — My  maternal  grandmother  was 
a  worthy    companion    to    this   honest    and  ab- 
stemious man.     She  was  born  to  work, —  vivere 
est  laborare    for  her, — and  for  forty  years  she  did 
work  as  any  frail  human  being  could  work.    For 
fifty  years  she  lived  a  life  of  widowhood,  brought 
up  and  educated  five  children  with  her  own  hands, 
never  proved  false  to  her  neighbor,  never  ran  in 
debt;   and  now  in  her  four-scores-and-four,  with 
her  ears  closed  to  the  noise  and  din  of  the  world, 
her  deep  eyes  ever  bathed  with  tears,  she  calmly 
w^aits  for  the  shadow  to  relieve  her  from  the  life 
she  so  bravely  fought  through.    A  pathos  there  is 
in  "heathenism"  so  noble  as  hers.     She  is  too 
sacred   to  be   touched   with  the  hand  of   inex- 
perience whatever  theologies  and  philosophies  it 
can  handle.    Let  the  Spirit  of  God  alone  mould 
her,  and  no  ill  shall  come  to  her  well-tried  soul.* 
My  mother  has  inherited  from  her  mother  this 
mania  for  work.     She  forgets  all  the  pains  and 
sorrows  of  life  in  her  work.    She  is  one  of  those 
who  "can't  afford"  to  be  gloomy  because  life  is 
hard.    Her  little  home  is  her  kingdom,  and  she 
rules  it,  washes  it,  feeds  it,  as  no  queen  has  ever 
done. 

Such  was  my  parentage,  and  such  were  the 
hearts  which  moulded  me.  But  to  no  one  of  them 
do  I  trace  the  origin  of  my  "religious  sensibilities" 
which  I  early  acquired  in  my  'boyhood.    My  father 

*  She  passed  away  in  peace  during  the  preparation  of 
this  book. 


Heathenism,  13 

was  decidedly  blasphemous  toward  heathen  gods 
of  all  sorts.  He  once  dropped  a  base  coin  into 
the  monev-chest  of  a  Buddhist  temple,  and  scorn- 
fully addressed  the  idols  there  that  they  would 
haye  another  such  coin  if  they  would  in  any  way 
help  him  to  win  a  law-case  in  which  he  was  then 
engaged; — a  feat  wholly  beyond  my  power  at 
any  period  of  my  religious  experience.  But  T 
always  thank  my  God  that  I  neyer  haye  tasted 
human  flesh,  or  prostrated  myself  before  the 
wheels  of  Juggernaut,  or  witnessed  infants  fed 
to  gayials.  If  in  my  childhood  I  had  no  blessed 
Sabbath  home  to  draw  upward  my  secret  heart 
with  influence  sweet,  I  was  spared  much  of  mam- 
monism,  of  the  fearful  curse  of  rum-traffic,  so  com- 
mon in  other  doms  than  heathendoms.  If  there 
were  no  Gospel  stories  to  calm  down  my  childish 
passion's  rage,  that  excitement  and  rush  of  the 
so-called  Christendom  which  whirls  men  and 
women  into  premature  grayes  was  unknown  to 
me.  If  heathenism  is  the  reign  of  darkness,  it  is 
the  reign  of  moon  and  stars,  of  obscure  lights  no 
doubt,  but  withal  of  repose  and  comparatiye  in- 
nocence. 

My  father  was  a  good  Confucian  scholar,  who 
could  repeat  from  memory  almost  eyery  passage 
in  the  writings  and  sayings  of  the  sage.  So  na- 
turally my  early  education  was  in  that  line;  and 
though  I  could  not  understand  the  ethico-political 
precepts  of  the  Chinese  sages,  I  was  imbued  with 
the  general  sentiments  of  their  teachings. 
Loyality  to  my  feudal  lords,  and  fidelity  and  re- 
spects to  my  parents  and  teachers,  were  the  cen- 
tral themes  of  the  Chinese  ethics.  Filial  piety 
was  taught  to  be  the  source  of  all  yirtues,  akin 
to  the  Solomonic  precept  of  'Tear  of  God  is  the 
beginning  of  wisdom."    The  story  of  a  filial  youth 


Ix  Dkiry  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

responding  to  an  unreasonable  demand  of  an  old 
parent  to  have  a  tender  bamboo-shoot  (the  aspara- 
jTjus  of  the  Orient)  at  midwinter,  of  his  search  for 
it  in  forest,  and  of  its  miraculous  sprout  from 
under  the  snow  is  as  vivid  to  the  memory  of  every 
child  in  my  land  as  the  story  of  Joseph  to  that 
of  every  Christian  youth.  Even  parental  tyranny 
and  oppression  were  to  be  meekly  borne,  and 
many  illustrations  were  cited  from  the  deeds  of 
ancient  worthies  in  this  respect. — Loyality  to 
feudal  lords,  especially  in  time  of  war,  took  more 
\^omantic  shapes  in  the  ethical  conceptions  of  the 
youth  of  my  land.  He  was  to  consider  his  life  as 
light  as  dust  when  called  to  serve  his  lord  in 
exigency;  and  the  noblest  spot  where  he  could 
die  was  in  front  of  his  master's  steed,  thrice 
blessed  if  his  corpse  was  trumpled  under  its  hoof. 
— No  less  weightier  was  to  be  the  youth's  con- 
sideration for  his  master  (his  intellectual  and 
moral  preceptor),  who  was  to  him  no  mere  school- 
teacher or  college  professor  on  quid  pro  quo 
principle,  but  a  veritable  didaskalos,  in  whom  he 
could  and  must  completely  confide  the  care  of  his 
body  and  soul.  The  Lord,  the  Father,  and  the 
Master,  constituted  his  Trinity.  Neither  one  of 
them  was  inferior  to  any  other  in  his  considera- 
tion, and  the  most  vexing  question  to  him  was 
which  he  would  save,  if  the  three  of  them  were  on 
the  point  of  drowning  at  the  same  time,  and  he 
had  ability  to  save  but  one.  Then,  their  enemies 
were  to  be  his  own  enemies,  with  whom  he  was 
not  allowed  to  bear  the  same  benignant  heaven. 
These  were  to  be  pursued  even  to  the  very  ends  of 
the  earth,  and  satisfaction  must  be  had,  eye  for 
eye,  tooth  for  tooth. 

Strong  in  inculcating  obedience  and  reverence 
toward  our  superiors,  the  oriental  precepts  ar^ 


Heathenism.  15 

not  wanting  in  regard  to  our  relations  to  our 
equals  and  inferiors.  Sincerity  in  friendship, 
harmony  in  brotherhood,  and  leniency  toward 
the  inferior  and  the  governed  are  strongly 
insisted  upon.  Much  reported  cruelties  of 
heathens  toward  women  do  not  find  en- 
couragement to  that  effect  in  their  moral  code, 
neither  is  it  entirely  silent  upon  the  subject  Our 
ideal  mothers  and  wives  and  sisters  are  not  very 
inferior  to  the  conception  of  the  highest  Christian 
womanhood,  and  the  very  fact  that  some  of  them 
achieved  high  excellence  in  deeds  and  character 
without  the  exalting  influence  of  Christianity 
makes  me  to  admire  them  so  much  more. 

Side  by  side  with  these  and  other  instructions, 
not  inferior,  I  sincerely  believe,  to  those  which  are 
imparted  to,  and  possessed  by,  many  who  call 
themselves  Christians,  I  was  not  free  from  many 
drawbacks  and  much  superstition. 

The  most  defective  point  in  Chinese  ethics  is  ^ 
its  weakness  when  it  deals  with  sexual  morality. 
Not  that  it  is  wholly  silent  upon  the  virtue  of 
social  purity,  but  the  way  in  which  the  violation 
of  the  law  of  chastity  is  usually  dealt  with,  and 
its  connivance  upon  the  perpetrators  of  the  same, 
resulted  in  general  apathy  in  this  respect.  Poly- 
gamy in  its  strict  sense  has  never  entered  into 
oriental  minds;  but  concubinage,  which  amounts 
to  the  same  thing,  has  met  only  mildest  rebukes, 
if  any,  from  their  moralists.  Amidst  solemn  in- 
structions of  my  father  about  duty  and  high 
ambition,  I  discerned  words  of  emulation  for 
study  and  industry  with  an  opulent  harem  in  view.-^ 
Great  statesmanship  and  learning  may  exist  with- 
out ideas  of  chastity.  He  that  grasps  the  rein  of 
the  state  in  sober  hours  may  rest  upon  a  bosom 
of  uncleanliness  in  less  serious  moments.    Glar- 


16  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

ing  profligacy  does  often  attend  acute  intellect 
and  high  regard  for  public  honor,  and  though  I 
am  not  blind  to  darkness  as  great  in  other  -coun- 
tries than  my  own,  I  do  not  hesitate  in  attributing 
impotence  to  Chinese  ethics  when  it  deals  wuth 
questions  of  social  purity. 

But  no  retrospect  of  my  bygone  days  causes  in 
me  a  greater  humiliation  than  the  spiritual  dark- 
ness I  groped  under,  laboriously  sustained  wath 
gross  superstitions.  I  believed,  and  that  sin- 
cerely, that  there  dw^elt  in  each  of  innumerable 
temples  its  god,  jealous  over  its  jurisdiction,  ready 
with  punishment  to  any  transgressor  that  fell 
under  his  displeasure.  The  god  w^hom  I  reverenced 
and  adored  most  was  the  god  of  learning  and 
writing,  for  w^hom  I  faithfully  observed  the  25th 
of  every  month  with  due  sanctity  and  sacrifice.  I 
prostrated  myself  before  his  image,  earnestly  im- 
plored his  aid  to  improve  my  handwriting  and 
help  my  memory.  Then  there  is  a  god  who  pre- 
sides over  rice-culture,  and  his  errands  unto 
mortals  are  white  foxes.  He  can  be  approached 
with  prayers  to  protect  our  houses  from  fire  and 
robbery,  and  as  mj  father  was  mostly  away  from 
home,  and  I  was  alone  with  my  mother,  I  ceased 
not  to  beseach  this  god  of  rice  to  keep  my  poor 
home  from  the  said  disasters.  There  w^as  another 
god  whom  I  feared  more  than  all  others.  His 
emblem  was  a  black  raven,  and  he  w^as  the  search- 
er of  man's  inmost  heart.  The  keeper  of  his 
temple  issued  papers  upon  which  ravens  were 
printed  in  sombre  colors,  the  whole  having  a  mir- 
aculous property  to  cause  immediate  hemorrage 
when  taken  into  stomach  by  any  one  who  told 
falsehood.  I  often  vindicated  my  truthfulness  be- 
fore my  comrades  by  calling  upon  them  to  test 
my  veracity  by  the  use  of  a  piece  of  this  sacred 


Heathenism.  17 

paper,  if  they  stood  in  suspicion  of  what  I  asserted. 
Still  another  god  exercises  healing  power  upon 
those  who  suffer  from  toothache.  Him  also  did 
I  call  upon,  as  I  was  a  constant  sufferer  from  this 
painful  malady.  He  would  exact  from  his  devotee 
a  vow  to  abstain  from  pears  as  specially  ob- 
noxious to  him,  and  I  was  of  course  most  willing 
to  undergo  the  required  privation.  Future  study 
in  Chemistry  and  Toxicology  revealed  to  me  a 
good  scientific  foundation  for  this  abstinence,  as 
the  injurious  effect  of  grape-sugar  upon  the  de- 
caying teeth  is  well-known.  But  all  of  heathen 
superstitions  cannot  be  so  happily  explained. 
One  god  would  impose  upon  me  abstinence  from 
the  use  of  eggs,  another  from  beans,  till  after  I 
made  all  my  vows,  many  of  my  boyish  delicacies 
were  entered  upon  the  prohibition  list.  Multipli-V 
city  of  gods  often  involved  the  contradiction  of 
the  requirements  of  one  god  with  those  of  another, 
and  sad  was  the  plight  of  a  conscientious  soul^ 
when  he  had  to  satisfy  more  than  one  god.  With 
so  many  gods  to  satisfy  and  appease,  I  was  na- 
turally a  fretful  timid  child.  I  framed  a  general 
prayer  to  be  offered  to  every  one  of  them,  adding 
of  course  special  requests  appropriate  to  each,  as 
I  happened  to  pass  before  each  temple.  Every 
morning  as  soon  as  I  washed  myself,  I  offered 
this  common  prayer  to  each  of  the  four  groups  of 
gods  located  in  the  four  points  of  the  compass, 
paying  special  attention  to  the  eastern  group,  as 
the  Rising  Sun  was  the  greatest  of  all  gods. 
Where  several  temples  were  contiguous  to  one 
another,  the  trouble  of  repeating  the  same  prayer 
so  many  times  was  very  great;  and  I  would  often 
prefer  a  longer  route  with  less  number  of  sanc- 
tuaries in  order  to  avoid  the  trouble  of  saying 
my  prayers  without  scruples  of  my  conscience. 


18  D lay II  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

The  number  of  dieties  to  be  worsliipped  increased 
da.v  by  day,  till  I  found  my  little  soul  totally  in- 
capable of  plBasing  them  all.  But  a  relief  came  at 
last 


Jntrodmtion  to  Christianity,  19 


CHAPTER  II. 

INTRODUCTION  TO  CHRISTIANITY. 

One  Sunday  morning  a  school-mate  of  mine 
asked  me  whether  I  would  not  go  with  him  to  "a 
certain  place  in  foreigners'  quarter,  where  we  can 
hear  pretty  women  sing,  and  a  tall  big  man  with 
long  beard  shout  and  howl  upon  an  elevated  place, 
flinging  his  arms  and  twisting  his  body  in  all 
fantastic  manners,  to  all  which  admittance  is 
entirely  free."  Such  was  his  description  of  a 
Christian  house  of  worship  conducted  in  the 
language  which  was  new  to  me  then.  I  followed 
my  friend,  and  I  was  not  displeased  with  the  place. 
Sunday  after  Sunday  I  resorted  to  this  place,  not 
knowing  the  awful  consequence  that  was  to  fol- 
low such  a  practice.  An  old  English  lady  from 
whom  I  learned  my  first  lessons  in  English  took 
a  great  delight  in  my  church-going,  unaware  of 
the  fact  that  sight-seeing,  and  not  truth-seeking,  \ 
was  the  only  view  I  had  in  my  "Sunday  excursion 
to  the  settlement"  as  I  called  it. 

Christianity  was  an  enjoyable  thing  to  me  so 
long  as  I  was  not  asked  to  accept  it.  Its  music, 
its  stories,  the  kindness  shown  me  by  its  followers, 
pleased  me  immensely.  But  five  years  after,  when 
it  was  formally  presented  to  me  to  accept,  with 
certain  stringent  laws  to  keep  and  much  sacrifice 
to  make,  my  whole  nature  revolted  against  sub- 
mitting myself  to  such  a  course.  That  I  must  set 
aside  one  day  out  of  seven  specially  for  religious 
purpose,  wherein  I  must  keep  myself  from  all  my 


20  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

other  studies  and  enjoyments,  was  a  sacrifi'ce 
which  I  thoujijht  next  to  impossible  to  make.  And 
it  was  uo^Jle^b.  alon^^Kluch  revolted  against  ac- 
cepting me  new  faith.  learty^earned  to  honor 
my  nation  above  all  others,  andSa^wor^ip  my 
fiition's  gods  and  no  others.  I  thou^t  P^Qpld 
not  be  forced  even  by  death  itself  m  vow 
allegiance  to  any  other  gods  than  my/country' 

,  I  should  be  a  traitor  to  my  country,  and 
apostate  from  my  national  faith  by/accepting  a 
faith  which  is  exotic  in  its  origin.  /All  mv.'lloble 
ambitions  which  Tiad  been  built  upon  n*y  former 
conceptions  of  duty  and  patriotisji>^rae  to  be  de- 

>U,nolished  by  suclL.aa^'eygrtTTre!^  I  was  then  a 
Freshman  in  a  new  Government  College,  where  by 
an  effort  of  a  New  England  Christian  scientist, 
the  whole  of  the  upper  class  (there  were  but  two 
classes  then  in  the  whole  college)  had  already 
been  converted  to  Christianity.  The  imperious 
attitude  of  the  Sophomores  toward  the  "baby 
Freshmen"  is  the  same  the  world  over,  and  when 
to  it  was  added  a  new  religious  enthusiasm  and 
spirit  of  propagandism,  their  impressions  upon 
the  poor  "Freshies"  can  easily  be  imagined.  They 
tried  to  convert  the  Freshies  by  storm ;  but  there 
was  one  among  the  latter  who  thought  himself 
capable  of  not  only  withstanding  the  combined 
assault  of  the  ''Sofihomoric  rushes,"  (in  this  case, 
religion-rush,  not  cane-rush),  but  even  of  recon- 
verting them  to  their  old  faith.  But  alas!  mighty 
men  around  me  were  falling  and  surrendering  to 
the  enemy.  I  alone  was  left  a  "heathen,"  the  mucli 
detested  idolator,  the  incorrigible  worshipper  of 
wood  and  stones.  I  well  remember  the  extremity 
and  loneliness  to  which  I  was  reduced  then.  One 
afternoon  I  resorted  to  a  heathen  temple  in  the 
vicinity,  said  to  have  been  "authorized  by  the 


tntrodncflon  to  Christianity.  ^1 

Government"  to  be  tlie  guardian-god  of  the  dis- 
trict. At  some  distance  from  the  sacred  mirror 
which  represented  the  invisible  presence  of  the 
deitv,  I  prostrated  myself  upon  coarse  dried  grass, 
and  there  burst  into  a  prayer  as  sincere  and 
genuine  as  any  I  have  ever  offered  to  my  Christian 
God  since  then.  I  beseeched  that  guardian-god 
to  speedily  extinguish  the  new  enthusiasm  in  my 
college,  to  punish  such  as  those  who  obstinately 
refused  to  disown  the  strange  god,  and  to  help 
me  in  my  humble  endeavor  in  the  patriotic  cause 
I  w^as  upholding  then.  After  the  devotion  I  re- 
turned to  my  dormitory,  again  to  be  tormented 
with  the  most  unwelcome  persuasion  to  accept 
the^ew  faith. 

The  public  opinion  of  the  college  w^as  too  strong 
against  me,  which  it  was  beyond  my  power  to 
withstand.  They  forced  me  to  sign  the  covenant 
given  below,  somewhat  in  a  manner  of  extreme 
temperance  men  prevailing  upon  an  incorrigible 
drunkard  to  sign  a  temperani-e  pledge.  I  finally 
yielded  and  signed  it.  I  often  asked  myself 
whether  I  ought  to  have  refrained  from  sub- 
mitting myself  to  such  a  coercion.  I  was  but  a 
mere  lad  of  sixteen  then,  and  the  boys  who  thus 
forced  me  "to  come  in"  were  all  much  bigger  than 
I.  So,  you  see,  my  first  step  toward  Christianity 
was  a  forced  one,  against  my  will,  and  I  must 
confess,  somewhat  against  my  conscience  too. 
The  covenant  I  signed  read  as  follows : 

COVENANT  OF  BELIEVERS  IN  JESUS. 

^'The  undersigned  members  of  S.  A.  College, 
desiring  to  confess  Christ  according  to  his  com- 
mand, and  to  perform  with  true  fidelity  every 
Christian  duty  in  order  to  show  our  love  and 


22  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

gratitude  to  that  blessed  Savior  who  has  made 
atonement  for  our  sins  by  his  death  on  the  cross; 
and  earnestly  wishing  to  advance  his  Kingdom 
among  men  for  the  promotion  of  his  glory  and  the 
salvation  of  those  for  whom  he  died,  do  solemnly 
covenant  with  God  and  with  each  other  from  this 
time  forth  to  be  his  faithful  disciples,  and  to  live 
in  strict  compliance  with  the  letter  and  the  spirit 
of  his  teachings;  and  w^henever  a  suitable  op- 
portunity offers  we  promise  to  present  ourselves 
for  examination,  baptism  and  admission  to  some 
evangelical  church. 

"We  believe  the  Bi'ble  to  be  the  only  direct 
revelation  in  language  from  God  to  man,  and  the 
only  perfect  and  infallible  guide  to  a  glorious 
future  life. 

"We  believe  in  one  everlasting  God  who  is  our 
Merciful  Father,  our  just  and  sovereign  Ruler, 
and  who  is  to  be  our  final  Judge. 

"We  believe  that  all  who  sincerely  repent  and 
by  faith  in  the  Son  of  God  obtain  the  forgiveness 
of  their  sins,  will  be  graciously  guided  through 
this  life  by  the  Holy  Spirit  and  protected  by  the 
watchful  providence  of  the  Heavenly  Father,  and 
so  at  length  prepared  for  the  enjoyments  and 
pursuits  of  the  redeemed  and  holy  ones; 
but  that  all  who  refuse  to  accept  the  in- 
vitation of  the  Gospel  must  perish  in  their 
sins,  and  be  forever  punished  from  the  presence 
of  the  Lord. 

"The  following  commandments  we  promise  to 
remember  and  obey  through  all  the  vicissitudes 
of  our  earthly  lives: 

"Thou  Shalt  love  the  Lord  thy  God  with  all  thy 
heart  and  with  all  thy  soul,  and  with  all  thy 
strength  and  with  all  thy  mind;  and  thy  neighbor 
as  thyself. 


Introduction  to  Christ  km  ity.  23 

"Thou  shalt  not  worship  any  graven  image  or 
any  likeness  of  any  created  beii>g  or  thing. 

"Thou  shalt  not  take  the  name  of  the  Lord  thy 
God  in  vain. 

"Remember  the  Sabbath  day  to  keep  it  holy, 
avoiding  all  unnecessary  labor,  and  devoting  it  as 
far  as  possible  to  the  study  of  the  Bible  and  the 
preparation  of  thyself  and  others  for  a  holy  life. 

"Thou  shalt  obey  and  honor  thy  parents  and 
rulers. 

"Thou  shalt  not  commit  murder,  adultery,  or 
other  impurity,  theft  or  deception. 

"Thou  shalt  do  no  evil  to  thy  neighbor. 

"Pray  without  ceasing. 

"For  mutual  assistance  and  encouragement  we 
hereby  constitute  ourselves  an  association  under 
the  name  "Believers  in  Jesus,"  and  we  promise 
faithfullly  to  attend  one  or  more  meetings  each 
week  while  living  together,  for  the  reading  of  the 
Bible  or  other  religious  books  or  papers,  for  con- 
ference and  for  social  prayer;  and  we  sincerely 
desire  the  manifest  presence  in  our  hearts  of  the 
Holy  Spirit  to  quicken  our  love,  to  strengthen  our 
faith,  and  to  guide  us  into  a  saving  knowledge  of 
the  truth.  ,       S.— March  5,  1877." 

The  whole  was  framed  in  English  by  the  Ameri- 
can Christian  scientist  mentioned  before,  himself 
a  graduate  of,  and  once  a  professor  in,  one  of  the 
most  evangelical  of  the  New  England  Colleges. 
His  own  signature  was  followed  by  those  of  the 
fifteen  of  his  students,  and  my  class-mates  swelled 
the  number  to  over  thirty.  My  name,  I  suppose, 
stood  the  last  but  one  or  two. 

The  practical  advantage  of  the  new  faith  was 
evident  to  me  at  once.  I  had  felt  it  even  while  I 
was  engaging  all  my  powers  to  repel  it  from  me. 
I  was  taught  that  there  was  but  one  God  in  the 


24  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Universe,  and  not  many, — over  eight  millions, — 
as  I  had  formerly  believed.  The  Christian  mono- 
theism laid  its  axe  at  the  root  of  all  my  supersti- 
tions. All  the  vows  I  had  made,  and  the  manifold 
forms  of  worship  with  which  I  had  been  attempt- 
ing to  appease  my  angry  gods,  could  now  be  dis- 
pensed with  by  owning  this  one  God;  and  my 
reason  and  conscience  responded  "yea!"  One 
God,  and  not  many,  w^as  indeed  a  glad  tiding  to 
my  litlle  soul.  No  more  use  of  saying  my  long 
prayers  every  morning  to  the  four  groups  of  gods 
situated  in  the  four  points  of  the  compass;  of 
repeating  a  long  prayer  to  every  temple  I  passed 
by  in  the  streets;  and  of  observing  this  day  for 
this  god  and  that  day  for  that  god,  with  vows  and 
abstinence  peculiar  to  each.  Oh,  how  proudly  I 
passed  by  temples  after  temples  with  my  head 
erect  and  conscience  clear,  with  full  confidence 
that  they  could  punish  me  no  longer  for  my  not 
saying  my  prayers  to  them,  for  I  found  the  God  of 
gods  to  back  and  uphold  me."  -My  friends  noticed 
the  change  in  my  mood  at  once.  While  I  used  to 
stop  my  conversation  as  soon  as  a  temple  came  in 
view,  for  I  had  to  say  my  prayer  to  it  in  my  heart, 
they  observed  me  to  continue  in  cheer  and  laugh- 
ter all  through  my  way  to  the  school.  I  was  not\ 
sorry  that  I  was  forced  to  sign  the  covenant  of  the  \ 
"Believers  in  Jesus."  Monotheism  made  me  a  new 
/^man.  I  resumed  my  beans  and  eggs.  I  thought 
I  comprehended  the  whole  of  Christianity,  so  in- 
spiring was  the  idea  of  one  God.  The  new  spirit- 
ual freedom  given  by  the  new  faith  had  a  healthy 
influence  upon  my  mind  and  body.  My  studies 
were  pursued  with  more  concentration.  Rejoic- 
ing in  the  newly-imparted  activity  of  my  body  I 
roamed  over  fields  and  mountains,  o-bserved  the 
lillies  of  the  valley  and  birds  of  the  air,  and  sought 


Introduction  to  Christianity,  25 

to  commune  tlirougli  Xature  witli  Nature's  God. 
A  few  extracts  from  my  Diary  may  now  be  in- 
serted. 

Sept.  9, 1877— Took  walk  with  S.  and  M.  in 
morning.  In  evening  heard  the  Christ- 
prayer  of  the  Sophomores. 

"Christ-prayer,"  a  peculiar  expression,  this.  I 
discern  a  sort  of  scorn  in  it. 

Dec.  1. — Entered  the  gate  of  the  "Jesus  Re- 
ligion." 

Or  rather  forced  to  enter;  i.  e.  forced  to  sign 
the  covenant  of  the  ''Believers  in  Jesus." 

Feb.  10,  1878,  Sunday.— O.,  a  Sophomore, 
comes  and  talks  in  my  room  (about  Chris- 
tianity). Took  walk  with  T.,  M.,  F.,  H.,  and 
Ot,  by  the  river.  On  the  way  home  observed 
the  killing  of  street  dogs.  In  evening,  O. 
comes  again,  and  played  "lots'^  with  us. 

Not  very  puritanic  way  of  keeping  Sabbath.  O. 
turned  out  to  be  the  pastor  of  our  church  in  after 
years.  We  called  him  a  "missionary  monk,"  and 
he  was  the  one  who  teased  me  most  while  I  was 
yet  a  heathen.  The  extermination  of  houseless 
dogs  was  going  on  then,  and  the  boys  liked  to 
witness  the  cruel  process,  and  we  thought  it  was 
not  a  sin  to  do  so  even  on  Sundays.  "Lots"  was 
our  favorite  play  in  which  good  and  bad  lucks 
were  distributed  in  chance  manners  among  the 
players;  and  our  would-be  pastor  and  clergyman 
thought  it  was  not  below  his  sacerdotal  dignity 
to  join  such  a  party  in  Sunday  evening. 


20  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

March    3,    Sunday.— Ilad    a   tea-party   in 

afternoon.    A  church  in  O.' s  room  in  evenins". 

Pleasures  of  flesh  still  indulged  in  on  holy  days. 
O.  is  still  the  centre  of  the  religious  movement, 
and  a  ''church,"  or  more  properly  a  religious 
meeting,  was  held  for  the  first  time  in  his  room. 

March  31,  Sunday. — A  church  in  Ot.'s  room. 
The  chapter  of  the  evening  was  really  inter- 
esting. 

I  think  the  chapter  was  Romans  XII.  Our  con- 
science was  pricked,  -because  we  were  not  in  mood 
"to  feed  our  enemy  in  his  hunger." 

April  21,  Sunday. — At  9  in  morning  had  a 
prayer  meeting  with  F.,  M.,  Ot,  H.,  and  T. 
Great  joy  for  the  first  time. 

Getting  to  be  more  spiritual.  Began  to  feel  joy 
in  prayers. 

May  19,  Sunday. — Too  much  criticism  in 
the  meeting.  In  afternoon,  rambled  in  the 
forest  with  F.,  Ot.,  M.,  A.,  and  T.  Brought 
some  cherry-blossoms  with  us.  Very  pleas- 
ant. 

A  germ  of  religious  dissension  already,  which 
was  dissipated  by  flower-hunting  in  the  spring 
air.  The  best  way  of  settling  difficulties  in  any 
church,  I  suppose. 

June  1,  Saturday. — The  day  for  the  Col- 
lege sport.  No  recitations.  Some  two  hun- 
dred   spectators    on    the    ground.     Regular 


Introduction  to  Christianity,  27 

stomach-stuffing  in  the  hall  in  evening.     A 
scuffle  with  H. 

Very  unfitting  preparation  for  the  day  that 
followed.  H.  was  a  "church"  member,  and  I  dis- 
agreed with  him  on  some  theological  opinions. 

June  2,  Sunday.— At  10  A.  M.  heard  a 
sermon  from  Rev.  Mr.  H.  At  3  P.  M.  after 
another  sermon  and  prayers,  received  bap- 
tism from  him,  together  with  the  six  brothers 
Ot.,  M.,  A.,  H.,  T.,  and  F.    Prayer  and  sermon 


A  never-to-be-forgotten  day.  Mr.  H.  was  a 
Methodist  missionary  from  America,  who  came 
once  a  year  to  render  us  help  in  religious  matters. 
We  remember  how  we  kneeled  before  him,  and 
how  tremblingly  though  resolutely  we  responded 
Amen,  as  we  were  asked  to  own  the  name  of  Him 
who  was  crucified  for  our  sins.  ^Ye  thought  that 
each  of  us  should  adopt  a  Christian  name  at  the 
same  time  as  we  confessed  ourselves  as  Christian^ 
before  men.  So  we  looked  over  the  appendix  to 
Webster's  dictionary,  and  each  selected  a  name 
as  it  seemed  well  fitted  to  him.  Ot.  called  himself 
Paul:  he  was  literary  in  his  inclination,  and  he 
thought  the  name  of  a  pupil  of  Gamaliel  would 
go  very  well  with  him.  F.  adopted  Hugh  for  his 
Christian  name  for  no  other  reason  than  that  it 
sounded  very  much  like  his  nick-name  "Nu"  mean- 
ing "bald-headed.''  T.  was  called  Frederick,  A., 
Edwin,  H.,  Charles,  M.,  Francis,  and  I  named 
myself  Jonathan,  because  I  was  a  strong  advocate 
of  the  virtue  of  friendship,  and  Jo-nathan's  love 
for  David  pleased  me  well. 


28  Diarji  of  a  Japanese  Convo  \ 

The  Rubicon  was  thus  crossed  forever.  Wo 
vowed  our  alleg:iance  to  our  new  Master,  and  the 
sign  of  the  Cross  was  made  upon  our  brows.  Let 
us  serve  Him  with  the  lojaljty  w^e  have  been 
taught  to  show  toward  our  earthly  lord  and 
master,  and  go  on  conquering  kingdom  after  king- 
dom, 

"Till  earth's  remotest  nation 
Has  learned  Messiah's  name." 

Once  we  were  converted,  we  too  became  mission- 
aries.   But  a  church  must  first  be  organized. 


The  Incipient  Church,  29 


CHAPTER  III. 

THE  INCIPIENT  CHURCH. 

Now  that  we  were  baptized  we  felt  we  w^ere  new 
men;  at  least  we  tried  to  feel  so,  and  to  appear  so. 
Within  a  month  we  were  to  give  up  the  humiliat- 
ing name  of  the  "Freshies,"  and  with  the  advent 
of  younger  brothers  below  us,  we  thought  we 
ought  to  behave  more  like  men  and  less  like  chil- 
dren. Christians  and  Sophomores  ought  to  be  ex-  \ 
emplars  in  conduct  and  scholarship  to  heathens  > 
and  Freshmen.  But  heathenism  and  Freshman- 
ism  were  not  to  be  given  up  without  due  farewells 
to  them.  At  the  close  of  the  term,  therefore,  the 
converted  Freshmen  assembled  together, — it  was 
not  on  a  Sunday  though, — and  repeated  on  a 
grander  scale  than  ever  before  a  feU  of  the  two 
isffis  we  were  leaving  behind  us.  Edwin  was  sent 
to  the  farm  to  procure  the  biggest  squash  he  could 
find,  together  with  a  quantity  of  radishes,  cab- 
bages and  tomatoes.  Francis  our  Botanist  knew 
where  the  dandalion  leaves  could  be  found,  and 
I  was  sent  with  his  tin-can  to  pick  up  the  can-full 
of  these  delicious  plants.  Frederick  who  was  a 
skilled  Chemist  and  always  foremost  in  both  the 
theory  and  practice  of  the  Culinary  Science,  was 
ready  with  his  alkali,  salts,  and  sugar;  and  Hugh 
contributed  his  proficiency  in  Mathematics  and 
Physics  by  kindling  the  hottest  fire  for  our  pur- 
pose. The  literary  Paul  was  always  lazy  at  such 
a  time,  though  he  was  second  to  none  when  the 
consumption  began.   WTien  all  was  ready,  a  signal 


30  Diarj/  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

was  given  for  the  cousiimption,  and  the  whole  was 
dispatched  in  half  an  hour.  Since  then  we  tried 
to  care  less  about  our  stomachs,  and  more  about 
our  souls. 

Before  entering  into  the  description  of  the  little 
'^church"  we  formed  in  our  private  rooms,  I  must 
notice  here  some  of  the  personal  traits  of  its 
members. 

The  eldest  of  us  was  Hugh.  He  was  a  Mathe- 
matician and  Engineer;  was  always  practical, 
and  had  solid  cash  in  view,  of  course  with  Chris- 
tian aim.  He  need  not  inquire  much  into  the 
reasons  of  Christianity,  provided  it  could  make 
men  fair  and  square  in  business.  He  hated  mean- 
ness and  hypocrisy  of  all  sorts,  and  his  tact  in 
tricks,  of  which  he  had  a  fertile  resource,  often 
cropped  out  in  the  "church,"  inflicting  peculiarly 
painful  wounds  upon  his  victims.  He  has  ever 
been  a  reliable  financial  supporter  of  the  church, 
has  often  been  its  treasurer,  and  calculated 
"strength  of  materials"  for  our  new  church-build- 
ing some  years  afterward. 

Next  in  age  came  Edwin.  He  was  a  good- 
hearted  fellow,  foremost  in  everything,  ready  with 
his  tears  when  his  sympathy  was  called  for,  and 
was  always  serviceable  as  "Commissioner  for  Ar- 
rangement." At  Christmas,  in  Dedication  ser- 
vices, he  would  often  "forget  his  meals"  to  have 
all  things  look  nice  and  pretty.  Dig  in  theology 
was  not  his.  Some  stories  from  the  illustrated 
religious  papers  impressed  him  more  and  drew 
more  of  his  abundant  tears  than  the  best  argu- 
ment in  "Butler's  Analogy"  or  "Liddon's  Bampton 
Lectures." 

Francis  had  the  roundest  character  among  us, 
with  "malice  toward  none,  and  charity  toward 
all."    "He  is  naturally  good,"  we  used  to  say,  "and 


The  Incipient  Church.  31 

he  need  not  exert  himself  to  be  good."  His 
presence  was  peace,  and  when  the  incipient  church 
was  on  the  point  of  dissolution  on  account  of 
personal  animosities  or  odium  theologicum  among 
its  members,  he  was  the  cynosure  around  which 
we  began  to  revolve  once  more  in  peace  and  har- 
mony. He  turned  to  be  the  best  Botanist  in  the 
country,  and  as  a  Christian  layman  his  service 
has  always  been  invaluable  in  the  advancement 
of  God's  kingdom  among  his  countrymen. 

Frederick,  like  Hugh,  was  a  practical  man,  but 
with  shrewdness  and  insight  uncommon  with  a 
boy  of  his  age.  His  favorite  study  was  Chemistry, 
and  he  became  one  of  the  foremost  Technologists 
in  the  country.  His  literary  accomplishment  was 
considerable.  He  mastered  German  and  French 
without  the  help  of  instructors  and  could  enjoy 
Schiller,  Milton  and  Shakespeare.  He  doubted 
some  of  the  fundamental  teachings  of  Chris- 
tianity, but  he  early  saw  the  impossibility 
of  disposing  of  all  such  difficulties  by  applying 
himself  at  them.  He  pressed  on  with  a  ''pure, 
spotless  life"  in  view,  and  as  far  as  human  judge- 
ment goes,  he  attained  it.  His  too-much  practical 
common-sense  was  sometimes  not  very  congenial 
with  the  boyish  air  of  the  '^church."  Still  he  bore, 
and  we  bore,  and  for  four  long  years,  he  very 
seldom  was  absent  from  the  meeting. 

Paul  was  a  ''scholar.-'  He  often  suffered  from 
neuralgia,  and  was  near-sighted.  He  could  doubt 
all  things,  could  manufacture  new  doubts,  and 
must  test  and  prove  everything  before  he  could 
accept  it.  Thomas  he  should  have  surnamed  him- 
self. But  with  his  spectacles  and  all  his  assumed 
scholarly  airs,  he  was  a  guileless  boy  at  heart; 
and  he  could  join  with  his  comrades  in  a  fete 
champeti-e      under  cherry-blossoms  in  a  Sabbath 

UNIVERSITY 


32  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

afternoon,  after  tliat  very  morning  having  cooled 
the  enthusiasm  of  the  ^'church"  with  his  gloomy 
and  intricate  doubts  about  Providence  and  Pre- 
destination. 

Charles  was  a  compound  character.  He  was 
second  only  to  Frederick  in  his  shrewd  common 
sense,  but  was  more  like  Paul  in  his  intellectual 
attitude  toward  Christianity.  He  like  many 
other  ardent  youths  tried  to  comprehend  God  and 
Universe  by  the  aid  of  his  intellect,  and  to  con- 
form himself  to  the  very  letter  of  God's  eternal 
law  by  his  own  efforts;  in  which  failing,  he  oscil- 
lated to  an  entirely  different  aspect  of  Christiani- 
ty, and  settled  in  his  faith  in  the  ''gospel  of  good 
works."  He  turned  to  be  a  learned  engineer,  and 
his  sympathy  in  substantial  forms  can  always  be 
relied  upon  when  some  practical  good  is  con- 
templated either  within  or  without  the  church. 

Jonathan  need  not  confess  himself,  as  he  is  the 
subject  of  our  study  in  this  little  volume. 

Such  were  "the  seven"  that  formed  the  little 
"church."  With  us  joined  for  the  first  two  years 
one  S.,  "Kahau"  we  nicknamed  him,  for  he  ap- 
peared as  stub  and  acute  as  that  monkey  tribe. 
He  was  baptized  a  year  before  us,  and  had  more 
of  Christian  experience  than  any  one  of  "the 
seven." 

The  Juniors  had  their  religious  meetings  by 
themselves,  and  we,  the  Christian  Sophomores, 
assembled  by  ourselves,  but  in  the  Sunday  even- 
ing both  joined  together  for  the  study  of  the 
Bible.  It  was  generally  acceded,  however,  that 
the  Sophomores  were  more  earnest  than  the 
Juniors,  and  our  meeting  was  often  coveted  by 
the  more  earnest  among  the  latter. 

Our  Sunday  services  were  conducted  on  this 
wise:    The  little  church  was  entirely  democratic, 


The  Incipient  Church.  33 

and  every  one  of  us  stood  on  the  same  ecclesiasti- 
cal footing  as  the  rest  of  the  members.  This  we 
found  to  be  thoroughly  Biblical  and  Apostolic. 
The  leadership  of  the  meeting  therefore  devolved 
upon  each  one  of  us  in  turn.  He  was  to  be  our 
pastor,  priest,  and  teacher, — even  servant, — for 
the  day.  He  was  responsible  for  calling  us  to- 
gether at  the  appointed  time,  his  room  was  to  be 
our  church,  and  he  must  look  how  we  were  to  be 
seated  there.  He  alone  could  sit  upon  a  stool, 
and  his  people  sat  before  him  in  the  true  oriental 
fashion,  upon  blankets  spread  upon  the  floor.  For 
our  pulpit  the  mechanical  Hugh  fitted  up  a  flour- 
barrel  which  we  covered  with  a  blue  blanket. 
Thus  dignified,  the  pastor  opened  the  service  with 
a  prayer,  which  was  followed  by  reading  from  the 
Bible.  He  then  gave  a  little  talk  of  his  own,  and 
called  up  each  of  his  sheep  to  give  a  talk  of  his 
own  in  turn.  Sometime  after  we  were  baptized, 
Paul  made  a  motion  that  some  eatables  be  in- 
troduced to  our  meetings  to  serve  as  '^attractions," 
to  which  we  all  agreed.  Therefore,  the  first  thing 
on  a  Sunday  morning  was  for  the  pastor  of  the 
day  to  make  collections  for  this  purpose,  and  to 
pro\ide  for  the  meeting  some  sweet  things. 
Frederick  favored  the  quality,  but  Hugh  and 
Charles  urged  upon  the  quantity  of  these  "attrac- 
tions," but  we  left  the  selection  to  the  choice  of  the 
pastor.  Thus  provided,  with  water  and  tea  be- 
sides, the  service  began;  and  when  the  pastor 
finished  his  talk,  his  helper  distributed  the  cakes 
equally  among  the  members;  and  "talks"  went 
on  as  we  helped  ourselves  with  these  refresh- 
ments. Each  one  made  his  own  characteristic 
talk.  Hugh's  favorite  book  was  "Nelson  on  In- 
fidelity," and  he  condemned  unbelief  with  his 
usual  hatred  against  unfaithfulness  of  all  sorts. 


34  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

Edwiu  would  tell  liow  Susie  and  Charlie  saw 
the  goodness  of  God  in  "snow,  beautiful  snow," 
and  liow  the  merciful  Providence  fed  helpless 
little  birdies  with  tender  grubs.  Frederick's 
talks  were  usually  short.  His  usual  subjct  was 
the  majesty  of  God,  and  aw^e  and  reverence  we 
should  pay  to  Him.  Charles  would  read  a  page 
or  so  from  Liddon's  "Bampton  Lectures"  which 
he  specially  ordered  from  England,  but  he  could 
only  half-understand  what  was  stated  therein, 
and  we  his  hearers  even  less.  Paul's  talks  were 
essentially  argumentative,  and  were  always 
scholarly  and  well  prepared.  Francis  never  failed 
to  inculcate  upon  us  something  solid  and  thought- 
ful. Jonathan  would  pour  out  his  heart  before 
them,  whether  it  be  fear  or  joy  that  engrossed 
him  at  the  moment.  "Kahau"  read  a  chapter 
from  the  ''Village  Sermons"  which  we  always  en- 
joyed, but  his  talks  were  often  altogether  too 
long.  Our  sweet-meats  were  consumed  usually 
long  before  the  talks  were  over,  and  the  rest  of 
the  time  we  kept  our  mouths  moving  by  the  occa- 
sional draughts  of  our  unsugared  and  unmilked 
tea.  The  dinner-bell  at  half-past  12  o'clock  was 
the  signal  for  the  close  of  the  meeting.  The 
apostolic  benediction  was  said,  and  on  we  hast- 
ened to  the  dining  room,  after  some  four  hours' 
continual  sitting  upon  the  hard  floor. 

As  no  religious  books  in  our  vernacular  were 
available  for  our  purpose,  we  had  recourse  mostly 
to  English  and  American  publications.  ]iy  the 
effort  of  some  of  our  Christian  friends,  some 
eighty  volumes  of  the  publications  of  the  Ameri- 
can Tract  Society  were  secured,  and  the  bound 
volumes  of  the  "Illuslrated  Christian  Weeklies" 
were  endless  sources  of  enjoyments  to  us.  We  had 
also  about  one  hundred  volumes  sent  by  the  Lon- 


,    r  J  r.    The  Incipient  Church,      ^  35 

Mc^t  €^  t^-^e.4^    ^..r^oZ'.<:^>-  Ui  u>€L.i  A^v>,  /^nx 

don  Tract  Society  and  tlie  Soc.  of  Promoting 
Christian  Knowledge.  Later,  tlie  Unitarian  As- 
sociation of  Boston  kindly  contributed  to  us  a 
good  set  of  their  publications,  which  too  we  were 
not  afraid  to  read.  But  the  books  that  helped  us 
most  were  the  well-known  Commentaries  by  the 
lamented  Rev.  Albert  Barnes  of  Philadelphia. 
The  deep  spirituality  that  pervades  these  volumes 
their  simple  but  lucid  style  and  so  much  of  Puri- 
tanism in  them  as  to  serve  as  healthy  astringents 
upon  the  young  converts  in  a  heathen  land,  made 
these  commentaries  specially  useful  and  fascinat- 
ing to  us.  I  believe  by  the  end  of  my  college 
course  I  read  every  word  in  his  commentaries 
upon  the  New  Testament,  and  the  theological 
stamp  of  this  w^orthy  divine  has  never  been  re- 
moved from  my  mind.  Blessed  is  he  that  makes 
good  books! 

Our  week-day  prayer-meeting  was  held  on  the 
Wednesday  evening  at  half-past  9  o'clock.  There 
were  no  "talks,"  but  all  prayed,  and  it  took  an 
hour  for  the  meeting  to  close.  An  hour's  con- 
tinual kneeling  upon  the  hard  floor  was  not  very 
comfortable.  We  learned  afterward  from  our 
professor  in  physiology  that  such  a  prolonged 
kneeling,  if  long  continued,  might  result  in  syno- 
vitis of  the  knee-joints. 

We  took  comparatively  little  part  in  the  united 
Bible-meeting  in  Sunday  evening  with  the  mem- 
bers of  the  upper  class.  There  O.  the  ^'Missionary 
Monk,"  S.  the  '^Eldest,"  and  W.  the  '^Crocodile" 
had  more  ponderous  arguments  than  w^e  could 
offer  for  the  defence  and  vindication  of  Chris- 
tianity. We  v»^ere  usually  glad  when  this  meet- 
ing was  over,  w^hen  we  had  our  own  private 
service  to  refresh  us  once  more  before  we  closed 
this  most  enjoyable  day  of  the  week. 


30  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

With  these  remarks  I  am  ready  to  give  some 
more  of  extracts  from  my  diaries. 

June  19,  iS7T.^-Went  to  the  theater  with 
the  "six  brothers." 
Not  three  weeks  yet  after  we  were  baptized! 

July  5. — Received  |17.50  as  prizes  for  ex- 

ceHency  in  my  studies.    In  afternoon,  went  to 

theatre  with  the  whole  class. 

We  early  disassociated  theater-going  from  Chris- 
tianity. I  did  not  go  with  very  clear  conscience, 
this  for  the  second  time  since  I  was  baptized. 
But  this  was  the  last  for  me  in  my  life  thus  far 
to  cross  the  threshold  of  a  theater  of  any  descrip- 
tion. I  have  learned,  however,  in  after  years 
that  Christians  may  go  to  theater  without  detri- 
ment to  the  welfare  of  their  souls,  and  that  many 
of  them  really  ^^o  go.  Yes,  theater-going  may  not 
be  a  sin  as  adultery  is  sin,  but  if  I  can  get  along - 
without  these  ''amusements  that  kill,"  I  believe  I 
can  just  as  well  stay  away  from  them  without 
much  detriment  to  my  body  or  mind. 

Sept.  29,  Sunday. — Spent  the  afternoon  in 
the  forest  Avith  the  "six  brothers."  Enjoyed 
wild  grapes  and  berries,  prayed  and  sang. 
Very  fine  day. 

One  of  those  never-to-.be-forgotten  days  wlien 
we  uplifted  our  hearts  to  our  Creator  in  the 
primeval  forest. 

Oct.  20,  Sunday.— Climbed  the  "Stone-Hill" 
with  the  "seven  brothers."    Prayed  and  sang 


The  Incipient  Church,  37 

as  usual.    Refreshed  with  the  wild  berries  od 
the  way  back. 

Another  such  day.  We  were  not  permitted  to 
sing  in  our  rooms,  neither  had  we  courage  to  do 
so,  as  we  sang  each  in  his  own  way,  and  there  was 
no  "musical  melody"  in  our  voices  uncultivated 
and  tunes  untutored.  Paul  said  he  could  sing  all 
hymns  with  'Toplady,"  which  was  really  the  only 
tune  he  knew!  Yet,  hills  and  mountains  could 
bear  with  our  music,  and  God  knows  that  our 
songs  had  one  element  of  good  music  in  them — 
the  feeling  heart. 

Dec.  1. — Joined  the  Methodist  Episcopal 
Church  through  Mr.  H. 

The  Rev.  Mr.  H.  our  beloved  missionary  was 
again  in  the  town,  and  we  joined  his  church 
without  scrutinizing  pro  or  con  of  his  or  any  other 
denomination.  We  only  knew  he  was  a  good 
man,  and  thought  that  his  church  must  be  good 
too. 

Dec.  8,  Sunday. — In  evening,  had  serious 
talks  with  the  "seven  brothers."  We  con- 
fessed our  inmost  thoughts  to  each  other,  and 
promised  to  bring  about  great  reformations 
in  our  hearts. 

The  best  day  we  had  had  since  we  accepted 
Christianity.  I  believe  we  talked  and  prayed 
until  long  after  midnight,  for  it  was  not  many 
hours  before  the  day  dawned  after  we  went  to  our 
beds.  Everybody  appeared  like  an  angel  on 
that  night.  The  ''spiny"  Jonathan,  the  "knobby" 
Hugh,  and  the  "scraggy"  Frederick  were  as 
round  as  the  "globular"  Francis  on  that  evening. 


38  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

The  skeptic  Paul  found  no  objections  against 
siicli  a  Christianity.  O  for  more  of  such  a  night 
like  this!  Was  that  night  more  beautiful  than 
this,  when  the  angelic  choir  was  heard  in  the 
heaven,  and  the  Star  of  Bethlehem  led  the  wise 
men  of  the  East  to  the  Infant  Jesus! 

Dec.  25,  Christmas. — Commemorated  the 
coming  to  the  earth  of  our  Savior.  No  end  to 
our  pleasures. 

The  first  Christmas  we  have  had.  The  Juniors 
had  '^no  faith"  for  this  celebration.  They  imi- 
tated us  the  next  year. 

Dec.  29,  Sunday. — Etc.,  etc.,  about  the  oil  in 
evening. 

This  was  the  last  Sabbath  of  the  year,  and  the 
Christian  members  of  both  classes  were  seriously 
considering  all  the  faults  and  short-comings  of 
the  year  that  was  closing,  and  all  the  hopes  and 
possibilities  of  the  year  that  was  coming.  Our 
praj'ers  and  exhortations  were  unusually  earnest 
that  evening.  But  all  at  once  we  heard  some  one 
crying  that  Prof.  I.  was  back,  and  that  he  would 
demonstrate  to  us  the  possibility  of  making  as 
good  light  with  the  rape-seed  oil  as  with  the 
kerosene.  The  fact  was  that  the  government 
authority  passed  a  decree  some  weeks  ago  that 
imported  articles  be  dispensed  with  as  much  as 
possible,  and  the  kerosene  oil  coming  all  from  the 
hills  of  Pennsylvania  and  New  York  must  be 
substituted  by  the  rape-seed  oil  of  our  own  pro- 
duction. Our  Yankee  lamps  therefore  were  all 
confiscated,  and  new  lamps  to  burn  the  vegetable 
oil  were  ollered  us.  P>ut  the  light  so  made  was 
miserably  poor  compared  with  the  light  given 


TJie  Incipient  Church,  39 

by  the  American  mineral  oil,  and  this  served  as  a 
good  excuse  for  neglect  in  our  study.  Mr.  I.  was 
an  instructor  in  Mathematics,  and  we  did  not 
like  him  much.  That  Sunday  night  he  was  well 
saturated  with  alcohol,  and  his  locomotory  and 
yocal  organs  were  not  entirely  under  his  control. 
To  the  usual  complaints  of  one  of  the  students 
about  the  new  lamps,  he  replied  that  a  little  more 
common  sense  on  our  part  would  prove  the  case 
to  be  otherwise,  and  he  was  going  to  demonstrate 
to  us  his  statement  in  a  scientific  manner.  The 
opportunity  was  a  good  one  to  demonstrate  to 
him  how  much  we  regarded  him.  Both  Chris- 
tians and  non-Christians  united  in  this  demon- 
stration. Some  of  our  semi-heathen  Junior 
brothers,  such  as  Y.  the  "Square-faced,"  U.  the 
"Good-natured,"  and  T.  the  "Pterodactyl"  threw 
their  Bibles  upon  the  floor,  and  rushed  at  once 
into  the  scene  of  excitement.  The  professor's 
scientific  demonstration  was  not  what  he  wanted. 
We  took  him  outside,  rolled  him  in  snow,  aimed  at 
him  a  good  number  of  snow-balls,  and  called  him 
by  all  kinds  of  ungentlemanly  names.  Our 
Charles  who  was  then  in  his  best  religious  mood 
entreated  us  to  withhold  ourselves  from  such  un- 
christian acts,  but  all  in  vain.  After  the-  poor 
professor  under  the  influence  of  the  alcoholic 
stimulus  was  well  tempered  in  the  snow,  the  boys 
returned  to  the  sacred  meeting,  and  there  was  no 
St.  Ambrose  to  keep  out  these  little  Theodosii 
from  the  room  of  worship.  The  sensation  we  ex- 
perienced that  Sunday  evening  can  never  be  for- 
gotten. Few  penitential  prayers  were  said,  and 
the  meeting  was  adjourned  till  the  next  year. 
Every  one  of  us  felt  that  Christ  was  not  present  in 
that  meeting;  or  if  he  was,  He  left  it  as  soon  as 
some  of  us  rushed  out  of  the  room  to  attack  our 


40  Diarj/  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

poor  professor  with  snow-balls.  How  far  our 
practical  Christianity  was  lagging  behind  our 
theoretic  Christianity,  we  sincerely  felt  that 
evening. 

March  9,  1879. — A  change  in  the  way  of 
conducting  our  prayer-meetings. 

We  were  afraid  of  "synovitis"  by  too  much  con- 
tinued kneeling.  The  general  cry  was  for  short 
prayers.  The  same  things  were  not  to  be  re- 
peated in  one  and  the  same  meeting.  This  cur- 
tail led  the  service  to  about  20  minutes,  and  we 
were  not  a  little  relieved. 

I  think  it  was  about  this  time  when  an  episode 
occurred  in  our  usual  prayer-meeting,  which  I 
failed  to  note  down  in  my  diary.  The  day  was  a 
Wednesday,  and  we  were  quite  tired  down  after 
three  hours'  manual  labour  upon  the  college  farm. 
After  heavy  meals  and  usual  drudging  over  our 
lessons,  we  were  not  in  very  fine  mood  to  engage 
in  spiritual  communion  with  a  Higher  Power. 
But  tiie  rule  was  not  to  be  changed,  and  when  the 
bell  rang  Frederick  who  was  our  pastor  for  the 
evening  gathered  his  sheep  together  for  prayer. 
He  kneeled  by  the  flour-barrel,  his  head  imbedded 
in  his  folded  arms  upon  the  pulpit,  and  opened  the 
HK^eting  with  his  short  pra^^er.  The  other  boys 
followed  him  one  by  one,  each  wishing  that  the 
meeting  be  closed  as  soon  as  possible.  We  were 
glad  wlien  the  last  one  prayed,  and  were  impatient 
to  be  excused  at  once  Iby  our  pastor  when  the  last 
amen  was  said.  It  was  said  and  responded  to, 
but  the  pastor  was  silent.  His  apostolic  bene- 
diction did  not  come,  and  nobody  else  had  the 
authority  to  adjourn  the  nuH'ting.  There  was  a 
perfect  silence  for  about  five  minutes, — a  long 


TJie  Incipient  Church.  41 

time  for  tliat  night.  We  could  kneel  no  longer. 
Jonathan  was  kneeling  beside  the  pastor.  He 
lifted  up  his  head  to  see  what  was  the  matter  with 
Frederick.  Behold  the  pastor  was  fast  asleep 
upon  the  flour-barrel,  and  no  wonder  no  bene- 
diction camel  We  might  sit  up  the  whole  night  if 
we  waited  for  his  holj  words.  Jonathan  thought 
the  case  was  exceptional,  and  that  the  rule  could 
be  temporarily  modified  on  such  an  occasion  with- 
out the  consent  of  our  "ecumenical  council."  So 
he  rose,  and  said  in  a  solemn  voice:  ''As  our 
brother  Frederick  fell  asleep,  God  will  pardon  me 
to  exercise  the  pastor's  office.  May  the  grace  of 
our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  etc.  Amen."  "Amen"  all 
responded,  and  up  came  our  tired  heads.  But 
Frederick's  was  upon  the  barrel,  as  immovable  as 
a  log.  Charles  shook  him,  and  he  awoke.  He 
was  going  to  dismiss  us  with  his  benediction, — ^he 
did  not  forget  his  duty  in  the  dreamland, — but  it 
was  already  said,  and  we  were  ready  to  separate. 
It  was  too  bad  for  Frederick  that  he  slept  on  his 
pulpit,  but  we  could  all  forgive  him,  for  we  were 
all  very  sleepy  on  that  night.  Even  the  holy 
Apostles  slept  while  their  Master  was  praying, 
and  why  not  vre  young  Christians  after  hard 
labor  and  good  square  meals! 

May  11,  Sunday. — Cherry-blossom  hunting 
in  afternoon. 

May  18,  Sunday. — Excursion  to  the  forest 
in  afternoon. 

June  2,  Monday. — The  anniversary  of  our 
new  birth  (that  is,  of  baptism).     Tea-party 


42  Diarj/  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

with  the  seven  brothers,  and  pleasant  conver- 
sations for  several  hours. 

The  conmiemoratiou  of  our  spiritual  birth-day. 
I  see  no  reason  why  we  should  not  remember  this 
day,  and  have  as  nice  time  as  on  the  day  our 
mothers  gave  us  birth  to  this  weary  earth.  Yet 
with  many  a  Christian  both  in  my  country  and 
others,  the  spiritual  birth-day  seems  to  have  not 
half  as  many  kind  words  and  beautiful  presents  as 
the  day  of  the  advent  of  our  perishable  body  to 
this  earth. 

June  15,  Sunday. — The  day  of  festival  for 
the  guardian  god  of  the  district.  Very  much 
distressed.  But  I  did  see  horse-race,  I  did 
accept  invitation  from  Francis^  uncle  (for 
^•^cardinal  pleasures")  and  I  did  gormandize. 
Alas! 

Our  puritanic  Sabbath  was  much  disturbed  by 
the  heathen  festival,  and  I  yielded  to  the  tempta- 
tions. "Though  I  would  do  good,  evil  was  present 
with  me;  and  with  the  flesh  I  served  the  law  of 
sin.     O  wretched  man  that  I  was!'' 

The  summer  of  1879  I  spent  in  my  home  in  the 
metropolis,  some  GOO  miles  south  of  where  my 
college  was,  the  good  Francis  accompanying  me 
in  the  travel.  The  chief  aim  I  had  in  taking  this 
long  journey  was  to  preach  the  gospel  of  Christ 
to  my  father  and  mother,  brothers  and  sisters.  It 
was  ver}^  pleasant  to  come  home  after  two  years' 
absence  from  it.  Wherever  there  was  a  mission 
station  on  our  way,  we  called  upon  our  Christian 
friends,  and  religion  was  tlie  main  topic  of  our  con- 
versations. I  told  my  mother  that  I  became  a  new 
man  in  S.,  and  that  she  too  must  become  what  I 


The  Incipient  Church,  43 

became.  But  she  was  so  mucli  taken  up  with  the 
joy  of  seeing  her  son  again  that  she  cared  nothing 
about  what  I  told  her  about  Christianity.  Usual 
oblations  were  offered  to  the  family  idols  to  re- 
turn thanks  for  my  safe  arrival,  which  of  course 
gave  me  sore  pain  in  my  heart.  I  often  retired  to 
my  closet  to  beseech  my  Savior  to  save  this 
heathen  home.  Idid  sincereh^^beljexeJJiat  unbap- 
tized  -souls  werejjg  the^da^ger  of  eternal  con-^ 
demnation  in  the  hell,  and  my  whole  energy  was 
directed  toward  the  conversion  of  my  family  mem- 
bers. But  the  mother  was  indifferent,  the  father 
was  decidedly  antagonistic,  and  my  younger 
brother  who  afterward  became  a  fine  Christian 
was  so  provoking  as  to  have  turned  a  copy  of  the 
Epistle  to  the  Romans  which  I  gave  him  into  a 
''codex  rescriptus,"  writing  in  between  the  sacred 
columns  something  to  show  his  contempt  of  Chris- 
tianity. Yet  I  persevered  and  continued  on  pray- 
ing, till  near  the  time  of  my  departure  for  my  col- 
lege I  succeeded  in  extracting  from  my  father  a 
promise  to  examine  the  faith  I  implored  him  to 
receive. 

While  in  the  metropolis,  I  met  with  many 
"brothers  and  sisters,"  and  feasted  upon  sermons 
and  addresses  which  it  was  wholly  impossible  to 
hear  in  the  place  where  my  college  w^as.  I  be- 
lieved that  Christians  were  an  entirely  different 
set  of  people  from  heathens,  and  that  the  fellow- 
disciples  of  Christ  ought  to  stick  closer  than 
brothers  to  each  other.  We  knew  such  was  the 
case  among  the  brethren  in  our  little  church,  and 
thought  the  same  was  true  throughout  the  church 
universal.  So  confident,  so  unsuspicious,  we  were 
received  with  welcome  everywhere,  and  we 
thought  our  beliefs  on  that  point  were  correct. 
We  saw  several  good  churches,  with  pulpits,  not 


44  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

like  ours  made  of  a  flour-barrel,  rows  of  benches 
far  superior  to  our  blue-blankets  spread  upon  the 
hard  floor,  organs  to  attune  voices,  etc.  They  all 
made  us  eagerly  anticipate  the  time,  when  after 
finishing  our  college-course  we  would  have  a 
cliurch  made  for  us  like  those  we  saw  in  the  more 
civilized  part  of  our  country.  There  also  we  were 
taught  in  many  things,  and  among  the  rest,  how  to 
say  our  grace  before  our  meals.  This  we  never 
had  done  thus  far,  and  w^e  w^ent  at  once  to  our 
meals,  as  dogs  and  heathens  do  when  they  are 
hungry.  We  paid  a  visit  to  a  native  Methodist 
minister,  and  there  was  also  present  with  him  one 
Mr.  Y.,  a  young  Presbyterian.  They  asked  us  to 
stop  for  the  dinner,  which  we  gladly  did;  and 
when  a  little  wooden  stand  with  a  cupfull  of  white 
rice,  a  fish,  and  some  vegetables  upon  it  was  placed 
before  each  of  us,  Francis  and  I  in  our  usual  sav- 
age style,  lifted  our  chop-sticks,  and  proceeded 
right  at  once  to  help  ourselves.  Mr.  Y.  then 
gravely  said,  ^'Do  you  not  pray  before  you  eat? 
Let  us  pray."  We  stood  abashed,  laid  our  sticks 
down,  bowed  our  heads  as  they  did,  and  waited 
for  the  outcome.  The  grace  was  said,  but  we 
hesitated  to  commence  eating,  for  we  were  afraid 
we  might  be  asked  to  do  something  more.  They 
then  kindly  told  us  to  begin.  I  still  remember 
every  word  that  was  said  then,  and  everything 
that  wan  offered  me  to  eat.  The  fish  was  a  gray 
sole,  with  five  black  horizontal  bars  across  its 
back,  its  mouth  on  the  left  side  of  the  body  and 
making  a  curvature  a  little  above  the  pectoral  fin. 
I  did  observe  all  this  while  I  cast  down  my  eyes 
in  shame  and  confusion.  But  the  lesson  once 
tauglit  has  never  been  forgotten  since.  We 
taught  it  to  our  brethren  when  we  returned  to 
our  college  in  the  Fall,  and  the  "grace-less"  meals 


The  Incipient  Church,  45 

soon  fbecame  signs  of  the  reprobate*  among  as. 
On  many  an  occasion  in  after  years,  where  religion 
was  held  in  scorn  and  contempt,  and  prayers  be- 
fore meals  were  watched  with  ridicule,  I  have 
never  failed  to  stick  to  the  practice  I  learned  in 
a  Methodist  minister's  room. 

Aug.  25,  Monday.— Reached  S.  at  7  P.  M. 
No  end  to  the  joys  of  the  brethren  to  see  us 
again.  Deeply  impressed  with  their  love  and 
faithfulness. 

Glad  to  be  in  our  College-home  once  more.  We 
found  a  table  well  spread  with  tea  and  sweet 
things  waiting  us.  We  told  the  brethren  all  what 
we  saw  in  the  metropolis,  mostly  about  churches 
and  Christians  there.  The  impressions  of  the 
metropolitan  churches  upon  us  were  not  alto- 
gether satisfactory.  We  might  just  as  well  re- 
main contented  with  the  flour-barrel  pulpit  and  all 
the  rustic  simplicities  of  our  own  little  ''church.'' 

Aug.  31,  Sunday. — Meeting  very  interest- 
ing. 

It  could  not  be  otherwise  after  the  absence  of 
two  of  its  members  for  about  two  months. 

Nothing  worth  noting  down  to  the  end  of  the 
year.  There  was  one  experiment,  however,  which 
we  tried  in  our  Sunday  services,  which  must  have 
taken  place  sometime  'between  this  and  Christ- 
mas. We  got  tired  with  our  "talks,''  and  some 
changes  in  the  methods  of  conducting  our  meet- 
ings were  very  desirable.  One  of  us  made  a  sug- 
gestion that  we  might  prepare  ourselves  during 
our  College  days  to  meet  infidels  whom  we  would 
be  sure  to  meet  when  we  went  into  the  world. 
We  all  discussed  the  plan,  and  concluded  that  the 


46  DUtnj  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

best  metli6d  would  be  to  divide  the  ''churcli"  into 
two  divisions,  one  representing  the  Christian  and 
the  other  the  infidel  side,  and  to  let  each  division 
take  the  two  sides  alternately.  The  members  of 
the  infidel  side  were  to  ask  all  manner  of  ques- 
tions which  infidels  might  ask,  and  those  of  the 
Christian  side  were  to  answer  them.  The  plan 
was  agreed  upon,  and  it  was  to  be  carried  into 
practice  from  the  next  Sunday. 

On  that  day, — the  first  Sabbath  when  the  meet- 
ing was  conducted  on  the  new  method, — we  divid- 
ed the  members  into  two  parties  by  lots,  Charles, 
Jonathan,  Frederick  and"  Edwin  falling  into  the 
Christian  side,  and  Francis,  Hugh,  Paul  and 
^'Kalian"  into  the  skeptic  or  infidel  side.  A  ^Yar- 
burton,  a  Chalmers,  a  Liddon  and  a  Gladstone 
were  arrayed  on  one  side,  and  a  Bolinbroke,  a 
Hume,  a  Gi'bbon  and  a  Huxley  on  the  other. 
After  prayers  and  distribution  of  eatables  as 
usual,  the  engagement  began.  The  subject  of  the 
day  was  the  ''Existence  of  God."  Fi'ancis  the  first 
skeptic  attacked  Charles  the  first  apologist.  To 
the  challenge  that  the  Universe  could  have  existed 
by  itself,  Charles  brought  forth  arguments  show- 
ing that  matter  had  unmistakable  characteristics 
of  manufactured  articles  (the  argument  borrowed 
from  Maxwell,  I  suppose),  and  that  as  such  it 
could  not  be  self -existing.  The  first  attack  was 
repulsed,  and  our  faith  was  nobly  defended.  The 
practical  Hugh  had  not  many  formidable  argu- 
ments to  array  against  Christianity,  and  Jona- 
than's task  was  not  a  difficult  one  to  meet  his 
objections.  Now  it  was  conclusiveh^  proved  that 
this  Universe  must  have  had  its  Creator,  that  this 
Creator  was  self-existing,  and  that  He  was  Al- 
mighty and  All-wise.  But  now  it  was  Paul's  turn 
to  make  an  assault,  and  Frederick  was  to  meet 


The  Incipx€m^Miwy^^\^^^      47 


him.  They  had  not  been  on  yery  friendly  terms 
for  some  days,  and  we  were  afraid  of  the  outcome 
of  such  an  encounter.  We  haye  ah-eady  seen  that 
the  scholarly  Paul  had  more  doubts  than  he  could 
answer;  and  the  present  occasion  gaye  him  the 
first-rate  opportunity  to  pour  out  the  stiffest  doubt 
he  could  manufacture  in  his  neuralgic  head.  '^I 
grant,"  he  began,  ''that  this  Uniyerse  is  a  created 
Uniyerse,  that  God  is  All-wise  and  Almighty,  and 
that  nothing  is  impossible  with  this  God.  But 
how  can  you  proye  to  me  that  this  God,  after  He 
created  this  Uniyerse  and  set  it  in  motion  so  that 
it  can  grow  and  deyelop  by  itself  with  the  poten- 
tial energy  imparted  by  Him, — that  this  Creator 
hath  not  put  an  end  to  His  own  existence  and 
annihilated  Himself.  If  He  can  do  a//  things, 
why  cannot  He  commit  suicide!"  An  intricate, 
almost  blasphemous  question !  How  can  the  prac- 
tical Frederick  dispose  of  this  question?  Our 
eyes  were  fixed  upon  the  perplexed  apologist,  ,ind 
even  the  infidel  side  was  solicitous  about  Fred's 
answer.  For  a  moment  he  was  silent,  but  the  tri- 
umphant Paul  still  pressed  on  with  his  attack. 
Frederick  must  say  something.  Mustering  his 
courage,  he  said  in  a  scornful  way,  "Well,  only 
fools  will  ask  such  questions."  "Why,  fools?  5'Ou 
call  me  a  fool  then?"  retorted  the  exasperated 
Paul.  "Yes,  I  should  say  so,"  was  Frederick's  de- 
termined answer.  Paul  could  hold  himself  no 
longer.  "Brethren,"  he  said,  as  he  rose  and  beat 
his  breast,  ''I  can  bear  this  company  no  longer." 
Away  he  rushed  out  of  the  room,  the  door  yio- 
lently  shut  after  him,  and  we  heard  him  groaning 
till  he  reached  his  own  room.  The  rest  of  us  were 
taken  up  with  dismay.  Some  said  Paul  was 
wrong,  others  that  Frederick  was  wrong  too.  The 
important  question  in  issue  was  laid  aside.     We 


48  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

were  now  anxious  liow  to  reconcile  the  belligerent 
parties.  The  meeting  was  closed  without  further 
discussions,  and  the  new  plan  was  given  up  alto- 
gether. We  found  out  that  we  ourselves  had 
more  doubts  than  we  could  answer,  and  that 
perhaps  the  best  way  w^ould  be  for  us  to  solve 
them  in  our  own  hearts  with  the  help  from  on  high. 
The  next  Sunday  we  resumed  our  old  method, 
and  the  lion  and  the  ox  did  lie  together  in  peace. 

Dec.  24,  Christmas  Eve. — Examination  in 
surveying.  Busy  with  Edwin  in  arranging 
for  the  evening.  The  meeting  began  at  7  P. 
M.  All  the  Christians  were  present  as  one 
body.  Eatings  and  tea-drinkings  and  mis- 
cellaneous talks  till  11  P.  M.  No  end  to  our 
pleasures. 

Our  upper-class  men  united  with  us  in  the 
Christmas  feast  this  year.  The  commemoration 
was  made  on  a  grander  scale  than  it  was  the  last 
year.  The  college  kindly  lent  us  a  recitation  hall 
which  we  nicely  decorated,  and  enough  contribu- 
tions were  made  to  make  the  festival  truly  enjoy- 
able. There  was  wrestling  of  a  white  and  red 
^^Darumas,"*  the  latter  very  ingeniously  fitted  up 
by  one  John  K.,  an  upper-class  man.  Y.  the 
*'Square-Faced"  rolled  himself  into  the  effigy,  and 
when  it  first  appeared  everybody  thought  it  was 
nothing  but  a  common  idol,  ''with  eyes  that  see 
not,  and  ears  that  cannot  understand."  All  at 
once,  however,  its  eyes  began  to  move,  the  ''apodal 
Daruma"  stood  upon  its  own  feet,  two  arms  were 

*  Dharma, — a  Chinese  Buddhist,  whose  images  are 
common  toys  for  children.  He  is  usually  represented  as 
having  no  feet. 


The  Incipient  Church.  49 

thrust  forth  through  his  sides,  and  the  whole 
began  to  dance.  Then  a  white  Daruma  came  out 
to  meet  him,  and  the  two  wrestled  under  the 
umpireship  of  Jonathan.  O,  it  was  such  fun! 
When  they  retired,  there  came  out  a  savage, 
naked  except  round  his  loin,  and  the  same  was 
no  other  than  S.  the  ^Eldest,"  who  as  the  tallest 
and  oldest  'boy^mong  fhFL'Jiristiai^rwas'aTwajs 
looked  upon  as  ouFleader  in  religious  matters. 
He  danced  in  this  formidable  attire,  and  retired. 
We  did  laugh  till  our  diaphrams  were  well  nigh 
gone  down.  We  were  so  glad  that  our  Savior 
came  down  to  the  earth  to  save  us.  Four  hundred 
years  ago,  Savonarola  instituted  such  holy  car- 
nivals in  Florence,  and  the  monks  danced  as  they 
sang. 

''Never  was  there  so  sweet  a  gladness, 
Joy  of  so  pure  and  strong  a  fashion. 
As  with  zeal,  love,  and  passion. 
Thus  to  embrace  Christ's  holy  madness. 
Cry  with  me,  cry  now  as  I  cry. 
Madness,  madness,  holy  madness!" 

Dec.  25.— Meeting  at  half-past  10  o'clock. 
The  greatest  pleasures  (holy)  since  we  came 
to  S. 

This  was  a  true  thanksgiving  meeting.  No 
tea  or  cakes  in  this  meeting.  There  were  prayers 
and  serious  talks,  S.  the  ''Eldest"  leading  the 
meeting.  O.  the  "Missionary  Monk"  gave  us  a 
talk  on  the  history  and  raison  d'etre  of  the  Christ- 
mas festival.  Indeed  everybody  was  serious  that 
morning.  I  heard  in  New  Orleans  that  Lent  with 
its  fastings  and  penance  is  preceded  by  carnivals 


50  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

of  the  wildest  sort.     Onl^^  we  were  not  so  in- 
duljiijent  as  the  Louisianians. 

Nothing  further  is  noted  down  till 

March  28,  1880,  Sunday. — Meeting  greatly 
declines  in  interest. 

We  could  not  hold  ourselves  in  white  heat  all 
the  while.  Indeed,  there  was  a  decided  flagging 
in  our  enthusiasm  all  through  the  spring  of  this 
year.  Sometimes  some  petty  affairs  among  the 
members  disturbed  the  peace  and  harmony  of  the 
whole  ^^church.'^  Once  we  prayed  with  our  faces 
turned  toward  the  walls,  saying  something  'insin- 
uating" in  our  prayers,  not  to  be  heard,  of  course, 
by  our  Father  in  Heaven,  but  by  the  one  these 
words  were  aimed  at.  Yet  with  all  these,  we  for- 
sook not  "the  assembling  of  ourselves  together." 
Heb.  X,  25. 

June  was  a  busy  month  to  us  religiously.  We 
celebrated  our  second  anniversary  of  our  new 
birth  with  the  usual  hilarity.  The  snow  having 
melted  and  the  fair  w^eather  setting  in,  we  had 
visits  from  three  missionaries  in  succession, — one 
American  and  two  British, — and  our  hungry  souls 
were  fed  with  good  supplies  of  sermons  and  other 
religious  instructions.  The  Hon.  Mr.  U.,  a  British 
consul  in  a  neighboring  sea-port,  was  also  here, 
and  in  the  house  where  he  sta^^ed,  there  was  held 
an  Episcopal  service  on  the  grandest  scale  we 
ever  had  witnessed  so  far.  The  general  impres- 
sion of  the  service  upon  the  boys  was  that  it  was 
I  somewhat  ^'Buddhistic,"  its  liturgy  and  surplice 
/  being  not  entirely  consonant  with  our  idea  of 
simplicity  in  religion.  The  notable  event  in  this 
service  was  the  demeanor  of  our  semi-heathenish 
U.  the  ''Good-Natured,"  T.  the  'Pterodactyl,"  and 


The  Incipient  Church,  51 

some  others,  who  burst  into  a  loud  laughter  when 
they  saw  two  English  ladies  saluting  each  other 
by  bringing  their  lips  in  contact.  We  read  in  the 
Bible  how  Laban  kissed  his  sons  and  daughters, 
but  had  never  seen  the  actual  kissing  before. 
Our  misdemeanor  was  really  inexcusable. 

In  July  the  upper-class  graduated,  and  the 
cause  of  Christianity  was  much  strengthened 
thereby.  There  were  eight  Christians  among 
them,  viz.:  S.  the  "Eldest,"  O.  the  ''Missionary 
Monk,"  U.  the  "Good-Xatured,"  T.  the  ''Ptero- 
dactyl," John  K.  an  Episcopalian,  W.  the  "Croco- 
dile," K.  the  "Patagonian"  and  Y.  the  "Square- 
Faced."  All  very  nice  fellows;  and  notwithstand- 
ing the  semi-heathenish  appearances  of  some  of 
them,  and  remnants  of  sinful  and  tricky  propen- 
sities inherited  from  their  ancestors,  they  were 
in  the  bottom  of  their  hearts  genuine  Christian 
gentlemen.  We  take  a  photograph  together, 
dine  together,  and  discuss  about  the  erection  of  a 
house  of  worship  in  a  near  future.  Within  a 
year,  we  the  remaining  eight  shall  join  them,  and 
together  we  shall  carry  the  Gospel  of  Christ  to  the 
people  among  whom  we  live. 

Sept.  18 — The  Rev.  Mr.  D.  arrives  here. 

Sept.  19,  Sunday. — Made  a  call  upon  Mr.  D. 

Sept.  20. — An  English  service  by  Mr.  D.  in 

the  evening. 

Mr.  D.  took  the  place  of  our  beloved  mission- 
ary Mr.  H.,  and  he  was  now  on  the  second  visit 
to  our  place.  W^e  had  something  to  tell  him 
about  our  plan  for  the  future  church,  to  which 
he  did  not  give  all  his  consents. 


52  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Oct.  3. — Consultation  about  the  new  church 
building-. 

Now  that  several  Christians  have  gone  out 
Into  the  active  world,  we  may  have  a  church  of 
our  own;  and  we  are  not  idle  in  planning  for  it. 

Oct.  15. — The  Revs.  Messrs.  Den.  and  P.  are 
here.    We  meet  them  at  Mr.  N.'s. 

Have  frequent  visits  from  missionaries  this 
year.  Messrs.  Den.  and  P.  are  Episcopalians. 
Our  movements  are  calling  forth  the  attention  of 
the  religious  world,  and  we  are  not  neglected. 

Oct.  17,  Sunday. — Meeting  at  Mr.  S.'s.    Six 

baptisms.    Holy  Sacrament  at  3  P.  M. 

Xumbers  are  being  added  to  our  holy  company, 
thank  God.  One  thing  we  were  sorry  about; 
i.  e.  there  were  distinct  tendencies  toward  our  hav- 
ing two  churches  in  the  little  place,  one  an  Episco- 
palian, and  the  other  a  Methodist  church.  "One 
Lord,  one  faith,  one  baptism,"  w^e  began  to  ponder 
in  our  hearts.  What  is  the  use  of  having  two 
separate  Christian  communities,  when  even  one 
Is  not  strong  enough  to  stand  upon  its  own  feet. 
We  felt  for  the  first  time  in  our  Christian  experi- 
ence theeyila  of  denomjnationali^m. 

Nov.  21,  Sunday. — All  the  Christians  of  the 
place  are  in  the  meeting. 

Since  our  upi)er-class  men  graduated,  we  have 
not  had  a  full  meeting  for  a  long  while.  Now  that 
we  meet  all  togetlier,  we  discuss  once*  moio  about 
the  new  church, — its  scope,  its  constitution,  the 
advisability  of  having  but  one  church  in  the 
place,  etc. 


The  Incipient  Church.  53 

Dec.  26,  Sunday. — Perplexed  about  "Elec- 
tion." 

Our  little  churcli  discusses  once  more  about  tlie 
doctrine  of  Election.  Tlie  cliaiDter  of  the  morning 
was  Rom.  IX. 

In  the  old  Bible  which  I  spoiled  pretty  thor- 
oughly with  underscorings  and  marginal-notings 
with  inks  of  diverse  colors,  I  find  a  large  interro- 
gation mark  (?)  hanging  like  a  large  fish-hook  over 
the  awful  and  mysterious  chapter.  Our  Paul's 
pessimistic  conclusion  was  this:  "If  God  made 
one  vessel  unto  honour  and  another  unto  dis- 
honour, there  is  no  use  of  attempting  to  be  saved, 
for  God  will  take  care  of  His  own,  and  we  shall 
be  saved  or  damned  notwithstanding  all  our  ef- 
forts to  be  otherwise."  A  similar  doubt  torments 
e^  ery  ruminating  Christian  in  every  clime.  Well 
let  it  be  by,  for  we  cannot  afford  to  give  up  the 
Bible  and  Christianity  because  we  cannot  com- 
prehend the  doctrine  of  Election. 

Jan.  3,  1881. — Invitation  from  "Palmyra." 
Games  and  lots  till  9  in  the  evening. 

Our  Christian  baccalaureates  had  their  home, 
several  of  them  domiciling  under  one  roof.  As 
their  nest  lay  in  the  midst  of  a  large  farm,  away 
from  the  habitations  of  human  kind,  we  called 
it  by  the  name  of  the  city  of  the  beautiful  Zenobia, 
'^the  city  in  the  Desert."  Such  invitations  were 
quite  frequent,  and  they  did  much  to  knit  our 
hearts  together.  We  had  our  love-feasts,  more 
substantial  than  those  of  the  followers  of  Wesley, 
in  that  ours  consisted  of  beef,  pork,  chicken, 
onion,  beet,  potatoes,  all  thrown  into  one  iron  pot 
and  boiled  therein.  The  Christians,  both  men 
and  women,  surrounded  the  metallic  receptacle 


54  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

and  feasted  therefrom.    Not  much  of  etiquette  in 
this,  of  course;    but  oftentimes  severit}^  in  eti- 
quette is  inversely  proportional  as  the  square-of 
distance  between^  tlie— eonimuning  heartsJ  "Men 
rwtnrate Tice  out  of  the  same  ketlTe"  is  our  popular 
1  saving  about  the  intima.cy  well  nigh  approaching 
\  the  bond  of  blood-relationship;   and  we  believed 
\and  still  believe  in  the  necessity  of  some  other 
bonds  of  union  for  those  who  are  to  fight  and 
suffer  for  one  and  the  same  cause  than  the  break- 
ing of  bread  and  drinking  of  wine  by  the  hand  of 
an  officiating  minister.     Could  such  a  band  be 
divided  into  "two  €^iur^€*---a5:£n_though  minis- 
ters'of  two  denominations  wrote  the  stgn: 
Cross  upon  our  foreheads?    Yea,  we  are  one,- 
the  chicken  we  boiled  in  our  kettle  was  one,  and 
a  large  potato  which  Jonathan  shared  with  Hugh 
after  it  came  out  of  the  stove  w^as  one. 

Jan.  9,  Sunday. — Am  appointed  one  of  the 
Committee  for  the  construction  of  the  new 
church. 

The  new  church  was  decided  upon,  and  a  com- 
mittee was  appointed  therefor.  It  consisted  of  S. 
the  "Eldest,"  W.  the  "Crocodile,"  O.  the  "Mission- 
ary Monk,"  Edwin  and  myself. 

March  18,  Friday. — A  meeting  of  the  Com- 
mittee.   Decide  upon  the  lot  and  the  building. 

We  had  a  letter  from  Rev.  Mr.  1).  telling  us 
that  the  Methodist  Episcopal  Church  of  America 
would  help  us  with  four  hundred  dollars  to  build 
a  new  church  for  us.  We  did  not  wish 
to  have  it  given  us;  we  would  only  bor- 
row it,  to  be  returned  at  the  earliest  pos- 
sible     opportunity.      There      was      a      strong 


The  Incipieni  Church.  55 

reason  for  having  such  a  desire,  which  we  shall 
see  bye  and  bye.  The  lot  was  to  cost  one  hundred 
dollars,  and  the  rest  we  would  spend  upon  the 
building.  But,  wait,  brethren,  four  hundred  dol- 
lars in  Mexican  silver  will  be  some  seven  hundred 
dollars  in  our  paper  money;  and  are  you  sure 
you  can  pay  up  all  this  sum  within  a  year  or  so, 
each  of  you  receiving,  as  you  do,  only  thirty 
dollars  for  your  monthly  salary?  Uh!  Serious! 
We  want,  and  must  have  a  church,  but  to  be 
indep ,  well  we  don't  know\ 

March  20,  Sunday. — Our  carpenter  comes 

and  presents  us  his  estimate  for  the  new 

church  building. 

The  plan  of  the  building  looks  nice,  but  we 
must  incur  debt  for  making  such  a  church.    Uh! 

March  24,  Thursday. — Money-order  arrives 

from  Mr.  D.    Have  it  cashed  in  the  bank.    A 

meeting  of  the  Committee  in  evening.    Write 

a  letter  to  Mr.  D. 

The  money  finally  comes.  Jonathan  is  to  be 
the  treasurer  for  a  time;  and  he  brings  four-inch- 
thickness  of  paper  money  into  his  room  in  the 
college  dormitory.  It  is  the  largest  sum  of  money 
he  ever  has  handled  in  his  life.  But  look,  my  soul, 
the  money  is  not  thine,  neither  is  it  properly  the 
church's.     //  is  to  be  7-eturned;  use  it  with  caution. 

March  31. — Marriage  ceremony  of  John  K. 
at  7  P.  M.,  Rev.  Mr.  Den.  officiating.  Enter- 
tainment with  tea  and  cakes  afterward.    In- 


56  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

finite  pleasures  till  10  P.  M.    The  first  mar- 
riage among  the  S.  Christians. 

John  an  Episcopalian  was  the  first  among  the 
Christian  bojs  to  enter  into  the  state  of  matri- 
Dionial  bliss.  The  ceremony  was  conducted  in  an 
Episcopalian  style,  the  bride  and  the  bridegroom 
exchanging  their  rings  at  the  altar.  It  was  quite 
a  departure  from  the  custom  we  had  been  used  to 
in  our  country.  At  the  table  where  refreshments 
were  served  up,  several  boys  made  speeches  one 
after  another,  and  bade  success  and  God-speed 
to  the  new  couple.  But  we  could  hardly  believe 
that  he  who  fitted  up  a  red  Dharma  for  us  on  a 
Christmas  eve  w^as  now  a  husband!  "The  Lord 
make  the  woman  that  is  come  unto  thine  house 
like  Rachel  and  like  Leah,  which  two  did  build 
the  house  of  Isreal."  Ruth  IV,  11.  She  might  in 
a  similar  manner  help  to  huild  up  the  house  of 
God  we  w^ere  planning  then. 

March  31. — The  church  matter  getting  into 
troubles.  The  Committee  meets  in  evening, 
and  decides  to  give  up  the  idea  of  a  new 
building. 

The  fact  was,  the  lot  of  land  which  we  proposed 
to  buy  was  not  to  be  had,  and  as  it  was  not  pos- 
sible to  find  another  lot,  "we  must  either  hang  our 
church  in  the  air,"  as  K.  the  "Patagonian"  sug- 
gested, "after  the  fashion  of  Queen  Semiramis' 
garden,  or  give  up  the  idea  of  the  new  building 
altojrother."  And  we  were  not  sorry  that  we 
came  to  such  a  conclusion,  for  we  were  extremely 
afraid  of  runninf,^  into  a  big  debt;  and  if  we  could 
have  any  place  for  worship — be  it  ever  so  humble 
— we  would  greatly  prefer  it  to  a  stately  building 
built  upon  our  credit. 


The  Tncipknt  Church.  57 

April  1. — The  carpenter  is  away,  and  the 
matter  gets  into  further  trouble. 

April  3.— S.  the  "Eldest"  talks  with  the 
carpenter,  and  the  matter  looks  to  settle 
fairly. 

April  15. — Decide  to  pay  $20  to  the  car- 
penter. 

The  obtrusive  Edwin,  one  of  the  members  of  the 
Committee,  made  an  arrangement  with  the  car- 
penter to  have  the  timber  ready  within  a  fixed 
period.  The  carpenter  therefore  sent  his  men  to 
mountains  to  hew  the  wood.  The  difficulty  was 
this:  Solomon  made  a  verbal  contract  with 
Hiram  to  have  a  temple  built  for  him  in  Jerusa- 
lem. Hiram  believed  in  Solomon;  so  he  sent  his 
men  at  once  to  the  Lebanon  to  cut  down  its  cedars 
for  the  royal  purpose.  But  subsequently  Solomon 
found  out  that  the  Mt.  Moriah  where  he  intended 
to  build  his  temple  was  not  to  be  had,  for  some 
one  else  had  already  possessed  it;  and  he  was  not 
very  willing  to  run  in  debt  with  Pharaoh,  which 
was  necessary  in  order  to  execute  Ms  plan.  So  he 
gave  up  the  plan  of  building  the  temple.  But 
the  Lebanon  was  resounding  with  the  axes  of  the 
men  of  Hiram  chopping  wood  for  Solomon.  Mean- 
while Hiram  went  down  to  Zidon  on  his  own 
business  account,  so  that  Solomon  could  not  find 
him  out  to  tell  him  of  the  change  that  was  made 
about  the  new  building.  Each  day  that  Solomon 
delayed  in  transmitting  the  news  to  Hiram  in- 
volved either  party  in  further  troubles ;  and  Solo- 
mon and  his  councillors  became  uneasy.  At  last, 
Hiram  returned  to  Tyre,  'Solomon  informed  him 
that  the  temple  was  not  to  be  built,  and  asked  him 


58  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

to  call  back  all  his  men  from  the  Lebanon.  But 
Hiram's  men  had  been  in  the  mountains  for  over 
two  weeks,  and  a  considerable  number  of  cedars 
and  cypresses  had  been  alreadj^  cut  down  and  pre- 
pared for  timbers;  and  Hiram  wanted. to  have  the 
loss  covered  by  Solomon.  Solomon  asks  his  coun- 
cillors about  the  matter.  B.  the  "Eldest"  and  W. 
the  "Crocodile''  read  something  in  Bentham  and 
John  Stuart  Mill,  and  they  think  that  as  Solomon 
did  not  put  his  royal  seal  upon  the  contract  made 
with  Hiram,  therefore  Solomon  has  no  legal  obli- 
gation to  pay  for  Hiram's  loss.  But  the  king's 
other  councillors,  O.  the  "Missionary  Monk"  and 
Jonathan,  think  otherwise.  'Hiram  trusted  in 
Solomon's  words  as  the  words  of  one  who  believes 
in  Jehovah  and  His  covenant;  and  it  makes  no 
difference  whether  the  royal  seal  was  put  or  not. 
The  king  must  pay,  or  else  the  house  of  David 
shall  lose  the  confidence  of  the  public.  But  S. 
and  W.  are  strong  in  their  legal  convictions,  and 
the  whole  people  of  Israel  approve  their  agree- 
ments. O.  and  Jonathan,  however,  cannot  bear 
such  a  course.  They  meet  one  cold  winter 
morning  upon  snow,  and  there  come  into 
the  conclusion  that  they  shall  bear  the 
responsibility  by  themselves.  They  see  Hiram 
privately,  tell  him  that  they  themselves 
are  poor,  but  that  they  are  sorry  to  see  him  un- 
fairly treated.  iHiram  is  touched  with  the  sin- 
cerity of  the  two  men  of  Isreal,  says  that  he  too 
shall  bear  a  part  of  the  loss,  and  that  |20  from  the 
Isrealites  will  satisfy  him.  Jonathan  is  yet  a 
student,  and  his  regular  income  is  only  ten  cents 
a  week.  O.  pays  the  whole  sum,  and  Jonathan  will 
settle  account  with  him  when  the  latter  will 
graduate  from  the  colh^ge  in  the  next  July.  The 
whole  dilllculty  was  thus  settled  with  little  self- 


The  Incipient  Church.  59 

sacrifice  on  the  part  of  the  two  of  Solomon's 
councillors.  Subsequently,  U.  the  *'Good-Na- 
tured"  and  Hugh  came  to  the  help  of  O.  and 
Jonathan,  and  shared  part  of  the  debt  the  last 
two  incurred. — A  petty  affair  not  worth  mention- 
ing, my  readers  may  say;  but  such  an  experience 
like  this  teaches  us  more  about  God  and  man  than 
whole  lots  of  theologies  and  philosophies  we  diye 
into. 

April  17,  Sunday. — Take  walk  w4th  Charles 
in  afternoon  to  seek  a  house.  The  Committee 
meets  at  the  house  of  S.  the  "Eldest." 

A  new  building  being  giyen  up,  we  begin  to 
find  out  a  house  already  built. 

April  24. — Meet  with  O.,  and  consult  with 
him  about  the  church. 

April  30. — Call  upon  O.  The  independence 
of  the  church  is  spoken  of  for  the  first  time. 

We  are  not  yery  successful  in  haying  a  house 
of  worship.  The  members  are  getting  somewhat 
discouraged.  Our  Episcopalian  brethren  haye  al- 
ready their  house  of  worship;  and  why  cannot 
we  become  one,  and  all  assemble  in  their  church? 
"Necessity  is  the  mother  of  inyentions."  Our  fail- 
ures in  haying  a  church  droye  us  to  a  higher  and 
nobler  conception  of  Christian  unity  and  inde- 
pendence.   It  was  the  Spirit  that  was  guiding  us! 

May  15,  Sunday. — The  church  meets  in 
"Palmyra,"  and  discusses  about  independ- 
ence.    Opinions  are  various.     The  meeting 


60  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

closed  Avithout  coming  into  any  definite  con- 
clusion. 

The  matter  is  getting  to  be  more  serious.  Let 
all  the  Christians  meet,  and  discuss  about  this 
most  important  question  of  the  church  independ- 
ence. Jonathan  is  young,  idealistic,  and  impul- 
sive. He  sees  no  difficulty  in  separating  ourselves 
from  the  existing  denominations  and  in  consti- 
tuting ourselves  into  a  new  and  independent  body. 
But  S.  the  "Eldest"  and  W.  the  ^'Crocodile"  are 
prudent,  and  they  will  not  tiave  such  rashness 
committed  among  us.  U.  the  ''Good-Natured"  and 
O.  the  "Missionary  Monk"  take  sides  with  Jona- 
than, but  are  not  so  confident  of  success  as  he. 
We  came  to  no  definite  conclusion  on  that  after- 
noon. 

May  22,  Sunday. — The  church  independ- 
ence is  getting  to  be  the  public  opinion  among 
its  members.  Meet  with  O.  in  evening,  and 
draw  up  a  constitution  with  him. 

May  23. — Meet  with  O.,  and  consult  with 
him  about  the  church  affairs.  Entertained 
with  buck-wheat  by  him. 

The  cry  for  independence  is  getting  upper-hand. 
O.  and  Jonathan  attempt  a  draft  of  the  constitu- 
tion for  the  would-be  independent  church.  The 
idea  that  two  boys  of  twenties  should  undertake 
a  task  which  baffled  the  biggest  heads  of  Europe 
and  America!  Preposterous!  But  courage!  "for 
God  hath  chosen  the  foolish  things  of  the  world 
to  confound  the  wise."  But  let  us  refresh  our- 
selves with  buck-wheat  when  we  ^et  tired. 

Near  the  end  of  the  month,  'Mr.  D.  made  his 


The  Incipient  Church.  61 

third  visit  to  us,  and  ministered  unto  us  with 
sermons,  baptisms,  and  the  Lord's  supper,  as 
usual.  But  we  could  not  very  well  conceal  from 
him  our  intention  of  separating  ourselves  from  his 
church, — the  Methodist  Episcopal  Church, — and 
he  was  not  very  well  pleased  with  such  an  inten- 
tion. He  returned  to  his  mission  station  after 
staying  with  us  for  nine  days, — not  the  happiest 
visit  he  had  made  to  us. 

Meanwhile,  our  college-days  were  coming  near 
their  end. 

June  26,  Sunday. — The  last  Sabbath  in  the 
college.  The  brethren  spoke  out  their  hearts 
in  the  meeting.  W.  offered  prayer.  I  spoke 
that  for  the  sake  of  the  Kingdom  of  Heaven  I 
would  choose  no  place  w^here  I  might  be  sent 
to.  Charles  spoke  how  he  would  work  for  the 
Kingdom's  sake  while  engaged  in  a  secular 
work,  and  he  strongly  maintained  the  import- 
ance of  this  phase  of  the  Christian  Tvork. 
Then  Francis,  Edwin,  Paul,  Hugh  followed, 
and  told  how^  much  they  were  benefitted  by 
our  meetings  during  our  college  days.  Y. 
gave  us  an  exhortation.  Z.  laid  stress  upon 
the  improvement  of  human  hearts  as  the 
work  of  mankind.  ^^Kahau''  also  had  some- 
thing to  tell  of  his  feeling.  Frederick  prayed 
at  the  close  of  the  meeting.  No  such  meet- 
ing during  all  our  college  days. 

A  most  impressive  meeting.  The  "church" 
which  met  through  hot  and  cold,  in  love  and 


62  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

hatred,  during  four  long  years,  was  now  to  be 
dissolved.  Good-bve  to  the  hour-barrel  pulpit! 
We  may  in  the  da^'S  to  come  visit  Boston,  and 
worship  in  its  Tremont  Temple  or  Trinity  Church ; 
or  roam  through  Europe,  and  hear  the  sacred 
mass  at  the  Notre  Dame  in  Paris,  or  at  the  famed 
cathedral  in  Cologne;  may  receive  the  papal  bene- 
diction at  kSt.  Peter's,  Rome;  but  the  charm,  the 
sacredness  that  attended  thee  when  Frederick  or 
Hugh  passed  the  apostolic  benediction  from  thee 
shall  never  be  surpassed.  Good-bye  to  the  be- 
loved water  jug  which  drew  us  together  to  f east- 
ings both  sacred  and  profane!  Wine  that  we  may 
partake  from  golden  chalices  shall  never  have 
that  communing  power  with  which  the  cool  spark- 
ling liquid  as  it  came  out  of  thy  mouth  knitted 
our  heterogeneous  hearts  into  one  harmonious 
whole.  Good-bye,  ye  blue  blankets!  The  ''pews" 
ye  offered  us  were  the  comfortablest  we  shall  ever 
have.  Good-b^^e  to  the  little  "church"  with  all  its 
"attractions"  and  childish  experiments;  its  bick- 
erings and  insinuating  prayers;  its  sweet  talks 
and  Sunday-afternoon  feasts! 

"Sweet  Sabbath  School !  more  dear  to  me 

Than  fairest  palace  dome, 
My  heart  e'er  turns  with  joy  to  thee, 

My  own  dear  Sabbath  home. 

"Here  first  my  wilful,  wandering  heart, 

The  way  of  life  was  shown; 
Here  first  I  sought  the  better  part, 

And  gained  a  Sabbath  Home. 

"Here  Jesus  stood  with  loving  voice, 

Entreating  me  to  come. 
And  make  of  Him  my  only  choice, 

In  this  dear  Sabbath  Home." 


The  Incipient  Church.  63 

**Sabbath  Home!    Blessed  Home! 
My  heart  e'er  turns  witli  joy  to  tliee, 
My  own  dear  Sabbatli  Home." 

July  9,  Saturday. — The  commencement 
day.  Military  drill  at  1:15  P.  M.  Literary 
exercises  begin  at  2.  The  orations  were  as 
follows: 

How  Blessed  is  Rest  after  Toil, — Edwin. 

The  Importance  of  Morality  in  the  Farmer, 
— Charles. 

Agriculture  as  an  Aid  to  Civilization, — 
Paul. 

The  Relation  of  Botany  to  Agriculture, — 
Francis. 

The  Relation  of  Chemistry  to  Agriculture, 
— Frederick. 

Fishery  as  a  Science, — Jonathan. 
The  distribution  of  diplomas  by  the  president 
amidst  loud  applause.     ****♦*♦ 

I  thank  my  Heavenly  Father  for  all  the 
honors  of  this  day.  The  day  for  leaving  the 
college  is  at  hand ;  and  as  I  think  of  the  heavy 
responsibility  I  have  to  bear,  how  I  must  go 
among  the  sons  of  Satan  (the  world),  I  feel 
how  strong  should  my  faith  become.  Joys 
there  are  in  my  heart,  but  tears  are  not  want- 
ing. I  only  pray  for  the  grace  to  serve  my 
Heavenly  Father  with  all  humility. 


64  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

The  class  entered  the  college  with  twenty-one. 
By  illness  and  defection,  we  were  reduced  to 
twelve  when  we  graduated.  Seven  of  them  were 
Christians,  and  they  were  the  seven  which 
occupied  the  first  seven  seats  on  the  day 
of  graduation.  One  main  objection  of  the 
non-Christian  part  of  the  class  against 
Christianity  was  that  it  did  not  allow  them 
to  study  on  Sundays.  We  the  Christians 
accepted  this  Sabbath  law;  and  though  our 
examinations  began  always  on  Monday  mornings, 
Sundays  were  days  of  rest  to  us,  and  Physics, 
Mathematics,  or  any  thing  that  pertained  to 
''flesh"  was  cast  aside  on  holy  days.  But  lo!  at 
the  close  of  our  college  days,  when  all  our  '"marks" 
were  summed  up,  we  the  Sabbath-keepers  were 
given  us  the  first  seven  seats  in  the  class,  were 
to  make  all  the  class  speeches,  and  to  carry  away 
all  the  prizes  but  one!  Thus  we  gave  one  more 
proof  of  the  ''practical  advantage"  of  Sabbath- 
keeping,  saying  nothing  of  its  intrinsic  worth  as 
a  part  of  God's  eternal  laws. 

Seven  more  were  now  added  to  the  "contri- 
butable"  force  of  Christians,  and  a  true,  veritable 
church  might  now  be  had.  Had  it  not  been  our 
dream  to  have  a  real  church, — not  a  toy  church, — 
as  soon  as  we  went  out  to  the  world?  Before  we 
thought  of  having  homes  or  making  money,  we 
thought  of  building  a  church.  Let  us,  as  our  John 
said  in  his  sermon,  "disperse  heathens  as  we  do 
street-dogs,"  and  conquer  men,  devils,  and  all, 
with  our  united  force  and  courage. 

"In  the  lexicon  of  youth,  which  fate  reserves 
for  a  bright  manhood,  there  is  no  such  word  as 
— fail."— Lytton. 


A  New  Church  and  Lay 'Preaching.        65 


CHAPTER  IV. 

A  NEW  CHURCH  AND  LAY-PREACHING. 

As  soon  as  we  graduated  from  our  college,  each 
of  us  was  offered  a  position  with  a  salary  of  thirtv 
dollars  a  month.  We  were  taught  in  practical 
sciences,  and  were  intended  to  develop  the  ma- 
terial resources  of  our  country.  We  never  have 
swerved  from  this  aim.  In  Jesus  of  Nazareth  we 
saw  a  man  who  was  the  Savior  of  mankind  by 
being  the  son  of  a  carpenter,  and  we  his  lowly 
disciples  might  be  farmers,  fishermen,  engineers, 
manufacturers,  and  be  at  the  same  time  preachers 
of  the  gospel  of  peace.  Peter  a  fisherman  and 
Paul  a  tent-maker  were  our  examples.  We  never 
have  construed  Christianity  as  a  hierarchy  or  ec- 
clesiasticalism  of  any  sort.  We  take  it  essentially 
as  people's  religion,  and  our  being  "men  of  the 
world"  are  of  no  obstacles  whatever  for  our  being 
preachers  and  missionaries.  We  believe,  no  more 
consecrated  set  of  young  men  e^er  left  a  hall  of 
learning  than  we  when  we  left  our  science  college. 
Our  aim  was  spiritual,  though  our  training  and 
destinations  were  material. 

After  I  finished  my  college-course,  I  made  an- 
other visit  to  my  home  in  the  metropolis,  this 
time  all  the  ''six  brethren"  coming  up  with  me. 
Our  stay  in  the  city  was  thoroughly  enjoyable. 
We  had  many  invitations  from  missionaries,  were 
lauded  for  what  little  we  had  done;  were  asked  to 
speak  of  our  experiences  in  their  meetings.    We 

f^  OF   THK         ^>'X 

I  UNIVEBSITY  l 


G6  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

studied  the  construction  of  churches,  and  the 
ways  of  managing  them,  to  apply  them  in  our  own 
church  when  we  returned  to  our  place.  Though 
coming  from  the  far  north,  from  amidst  primeval 
forests  and  bears  and  wolves,  we  found  we  were 
not  the  least  intelligent  among  Christians.  What 
we  heard  from  the  Hour-barrel  pulpit  and  talked 
about  upon  the  blue  blankets,  were  not  the  crud- 
est thoughts  when  compared  with  the  teachings 
and  cultures  of  the  metropolitan  churches.  On 
some  points,  indeed,  we  thought  we  had  pro- 
founder  and  healthier  views  than  our  friends  who 
were  nurtured  under  the  care  of  professional 
theologians. 

I  also  carried  on  my  missionary  work  among 
my  friends  and  relatives,  as  I  had  done  two  years 
ago.  The  arch-heretic  was  my  father,  who  with 
his  learning  and  strong  convictions  of  his  own, 
was  the  hardest  to  approach  with  my  faith.  For 
three  years  I  had  been  sending  him  books  and 
pamphlets,  and  had  written  him  constantly,  im- 
ploring him  to  come  to  Christ  and  receive  His  sal- 
vation. He  was  a  voracious  reader  and  my  books 
were  not  entirely  ignored.  But  nothing  could 
move  him.  He  was  a  righteous  man  as  far  as 
social  morality  was  concerned,  and  as  is  always 
the  case  with  such  a  man,  he  was  not  one  who  felt 
the  need  of  salvation  most.  At  the  close  of  my 
college  course,  I  was  again  awarded  with  a  little 
sum  of  money  for  m3'  study  and  industry,  and  I 
thought  of  using  it  in  the  most  profitable  way 
possible.  I  prayed  my  God  over  it.  Just  then  a 
thought  occurred  to  me  that  I  might  take  some 
presents  to  my  parents;  and  no  better  articles 
were  suggested  to  me  for  this  purpose  than  the 
commentary  on  the  Gospel  of  St.  Mark,  written 
by  Dr.  Faber,  a  German    missionary    in    China. 


A  New  Church  and  Lay -Preaching,        67 

The  work  was  in  five  Tolumes,  and  as  a  product 
of  sound  and  broad  scholarship  in  the  learnings 
of  the  people  for  whom  it  was  intended,  it  w^as, 
and  still  is,  very  highly  spoken  of.  It  was  written 
in  unpointed  Chinese,  and  I  thought  the  difiiculty 
of  reading  it,  if  not  anything  else,  might  whet  my 
father's  intellectual  appetite  to  peruse  it.  I  in- 
vested two  dollars  upon  this  work,  and 
carried  it  in  my  trunk  to  my  father.  But 
alas  I  when  I  gave  it  to  my  father,  no 
words  of  thanks  or  appreciation  came  from 
his  lips,  and  all  the  best  wishes  of  my 
heart  met  his  coldest  reception.  I  went  into  a 
closet  and  wept.  The  books  were  thrown  into  a 
box  with  other  rubbishes;  but  I  took  out  the  first 
volume  and  left  it  on  his  table.  In  his  leisure 
when  he  had  nothing  else  to  do,  he  would  read 
a  page  or  so,  and  again  it  went  into  the  rubbish. 
I  took  it  out  again,  and  placed  it  upon  his  table  as 
before.  My  patience  was  as  great  as  his  reluc- 
tance to  read  these  books.  Finally,  however,  I 
prevailed;  he  went  through  the  first  volume!  He 
stopped  to  scoft'  at  Christianity!  Something  in 
the  book  must  have  touched  his  heart!  I  did  the 
same  thing  with  the  second  volume  as  with  the 
first.  Yes,  he  finished  the  second  volume  too,  and 
he  began  to  speak  favorably  of  Christianity. 
Thank  God,  he  was  coming.  He  finished  the  third 
volume,  and  I  observed  some  change  in  his  life  and 
manners.  He  would  drink  less  wine,  and  his  be- 
haviors toward  his  wife  and  children  were  be- 
coming more  affectionate  than  before.  The  fourth 
volume  was  finished,  and  his  heart  came  down! 
"Son,"  he  said,  ''I  have  been  a  proud  man.  From 
this  dav,  you  may  be  sure,  I  will  be  a  disciple  of 
Jesus."^  i  took  him  to  a  church,  and  observed 
in  him  the  convulsion  of  his  whole  nature.  Every- 
thing he  heard  there  moved  him.    The  eyes  that 


68  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

were  all  masculine  and  soldierly  were  now  wet 
with  tears.  I/^  7vonld  not  touch  his  wine  any 
viore.  Twelve  months  more,  and  he  was  baptized. 
He  has  studied  the  Scripture  quite  thoroughly, 
and  though  he  never  w^as  a  bad  man,  he  has  been 
a  Christian  man  ever  since.  How  thankful  his 
son  was,  the  reader  may  judge  for  himself. — 
Jericho  fell,  and  the  other  cities  of  Canaan  were 
captured  in  succession.  My  cousin,  my  uncle,  my 
brothers,  my  mother,  and  my  sister,  all  followed; 
and  for  ten  years,  though  the  hand  of  Providence 
hath  dealt  quite  bitterly  with  us,  and  we  have 
been  made  to  pass  through  many  a  deep  water; 
and  though  the  faith  we  ow^ned  has  made  us  re- 
pulsive in  the  eyes  of  the  world,  and  much  of  the 
comforts  of  life  were  to  be  given  up  for  His  name's 
sake,  I  believe  we  are  still  second  to  no  other 
family  in  the  land  in  our  love  and  loyality  to  our 
Heavenly  Master.  Four  years  ago,  another  mem- 
ber was  added  to  our  family.  She  came  to  us  as 
a  "heathen,"  but  within  a  year,  no  woman  was 
more  faithful  to  her  Lord  and  Savior  than  she. 
The  good  Lord  removed  her  away  from  us  after 
she  remained  with  us  only  a  year  and  a  half;  but 
her  coming  to  us  was  her  opportunity  of  finding 
the  Savior  of  her  soul;  and  in  Him  confiding  she 
passed  into  His  joy  and  bliss,  after  fighting  right 
nobly  for  her  Master  and  country.  Blessed  is  she 
that  sleepeth  in  the  Lord,  and  blessed  are  we  all 
whose  bond  is  in  Him  and  is  spiritual. 

In  autumn  I  returned  once  more  to  my  field 
of  activity  in  the  north.  I  took  my  younger 
brother  with  me,  as  my  family  was  poor,  and  I  had 
to  unburden  my  parents,  now  that  T  became  a 
salaried  man.  T  entered  into  a  copartnership  with 
Edwin,  Hugh,  Charles,  and  Paul,  and  we  together 
kept  a  house.   It  was  a  continuation  of  our  college 


A  New  Church  and  Lay -Preaching,        69 

life,  only  with  a  little  more  of  freedom  and  com- 
fort in  it  than  in  our  school  dormitory. 

Oct.  16,  Sunday. — Mr.  K.  preaches  in  the 
morning.  We  meet  for  the  first  time  in  our 
new  church  in  the  South  Street. 

Mr.  K.  was  a  Presbyterian;  not  a  college  gradu- 
ate, but  a  precious  addition  to  our  Christian  com- 
munity. He  was  a  young  man  yet,  but  a  man  of 
deep  spirituality  and  extensive  Christian  experi- 
ences. 

During  our  absence  in  the  metropolis,  O.  the 
"Missionary  Monk''  was  industrious  in  finding  a 
house  of  worship  for  us.  The  place  he  hit  upon 
was  one  half  of  one  building,  and  was  procured 
at  the  cost  of  two  hundred  and  seventy  dollars. 
Our  portion  was  about  30  x  36  feet,  two  stories 
high,  the  roof  shingled,  and  had  a  garden  twice 
as  extensive  as  the  house  itself.  It  was  built  as 
a  tenement  house,  and  a  kitchen  and  fire-places 
occupied  a  very  large  part  of  it.  We  rented  the 
two  rooms  in  the  upper  story  to  help  the  general 
expense  of  the  church.  The  basement  floor  was 
all  fitted  up  for  the  church.  Hugh  ordered  for  us 
six  strong  benches,  and  they  were  reserved  for  the 
male  part  of  the  attendants.  Ladies  sat  upon 
straw  mats,  right  in  front  of  the  pulpit  which 
consisted  of  an  elevated  platform  and  a  table  of 
the  simplest  construction.  But  it  was  a  decided 
improvement  upon  the  flour-barrel  pulpit  in  our 
"incipient  church."  When  there  were  more  at- 
tendants than  these  seats  could  hold,  a  large  fire- 
place which  was  a  rectangular  space  cut  into  the 
floor,  was  covered  with  pine  boards;  and  blankets 
spread  upon  them  afforded  seats  for  about  ten 
more.    The  house  was  crowded  to  its  utmost  ca- 


70  Dian/  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

pa  city  when  fifty  were  present,  and  in  winter- 
time when  a  stove  occupied  a  large  space  in  front 
of  the  pulpit  so  that  a  smoke-pipe  hid  the  face  of 
the  preacher  from  the  view  of  the  male  population 
of  the  congregation,  every  nook  of  the  house  was 
filled  by  a  human  species  of  some  kind,  sitting 
or  reclining  as  it  seemed  most  comfortable  to 
him.  We  had  an  organ  too  by  this  time.  It  was 
given  us  by  our  friend.  Rev.  Mr.  Den., — not  the 
most  perfect  of  its  kind,  but  good  enough  for  the 
congregation  it  was  to  lead  in  the  holy  music.  The 
kind  Providence  provided  a  musician  to  play  upon 
this  instrument  in  the  person  of  one  Mr.  F.,  who 
likewise  was  another  valuable  addition  to  the 
church.  As  the  ceiling  was  not  more  than  ten  feet 
above  the  floor,  the  bellow  of  the  organ  swelled 
hy  the  chorus  of  fifty  or  more  untutored  voices 
shook  the  building  with  discordant  vibrations  of 
the  most  dreadful  kind.  The  peace  of  our  neigh- 
bors who  lived  next  door  to  our  wall  w^as  thus 
much  infringed  upon,  and  their  complaints  which 
were  not  altogether  unjust  were  constant.  And 
woe  was  he,  who  boarded  in  the  upper  story!  The 
Sunday  being  the  best  day  in  the  week,  the  breth- 
ren resorted  to  the  house  of  worship  from  very 
early  in  the  morning;  and  not  till  the  evening  ser- 
vice was  over  at  10  p.  m.,  and  they  all  retired  to 
their  nests,  was  the  house  free  from  human  voices 
of  some  kind.  For  the  first  time  in  our  lives  we 
had  a  house  of  our  own,  and  we  used  it  as  no 
house  was  ever  used.  The  eldest  member  of  the 
church  who  had  recently  joined  us,  called  it  an 
*'inn,"  where  we  might  drop  in  at  any  time  in  our 
life-journey  to  recu])erate  ourselves;  and  his 
dropping-ins  were  as  frequent  as  the  moments  of 
rest  he  needed  in  his  busy  life  in  an  advanced  age. 
It  was  a  reading-room,  a  class-room,  a  committee- 


'A  Neiv  Clmrcti  and  Lay-Preaching,        71 

room,  a  refresliment-room,  and  a  club-room  at  tlie 
same  time.  Laughters  tliat  almost  burst  our 
diaphrams,  sobs  of  penitence  that  touched  our  in- 
nermost hearts,  arguments  that  wearied  the  big- 
gest and  soundest  of  our  heads,  and  talks  about 
markets  and  money-making  schemes,  were  all 
heard  in  this  most  convenient  of  houses.  Such 
was  our  church,  and  we  never  have  seen  the  like 
of  it  in  the  whole  world. 

The  work  for  union  and  independence  was 
pushed  on  quite  vigorouslv.  Our  Episcopalian 
brethren  and  sisters  would  give  up  their  house 
of  worship  and  join  with  us,  and  thev  brought 
with  them  their  books  and  organ.  The  Church 
Missionary  Society  of  England  that  helped  them 
to  buy  the  house  would  use  it  for  its  own  purpose, 
and  its  "converts"  would  unite  with  us  Methodists 
to  pay  back  our  debts  to  the  Methodist  Episcopal 
Mission.  Both  parties  were  to  leave  their  re- 
spective denominations  as  soon  as  the  debts  were 
paid  over,  and  the  two  to  constitute  themselves 
into  one  independent  native  church.  The  plan 
was  agreed  upon,  and  we  on  our  part  felt  no 
difficulty  about  it.  Only  our  outside  friends  dis- 
cussed much  about  the  propriety  and  feasibility 
of  the  plan,  and  the  grave  difficulties  that  might 
lie  in  our  future.  But  w^e  were  blind  as  to  our 
future,  and  thanks  to  our  "blessed  ignorance,'' 
the  union  was  effected  without  any  of  the  diffi- 
culties anticipated  by  our  over-solicitous  friends. 

The  constitution  of  the  new  church  was  the 
simplest  that  can  be  imagined.  Our  creed  was 
the  Apostle's  Creed,  and  the  church  discipline  was 
based  upon  the  "Covenant  of  the  Believers  in 
Jesus,"  drawn  up  by  our  New  England 
professor  five  years  ago.  The  church  was 
managed    by    a    committee    of    five,     one    of 


72  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

them  the  treasurer.  All  common  business 
was  transacted  by  them;  but  when  matters 
came  up  that  the  Covenant  did  not  touch  upon, 
such  as  the  admission  and  dismission  of  members, 
the  whole  church  was  called  together,  and  the 
votes  of  the  two-thirds  of  the  whole  membership 
was  required  to  carry  them  into  effect.  T/ie 
church  required  every  one  of  its  me?nders  to  do 
something  for  it.  No  one  of  them  was  to  be  idle, 
and  if  he  could  not  do  anything  else,  let  him  saw- 
wood  for  our  stove.  Everybody  was  responsible 
for  its  growth  and  prosperity,  and  in  this  respect 
O.  the  ^'Missionary  Monk"  was  no  more  responsi- 
ble than  our  little  "Miss  Pine,"  the  tiniest  member 
of  our  church.  Of  course,  not  every  one  of  us 
felt  like  preaching.  So,  O.  the  "Missionary  Monk," 
W.  the  "Crocodile,"  John  the  "Episcopalian,"  and 
Jonathan  occupied  the  pulpit  in  turn,  and  Mr. 
K.  our  Presbyterian  friend  helped  us  considerably 
in  this  line.  Hugh  was  our  faithful  treasurer,  and 
kept  our  accounts  by  the  double-entry  system  of 
book-keeping.  There  was  a  special  visiting  com- 
mittee, where  our  good  Edwin  appeared  most 
conspicuously.  The  younger  of  our  members 
formed  a  colporteur  party,  selling  Bibles  and 
tracts  among  the  neighboring  towns  and  villages. 
Many  of  us  stayed  mostly  outside  of  the  town,  in 
exploring  new  lands,  in  surveying,  in  railroad 
construction,  etc.;  but  they  were  all  busy  in 
Christian  works  as  we  at  home.  We  will  see 
further  on  how  the  whole  machinery  worked  for 
the  great  aim  we  had  in  view. 

Oct.  23.— We  constitute  a  Y.  M.  C.  A.    Am 

appointed  a  vice-president. 

Special  works  for  young  men  became  impera- 
tive, and  a  Y.  M.  C.  A.  was  added  to  our  works. 


A  New  Church  and  Lay-Preaching,        73 

The  idea  we  got  wMle  we  were  in  the  metropolis 
last  summer. 

Nov.  12. — The  opening  meeting  of  Y.  M.  C. 
A.  The  audience,  about  60.  Entertainment 
with  tough  rice  after  the  meeting.  A  very 
prosperous  gathering. 

Our  little  church  was  filled  to  its  utmost  ca- 
pacity. Tough  rice  is  rice  steamed  with  red  beans, 
and  is  usually  served  up  on  occasions  of  congratu- 
lation. It  tastes  good,  but  our  dyspeptic  friends 
better  not  touch  it,  for  only  tough  stomachs  can 
bear  it— I  remember  I  was  one  of  the  speakers 
of  the  day.  My  subject  was:  "The  Relation  of 
the  Seal  lop-Shell  to  Christianity."  The  point  was 
to  reconcile  Geology  with  the' Book  of  Genesis; 
and  the  scallop-shell  was  especially  chosen  for 
this  purpose,  as  our  species  Pecten  yessoensis  was 
the  commonest  mollusk  on  our  coast,  and  its  shells 
were  abundantly  found  as  fossils.  Such  words 
and  phrases  as  "Evolution,"  "the  Struggle  for 
Existence,"  and  ''the  Survival  of  the  Fittest"  were 
being  heard  in  our  circles;  and  a  blow  was  found 
necessary  upon  the  atheistic  evolutionists  who 
were  beginning  to  make  some  figures  in  our  coun- 
try about  that  time.  My  subject  sounded  odd, 
and  the  boys  heard  me  well. 

Nov.  15,  Tuesday.— Meet  with  W.  and  O.  at 
3  P.  M.  and  consult  about  the  church.  The 
whole  congregation  meets  at  4,  and  discusses 
about  the  future  of  the  church. — One  hundred 
dollars  (flOO)  in  U.  S.  gold  sent  by  Prof.  Dr.  C. 
is  received. 

A  preliminary  meeting  of  three  members  of  the 


74  Diavji  of  a  JujxincHc  Convert. 

committee  was  followed  by  tlie  general  gathering 
of  the  whole  congregation.  Now  that  we  set  sail 
on  the  boisterous  sea  of  the  practical  life,  we 
found  the  human  existence  to  be  a  more  real  and 
serious  affair  than  we  had  imagined  in  our  class- 
rooms. Things  did  not  move  as  we  willed  and 
planned.  Not  every  one  of  us  was  in  red-hot  earn- 
estness about  the  church,  and  some  flaggings  of 
interest  w^ere  recognizable  in  certain  quarters. 
We  had  already  run  into  a  debt  of  four  hundred 
dollars,  and  the  general  expense  of  the  church 
was  not  small,  though  we  paid  nothing  to  our 
preachers.  How  to  meet  all  these  difficulties  w^as 
the  question  to  be  decided  in  the  meeting.  No 
good  thoughts  were  coming.  Only  let  us  be  pre- 
pared to  unstring  our  purses,  for  we  might  be  re- 
quired to  give  all  we  had  for  the  cause.  We 
separated  with  sighs  and  anxieties. — O.  the  ''Mis- 
sionary Monk"  returns  to  his  nest,  and  behold, 
something  is  w^aiting  for  him.  A  cheque  for  one 
hundred  dollars  in  U.  S.  gold  sent  for  the  church 
by  the  originator  of  the  "Covenant  of  the  Be- 
lievers in  Jesus,"  sent  away  from  his  home  in  New 
England!  Jehovah-jireh, — the  Lord  will  pro- 
vide! Lift  up  your  heads,  ye  brethren!  We  are 
not  forsaken  by  the  Father  in  Heaven.  The  good 
news  spreads  through  the  congregation,  and  hope 
revives  within  us. 

Dec.  18,  Sunday. — Severe  snow-storm.  I 
preached.  Much  distressed  by  the  snow 
being  driven  into  the  church. 

Our  cheap  wooden  structure  w^as  not  snow- 
proof,  and  our  ladies'  quarter  was  not  available 
for  use  on  that  day.  The  sledge  that  carried  them 
stuck  in  the  snow,  and  they  had  a  hard  time  in 


A  New  Cliurcli  and  Lay -Preaching,        75 

reacliing  their  home.   >We  forget  not  such  a  meet- 
ing in  such  a  weather. 

Dec.  29,  Thursday. — Busy  through  the 
whole  afternoon.  All  things  were  ready  be- 
fore dusk.  The  meeting  began  at  6  P.  M. 
Brethren  and  sisters  to  the  number  of  30  were 
present.  The  best  meeting  we  have  had  in  S. 
All  spoke  of  their  hearts,  and  enjoyed  the 
evening  freely  till  half-past  9  o'clock. 

The  usual  Christmas  festival  was  postponed 
till  this  day,  when  all  the  members  of  the  church 
could  be  back  in  the  town.  This  was  essentially 
a  Christian  gathering;  no  more  wrestling  of 
Dharmas  and  dancing  of  a  savage  as  in  the  Christ- 
mas of  two  years  ago.  The  joy  we  felt  this  even- 
ing was  truly  spiritual.  The  year  in  whole  was  a 
successful  one,  and  the  works  we  had  accom- 
plished were  not  small.  Sweet  were  the  pleasures 
after  toils! 

Jan.  1,  1882,  Sunday. — All  meet  in  the 
church  in  afternoon  and  express  their  feel- 
ings. Letters  from  Messrs.  D.  and  H.  Much 
distressed. 

The  fact  was,  while  we  were  saying  Happy- 
New- Year's  to  one  another,  rejoicing  in  God's 
blessings  for  the  year  that  had  just  gone  by,  two 
letters  were  received  by  us,  one  from  Rev.  Mr.  H. 
our  beloved  missionary  friend,  and  the  other  from 
Rev.  Mr.  D.  The  latter  was  a  short,  incisive  letter, 
stating  briefly  that  he  could  not  very  well  give 
his  consent  to  our  plan  of  forming  an  independent 
church,  and  asking  us  to  pay  back  to  him  by  tele- 


76  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

gram  any  part  of  the  money  which  his  church  had 
forwarded  to  lis  to  build  a  house  of  worship.  His 
letter  was  construed  as  his  avowed  dissent  from 
our  procedure,  which  was  enforced  by  a  require- 
ment to  square  our  accounts  with  his  church  if  we 
would  separate  ourselves  from  his  denomination. 
And  such  a  construction  of  his  letter  was  not 
wholly  unreasonable,  for  our  financial  state  must 
have  been  well  known  to  him,  and  his  words  were 
too  few  to  carry  any  sentiments  of  real  sympathy 
in  our  motive.  If  the  Methodist  Episcopal  Mission 
lent  us  monej'  that  we  might  start  its  denomina- 
tional church  in  our  place,  we  should  never  have 
asked  its  aid.  Our  independence  was  not  in- 
tended as  a  revolt  against  Methodism,  but  as  an 
expression  of  our  real  attachment  to  our  heavenly 
Master,  and  of  the  highest  sentiment  of  our  love 
to  our  nation.  We  borrowed  the  money,  though 
the  mission  said  it  would  be  given  us.  We  w^ere 
all  young  then,  and  our  animal  spirit  w^as  high 
too.  ''Let's  pay  it  at  once.  Prof.  C.'s  money  is 
still  untouched,  and  let  the  church  chest  be 
emptied  to  the  last  cent  to  clear  our  debt!"  said 
one.  "Agreed!  Pay  on!"  all  rejoined.  Jonathan 
was  charged  to  consult  with  Hugh  the  treasurer, 
and  to  send  to  Mr.  D.  by  a  telegraphic  money 
order  all  the  available  sum  of  money  in  the  church 
treasury.  I  believe  nothing  knitted  the  two 
Christian  bodies  of  the  place  more  firmly  than 
this  very  unwelcome  letter  on  the  first  day  of 
January. 

Jan.  G.— Send  |200  to  Rev.  Mr.  D.  by  tele- 
graphic money  order. 

We  tried  to  comply  with  Mr.  D.'s  requirement 
at  once  by  paying  him  all  our  debt  to  his  denomi- 


A.  Isfew  Church  and  Lay-Preaching.        77 

nation.  But  tMs  we  could  not  do  with  all  our 
possible  means.  We  had  been  taxing  our  breth- 
ren pretty  heavily,  and  we  could  not  exact  any 
more  from  them.  Prof.  C.'s  money  formed  the 
main  bulk  of  the  present  installment.  We  were 
not  very  happy  in  letting  go  the  money  so  soon 
after  it  reached  us. 

Jan.  7. — Busy  in  arranging  for  the  Dedica- 
tion Service  of  to-morrow. 

Jan.  8. — The  Dedication  Service  of  the  S. 
Church  begins  at  2  P.  M. 

The  attendance  about  50.  To-day  we  dedi- 
cate this  church  to  God.  May  His  glory  shine 
forth  in  this  district  from  this  place. 

The  common  burden  v/e  had  to  bear  knitted  our 
hearts  together,  and  we  might  now  enter  into  a 
formal  union,  and  publicly  dedicate  to  God  the 
church  of  our  own.  The  little  wooden  building 
shook  with  the  hallelujahs  of  fifty  united  voices, 
— woe  to  our  poor  neighbors  I  Our  organ,  whose 
two  keys  were  out  of  tune,  bellowed  forth  the 
loudest  anthems  at  the  touch  of  Mr.  F.'s  fingers. 
Unto  the  name  of  the  Most  High  God  we  dedicate 
this  humble  dwelling,  the  best  and  utmost  of  all 
we  can  offer!  Let  this  be  the  veritable  Shekinah, 
and  His  presence  be  as  real  in  it  as  in  the  gorgeous 
temple  of  the  wise  son  of  David.  He  liketh  a 
broken  and  contrite  heart  under  whatever  garbs 
it  dwells;  and  the  church  that  He  liketh  best  has 
no  need  of  pipe-organs,  stained  glass  windows, 
and  baptismal  fonts.  A  clear  January  sun  shined 
upon  plain  unvarnished  benches  through  two  win- 
dows partly  covered  by  curtains  of  the  coarsest 
texture,  as  our  good  O.  passed  his  benediction 


78  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

upon  tlie  humble  crowd  tliat  bowed  in  gratitude. 
We  could  almost  hear  in  the  dry  bracing  wintry 
air  the  voice  of  Him  who  said,  ''Of  a  truth  I  say 
unto  Tou,  that  this  poor  widow  hath  cast  in  more 
than  they  all."    Luke  XXI,  2. 

Feb.  16,  Thursday.— Meet  with  O.  W.,  and 
John  to  frame  rules  for  the  S.  Church.  Mon- 
day, Tuesday,  Thursday  and  Friday  are  fixed 
as  the  days  for  meeting. 

Now  that  we  dedicated  our  house  of  worship, 
some  written  forms  af  the  church  regulations  be- 
came imperative.  Four  of  the  members  of  the 
Executive  Committee  were  empowered  to  prepare 
drafts  of  such  rules.  We  were  to  consider  what 
should  rule  this  most  unique  of  Christian 
churches, — to  preserve  all  that  were  essential  in 
Christianity,  and  to  adapt  them  to  our  new  sur- 
roundings. For  seven  days  the  discussions  con- 
tinued, which  resulted  in  a  rough  frame-work  of 
the  church  organizations.  The  meeting  was 
0])ened  with  prayers  and  closed  with  prayers. 
We  were  awfully  earnest,  and  disposed  of  articles 
after  articles  as  we  surrounded  a  little  fire-place 
and  heard  a  tea-kettle  singing  for  us  a  resonant 
music  with  its  steam-jets.  Jonathan's  dashing 
thoughts  were  tempered  by  O.'s  cool  judgement; 
and  John's  opportune  ideas  were  corrected  by 
W.'s  legality  to  adjust  them  to  the  time.  The 
whole  now  needed  the  consent  of  the  church 
council  to  become  effective. 

March  6. — Removed  to  the  church-build- 
ing. 

They  offered  me  a  room  in  the  upper  story  of 
the  church,  but  not  for  nothing.    I  was  charged 


A  New  Church  and  La y-P reaching.        79 

to  sweep  tlie  meeting-place,  to  look  after  the 
church-library,  and  to  take  up  all  the  duties  of  a 
janitor  and  a  sexton;  and  to  pay  to  the  treasury 
two  dollars  a  month  as  my  room-rent.  I  have  not 
seen  such  a  convenient  church-officer  anywhere 
else.  From  this  day,  my  room  became  a  regular 
resorting  place  of  the  brethren. 

March  13. — Made  a  mutual  pledge  to  clear 
the  church  debt  by  the  October  of  this  year. 

Our  debt-paying  must  not  be  indefinitely  de- 
layed. Let  every  body  make  up  his  mind  to  pay 
his  portion  within  the  specified  time.  Suppose 
you  give  up  your  European  restaurant  for  ten 
months;  that  will  help  you  to  pay  half  your 
portion.  Suppose  you  go  with  your  old  jacket  and 
pants  until  the  next  year;  that  will  enable  you  to 
fill  up  your  share  of  the  common  burden.  The  net 
income  of  each  of  us  was  twenty-five  dollars  a 
month,  and  we  were  to  pay  a  whole  month's  salary 
by  the  October  next. 

Sept.  2 — Set  out  to  the  A-mill  with  Brother 
Ts.    I  preached  in  the  evening. 

Sept.  3. — Left  the  A-mill  in  morning.  Stop- 
ped at  Mr.  H.'s  and  preached.  The  outlook  in 
the  Mill  is  hopeful. 

The  opening  of  a  preaching  station  in  the  A — 
mill  is  one  of  the  most  memorable  episodes  in  our 
church  history,  and  one  that  illustrates  the 
methods  of  our  united  Christian  work  better  than 
any  other  work  we  had  accomplished.  The  mill 
was  about  fifteen  miles  from  our  place,  up  in  a 
mountain  district,  where  the  Government  had 
recently  introduced  an  American  turbine  wheel 


80  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

to  reduce  huge  pine  forests  to  shingles  and  tim- 
bers. A  carriage  road  was  to  be  constructed  from 
our  phice  to  the  new  mill,  and  surveyors  were 
sent  out  to  reconnoitre  for  the  new  highway.  It 
so  happened  that  our  U.  the  "Good-Natured"  was 
the  chief-surveyor  in  this  expedition,  and  w4iile 
he  was  engaged  in  his  work,  he  did  what  he  could 
to  introduce  the  Bible  and  Christianity  to  the 
little  colony  that  was  formed  around  the  mill. 
As  soon  as  the  route  was  determined  upon,  the 
final  survey  was  entrusted  to  Hugh,  our  church- 
treasurer,  who  during  his  stay  in  the  mountain 
succeeded  in  bringing  one  very  precious  soul  to 
•Christ,  O.  nicknamed  the  ''Apodal."  Now  that 
the  road  was  surveyed,  the  man  who  was  appoint- 
ed to  construct  it  was  Mr.  H.,  another  member  of 
our  church.  He  too  labored  for  Christ  among 
his  colleagues,  and  his  words  in  the  dead  silence 
of  the  primeval  forest  were  not  without  effects. 
Before  the  road  was  fairly  finished  another 
worthy  soul  was  won  for  the  Master.  Meanwhile 
the  seed  which  U.  the  "Good-Natured''  had  sown 
in  the  mill  was  sprouting  and  making  good 
growth.  The  people  there  were  impatient  for 
the  opening  of  the  new  road,  and  tliey  sent  us 
words  to  come  and  preach  the  Gospel  to  them, 
So  1  was  sent  with  Brother  T.  on  this  errand, 
and  we  were  the  firf^t  that  trod  the  road  which 
was  reconnoitred  by  a  Christian,  surveyed  by  a 
Christian,  and  built  by  a  Christian.  Before  a 
single  piece  of  timber  was  carried  over  this  road, 
the  feet  of  those  that  carried  the  glad  tidings 
of  Peace  were  upon  it.  It  was  essentially  a  "Chris- 
tian" road,  and  ''the  Way"  we  called  it.  ''Every 
valley  shall  be  exalted,  and  every  mountain  and 
hill  shall  be  made  low,"  that  the  King  of  Glory 
may  come  in. 


A  New  Church  and  Lay-Preaching.        81 

Sept.  23,  Saturday. — A  national  holiday. 
Not  a  speck  of  cloud  in  the  sky.  At  1  P.  M.  all 
gathered  at  the  church,  and  together  pro- 
ceeded to  the  museum  ground.  There  were 
poem-makings,  tea-parties,  and  ring-throw- 
ing.   All  enjoyed  the  day  completely. 

This  was  a  "field  day"  for  our  church-members, 
which  we  repeated  usually  twice  a  year, — in 
spring  and  in  autumn.  While  we  were  yet  ''hea- 
thens/' we  had  such  /eU  chajnpeire,  with  poison- 
ous drinks  to  cause  unnatural  exhilarations,  and 
'*deyil-ings,"  as  plays  were  called  where  one  of 
us  nominated  a  ''deyil''  was  to  catch  any  one  who 
strayed  out  of  the  "heayen,''  and  he  who  was 
thus  caught  was  to  be  a  deyil  himself.  But  the 
new  religion  had  ameliorated  our  tempers,  and 
though  we  enjoyed  open  air  and  innocent  plays 
as  much  as  eyer  before,  we  substituted  poem- 
makings  and  tea-drinkings  to  "deyil-ings"  and 
alcohol-drinkings;  and  the  pleasures  we  deriyed 
from  such  a  change  we  found  to  be  far  superior 
to  what  our  unconyerted  friends  were  still  indulg- 
ing in.  I  haye  already  told  my  readers  how  we 
knitted  our  hearts  together  in  winter-time  around 
one  common  iron  kettle.  Either  when  ''snow- 
bound," or  on  the  "museum  ground,"  we  counted 
much  upon  these  social  gatherings  for  the  effect- 
iveness of  our  united  church-work. 

Between  this  and  the  end  of  the  year,  nothing 
worth  mentioning  came  in  our  experiences.  I 
was  busy  both  in  religious  and  secular  works. 
The  condition  of  the  church  was  fairly  settled 
by  this  time.  As  we  had  pledged  early  this  year, 
the  money  to  be  paid  back  to  the  M.  E.  Mission 
was  gradually  coming  in.    Not  everybody  paid  his 


82  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

portion  very  willingly,  but  pay  lie  did  neverthe- 
less. Near  the  close  of  the  year,  John  and  I 
were  in  the  metropolis,  and  we  were  entrusted 
with  the  money  to  square  our  accounts  with  the 
mission. 

Dec.  28. — Drew  money  from  the  Bank,  and 
paid  it  to  Rev.  Mr.  S. 

S    Church  is  Independent. 
Joys  inexpressable  and  indescribable! 

The  result  of  two  years'  economy  and  industry 
was  our  freedom  from  the  church-debt,  and  well 
we  might  leap  with  joy  and  thanksgiving.  Here 
is  our  Magna  Chart  a: 

^'1181.31.  Metropolis,  Dec.  28,  1882. 

Rec'd  of  Mr.  Jonathan  X.,  the  sum  of  One 
Hundred  and  Eighty  One  Dollars  and  Thirty  One 
Sen,  being  the  Balance  due  the  M.  E.  Mission, 
on  account  of  a  Loan  (|698.40)  to  the  S.  Christians, 
to  assist  them  in  building  a  church,  in  the  year 
1881.  J.  S." 

We  were  thankful  that  we  now  owed  no  man 
anything,  except  in  our  sense  of  gratitude  for 
the  help  extended  toward  us,  enabling  us  to  use 
the  money  without  i?iterest  for  two  years. 

They  do  err  who  think  that  our  church-inde- 
pendence was  intended  as  an  open  rebellion 
against  the  denomination  to  which  we  once  be- 
longed. It  was  an  humble  attempt  to  reach  the 
one  great  aim  we  had  in  view;  namely,  to  come 
to  the  full  consciousness  of  our  own  powers  and 
capabilities  (Ciod-given),  and  to  remove  obstacles 
in  the  way  of  others  seeking  Ood's  Truth  for  the 
salvation  of  their  souls.     He  only  knows  how 


A  Xeic  Church  (Did  La y-P reaching.        83 

much  lie  reallj  can  do  who  knows  how  to  rely 
upon  himself.  A  dependent  man  is  the  most 
helpless  being  in  this  universe.  Many  a  church 
complains  of  its  lack  of  means  whose  members 
could  afford  to  spend  much  upon  unnecessary 
luxuries.  Many  a  church  can  stand  upon  its  own 
feet  if  but  its  members  could  forego  some  of  their 
"hobbies."  Indepeiidence  is  the  conscious  real- 
ization of  one's  0W71  capabilities;  and  I  believe 
this  to  be  the  beginning  of  the  realization  of  many 
other  possibilities  in  the  field  of  human  activity. 
This  is  the  kindliest  and  most  philosophic  way 
of  looking  at  independence  of  any  kind.  To  stig- 
matize it  as  a  rebellion,  or  as  an  instigation  of 
the  unthinking  mass  by  a  few  ambitious  men, 
is  not  generous,  especially  in  a  Christian,  whose 
peculiarity  should  be  that  he  '"thinketh  no  evil.'' 

Dec.  29.— The  members  of  the  S.  Church 
who  were  present  in  the  metropolis  assemble 
at  Francis'  at  1  P.  M.  Together  we  went  to 
the  "Plum  Restaurant"  in  the  Morning  Grass 
Park,  and  supped  together,  and  celebrated 
the  Independence  of  our  Church. 

This  was  our  first  "Fourth  of  July."  I  think 
there  were  with  us  Francis,  W.  the  ''Crocodile," 
and  T.  the  "Pterodactyl."  The  last  in  his  usual 
savage  style  swallowed  the  contents  of  the  first 
cup  of  soup  that  was  brought  to  him ;  and  after- 
ward asked  the  waitress  what  was  in  the  soup. 
Upon  being  answered  that  there  w^ere  some  tiny 
clam-shells  in  it,  he  confessed  that  he  was  so  glad 
of  church-independence  that  he  sent  everything 
that  was  in  the  cup  through  his  oesophagus  with- 
out the  process  of  mastication  taking  place  upon 


84  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

it  in  liis  ante-pliarvngeal  cliamber.  I  think  the 
real  explanation  of  it  was  he  was  really  very 
hungry. 

With  the  independence  of  my  church,  I  took 
my  farewell  of  it.  The  church  needs  a  separate 
history  for  itself,  to  describe  it  in  all  its  bearings 
upon  the  great  question  of  the  evangelization  of 
nations.  Four  years  ago,  I  paid  a  visit  to  my 
old  home-church,  and  to  my  most  grateful  satis- 
faction, I  found  it  in  a  very  much  more  prosper- 
ous state  than  when  I  left  it  thirteen  years  ago. 
I  found  O.  the  ''Missionary  Monk"  the  same  faith- 
ful pastor,  receiving  not  a  cent  for  his  whole- 
souled  devotion  to  his  church,  earning  a  liveli- 
hood by  teaching  in  the  college  where  I  gradu- 
ated. The  members  numbered  some  250.  They 
engaged  two  salaried  evangelists,  had  a  prosper- 
ous Y.  M.  C.  A.,  originated  and  sustained  a  strong 
temperance  union.  During  1885,  the  year  that 
witnessed  the  greatest  activity  among  the  Chris- 
tians of  all  denominations  in  our  land,  the  amount 
of  contribution  per  capita  of  some  of  the  more 
influential  churches  were  as  follows: 

Independent  Native  Church |7.32 

Congregational  Church   2.63 

Presbyterian  and  Dutch  Reformed 2.00 

Methodist  Church 1.74 

English  Episcopal  Church 1.74 

The  comparison  speaks  too  well  for  our  own 
church.  They  built  a  new  church  costing  some 
one  thousand  dollars,  and  though  it  looked  some- 
what like  a  "nigger  church"  which  I  saw  in  Vir- 
ginia, it  was  a  decided  improvement  upon  that 
''one-half  of  one  building"  whose  janitor  and  sex- 
ton I  once  was.    A  new  organ  they  had  too,  with 


A  Neio  Church  and  Lay-Preaching,        85 

kejs  all  in  order.  They  were  speaking  of  erecting 
a  new  stone-church  before  long.  It  is  really  the 
only  church  in  the  whole  country,  which  is  inde- 
pendent in  the  full  significance  of  that  term. 
Xot  only  financially,  but  ecclesiastically  and  theo- 
logically, they  were  carrying  on  their  Christian 
works  upon  their  own  responsibilities,  with  the 
happiest  results.  They  have  a  system  and  princi- 
ples peculiar  to  their  own,  and  we  believe  the 
Lord  wants  them  to  retain  those  peculiarities 
as  sacred.  They  have  a  special  mission  to  fulfill, 
let  no  one  disturb  them  in  their  simplicity  and 
contentment. 


86  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 


CHAPTER  V. 

OUT    INTO    THE   WORLD.— SENTIMENTAL    CHRIS- 
TIANITY. 

"Therefore,  behold,  I  will  allure  her,  and  bring 
her  into  the  wilderness,  and  speak  comfortably 
unto  her.  And  I  will  give  her  vineyards  from 
thence,  and  the  valley  of  Achor  for  a  door  of  hope; 
and  she  shall  sing  there,  as  in  the  days  of  her 
youth,  and  as  in  the  day  when  she  came  up  out 
of  the  land  of  Egypt.  And  it  shall  be  at  that 
day,  saith  the  Lord,  that  thou  shalt  call  me  Ishi; 
and  shall  call  me  no  more  Baali." — Hoshea,  II, 
14,  15,  16. 

So  my  Lord  and  Husband  must  have  said  to 
Himself  when  He  drove  me  from  my  peaceful 
home-church.  He  did  this  by  creating  a  vacuum 
in  my  heart.  Nobody  goes  to  a  desert  who  has 
his  all  in  his  home.  Nature  abhors  vacuum,  and 
human  heart  abhors  it  more  than  anything  else 
in  the  Universe.  I  descried  in  myself  an  empty 
space  which  neither  activity  in  religious  works, 
nor  success  in  scientific  experiments,  could  fill. 
What  the  exact  nature  of  that  emptiness  was, 
I  was  not  able  to  discern.  'May  be,  my  health 
was  getting  poor,  and  I  yearned  after  repose  and 
.  easier  tasks.  Or,  as  I  was  rapidly  growing  into 
>  mj  manhood,  that  irresistible  call  of  nature  for 
companionship  might  have  made  me  feel  so  hag- 
gard and  empty.  At  all  events,  a  vacuum  there 
was,  and  it  must  be  filled  somehow    with    so^ne- 


'Sentimental  Christianity.  87 

fh'ng.  I  thought  sotnetJmig  there  was  in  this 
vague  universe  which  could  make  me  feel  happy 
and  contented;  but  I  had  no  idea  whatever  of 
what  that  something  was.  Like  a  pigeon  that 
was  deprived  of  its  cerebrum  by  the  knife  of  a 
physiologist,  I  started,  not  knowing  whither  and 
wherefore,  but  because  stay  I  could  not.  From 
this  time  on,  my  whole  energy  was  thrown  into 
this   one  task  of  filling  up  this  vacuum. 

April  12,  1883. — Depression ;  no  spirit. 

April  22. — Repented  my  past  sins  deeply, 
and  felt  my  total  inability  to  save  myself  by 
my  own  efforts. 

Incontestable  signs  that  the  good  Angel  was 
coming  down  occasionally  to  disturb  the  stagnant 
pool  of  my  soul,  that  healing  might  come  to  it 
some  future  day. 

May  8.— The  Third  Great  Gathering  of 
Christians  opens  at  9  A.  M.  in  the  New  Pros- 
perity St.  Presbyterian  Church.  I  repre- 
sented the  S.  Church.  Prayers  and  business 
in  morning.  Reports  on  the  state  of  the  Faith 
throughout  the  land,  in  afternoon.  The  be- 
lievers number  5,000  in  all.  The  meeting  ad- 
journed at  6  P.  M. 

This  was  some  twenty  years  after  Christianity 
was  first  introduced  into  my  country.  The  be- 
lievers numbered  5,000  among  40,000,000  of  the 
entire  population; — a  small  flock  indeed,  but  fired 
with  holy  ambition  to  leaven  the  whole  mass  of 
Ignorance  and  superstition  around  them    within 


88  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

a  quarter  of  a  century!  This  sanguine  hope  was 
based  upon  a  calculation  made  by  one  Mr.  T.,  an 
elderly  brother  of  the  most  optimistic  type  of 
mind,  that  even  if  each  of  the  five-thousand 
Christians  be  so  lazy  as  to  lead  but  a  single  soul  to 
Christ  in  one  year,  the  congregation  ought  to 
swell  to  many  times  the  number  of  living  souls 
in  the  whole  land  within  that  short  period.  The 
fact  was  the  increase  in  the  number  of  new  con- 
verts had  been  from  25  to  33  per  cent,  for  the  last 
three  or  four  years,  and  the  coolest  heads  among 
us  did  not  doubt  25  per  cent,  as  the  average  in- 
crease for  the  coming  quarter  of  a  century.  Writ- 
ing now,  however,  ten  years  after  this  memorable 
meeting,  I  have  a  sad  task  of  telling  my  readers 
that  history  has  proved  quite  otherwise  from 
what  we  expected  or  prophesied.  They  say  there 
are  now  35,000  Christians  throughout  the  land, 
and  that  the  yearly  average  of  increase  is  rapidly 
falling.  Yes,  a  nation  cannot  be  converted  in  a 
day!  Let  it  be!  Our  aim  is  qualitative  as  well 
as  qua7ititative.  A  man  who  for  the  first  time 
in  his  life  saw  a  baby  grow,  thought  that  as  it 
gained  a  pound  in  a  w^eek,  therefore  it  ought  to 
be  as  big  as  a  good-sized  elephant  when  it  would 
get  to  be  thirty  years  of  age.  Either  our  own 
laziness  or  God's  own  wisdom  has  always  kept 
the  numerical  value  of  the  believers  at  compar- 
atively low  figures. 

Be  the  future  whatever  it  might,  our  dream  on 
that  day  was  resplendent  with  glory.  It  was 
unanimously  agreed  upon  that  a  veritable  Pen- 
tecost did  set  in  after  it  had  ceased  to  be  a  human 
experience  for  over  eighteen  centuries.  And  there 
was  every  sign  that  such  was  truly  the  case. 
First,  there  was  much  groaning  for  sins.  Every- 
body wept,  and  he  was  considered  a  block-heart 


Sentimental  Christianity.  89 

who  could  not  weep  on  such  an  occasion.  Some 
miraculous  conversions  were  reported.  It  was 
said  that  a  group  of  children  of  a  mission  school 
were  so  endowed  with  the  power  of  spirit  that 
they  captured  a  poor  Buddhist  pilgrim  in  a  street, 
prayed  with  him,  and  argued  with  him,  stripped 
his  sacerdotal  robe  from  him,  and  compelled  him 
to  own  Jesus  as  his  Savior.  A  young  man,  con- 
spicuous among  his  fellows  for  his  stammering 
tongue,  was  said  to  have  had  the  restraint  re- 
moved from  him,  and  to  have  preached  with  all 
the  fire  and  freedom  of  the  Apostle  Peter.  And 
what  was  more,  we  had  among  us  a  Corean,  a 
high-born  representative  of  that  hermit  nation! 
He  was  baptized  a  week  before  this,  and  was  with 
us  in  all  the  dignity  of  his  native  attire.  He 
too  prayed  in  his  own  language,  not  intelligible 
to  us  except  his  closing  Amen,  but  forcible  be- 
cause his  presence  and  unlntelligibility  made  the 
scene  still  more  Pentecostal.  We  only  needed  a 
physical  tongue  of  fire  to  make  it  entirely  so; 
but  this  we  furnished  with  our  own  imaginations. 
We  all  felt  something  miraculous  and  stupendous 
coming  over  us.  We  even  doubted  whether  the 
sun  was  still  shining  over  our  heads. 

May  9. — Meeting  of  the  delegates  in  the 
Morning  Grass  Presbyterian  Church  at  8  A. 
M.  The  subject  of  discussion,  "the  Free 
Burial." 

The  gathering  continues.  Something  must  be 
done  with  a  law  still  extant  in  the  country,  which 
enforced  the  signature  of  a  heathen  priest  be- 
fore a  corpse  was  committed  to  earth.  Legally 
such  a  thing  as  Christian  burial  was  not  allowed; 
and  such  was  procured  only  by  the  connivance 


90  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

of  presiding]:  priests,  or  in  many  actual  cases,  by 
bribing  them.  I  for  one  maintained  that  tlie 
dead  miglit  be  buriedjby  the  dead  withoivt-a&y 
detriment  tD~the~soul"that  once  dwelt  in  it,  and 
that  since  our  God  was  the  God  oTthe  living. 
He  would  not  require  from  us  any  special  mode 
of  disposing  of  our  lifeless  bodies.  But  those 
of  my  brethren  otherwise-minded  on  this  subject 
carried  the  day,  and  the  majority  vote  decided 
upon  making  a  special  petition  to  the  government 
to  change  the  said  law.  This  was  thought  to  be 
the  beginning  of  a  great  movement  which  must 
ultimately  be  taken  up  for  bestowal  of  religious 
liberty  upon  the  nation.  Events  proved,  however, 
that  legalism  was  fruitless  in  all  cases.  What 
clamorings  for  right  could  not  obtain,  time  and 
progress  of  thought  freely  gave.  The  nation  has 
now  a  Constitution  with  religious  liberty  as  a 
conspicuous  clause. 

May  12. — The  Great  Meeting  closes.  It  had 
wonderful  effects.  Churches  revived,  con- 
sciences tried,  and  love  and  union  consider- 
ably strengthened.  Very  Pentecostal  in  its 
general  character. 

All  in  all,  the  mee'tings  were  profitable  to  us 
all.  Enthusiasm  ran  so  high  that  after-meetings 
were  continued  for  one  week  more.  To  me  the 
scene  was  one  which  I  had  never  seen  before  in 
my  life.  The  so-called  "revival"  set  in  upon  the 
metropolitan  churches,  and  to  me  who  was  trained 
a  little  in  Mental  Physiology,  the  movement  ap- 
j)eared  somewhat  insanoid.  Carpenter  in  his 
Mental  Physiology  tells  us  of  a  case  of  a  whole 
monastery  whicli  went  to  imitating  a  cat's  mew- 
ing, after  one  of  its  inmates,  a  nun,  contracted  this 


Sentimental  Christianity.  91 

propensity.  Many  at  least  of  the  phenomena  of 
reviyals  could  he  explained  as  abnormal  actions 
of  the  sympathetic  nerves.  But  as  the  movement 
was  fanned  and  supported  by  the  highest  of 
church-dignitaries  and  reverend  gentlemen,  I 
suppressed  my  skepticism,  and  allowed  myself  to 
be  swayed  over  by  the  prevailing  sentiment  of 
the  hour.  When  I  saw  and  heard  many  who 
spoke  of  the  joy  that  came  over  their  souls  by  the 
mysterious  influence  of  what  they  could  never  ex- 
plain, but  no  less  real  on  that  account,— the  joy, 
they  told  us,  exceeding  that  the  eye  hath  ever 
seen,  or  the  ear  hath  ever  heard  of,— my  science 
was  carried  over  by  my  desire  to  have  the  simi- 
lar joy  myself.  Having  been  taught  by  a  fiery 
Methodist  preacher  liow  to  obtain  this  unspeak- 
able gift  of  spirit,  I  applied  mj^self  right  earnestly 
at  the  work,  focusing  my  mental  vision  upon  my 
^'deceitful  heart,"  meanwhile  blinding  my  eyes  to 
Huxley,  Carpenter,  and  Gegenbaur,  as  to  visions 
which  were  infernal  in  their  origin.  But  alas! 
the  welcome  voice  "thy  sins  are  forgiven  thee" 
was  not  to  be  caught  either  by  my  physical  or 
mental  or  spiritual  tympanum.  After  three  con-  / 
secutive  days  of  groanings  and  beatings  of  my 
breast,  I  was  the  same  son  of  depravity  as  ever 
before.  To  me  was  denied  the  much  envied  privi- 
lege of  showing  myself  before  my  fellow-Chris- 
tians as  a  special  object  of  heaven's  favor,  full  of 
hope  and  of  joy.  My  disappointment  was  indeed 
sore.  Shall  I  explain  a^way  "revivals"  as  a  sort  V 
6t  hypuoLism^  phenom'ena  psycho-electrical  in 
their  origin ;  or  is  the  profundity  of  my  depravity 
the  real  cause  of  my  non-susceptibility  to  them? 
Yes,  the  world  was  not  created  in  a  single  day 
or  week,  and  I  may  yet  hope  to  be  recreated 
through  processes  more  "natural"  than  those  pre- 
scribed by  my  Methodist  friend. 


92  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Wrth  the  daily  and  weekly  increase  of  friends 
and  acquaintances  amonj?  tlie  believers,  my  reli- 
ifgion  was  fast  inclining  toward  sentimentalism. 
Feastino^s  upon  religious  talks  were  often  carried 
to  excess,  and  we  thought  more  about  Christian 
tea-parties  and  dinner-parties  than  of  the  grave 
responsibilities  of  conquering  the  dominion  of 
darkness  around  us.  Fresh  from  my  country 
church,  with  childish  innocence  and  credulity,  I 
plunged  mj'self  into  the  Turkish-bath-society  of 
metropolitan  Christianity,  to  be  lulled  and  sham- 
pooned  by  hymns  sung  by  maidens,  and  sermons 
that  offended  nobody.  God's  kingdom  was  imag- 
inedj^i-be-one  of  perfect  repose  a^rn 

lange  of  good  wishes,  where  tea-parties  and' 
love-makings  could  be  indulged  in  with  the  sanc- 
tion of  the  religion  of  free  communions  and  fre( 
love.     Missionaries  will  pay  all  the  arr^iLP^^f 

Th  expenses,_and-ttov  loo  will  fli^gTout  Bud- 
dhism  and  other  obnoxious  superstitions  around 
us.  But  we,  dear  brethren,  who  bow  no 
more  to  wood  and  stones,  and  sweet  sisters  with 
woman's  right  bestowed  upon  you  by  the  new 
faith, — let  us  be  going  to  tea-parties  and  church- 
sociables,  and  there  sing  "Blest  be  the  tie  that 
binds,"  and  pray  and  weep  and  dream  and  rejoice. 
Away  with  that  Confucian  superstition  that  for- 
bids children  of  two  sexes  above  seven  years  of 
age  to  sit  together  in  one  and  the  same  room, 
and  with  that  Buddhist  nonsens(i  that  requires 
from  womanhood  modest^'  and  subjection  so  de- 
basing to  her  noble  sex.  Love  is  a  mutual  affair, 
and  heaven  itself  cannot  interfere  in  the  com- 
munion of  youthful  hearts  prompted  by  this  holy 
and  all  pervading  influence! 

()    Christian    Freedom,    thou    that    withstood 
black  famine  and  Spanish  halberds  in  the  Hooded 


Sentimental  Christianity,  93 

fortress  of  Lejden,  that  hissed  upon  the  faggots 
of  Smithfield,  and  bled  upon  the  top  of  Bunker 
Hill,  how  often  hast  thou  lent  thy  name  to  Sirens 
of  Destruction  born,  and  to  Jupiter's  amorous 
son  I  O  may  t^y  name  be  cautiously  held  back 
from  the  people  who  to  Sinai  are  not  first  led, 
there  to  learn  the  majesty  of  the  Law,  before 
thou  liftest  them  aboye  the  Law.  Thy  tidings 
glad  were  not  meant  for  those  who  from  restraints 
are  yainly  striying  to  flee,  but  for  those  chosen 
children  of  God,  who  in  their  anxious  efforts  to 
conform  themselyes  to  the  Law,  are  "helped  by 
Thee  to  make  the  Law  their  will. 

But  when  the  numerical  increase  of  conyerts  in 
geometric  progression  is  had  in  yiew  by  the  mes- 
sengers of  the  Gospel  (though  not  an  altogether 
unpardonable  weakness  of  humanity),  this  stern 
idea  of  Freedom  must  not  be  yery  conspicuously 
placed  before  heathens.  Hence  the  more  or  less  / 
laxity  of  practical  morality  among  the  conyerts 
thus  recruited,  and  the  hedonistic  yiew  of  the 
freedom  of  spirit  engendered  among  them. 

March  14. — Read  John  Howard's  Life  with 

tears.    Gave  me  great  joy  and  consolation. 

Failure  in  putting  off  my  old  Adamic  skin  at 
once  droye  me  to  find  a  consolation  in  the  works 
of  my  own  hand.  And  why  not?  Sentimental 
Christianity,  like  all  other  pleasures  of  senses, 
soon  becomes  insipid,  and  something  more  real 
and  substantial  is  needed  to  keep  a  hungering 
soul  at  rest.  ''Is  not  practical  charity  the  essence 
of  Christianity,"  I  began  to  ask  myself.  Certainly 
the  immortal  Buddha  taught  it  as  the  yery  first 
of  the  four  conditions  for  a  man  to  enter  the  bliss 
of  Nirvana.    "What  dofh  it  profit,  my  brethren," 


94  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

so  runs  the  weighty  admonition  of  the  royal 
Apostle,  ''though  a  man  say  he  hath  faith,  and 
have  not  works?  can  faith  save  him?"  Prayer- 
meeting  sentimentalisms  and  camp-meeting 
psycho-electricities, — to  what  do  they  all  amount 
if  not  a  single  beggar  has  his  belly  tilled  thereby! 
We  used  to  give  something  solid  and  substantial 
to  wayside  beggars  when  we  paid  our  monthly 
pilgrimage  to  our  family-idols;  but  now  that  we 
are  converted  to  Christianity,  we  give  nothing 
but  empty  words  to  them.  Such  should  not  be, 
my  soul !  As  well  a  man  catch  a  bream  by  bait- 
ing his  hook  with  a  lobster,  as  a  Christian  enter 
his  heaven  by  dealing  out  winds  of  doctrines  to 
others.  So  I  bought  a  little  volume  of  the  life  of 
John  Howard  written  in  English,  and  read  and 
re-read  it  with  intense  applications.  ^'Such  I  shall 
be,"  I  said  to  myself,  and  I  already  imagined  my- 
self visiting  all  the  penitentiaries  of  the  world, 
and  dying  at  last  while  attending  a  fever-stricken 
soldier.  I  also  bought  Charles  Loring  Brace's 
^'Gesta  Christi,"  and  found  therein  all  that  I 
needed  to  convince  me  of  the  missioh  appropriate 
for  all  true  lovers  of  Christ.  Though  my  idea  of 
Christian  philanthropy  has  considerably  changed 
since  then,  the  healthy  influence  of  that  New  York 
philanthropist  upon  the  whole  turn  of  my  thought 
and  action  is  above  all  I  can  thank  for. 

June  6. — Left  my  lodgino^  at  7:80  A.  M. 
Hired  a  boat  at  Port  "Barbaric,"  and  row^ed 
by  four  sailors,  started  for  Cape  Eagle  to 
study  the  neighboring  sea-bottom.  Stopped 
at  llotel  No.  11  in  the  Cape. 

Once  more  in  the  Government  employ,  I  was 
sent  out  upon  another  scientific  tour.    This  boat- 


Sentimental  C 

excursion  during  my  stay  in  the  little  island  of 
S. — I  specially  remember  as  one  wlien  my  temper- 
ance principle  was  put  to  quite  a  test.  Still 
tenaciously  holding  teetotalism  as  a  part  of  my 
Christian  profession,  I  was  scrupulously  careful 
not  to  touch  the  fiery  liquid  even  if  presented  with 
the  most  plausible  reasons.  As  was  hinted  in  a 
former  chapter,  liquor-drinking  forms  a  large 
part  of  my  national  etiquettes,  and  to  refuse 
cordial  cups  is  to  refuse  friendship  and  intimacy 
solicited  by  one  who  presents  them.  And  in  no 
other  respect  was  Christianity  a  sorer  thorn  in  my 
flesh  than  in  this  constant  fear  of  offending  my 
hosts  when  asked  to  partake  of  friendly  draughts 
of  rice-beer.  But  the  sacred  pledge  was  not  to  be 
forgone;  so  I  persisted. 

But  a  new  trial  was  to  be  met  at  Cape  Eagle, 
for  there  at  the  utmost  outskirts  of  civilization, 
in  a  lonely  fishing-village,  "Hotel  No.  11"  was  the 
only  house  where  travelers  could  find  shelter  at 
night.  And  the  host  of  the  hotel  was  a  con- 
firmed drunkard,  known  throughout  the  whole 
island  as  a  Bacchus  out  of  a  ibeer-barrel  born,  and 
whose  admiration  of  the  "holy  water"  was  so 
intense,  and  generosity  toward  his  fellowmen  so 
jealously  strong,  that  he  would  not  allow  any 
mortal  to  pass  a  night  under  his  roof  without 
sharing  his  elixir  with  him,  and  so  adding  one 
more  praise  to  the  liquid  that  makes  even  gods  to 
rejoice.  I  was  told  that  not  a  single  person  had 
ever  been  known  having  courage  to  refuse  the  cup 
when  presented  by  his  imperious  hand,  and  that 
this  once  at  least  I  must  put  my  teetotalism 
by,  if  to  the  Cape  I  must  go.  My  answer  w^as: 
"To  the  Cape  I  will  go,  but  the  drink  I  will  not  / 
touch."  The  little  community  that  sent  me  out 
was  taken  up  with  quite  a  fuss  over  the  possible 


96  1) lav II  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

outcome  of  a  singular  contest  which  was  to  take 
phice  between  the  upholders  of  the  two  diametri- 
callj  opposite  principles. 

It  was  near  the  dusk  of  the  day  when  I  found 
myself  at  the  gate  of  the  much-dreaded  "Hotel 
No.  11."  The  man  who  received  me  was  some 
sixty  years  of  age,  haggard  in  appearance  and 
short  in  stature,  and  wearing  unmistakable  signs 
of  alcoholic  medications  of  a  life-time.  I  at  once 
recognized  in  him  the  man  so  much  spoken  of 
throughout  the  island,  and  I  was  on  my  guard  to 
behave  m^^self  accordingly.  All  the  courtesies 
and  welcomes  of  country  hotel-keepers  were  en- 
tirely lacking  in  him,  and  I  had  to  tell  him  of  my 
official  dignity  before  he  agreed  to  grudge  me  a 
shelter  for  the  night.  After  bathing  and  tea- 
drinking  as  usual,  the  matron  of  the  house  came 
to  me,  and  asked  me  to  "drink"  before  the  supper. 
"Not  a  drop  of  the  liquor,  madam,"  I  resolutely 
replied,  assured  that  everything  depended  upon 
my  first  answer.  She  retired,  and  in  a  moment 
a  young  man  appeared  with  a  wooden  stand,  upon 
which  were  arranged  white  rice,  vegetables  and 
boiled  shell-fish  in  due  order.  The  day's  exposure 
to  sun  and  sea  prepared  my  stomach  for  the 
speedy  consumption  of  the  plain  supper.  Then 
I  waited  for  the  real  tug  of  the  battle,  when  the 
old  man  would  appear  with  a  bottle  in  his 
withered  arm.  But  it  was  not  so  to  be.  Soon  a 
bed  was  prepared  for  me,  and  without  any  inter- 
ruption I  passed  a  sweet  peaceful  night.  I 
thought  my  friends  had  merely  frightened  me, 
and  the  whole  story  of  the  old  man's  demoniacal 
habits  was  manufactured  solely  for  this  purpose. 

The  next  morning  after  bi-eakfast,  I  was  again 
on  my  'boat.  My  men  on  their  oars,  my  anxious 
inquiry  was  about  the  eventlessness  of  the  night 


Sentinivntal  Christianiti/.  97 

before.  The  whole  mystery  was  now  explained 
to  me.  ''The  hotel-keeper  was  the  same  old  man," 
said  one  of  mv  men,  "but  it  was  you,  my  young 
lord,  who  made  the  whole  household  so  quiet  last 
night.  He  told  his  seryants  that  he  himself  would 
not  drink  for  the  fear  that  he  might  disturb  the 
young  guest,  at  which  the  whole  family  was  taken 
with  surprise,  though  not  thankless  on  that  ac- 
count; for  now  for  the  first  time  since  they  en- 
tered the  seryice  of  the  drunkard  master,  the 
night  was  to  be  without  murmurings  and  brawl- 
ings  and  other  confusions."  "Yes,"  said  another 
of  my  men,  ''the  matron  expressed  her  thanks  for 
the  blessings  of  the  night  before.  8he  said  this 
morning  before  we  left  the  house,  that  the  sleep 
she  enjoyed  last  night  was  the  most  delicious  she 
eyer  had."  "Victory!"  I  cried  out;  and  as  I  was 
preaching  to  my  men  the  horrors  of  the  drinking 
habit  and  the  power  of  braye  resistence,  heayen 
itself  seemed  to  haye  joined  in  our  triumph,  for 
soon  the  wind  veered  to  our  back,  and  distending 
our  full-stretched  sail,  wafted  us  proudly  into  the 
harbor,  there  to  tell  my  anxious  friends  of  the 
yictory  that  crowned  my  steadfast  denial, — Bac- 
chus himself  disarmed  of  his  bottles,  and  a  peace- 
ful repose  giyen  to  his  innocent  household. 

But  the  yacuum  in  my  soul  was  not  to  be  ob- 
literated by  a  few  such  experiences,  the  more  so 
as  Sentimental  Christianity,  itself  a  yacuity,  had 
made  it  larger  and  more  conspicuous  than  ever 
before.  Failing  to  find  the  desired  satisfaction  in 
my  own  land,  I,  Rasselas-like,  thought  of  extend- 
ing my  search  to  a  land  differently  constituted 
from  my  own,  even  to  Christendom,  where, — 
Christianity  haying  had  undisputed  power  and 
influence  for  hundreds  of  years,  must,  I  imagined, 
be  found  Peace  and  Joy  in  a  measure  inconceiy- 


98  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

able  to  us  of  heathen  extraction,  and  easily  pro- 
curable by  any  sincere  seeker  after  the  Truth. 
The  pain  of  separation  from  dear  ones,  the  ex- 
pense almost  unbearably  heavy  to  one  of  my  cir- 
cumstances, and  above  all,  that  saddest  of  all 
human  experiences,  roaming  a  penniless  exile  in 
a  strange  land, — all  these  were  to  be  cheerfully 
borne  that  I  might  win  the  coveted  prize,  and  so 
make  my  existence  endurable.  ^   -->^ 

/But  the  search  after  personal  satisfaction  was^ 
/not  the  only  motive  that  imj^elled  me  to  take  this 
bold  step.    The  land  which  gave  me  birth  requires 
from  every  one  of  its  youths  some  unstinted  con- 
tributions to  its  honor  and  glory;    and  that  I   , 
might  be  a  faithful  son  of  my  soil,  I  needed  ex-   ; 
..perience,  knowledge,  and  observations  extending  ' 
beyond  the  limit  of  my  country.     To  be  a    7nan  ' 
first,  and^then  a  Patriot,    was  my  aim  in__g.oing/ 

abroad.       ^    " — — — -^—-^ 

By  the  willing  sacrifice  of  my  poor  family,  and 
the  result  of  my  economy  during  the  past  three 
years,  I  provided  myself  with  enough  means  to 
secure  passage  across  the  broadest  of  oceans, 
trusting  all  the  rest  in  the  hand  of  Him  who  would 
not  suller  me  to  die  with  hunger  in  a  strange  land. 
My  good  father,  who  was  already  a  devout  Chris- 
tian, sent  me  out  with  cheer  and  God-speed,  giving 
me,  together  with  all  that  he  had,  his  heart  and 
love  for  his  beloved  son,  expressed  in  a  native 
stanza  of  his  own  production: 

"Where  I  see  not,  Jehovah  seeth; 
Where  I  hear  not.  Almighty  heareth. 
Go  my  son,  be  not  'fraid; 
He  thy  help,  there,  as  here." 

The  solemnity  of  the  hour  of  separation  called 
forth  from  us  a  nature  which  dogmas  could  not 


\ 


Sentimental  Christianity.  99 

suppress.  After  my  father's  heart-rending 
prayers  for  tlie  watchful  care  of  Providence  over 
his  son,  he  took  me  to  the  ancestral  shrine  which 
we  still  kept,  and  there  >bade  me  to  address  myself 
to  the  soul  of  my  departed  grandfather  before  I 
would  cross  the  threshold  of  my  house  on  this 
hazardous  voyage.  ''Had  thy  grandsire  been 
here,"  he  said  in  tears,  ''what  an  amazement  it 
must  have  been  for  him  that  his  grandson  should 
go  to  the  people  whom  he  regarded  as  utter  bu?- 
barians!"  I  bowed  my  head,  and  my  soul,  directed 
alike  to  my  Heavenly  Father  and  to  the  departed 
spirits  of  my  ancestors,  engaged  in  a  sort  of  medi- 
tation at  once  a  pra^'j3j:.aad  a  retrospect!^.  Our 
dogmatigJ^adigrs  might  have  frowned  upon  us 
Tor-ourconduct  so  Buddhistic  or  Popish;  but  it 
was  not  time  for  us  to  argue  then.  We  loved  our 
God,  our  country,  and  our  forefathers,  and  we  re- 
membered them  all  on  this  solemn  occasion. 

Love  of  country,  like  all  other  loves,  is  in  its 
best  and  highest  at  the  time  of  separation.  'That 
strange  Something,  which,  when  at  home,  is  no 
more  to  us  than  a  mere  grouping  of  rills  and 
valleys,  mountains  and  hills,  is  now  transformed 
to  that  living  Somebody, — Nature  etherialized 
into  a  spirit; — and  like  as  a  woman  speaks  to  her 
children,  it  summons  us  to  noble  deeds, — a  Cor- 
nelia sending  forth  young  Gracchii  that  they 
might  live  and  die  worthy  of  their  illustrious 
mother.  The  yonder  imperial  peak  that  hangs 
majestically  against  the  western  sky,  white- 
capped  with  eternal  snow, — is  that  not  her  chaste 
brow,  the  inspirer  of  the  nation's  heart?  The 
pine-clad  hills  that  encircle  the  peak,  and  golden 
fields  that  in  its  bottom  lie, — is  that  not  the 
bosom  that  suckled  me,  and  the  knee  that  took 
me  up?    And  the  waves  dashing  at  its  foot,  and 


100  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

breaking?  into  f 0111113^  sprays, — are  they  not  pearl- 
set  frills  tliat  fringe  her  gown  as  she  strides  forth 
in  her  majestic  march?  A  mother  so  pure,  so 
noble  and  lovely, — shall  not  her  sons  be  loyal  to 
her?  I  left  her  coast,  and  soon  I  was  upon  board 
a  ship,  flying  a  color  of  another  nation,  and 
manned  by  men  of  other  races.  The  ship  begins  to 
move, — farewell  to  the  mother-land, — and  after 
few  hours  of  tossing,  only  the  tip  of  the  peak  im- 
perial can  be  seen.  ''All  to  the  deck,"  we  cry; 
*'one  more  homage  to  the  dear,  dear  land."  Be- 
low the  billowy  horizon  she  is  setting;  and  our 
hearts  with  deep  solemnity  catch  the  words  of  the 
Quaker  poet,  and  say, 

"Land  of  lands,  for  thee  we  give. 

Our  hearts,  our  pray'rs,  our  service  free; 

For  thee  thy  sons  shall  nobly  live, 
And  at  thy  need  shall  die  for  thee." 


In  Christendom,  101 


CHAPTER  Vi. 
THE  FIRST  IMPRESSIONS  OF  CHRISTENDOM. 

That  I  looked  upon  Christendom  and  English- 
speaking  peoples  with  peculiar  reverence  was  not 
an  altogether  inexcusable  weakness  on  my  part. 
It  was  the  same  weakness  that  made  the  Great 
Frederick  of  Prussia  a  slavish  adorer  of  every- 
thing that  was  French.  I  learnt  all  that  was 
noble,  useful,  and  uplifting  through  the  vehicle 
of  the  English  language.  I  read  my  Bible  in  En- 
glish, Barnes'  commentaries  were  written  in 
English,  John  Howard  was  an  Englishman,  and 
Washington  and  Daniel  Webster  were  of  English 
descent.  A  "dime-novel"  was  never  placed  in  my 
hand,  and  as  for  slangs,— the  word  itself  I  did 
not  learn  till  long  after  my  living  among  English- 
speaking  people.  My  idea  of  Christian  America 
was  lofty,  religious,  Puritanic.  I  dreamed  of  its 
templed' hills,  and  rocks  that  rang  with  hymns 
and  praises.  Hebraisms,  I  thought,  to  be  the  pre- 
vailing speech  of  the  American  commonality,  and 
cherub  and  cherubim,  hallelujahs  and  amens,  the 
common  language  of  its  streets. 

I  was  often  told  upon  good  testimony  that 
monev  is  all  in  all  in  America,  and  that  it  is  wor- 
shipped there  as  Almighty  Dollar;  that  the  race 
pre'judlce  is  so  strong  there  that  the  yellow  skin 
and  almond-shaped  eyes  pass  for  objects  of  de- 
rision and  dog-barking;  etc.,  etc.  But  for  me  to 
credit   such   statements   as   anything   near   the 


102  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

truth  was  utterly  impossible.     The  land  of  Pat- 
rick Henry  and  Abraham  Lincoln,  of  Dorothea 
Dix  and  Stephen  Girard, — how  could  it  be  a  land 
of     mammon-worship     and    race-distinction!      I 
thought  I  had  different  eyes  to  judge  of  the  mat- 
[  ter — so  strong  was  my  confidence  in  what  I  had 
j  read  and  heard  about  the  superiority  of  the  Chris- 
,  tian  civilization  over  that  of  the  Pagan.    Indeed, 
/the  image  of  America  as  pictured  upon  my  mind 
\was  that  of  a  Holy  Land. 

At  the  day-break  of  Nov.  24,  1884,  my  enrap- 
tured eyes  first  caught  the  faint  views  of  Christen- 
dom. Once  more  I  descended  to  my  steerage- 
cabin,  and  there  I  was  upon  my  knees — the  mo- 
ment was  too  serious  for  me  to  join  with  the  popu- 
lar excitement  of  the  hour.  As  the  low  Coast 
Range  came  clearer  to  my  views,  the  sense  of  my 
dreams  being  now  realized  overwhelmed  me  with 
gratitude,  and  tears  trickled  rapidly  down  my 
cheeks.  Soon  the  Golden  Gate  was  passed,  and  all 
the  chimneys  and  mast-tops  now  presented  to  my 
vision  appeared  like  so  many  church-spires  point- 
ing toward  the  sky.  We  landed— the  company  of 
some  twenty  young  men — and  were  hackneyed  to 
a  hotel  owned  by  an  Irishman  who  was  known  to 
show  special  kindness  to  men  of  my  nation.  As 
my  previous  acquaintance  with  the  Caucasian 
race  had  been  mostly  with  missionaries,  the  idea 
stuck  close  to  my  mind;  and  so  all  the  people 
/  whom  I  met  in  the  street  appeared  to  me  like  so 
many  ministers  fraught  with  high  Christian  pur- 
pose,  and  I  could  not  but  imagine  myself  as  walk- 
'  ing  among  the  congregation  of  the  First-born.  It 
was  only  gradually,  very  gradually,  that  I  un- 
learnt this  childish  notion. 

Yes,  Hebraism  in  one  sense  at  least  I  found  to 
be  a  common  form  of  speech  in  America.    First 


In  Christendom.  103 

of  all,  evervbodv  has  a  Hebrew  name,  and  even 
horses  are  christened  there.  The  words  which  we 
have  never  pronounced  without  the  sense  of  ex- 
treme awe  and  reverence  are  upon  the  lips  of 
workmen,  carriage-drivers,  shoe-blacks,  and 
others  of  more  exalted  occupations.  Every  little 
offense  is  accompanied  bv  a  religious  oath  of  some 
kind.  In  a  hotel-parlor  we  asked  a  respectable- 
looking  gentleman  how  he  liked  the  new  presi- 
dent-elect (Cleveland),  and  his  emphatic  answer 
was  stronglv  Hebraic.  '^By  G— "  he  said,  "I  tell 
you  he  is  a  devil."  The  gentleman  was  afterward 
known  to  be  a  staunch  Republican.  We  started 
in  an  emigrant  train  toward  the  East,  and  when 
the  car  stopped  with  a  jerk  so  that  we  were  almost 
thrown  out  of  our  seats,  one  of  our  fellow-pas- 
sengers   expressed    his    vexations  with  another 

Hebraism,   'M Ch ,"  and   accompanied  it 

with  a  stamping.    And  so  forth.    All  these  were  of 
course  utterly  strange  to  our  ears.     Soon  I  was 
able  to  discover  the  deep  profanity  that  lay  at  the 
bottom  of  all  these  Hebraisms,  and  I  took  them 
as  open  violations  of  the  Third  Commandment,  of 
whose  special  use  and  significance  I  had  never 
been  able  to  comprehend  thus  far,  but  now  for 
the  first  time,  was  taught  with  -living  examples." 
So  universal  is  the  use  of  religious  terms  in 
everv-dav  speech  of  the  American  people,  that 
a  storv  is  told  of  a  French  immigrant  who  carried 
an  English-French  dictionary  in  his  pocket,  to 
which  he  referred  for  every  English  word  that  he 
heard  from  the  very  beginning  of  his  departure 
from  Havre.     On  his  landing  at  the  P^iil^^delphia 
wharf    the  commonest  word  that  he  heard  the 
people  spoke  was  -damn-devil."    He  at  once  went 
?o  his  dictionary,  but  failing  to  find  such  a  word 
therein,  he  threw  it  away,  thinking  that  a  diction- 


104  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

arj  tliat  did  not  contain  so  common  a  word  must 
be  of  no  f urtliei'  use  to  him  in  America. 

The  report  that  money  was  the  almighty  power 
in  America  was  corroborated  by  many  of  our 
actual  experiences.  Immediately  after  our  arrival 
at  San  Francisco,  our  faith  in  ''Christian  civiliza- 
tion" was  severely  tested  by  a  disaster  that  befell 
one  of  our  numbers.  He  was  pick-pocketed  of  a 
purse  that  contained  a  five-dollar-gold  piece! 
"Pick-pocket-ing  in  Christendom  as  in  Pagan- 
dom," we  cautioned  to  each  other;  and  while  in 
dismay  and  confusion  w^e  were  consoling  our 
robbed  brother,  an  elderly  lady,  w^ho  afterward 
told  us  that  she  believed  in  the  universal  salva- 
tion of  mankind,  good  as  well  as  bad,  took  our 
misfortune  heavily  upon  her  heart,  and  warned 
us  of  further  dangers,  as  pick-pocketing,  burglary- 
ing,  high-way-ing,  and  all  other  transgressions  of 
sinful  humanity  were  not  unknown  in  her  land  as 
well.  We  did  only  wish,  however,  that  that  crank 
who  despoiled  us  of  that  precious  five-dollar-piece 
would  never  go  to  heaven. 

But  it  was  when  we  came  to  Chicago  that  mam- 
monism  in  the  highest  spiritual  sense  was  revealed 
to  our  vision.  In  the  depot-restaurant,  where, 
after  four-days'  jerking  in  an  emigrant  train,  we 
refreshed  ourselves  with  a  piece  each  of  cold 
chicken,  with  grateful  remembrance  of  the  Re- 
fresher of  our  souls,  we  were  surrounded  by  a 
group  of  waiters  whose  black  skin  and  wooly  hair 
were  the  unmistakable  signs  of  their  Hamitic 
origin.  On  our  bowing  our  heads  before  we  par- 
took of  the  gifts  of  the  table,  one  of  them  patted 
our  shoulders,  and  said,  "you're  gut  men,  you!" 
Upon  our  telling  them  of  our  faith  (we  believed 
in  the  literal  sense  of  Matt.  10:  32),  they  told  us 
that  they  were  all  Methodists,  and  took  a  great 


In  Christendom,  105 

deal  of  interest  in  the  universal  spreading  of  God's 
Kingdom.    Soon  there  appeared  another  Hamite, 
who  was  introduced  to  us  as  the  deacon  of  their 
church.    He  was  very  kind  to  us,  heard  with  seem- 
ing interest  what  we  told  him  of  the  advance  of 
our  mutual  Faith  in  our  land.    We  exchanged  our 
good  wishes  and  exhortations  for  the  cause  of  our 
common  Lord  and  Master.    He  attended  upon  us 
for  full  two  hours,  when  the  time  for  our  de- 
parture came.    He  took  all  our  valises  upon  his 
shoulders,  followed  us  to  the  place  where  our 
tickets  were  examined — such  was  his  care  and  at- 
tention for  us.     With  courtesy  and  many  thanks 
we  extended  our  hands  to  take  our  goods  to  our- 
selves, to  which  our  Methodist  deacon  objected; 
but  stretching  forth  his  dusky  hand  toward  us, 
said,  "Jist  gib  me  somding."    He  had  our  valises 
in  his  custody,  and  only  "somding"  could  recover 
them  from  his  hands.    The  engine-bell  was  ring- 
ing; it  was  not  time  to  argue  with  him.    Each  of 
us  dropped  a  50-cent    piece  into  his    hand,  our 
things  were  transferred  to  us,  to  a  coach  we  has- 
tened, and  as  the  train  began  to  move,  we  looked 
to  each  other   in  amazement,    and    said,    "Even/-^ 
charity  is  bartered  here."     Since  then  we  never 
have  trusted  in  the  kind  words  of  black  deacons. 
One  year  after  this,  when  I  was  again  robbed 
of  my  new  silk-umbrella  on  a  Fall  River  steamer, 
— whose    superb    ornamentation    and    exquisite 
music  conveyed  to  me  no  idea  whatever  of  the 
spirit  of  knavery  that  lurked  underneath,— and  so 
did  once  more  liberate  my  heathen  innocence,  1/ 
felt  the  misfortune  so  keenly,  that  only  once  in 
my  life  I  prayed  for  the  damnation  of  that  ex- 
ecrable devil,  who  could  steal  a  shelter  from  a 
homeless  stranger  at  the  time  of  his  dire  neces- 
sity.   Even  the  Chinese  civilization  of  forty  cen- 


100  Diarj/  of  a  Japanese  Coiwerf. 

tiiries  a^o  could  boast  of  a  state  of  society  when 
nobody  picked  up  things  dropped  on  the  street. 
But  here  upon  Christian  waters,  in  a  floating 
palace,  under  the  spell  of  the  music  of  Handel  and 
Mendelssohn,  things  were  as  unsafe  as  in  a  den  of 
robbers. 

Indeed,  insecurity  of  things  in  Christendom  is 
something  to  which  we  were  wholly  unaccus- 
tomed. Never  haA^e  I  seen  more  extensive  use  of 
keys  than  among  these  Christian  people.  We  in 
our  heathen  homes  have  but  very  little  recourse 
to  keys.  Our  houses,  most  of  them,  are  open  to 
everybody.  Cats  come  in  and  out  at  their  own 
sweet  pleasures,  and  men  go  to  siesta  in  their  beds 
with  zephyrs  blowing  over  their  faces;  and  no 
apprehensions  are  felt  of  our  servants  or  neigh- 
bors ever  transgressing  upon  our  possessions.  But 
things  are  quite  otherwise  in  Christendom.  Not 
only  are  safes  and  trunks  locked,  but  doors  and 
windows  of  all  descriptions,  chests,  drawers,  ice- 
boxes, sugar-vases,  all.  The  housewife  goes  about 
her  business  with  a  bundle  of  keys  jingling  at  her 
side;  and  a  bachelor  coming  home  in  the  even- 
ing has  first  to  thrust  his  hand  into  his  pocket 
to  draw  out  a  cluster  of  some  twenty  or  thirty 
keys  to  find  out  one  which  will  open  to  him  his 
lonely  cell.  The  house  is  locked  from  the  front- 
door to  the  pin-box,  as  if  the  spirit  of  robbery 
pervaded  every  cubic-inch  of  the  air.  In  our  coun- 
try we  have  this  saying,  uttered  by  the  most  sus- 
picious of  mankind,  I  suppose:  ''When  you  look 
at  a  light,  think  that  it  is  a  fire  which  can  consume 
all  your  substances;  when  you  look  at  a  man, 
tliink  that  he  is  a  robber  who  can  rob  you  of  all 
your  possessions."  But  never  have  I  seen  this  in- 
junction put  into  practice  in  a  more  literal  sense 
than  in  a  well-locked  American  household.  It  is  a 


In  Christendom.  107 

miniature  feudal  castle  modified  to  meet  tlie  pre- 
vailing cupidity  of  tlie  age.  Wliellier  a  civiliza- 
tion which  requires  cemented  cellars  and  stone- 
cut  vaults,  watched  over  by  bull-dogs  and  battal- 
ions of  policemen,  could  be  called  Christian  is 
seriously  doubted  by  honest  heathens. 

In  no  other  respect,  however,  did  Christendom 
appear  to  me  more  like  heathendom  than  in  a 
strong  race  prejudice  still  existing  among  its  peo- 
ple. After  a  "century  of  dishonor,"  the  copper- 
colored  children  of  the  forest  from  whom  the  land 
was  wrested  by  many  cruel  and  inhuman  means, 
are  still  looked  upon  by  the  commonality  as  no 
better  than  buffaloes  or  Rocky  Mountain  sheep,  to 
be  trapped  and  hunted  like  wild  beasts.  As  for 
ten  millions  of  Hamites  whom  they  originally  im- 
ported from  Africa,  as  they  now  import  Devon 
bulls  and  Jersey  cows,  and  just  for  the  very  same 
purpose,  there  w^as  shown  considerable  sympathy 
and  Christian  brothership  some  thirty  years  ago; 
and  beginning  with  John  Brown,  that  righteous 
Saxon,  .500,000  of  the  flower  of  the  nation  were  to 
be  butchered  to  atone  for  the  iniquity  of  merchan- 
dising upon  God's  images.  And  though  they  now 
have  so  condescended  themselves  as  to  ride  in  the 
same  cars  with  the  "darkies,"  they  still  keep  up 
their  Japhetic  vanity  by  keeping  themselves  at 
respectable  distances  from  the  race  which  they 
bought  with  their  own  blood.  Down  in  the  state 
of  Delaware,  whither  I  was  once  taken  by  a  friend 
of  mine  as  his  guest,  I  was  astonished  to  find  a 
separate  portion  of  a  town  given  up  wholly  to  ne- 
groes. Upon  telling  my  friend  that  this  making 
a  sharp  racial  distinction  appeared  to  me  very  Pa- 
gan-like, his  emphatic  answer  was  that  he  would 
rather  be  a  Pagan  and  live  separate  from  "nig- 


108  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Conrevt. 

gers,"  than  be  a  Cliristian  and  live  in  the  same 
quarters  ^Yith  them! 

But  strong  and  unchristian  as  their  feeling  is 
against  the  Indians  and  the  Africans,  the  preju- 
dice, the  aversion,  the  repugnance,  which  they  en- 
tertain against  the  children  of  Sinim  is  something 
which  we  in  heathendom  have  never  seen  the  like. 
'  The  land  which  sends  over  missionaries  to  China, 
to  convert  her  sons  and  daughters  to  Christianity 
from  the  nonsense  of  Confucius  and  the  supersti- 
tions of  Buddha, — the  very  same  land  abhors  even 
the  shadow  of  a  Chinaman  cast  upon  its  soil. 
There  never  was  seen  such  an  anomaly  upon  the 
face  of  this  earth.  Is  Christian  mission  a  child's 
play,  a  chivalry  more  puerile  than  that  engaged 
the  wit  of  Cervantes,  that  it  should  be  sent  to  a 
people  so  much  disliked  by  the  people  who  send  it? 

The  main  reasons  which  make  the  Chinese  so 
objectionable  to  the  Christian  Americans  I  under- 
stand to  be  three: 

I.  The  C/ihiese  carry  away  all  their  savings  to 
their  home,  and  thus  impoverish  the  land. — That 
is,  that  they  might  be  acceptable  to  the  Ameri- 
cans, they  must  spend  up  all  they  earned  in  Amer- 
ica, and  go  home  empty-handed.  A  strange  doc- 
trine this  to  hear  from  the  people  w^ho  inculcate 
the  lessons  of  industry  and  provision  upon  them- 
selves. "All  things  whatsoever  ye  would  that 
men  should  do  to  you,  do  ye  even  so  to  them."  Do 
all  the  American  and  European  merchants  and 
savants  and  engineers  who  come  to  our  shores, — 
do  they  leave  all  their  earnings  with  us,  and  go 
home  without  bank-accounts  in  their  favor?  Do 
we  not  pay  each  one  of  them,  200,  300,  400,  500, 
800  dollars  a  month  in  solid  gold,  scarcely  a  third 
of  which  he  usually  spends  in  our  land,  and  goes 
away  with  the  rest  to  buy  ease  and  comforts  in 


In  Christendom,  109 

his  homeland?  And  vet  we  send  them  out  with 
thanks,  with  presents  of  silli-robes  and  bronze- 
vases,  and  oftentimes  with  imperial  decorations 
and  pensions  affixed  thereto.  Tliej  did  the  serv- 
ice corresponding  to  the  money  we  paid  them  (at 
least  we  suppose  they  did),  and  we  do  not  think 
ourselves  robbed  by  them.  By  what  laws  under  \ 
heaven  are  the  Chinese  compelled  to  leave  all 
their  earnings  in  America  after  they  have  helped 
to  cut  a  railroad  through  the  Rocky  Mountains, 
and  planted  and  watered  vineyards  in  California? 
They  do  not  carry  away  gold  for  nothing,  as  self- 
styled  Christians  sometimes  did  by  directing  muz- 
zles of  guns  at  the  defenceless  heathens,  and  kid- 
napping supple  babies  from  the  breasts  of  suck- 
ling mothers.  The  Chinamen  leave  the  work  be- 
hind them  equivalent  to  the  money  they  carry 
away.  The  gold  is  not  theirs  by  Nature's  inher- 
ent iaw,  and  who  art  thou  that  deniest  the  sacred 
right  of  property  to  the  sons  of  honest  toil?  We 
the  "pitiable  heathens"  send  our  foreign  employes 
with  honors  and  ceremonies,  and  they  the  ''bles- 
sed Christians"  kick  us  out  with  derisive  lan- 
guages. Can  these  things  be,  O  God  of  Ven- 
geance! 

2.  These  Chmese,  with  their  stubborn  adherence 
to  their  national  ways  and  customs,  bring  inde- 
cencies upon  the  Christian  com?nunity.  — True, 
pigtails  and  flowing  pantaloons  are  not  very  de- 
cent things  to  be  seen  in  the  streets  of  Boston  or 
New  York.  But  do  you  think  corsets  and  com- 
pressed abdomens  are  fine  things  to  see  in  the 
streets  of  Peking  or  Hankow?  "But  Chinese  are 
filthy  in  their  habits,  and  tricky  in  their  dealings 
with  others,"  you  say.  I  wish  I  could  show  you 
some  specimens  of  the  noble  Caucasian  race  roam- 
ing in  the  Eastern  ports,  who  are  as  filthy,  as 


110  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

stinky,  as  putrefactive,  as  a  poor  pox-stricken  Chi- 
naman who  is  dungeoned  by  the  San  Francisco 
quarantine  in  a  manner  as  if  he  had  upset  ten  im- 
perial thrones.  As  for  the  alleged  moral  ob- 
liquity of  the  Chinese:  Have  you  ever  heard  of 
a  Chinaman  throwing  a  bombshell  at  city  police, 
or  disgracing  the  American  womanhood  in  the 
mid-day  sun?  WTiy  not  enact  anti-German 
laws  and  anti-Italian  laws  as  well  if  the 
social  order  and  decency  are  your  aim? 
What  are  the  iniquities  of  the  poor  China- 
men that  you  persecute  them  with  so  much 
rigor,  except  they  be  their  defencelessness 
and  abject  submission  to  your  Gothic  will? 
"Would  that  the  iniquities  of  the  Caucasian  so- 
journers in  our  land  were  counted  that  they  might 
be  weighed  over  against  those  of  Chinamen !  If 
'we  had  done  to  American  or  English  citizens  in 
oiir  land  half  as  much  indignities  as  are  done  to 
the  helpless  Chinese  in  America,  we  would  soon 
be  visited  with  fleets  of  gunboats,  and  in  the  name 
of  justice  and  humanity,  would  be  compelled  to 
pay  $50,000  per  capita  for  the  lives  of  those  worth- 
less loafers,  whose  only  worth  as  human  beings 
consist  in  their  having  blue  eyes  and  white  skins, 
and  in  nothing  more.  Christendom  seems  to  pos- 
sess another  Gospel,  in  addition  to  one  preached 
by  Paul  and  Cephas,  which  teaclies  among  other 
detestable  things  this: 

Might  is  Right,  and  Money  is  that  Might. 

J.  The  Chinese  by  their  lo7V  wages  do  injiwy  to 
the  A?nerican  laborer. —  This  sounds  more  plausi- 
ble than  the  otlier  two  reasons.  It  is  "Protec- 
tion" applied  to  the  imported  labor.  I  do  not  like 
to  see  any  American  household  deprived  of  its 
chicken-pies  on  Sunday  that  a  Chinaman  might 
have  a  morsel  more  of  his  steamed  rice.     But  let 


In  Christendom,  111 

America's  national  conscience  ask  this  question 
of  itself:  Is  4,000,000  square  miles  of  land  flow- 
ing with  milk  and  honej  not  wide  enough  for  65,- 
000,000  of  its  people?  Are  there  no  spaces  left  in 
Idaho,  Montana,  and  elsewhere,  where  the  packed 
population  of  Canton  and  Foochow  mav  be  given 
opportunities  of  coping  with  buffaloes  and  grizzly 
bears  to  subdue  the  land  for  humankind? 
Where  in  God's  Sacred  Writings,  or  in  Nature's 
fossiled  tablets,  can  be  found  a  statement  that 
goes  to  prove  an  assumption  that  America  must 
be  possessed  by  the  white  race  alone?  Or  if  you 
like  to  be  argued  with  without  having  your  vanity 
touched  in  any  way,  you  may  be  persuaded  thus: 
Grudge  to  the  poor  Chinamen  so  much  charity  as 
the  unpardoning  Jews  did  to  the  heathen  Gibeon- 
ites;  that  is,  make  them  ''hewers  of  wood  and 
drawers  of  water"  to  you,  and  you  go  to  some 
more  lordly  occupations  befitting  your  Teutonic 
or  Celtic  origin.  Let  them  wash  all  your  cuffs 
and  collars  and  shirts  for  you;  and  they  will  serve 
you  with  lamblike  meekness,  and  for  half  the 
price  your  own  Caucasian  laundrymen  charge 
you.  Or  send  them  down  into  the  Arizona  or 
New  Mexico  mines  to  fetch  from  the  bosom  of  in- 
fernal darkness  the  metal  we  prize  so  highly  in 
day-light.  A  "strike"  is  yet  unknown  among  the 
poor  heathens,  unless  some  of  you  teach  them 
how  to  do  it.  A  class  of  laborers  so  meek,  so  un- 
complaining, so  industrious,  and  so  cheap,  you 
cannot  find  anywhere  else  under  the  sun.*     That 

*  "I  will  admit  that  at  one  time  I  had  fears  of  the  Chi- 
ese  overrunning  this  country,  but  for  some  years  I  have 
had  none.  *  *  *  I  do  not  know  what  we  would  do 
without  them,  and  I  undertake  to  say  that  they  are  the 
most  quiet,  industrious  and  altogether  commendable  class 
of  foreigners  who  come  here.  There  is  no  other  class  so 
quick  to  learn  and  none  so  faithful." — Senator  Stanford 
of  California* 


112  Diarij  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

to  so  use  them  iu  a  sphere  of  industry  peculiarly 
their  own  is  not  only  befitting  your  Christian  pro- 
fession, but  profitable  as  well  for  your  pockets, 
you  have  proved  more  than  once  by  '^smugglings 
of  Chinamen"  often  enacted  upon  the  Canadian 
frontiers.  Why  refuse  to  bless  your  fellowmen 
by  ''policies"  out  of  jealousies  and  rum-shops 
born?  Why  not  believe  in  the  Law  of  Prophets, 
and  be  kind  and  merciful  to  strangers,  that  the 
Lord  of  hosts  may  open  you  the  windows  of 
heaven,  and  pour  you  out  a  blessing,  that  there 
/  shall  not  be  room  enough  to  receive  it?  But  as 
they  now  are,  the  whole  tenor  of  anti-Chinese  laws 
appears  to  me  to  be  anti-Biblical,  anti-Christian, 
anti-evangelical,  and  anti-humanitarian.  Even 
\  the  nonsense  of  Confucius  teaches  us  very  much 
\  better  things  than  these. 

'  It  is  perhaps  hardly  necessary  for  me  to  say 
,  that  I  am  not  a  Chinaman  myself.  Though 
'  I  am  never  ashamed  of  my  racial  relationship  to 
that  most  ancient  of  nations, — that  nation  that 
gave  Mencius  and  Confucius  to  the  world,  and  in- 
vented the  mariner's  compass  and  printing  ma- 
chines centuries  before  the  Europeans  even 
dreamed  of  them, — yet  to  receive  in  my  person  all 
the  indignities  and  asperities  with  which  the  poor 
coolies  from  Canton  are  goaded  by  the  American 
populace,  required  nothing  less  than  Christian 
forbearance  to  keep  my  head  and  heart  in  right 
order.  Here  again,  American  Hebraisms,  which 
are  applied  even  in  the  nomenclatures  of  horses, 
are  made  use  of  in  the  designations  of  the  Chinese. 
They  are  all  called  "John,"  and  even  the  kind  po- 
licemen of  the  city  of  New  York  call  us  by  that 
name.  "Pick  up  those  Chinamen  in,"  was  the  po- 
lite language  of  a  Cliicago  coachman,  to  whom  we 
paid  the  regular  fare,  and  did  nothing  to  hurt  his 
vanity  as  a  protege  of  St.  Patrick.     A  well-clad 


In  Christendom.  113 

gentleman  sharing  the  same  seat  with  me  in  a 
car  asked  me  to  have  my  comb  to  brush  his  grizzly 
beard;  and  instead  of  a  thank  which  we  in  hea- 
thendom consider  as  appropriate  upon  such  an 
occasion,  he  returned  the  comb,  saying,  "Well, 
John,  where  do  you  keep  your  laundry  shop?"  An 
intelligent-looking  gentleman  asked  us  when  we 
did  cut  our  cues;  and  when  told  that  we  never 
had  cues,  "Why,"  he  said,  "I  thought  all  China- 
men have  cues."  That  these  very  gentlemen,  who 
seem  to  take  peculiar  delight  in  deriding  our  Mon- 
golian origin,  are  themselves  peculiarly  sensitive 
as  to  their  Saxon  birthright,  is  well  illustrated  by 
the  following  little  incident: 

A  group  of  young  Japanese  engineers  went  to 
examine  the  Brooklyn  Bridge.  When  under  the 
pier,  the  structure  and  tension  of  each  of  the  sus- 
pending ropes  were  being  discussed  upon,  a  silk- 
hatted,  spectacled,  and  decently  dressed  Ameri- 
can gentleman  approached  them.  "Well,  John," 
he  intruded  upon  the  Japanese  scientists,  "these 
things  must  look  awful  strange  to  you  from 
China,  ey?"  One  among  the  Japanese  retorted 
the  insulting  question,  and  said,  "So  they  must 
be  to  you  from  Ireland."  The  gentleman  got  an- 
gry and  said,  "No,  indeed  not.  I  am  not  Irish." 
"And  so  we  are  not  Chinese,"  was  the  gentle  re- 
joinder. It  was  a  good  blow,  and  the  silk-hatted 
sulked  away.  He  did  not  like  to  be  called  an 
Irish. 

Time  fails  me  to  speak  of  other  unchristian  feat- 
ures of  Christendom.  What  about  J^galized  lot- 
tery which  can  depend  for  its  stability  upon  its 
millions  in  gold  and  silver,  right  in  face  of  simple 
morality  clear  even  to  the  understanding  of  a 
child;  of  widespread  gambling  propensities,  as 
witnessed  in  scenes  of  cock-fights,  horse-race,  and 


< 


y 


111  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

foot-ball  matches;  of  pugilism,  more  inhuman 
than  Spanish  bull-fights;  of  l^^^iing,  fitted  more 
for  Hottentots  than  for  the  people  of  a  free  Re- 
public; of  rum-traffic,  whose  magnitude  can  find 
no  parallel  Tn'the  trade  of  the  whole  world;  of 
demagogism  in  politics;  of  deiioiainational  jeal;^ 
ousies  in  religion;  of  capitalists'  tyranny  and  la- 
borers' insolence;  of  millionaires'  fooleries;  of 
men's  liypocritical  love  toward  their  wives;  etc., 
etc.,  etc.?  Is  this  the  civilization  we  were  taught 
by  missionaries  to  accept  as  an  evidence  of  the 
superiority  of  Christian  Religion  over  other  re- 
ligions? With  what  shamefacedness  did  they  de- 
clare unto  us  that  the  religion  w^hich  made  Europe 
and  America  must  surely  be  the  religion  from  on 
high?  If  it  was  Christianity  tliat  made  the  so- 
called  Christendom  of  to-day,  let  Heaven's  eternal 
curse  rest  upon  it!  Peace  is  the  last  thing  we  can 
find  in  Christendom.  Turmoils,  complexities,  in- 
sane asylums,  penitentiaries,  poor-houses! 

O  for  the  rest  of  the  Morning  Land,  the  quie- 
tude of  the  Lotus  Pond!  Not  the  steam  whistle 
that  alarms  us  from  our  disturbed  sleep,  but  the 
carol  of  the  Bird  of  Paradise  that  wakens  us  from 
our  delicious  slumber;  not  the  dust  and  jar  of  an 
elevated  railroad,  but  a  palanquin  borne  by  a  low- 
ing cow;  not  marble  mansions  built  with  price  of 
blood  earned  in  the  Wall  Street  battle-market, 
but  thatched  roofs  with  sweet  contentment  in  Na- 
ture's bounties.  Are  not  sun,  moon,  and  stars 
purer  and  more  beautiful  objects  of  worship  than 
money  and  honors  and  empty  shows? 

O  heaven,  I  am  undone!  I  was  deceived!  I 
gave  up  what  was  really  I*eace  for  that  which  is 
no  Peace!  To  go  back  to  my  old  faith  I  am  now 
too  overgrown;  to  acquiesce  in  my  new  faith  is 
impossible.     O  for  Blessed  Ignorance  that  might 


In  Christendom.  115 

have  kept  me  from  the  knowledge  of  faith  other 
than  that  which  satisfied  my  good  grandma!     It 
made  her  industrious,  patient,  true;    and  not  a 
compunction  clouded  her  face  as  she  drew  her  last 
breath.    Hers  was  Peace  and  mine  is  Doubt;  and 
woe  is  me  that  I  called  her  an  idolator,  and  pitied 
her  superstition,  and  prayed  for  her  soul,  when 
I  myself  had   launched   upon   an   unfathomable 
abyss,  tossed  with  fear  and  sin  and  doubt.     One   ^.^^ 
thing  I  shall  never  do  in  future:     I  shall  never  i     \ 
defend  Christianity  upon  its  being  the  religion  of  ]    ^y" 
Europe  and  America.     An  ''external  evidence"  of   / 
this  nature  is  not  only  weak,  but  actually  vicious 
in  its  general  effects.     The  religion  that  can  sup- 
port an  immortal  soul  must  have  surer  and  pro- 
founder  bases  than  such  a  ''show"  evidence  to  rest 
upon.     Yet  I  once  built  my  faith  upon  a  straw  like 
that. 


IIG  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 


CHAPTER  Vn. 

IN  CHRISTENDOM— AMONG  PHILANTHROPISTS. 

It  was  well  said  by  a  Cliinese  sage  that  ''he  who 
stays  in  a  mountain  knows  not  the  mountain.'^ 
The  fact  is,  distance  lends  not  only  enchantment 
to  a  view,  but  comprehensiveness  as  well.  A 
mountain  in  its  true  proportion  can  be  viewed 
only  from  a  distance. 

So  with  one's  own  country.  As  long  as  he  liVes 
in  it,  he  really  knows  it  not.  That  he  may  under- 
stand its  true  situation  as  a  part  of  the  great 
whole,  its  goodness  and  badness,  its  strength  and 
weakness,  he  must  stand  away  from  it.  Who  is 
more  ignorant  of  the  city  of  New  York  than  some 
of  its  domiciled  denizens,  to  whom  the  Central 
Park  is  the  only  "wild"  in  the  universe,  and  the 
City  Museum  the  hole  through  which  they  can 
peep  into  the  wide  world!  The  English  aristo- 
crats are  famous  for  their  ignorance  about  their 
own  Island  Empire,  which  makes  their  expensive 
travels  around  the  world  almost  a  necessity  to 
make  them  anything  near  sensible  subjects  of  her 
Britannic  Majesty.  So  oftentimes,  missionaries 
sent  out  to  convert  heathens  come  home  convert- 
ed themselves,  not  indeed  from  their  Christianity, 
but  from  much,  ver^^  much,  of  views  they  used  to 
hold  about  themselves,  Christendom,  the  ''elec- 
tion" of  Christians,  the  damnation  of  heathens, 
etc.,  etc.  "Send  your  darling  son  to  travel,"  is  a 
&aying  common  among  my  countrymen.  Nothing 
disenchants  a  man  so  much  as  traveling. 


In  CTiristendom,  117 

My  views  about  my  native  land  were  extremely 
one-sided  while  I  stayed  in  it.  While  yet  a 
heathen,  my  country  was  to  me  the  centre  of  the 
universe,  the  envy  of  the  world.  ''The  soil  gives 
the  five  grains'^  in  luxurious  abundance;  its  cli- 
mate the  equablest  in  the  world;  its  scenery  the 
richest,  its  seas  and  lakes  like  the  eyes  of  a  maid- 
en, and  its  pine-clad  hills  her  crescent-shaped  eye- 
brows; the  land  itself  overcharged  with  spirit, 
the  very  abode  of  gods,  the  fountain  of  light." 
Such,  I  say,  I  thought  my  country  to  be,  while  I 
was  yet  a  heathen.  But  how  opposite  when  I  was 
"converted!"  I  was  told  of  "happy  lands  far,  far 
away;"  of  America,  with  four  hundred  colleges 
and  universities;  of  England,  the  Puritan's  home; 
of  Germany,  Luther's  Fatherland;  of  Switzer- 
land, Zwingli's  pride;  of  Knox's  Scotland  and 
Adolphus'  Sweden.  Soon  an  idea  caught  my 
mind  that  my  country  was  really  ''good-for-noth- 
ing." It  was  a  heathen  land  which  required  mis- 
sionaries from  other  countries  to  make  it  good. 
God  of  Heaven  had  never  thought  much  about  it ; 
He  left  it  so  many  years  wholly  in  the  hand  of 
devils.  Speaking  of  any  of  its  moral  or  social  de- 
fects, we  were  constantly  told  that  it  was  no  so  in 
America  or  Europe.  Whether  it  could  ever  be  a 
Massachusetts  or  an  England,  I  sincerely  doubt- 
ed. I  did  truly  believe  that  the  w^orld  would  not 
be  any  w^orse  even  if  my  country  were  wiped  out 
of  existence.  "Is  there  such  a  thing  as  tax-pay- 
ing in  Japan?"  a  girl  in  a  mission  school  was  heard 
to  have  asked  her  teacher.  Poor,  innocent  soul, 
she  imagined  her  own  people  to  be  in  such  a  degra- 
dation that  extortion  or  some  other  heathen  meth- 
od of  "sipping  the  people's  blood"  was  still  re- 

*  Rice,  wheat,  barley,  bean,  millet. 


118  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

sorted  to  in  her  land,  and  equity  and  right  the 
things  peculiar  to  her  adored  America.  ''Dena- 
tionalizing influences  of  missionaries"  are  not  phe- 
nomena wholly  unknown  in  mission-fields. 

But  looking  at  a  distance  from  the  land  of  my 
exile,  my  country  ceased  to  me  a  "good-for-noth- 
ing." It  began  to  appear  superbly  beautiful, — 
not  the  grotesque  beauty  of  my  heathen  days,  but 
the  harmonic  beauty  of  true  proportions,  occupy- 
ing a  definite  space  in  the  universe  with  its  own 

)C  historic  individualities.  Its  existence  as  a  nation 
was  decreed  by  Heaven  Itself,  and  its  mission  to 
the  world  and  human  race  was,  and  is  being,  dis- 
tinctly announced.  It  was  seen  to  be  a  sacred 
reality,  with  purpose  high  and  ambition  noble, 
to  be  for  the  w^orld  and  mankind.  Thrice  thank- 
ful was  I  that  such  a  glorious  view  of  my  country 
was  vouchsafed  to  my  vision. 

This  is  not  the  only  salubrious  result  of  foreign 
travel,  however.  Under  no  other  circumstances 
are  we  driven  more  into  ourselves  than  when  we 
live  in  a  strange  land.  Paradoxical  though  it 
may  seem,  we  go  into  the  world  that  we  may  learn 

fs  more  about  oarselves.  Self  is  revealed  to  us  no- 
where more  clearly  than  where  we  come  in  con- 
tact with  other  peoples  and  other  countries.  In- 
trospection begins  when  another  world  is  present- 
ed to  our  view. 

Several  things  conspire  to  bring  about  this  re- 
sult. First  and  most  evident  of  all,  loneliness  is 
unavoidable  to  any  sojourner  in  a  strange  laud. 
With  the  best  of  friendship  he  may  form  in  it,  and 
the  freest  use  of  its  language,  he  is  still  a  stranger. 
A  conversation,  which  otherwise  might  have  been 
enjoyable  and  exhilarating,  is  made  burdensome 
by  an  extra  mental  energy  required  in  conjugat- 
ing verbs  for  right  tenses  and  moods,  in  giving 


In  Christendom.  119 

singular  predicates  to  singular  nouns,  (tilings  un- 
known in  my  language),  and  in  selecting  riglit 
prepositions  out  of  scores  that  differ  but  slightly 
from  one  another.  Invitations  to  friendly  dinners 
are  deprived  of  much  of  the  anticipated  pleasures 
on  account  of  extra  attentions  necessary  for  con- 
ducting prehensions,  mastications^  and  degluti- 
tions  in  accordance  with  the  fixed  table-laws.  We 
would  greatly  prefer,  therefore,  toHbe  alone,  and 
help  ourselves  in  our  own  styles,  undisturbed  by 
the  staring  looks  of  some  ladies  watching  our  sav- 
age demeanors  with  their  keen,  critical  eyes. 
Loneliness  becomes  doubly  sweet  to  us  under 
such  circumstances.  Monologues  and  introspec- 
tions are  daily  feasted  upon,  and  the  objective 
and  the  subjective  selfs  are  in  constant  commun- 
ion with  each  other. 

Secondly,  one  is  more  than  an  individual  when 
he  steps  out  of  his  country.  He  carries  in  himself 
his  nation  and  his  race.  His  words  and  actions 
are  judged  not  simply  as  his,  but  as  his  race's  and 
his  nation's  as  well.'  Thus  in  a  sense,  every  so- 
journer in  a  strange  land  is  a  minister  plenipoten- 
tiary of  his  country.  He  represents  his  land  and 
his  people.  The  world  reads  his  nation  through 
him.  We  know  that  nothing  steadies  a  man  so 
much  as  the  sense  of  high  responsibility.  And 
when  I  know  that  my  country  is  condemned  or  ap- 
plauded as  I  behave  myself  meanly  or  nobly,  then 
flippancies,  flirtings,  and  levities  of  all  sorts  de- 
part from  me  at  once.  I  become  as  grave  as  an 
ambassador  to  the  sublime  court  of  St.  James. 
Hence  reflection,  consideration,  and  judgment. 
He  who  behaves  otherwise  is  not  worthy  of  his  na- 
tion, I  believe. 

Thirdly,  we  all  know  what  homesickness  is.    It 
is  Nature's  recoil  upon  one's  uncongenial  sur- 


120  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

roiindings.  Those  familiar  faces  and  hills  and 
fields,  which  we  now  miss,  but  cannot  erase  from 
our  mental  vision,  seek  for  dominancy  in  our 
souls;  and  in  our  very  efforts  to  conform  our- 
selves to  the  new  environments,  the  home  with  its 
jealous  love  binds  us  more  to  its  sweet  recollec- 
tions. Then  comes  Melancholy  to  dissolve  the 
aching  heart  to  tears,  and  drives  us  into  dells  and 
woods  to  engage  in  musings  and  fitful  prayers. 
Our  eyes  follow  the  sun  as  he  rolls  down  into  the 
western  main,  and  bid  him  to  tell  our  dear  ones 
at  home  as  they  behold  him  in  his  rising  glory, 
that  we  are  well  here  and  think  of  them.  Thus 
in  spirits'  land  we  dwell.  Swallows  come  and  go, 
men  sell  and  gain  or  lose,  but  to  the  exiled  from 
home  monotony  runs  throughout  the  year, — com- 
munion with  himself,  with  God,  and  with  spirits. 
It  must  have  been  with  some  such  providential 
purposes  that  Moses  was  driven  to  the  land  of  the 
Midianites  before  he  came  forth  as  a  deliverer  of 
his  people.  Elijah's  "flight  to  Beer-sheba"  has 
ever  been  a  fact  ot  infinite  consolation  to  one  who 
in  a  strange  land  strives  to  seek  God  in  the  loneli- 
ness of  his  soul. 

"Sit  on  the  desert  stone 
Like  Elijah  at  Horeb's  cave  alone; 
And  a  gentle  voice  comes  through  the  wild, 
Like  a  father  consoling  his  fretful  child, 
That  banishes  bitterness,  wrath,  and  fear, 
Saying  'Man  is  distant,  but  God  is  near.'  " 

St.  Paul's  "Arabia"  has  always  been  construed  in 
such  a  sense,  for  nothing  could  be  more  natural 
than  that  the  Apostle  to  the  Gentiles  should  have 
his  term  of  internal  discipline,  that  he  might 
grasp  the  Son  "at  the  first  hand,"  and  come  forth 
and  announce  to  the  world  and  say: — 
"I  certify  you,  brethren,  that  the  gospel  which 


In  Christendom.  121 

was  preaclied  of  me  is  not    after  man.     For  I 
neither  received  it  of  man,  neither  was  I  taught 
it,  but  by  the  revelation  of  Jesus  Christ." 

Soon  after  my  arrival  in  America,  I  was  '^picked 
up"  bj  a  Pennsylvania  doctor,  himself  a  philan- 
thropist of  the  most  practical  type.  After  prob- 
ing a  little  into  my  inner  nature,  he  agreed  to  take 
me  into  his  custody,  and  placed  me  among  his  "at- 
tendants" with  a  prospect  that  I  might  taste  all 
the  ways  up  from  the  very  low^est  of  practical 
charity.  The  change  was  quite  a  sudden  one  for 
me  from  an  officer  in  an  Imperial  Government  to 
an  attendant  in  an  asylum  for  idiots;  but  I  did 
not  feel  it,  as  the  Carpenter-Son  of  Nazareth 
taught  me  now  an  entirely  new  view  of  life. 

Let  me  here  note  that  I  entered  a  hospital  serv-  . 
ice  with  somewhat  the  same  aim  as  that  which 
drove  Martin  Luther  into  his  Erfurth  convent.  I 
took  this  step,  not  because  I  thought  the  world 
needed  my  service  in  that  line,  much  less  did  I 
seek  it  as  an  occupation  (poor  though  I  was),  but 
because  I  thought  it  to  be  the  only  refuge  from  > 
"the  wrath  to  come,"  there  to  put  my  tiesh  in  sub- 
jection, and  to  so  discipline  myself  as  to  reach  the 
state  of  inward  purity,  and  thus  inherit  the  king- 
dom of  heaven.  At  the  bottom,  therefore,  I  was 
egoistic,  and  I  was  to  learn  through  many  a  pain- 
ful experience  that  egoism  in  whatever  form  it 
appears  is  of  devils,  and  is  sin.  In  my  efforts  to 
conform  myself  to  the  requirements  of  Philan-X 
thropy,  which  are  perfect  self-sacrifice  and  total 
self-forgetfulness,  my  innate  selfishness  was  re- 
vealed to  me  in  all  its  fearful  enormities;  and 
overpowered  with  the  darkness  I  descried  in  my- 
self, I  sunk,  and  writhed  in  unspeakable  agonies. 
Hence  the  dreary  records  of  this  part  of  my  exist- 
ence. The  present-day  reader,  more  accustomed 
to  the  sunny  side  of  human  existence,  may  not  be 


122  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

disposed  to  take  them  in  with  any  degree  of  seri- 
ousness; but  to  the  sufferer  himself,  they  are  the 
accounts  of  veritable  Actualities  out  of  which 
came  the  long-sought  Peace,  and  all  the  blessed 

fruits  resulting  therefrom, = 

But  aside  from  my  internal  struggle^^  my  life 
in  the  Hospital  was  very  far  from  being  unpleas- 
ant. The  Superintendent  was  a  man  who  took 
genuine  interest  in  my  welfare,  and  looked  after 
me  with  real  affections,  second  only  to  those  he 
lavished  upon  his  own  children.  He  believed  in 
the  right  state  of  body  for  right  morals  and  con- 
ducts; so  naturally  his  solicitude  toward  me  was 
more  about  my  stomach  than  about  my  soul. 
Those  who  knew  him  not  took  him  for  a  rabid  ma- 
terialist, especially  w^hen  they  heard  him  talk 
about  his  favorite  subject,  ''Moral  Imbecility," 
meaning  by  that  constitutional  depravity  caused 
by  parental  mistakes  and  vile  environments.  But 
a  materialist  and  atheis^  he  was  not.  He  had  a 
firm  trust  in  Providence,  as  shown  in  his  constant 
references  to  it  as  the  Hand  that  guided  him 
tlirough  all  his  life.  He  even  attributed  my  com- 
ing under  his  care  to  Something  more  than  mere 
chance,  and  cared  and  watched  over  me  accord- 
ingly. His  Biblical  knowledge  w^as  extensive, 
and  though  not  strictly  ''Orthodox"  in  his  relig- 
ious professions,  he  abhored  the  heartless  intel- 
lectualism,  and  would  often  pronounce  Unitarian- 
ism  as  "the  narrowest  and  driest  of  sects,"  and 
tliis,  notwithstanding  his  wife  was  a  charming 
Unitarian  woman,  and  a  large  part  of  his  employes 
were  recruited  from  Massachusetts.  He  indeed 
sometimes  "roared  like  a  devil,"  as  my  Irish  col- 
leagues used  to  tell  me,  at  which  the  whole  house 
trembled,  and  everybody  tried  to  stand  at  a  safe 
distance  from  him;  but  withal  he  had  a  heart  en- 


in  Christendom,  123 

compassing  tlie  whole  of  his  large  heterogeneous 
family,  a  maimed  little  Johnny  and  a  mute  little 
Sophie  being  equally  at  ease  with  him  as  our  able 
and  strong  matron,  who  would  often  keep  him  at 
bay,  and  bid  him  to  keep  his  mouth  shut.  The 
Doctor's  musical  skill  was  considerable,  and 
many  a  time  after  the  family  was  dismissed,  he 
sung  to  the  piano  played  by  our  music  teacher; 
and  many  a  time  in  my  internal  agonies,  my  soul 
was  stilled  by  his  tremulous  yoice  as  he  threw  his 
whole  feryor  into  his  fayorite  piece, 

''Slowly  by  God's  hand  unfurled, 
Down  around  the  weary  world. 
Falls  the  darkness;  Oh!  how  still 
Is  the  working  of  His  will." 

But  it  was  neither  his  religion  nor  his  music 
that  made  me  his  admirer  and  faithful  learner. 
It  was  his  systematie  thought  steadily  carried- 
Into  practice,  his  well-directed  will  which  grad- 
ually subdued  rocky  Pennsylyania  hills,  and  made 
out  of  them  a  flourishing  colony  for  the  most  un- 
fortunate of  mankind;    his  administratiye  skill 
which  could  rule  and  guide  and  keep  in  subjec- 
tion some   seyen  hundred  demented  souls;    his 
large  ambition  extending  to  dim  future,  which  it 
will  take  his  lifetime,  and  his  sons'  lifetime  to  re- 
alize,— all  these  made  him  a  w^onder  and  a  study 
to  me,  such  that  I  neyer  haye  seen  either  in  my 
homeland  or  anywhere  else.     If  he  helped  me  not 
in   unriddling  the  tough  religious   doubts   with 
which  I  was  then  afflicted,  he  taught  me  how  to 
make  the  most  out  of  my  life  and  religion;   that 
Philanthropy  with  whateyer  high  and   delicate 
sentiment  if  might  be  backed,  is  of  but  little  prac- 
tical use  in  this  practical  world,  unless  it  has  a 


124  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Cmivert 

clear  head  and  an  iron  will  to  make  it  a  blessing 
to  the  suffering  humanity.  No  courses  in  "Practic- 
al Theology"  could  have  taught  me  this  invalua- 
ble lesson  so  well  and  so  impressively  as  the  living 
example  of  this  practical  man.  He  it  was  who 
rescued  me  from  degenerating  into  that  morbid 
religiosity  (if  I  may  so  call  it)  wherein  those  so 
afiaicted 

^^Sigh  for  wretchedness,  yet  shun  the  wretched, 
Nursing  in  some  delicious  solitude, 
Their  daint  loves  and  slothful  sympathies." 

The  Doctor  remained  to  the  last  hour  the  most 
trusted  of  my  friends;  and  with  all  the  differences 
in  age,  race,  nationality  and  temperament,  the  love 
I  contracted  toward  him  has  proved  to  be  the  most 
enduring.  Oft  in  my  New  England  college  days, 
when  others  of  my  good  friends  were  solicitous 
about  my  heart  and  head,  he  remembered  my 
stomach,  and  would  often  send  me  some  substan- 
tial helps,  bidding  me  to  fetch  good  square  meals 
■and  be  cheerful.  And  even  after  my  return  home, 
when  my  out-of-routine  ways  of  action  put  my 
mental  and  spiritual  sanity  in  question  with  many 
who  belonged  to  the  same  household  of  Faith  with 
me,  it  was  he  who  never  doubted  my  Veracity  as 
well  as  Orthodoxy,  and  sent  me  succor  and  cheer 
from  beyond  the  ocean.  Indeed  it  was  he  who 
humanized  me.  My  Christianity  would  have  been 
a  cold  and  rigid  and  unpractical  thing  had  I  only 
books  and  colleges  and  seminaries  to  teach  me  in 
it.  In  how  manifold  a  way  the  Great  Spirit  does 
mould  us! 

Mrs.  Superintendent  was  a  Unitarian.  In  all 
my  readings  in  Christian  literature  at  home,  I  con- 
ceived  anything   but  favorable   opinions  about 


In  Christendom,  125 

Unitarianism.    I  thought  it  worse  than  heathen- 
ism, and  more  dangerous  because  of  its  seeming 
affinity  to  Christianity.    I  confess,  at  first  I  look- 
ed upon  her  with  strong  suspicions.     I  imagined 
she  was  all  brain  and  no  heart,  insensible  to  all 
that  was  tender  and  divinely  womanly  in  the  life 
of  the  Great  Master.     And  I  did  not  conceal  my 
repugnance  of  the  Unitarian  doctrines  from  be- 
fore my  good  hostess, — a  rude  barbarian  as  I  was. 
But  lo!  she  proved  her  possession  of  heart,  a  good 
tender  womanly  heart,  by  her  work  in  accordance 
with  her  own  Unitarian  principles.     My  Ortho- 
doxy was  no  obstacle  to  her  in  befriending  me. 
She'^with  the  Doctor  succored  me  frequently,  and 
more  than  he,  with  her  womanly  instinct,  she 
"sniffed  out"  my  peculiar  pains  and  comforted  me 
accordingly.    Oft  during  her  last  illness  she  remem- 
bered me  in  the  tenderest  terms;  and  only  a  few 
days  before  she  joined  Dorothea  Dix  and  other 
Unitarian  saintesses  the  one  who  "incorrigibly" 
supported  the  Puritanic  doctrines  was  not  forgot- 
ten; and  as  her  last  mission-work  for  the  heathen, 
she  sent  me  from  beyond  the  seas  a  Christmas 
gift  of  most  substantial  shape  to  help  me  forward 
in  the  work  which  she  knew  was  not  Unitarian. 
I  believe  an  Orthodoxy  that  cannot  be  reconciled 
with  such  aUnitarianism  is  notworthy to  be  called 
Orthodox  or  Straight-Doctrined.    The  true  liber- ^ 
ality,  as  I  take  it,  is  allowance  and  forbearance 
of  all  honest  beliefs  with  an  unflinching  convic- 
tion in  one's  own  faith.     Belief  in  myself  that  I 
can  know  some   Truth,  and  disbelief  in  myself  that 
I  can  know  all  Truths,  are  the  foundations  of  the 
true  Christian  liberality,  the  sources  of  all  gooid- 
wills  and  peaceful  dealings  with  all  mankind.     Of 
course  I  was  not  converted  to  these  healthy  views 
in  a  day,  but  that  our  worthy  Mrs.  Superintendent 


126  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

was  largely  instrumental  in  /bringing  me  up  to 
this  ideal,  I  liave  no  doubt  whatever. 

Another  inspiring  object  in  the  Hospital  was 
its  matron!  No  man  I  know  of  was  firmer  than 
she;  yet  she  was  a  woman!  She  scoured  through 
the  spacious  building  from  one  end  to  the  other, 
casting  her  observant  eyes  on  this  boy  and  that 
girl;  and  woe  to  a  careless  attendant  who  put 
Johnny's  stockings  to  Georgie's  feet,  or  Sarah's 
bonnet  upon  Susie's  head.  That  woman  ca7i  rule  as 
well  as  man  was  demonstrated  to  me  by  this  wor- 
thy lady  bej^ond  any  question  of  doubt.  She  cer- 
tainly is  a  product  of  Christian  America,  to  whom 
heathendom  with  all  the  grace  and  virtue  of  its 
womanhood  cannot  bring  forth  any  equal. 

One  more  lovable  soul  to  whom  I  became  firmly 
attached  during  my  hospital  days  I  must  not  fail 
to  mention,  as  one  who  smoothed  away  much  of 
my  angular  Christianity.  He  was  from  the  state 
of  Delaware,  was  decidedly  a  Southerner  in  sym- 
pathy, a  skilled  young  physician,  an  Episcopalian 
in  his  religious  professon,  agile  and  dexterous, 
could  make  an  excellent  actor,  could  write  poetry, 
an  admirer  of  the  Stuart  kings,  good,  kind,  and  a 
most  sympathetic  friend.  In  his  presence,  disap- 
peared all  at  once  my  prejudice  against  the  Kebel- 
South,  engendered  in  my  bosom  by  my  New  Eng- 
land sympathies  and  acquaintances.  My  Puri- 
tanic faith  and  Cromwellian  admiration  were  no 
obstacles  to  admit  him  to  my  confidence  and  love. 
He  once  took  me  to  his  Delaware  home,  that  he 
might  show  me  real  ladies,  at  all  comi)arable  to 
tliose  whom  I  described  to  him  as  my  ideals.  He 
said  that  such  did  really  exist  in  America,  but  not 
in  Pennsylvania  or  Massachusetts.  He  hired  a 
hackney  coach,  and  took  me  round  first 
to    the    Governor's    house,    and    then    to    the 


In  Christendom,  127 

ex-Governor's,  and  so  on;  and  as  often  as 
we  came  out  of  the  presence  of  a  beauty 
to  whom  we  paid  our  homage,  he  asked  me 
''How  is  that?"  Upon  telling  Mm  that  she  was 
not  yet  up  to  my  ideal,  he  tried  another,  and  then 
stilfanother,  doing  his  utmost  to  wrest  the  words 
of  approbation  from  me,  as  the  old  knight  did 
from  his  contestant  for  his  idol.  But  I  remained 
true  to  myself,  and  disappointed  him  at  last. 
"WTiat  do  you  want  then  in  Delaware?"  he  said 
to  me  finally  in  bewilderment.  It  was  the  peach 
season,  and'l  studied  in  Geography  while  at  home 
about  the  superlative  quality  of  Delaware  peach- 
es. I  therefore  asked  for  some  of  the  best  of  them 
in  the  state.  Such  he  speedily  and  gladly  ordered, 
and  I  had  all  I  wanted  and  was  perfectly  sat- 
isfied.— This  was  he  who  revealed  to  me  the  half 
of  America  from  which  my  Yankee  sympathies 
had  kept  me  in  ignorance.  Generous,  sympa- 
thetic, true,  unsuspicious, — why  the  whole  of 
American  Christianity  does  not  go  by  dollars  and 
cents,  with  Jonathan  Edwards  and  Theodore  Par- 
ker. There  is  such  a  thing  as  chivalric  Christian- 
ity, a  thing  very  much  to  my  national  heart.  I 
took  up  somewhat  of  the  spirit  of  my  Southern 
friend,  committed  to  memory  many  passages  from 
the  Book  of  Common  Prayer  which  he  presented 
me  with,  and  began  to  take  delight  in  attending 
the  Episcopal  services.  Led  by  God's  Spirit, 
breadth  does  never  contradict  one's  growing  con- 
'viction  in  his  own  faith;  and  I  am  ever  thankful 
that  I  befriended  half  of  Christendom  througii  my 
Delaware  friend,  without  weakening  in  the  least 
my  unbounded  admiration  for  Oliver  Cromwell, 
and  my  attachments  to  those  precious  truths  con- 
tained*^ in  the  Puritanic  form  of  Christianity. 
The  limited  space  only  forbids^nieJiimake  men- 

"^  OF    THB         ^y 

UNIVERSITY 

:£^  CA LI F0RH\^ 


128  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

tion  of  other  good  friends  and  sweet  influences, 
wlio  and  wliicli  acted  upon  me  during  mj  stay  in 
tlie  Hospital.  Even  from  the  Irish  soil,  and  that 
not  from  among  its  gentries,  came  inspirations 
and  widening  of  my  mental  and  spiritual  horizons. 
One  strong  man  I  particularly  remember,  who  had 
a  worshipful  admiration  for  Gladstone,  and  who, 
when  I  told  him  of  my  envy  for  his  owning  such  a 
mighty  sovereign  as  Queen  Victoria,  signified  his 
strong  dissent  with  a  stamping  and  a  remark:  ''I 
would  rather  be  ruled  by  the  king  of  Abyssinia 
than  be  a  subject  of  that  d — able  woman."  And 
yet  what  a  goodness  of  heart,  and  piety  too,  in 
these  misrepresented  sons  and  daughters  of  the 
Emerald  Isle. 

With  these  descriptions  of  my  surroundings  I 
may  be  allowed  to  give  some  more  of  my  diaries. 

Jan.  1,  1885.— Cold.  Last  night  felt  much 
about  ^justification  by  faith!  Was  on  duty 
during  night  The  first  time  I  took  up  the 
work  of  caring  the  sick.  I  thanked  God  that 
He  opened  a  way  for  me. 

The  first  day  as  an  attendant  in  an  asylum. 
The  long-cherished  line  of  labor,  hallowed  by  the 
names  of  John  Howard,  Elizabeth  Fry,  and  in- 
numerable other  saints  and  saintesses,  was  now 
opened  to  me.  Indeed,  I  felt  I  became  a  saint 
myself.  But  already  from  the  very  beginning  of 
this  my  attempt  to  justify  myself  by  ^'the  works 
of  the  law,"  a  voice  said  deep  dow^n  in  my  bosom, 
"a  man  is  justified  by  faith  without  the  deeds  of 
the  law." 

Jan.  6.— Read  the  Book  of  Job;  much  con- 
soled. 


In  Christendom,  129 

Again  with  the  help  of  the  venerable  Albert 
Barnes.  The  two  volumes  of  his  Commentaries 
were  hurried  through  without  a  stop.  That  the 
final  outcome  of  all  evils  is  good,  w^s  now  indeli- 
bly impressed  upon  my  mind.  Ever  since  I  sel- 
dom have  missed  this  view  of  life,  even  amidst  the 
darkest  of  clouds. 

Jan.  11,  Sunday. — Was  on  duty  all  the  day 
through.  Read  Havergal;  much  taught  in 
spiritual  things. 

Jan.  25,  Sunday. — This  life  is  a  school 
where  we  are  taught  how^  to  enter  the  heaven. 
The  greatest  achievement  of  this  life,  there- 
fore, is  to  learn  "the  precious  and  eternal  les- 
sons." 

New  lessons  are  being  taught  by  ministering 
angels,  Francis  Havergal  the  most  conspicuous 
among  them.  Till  then  this  earthly  life  was  all 
in  all  to  me,  even  under  the  Christian  dispensa- 
tion. The  new  faith  was  accepted  more  for  util- 
itarian purposes,  such  as  happy  homes,  free  gov- 
ernments, etc.,  than  for  its  intrinsic  spiritual 
worth.  ^'To  make  my  country  as  strong  as  Eu- 
rope or  America,"  was  the  prime  aim  of  my  life, 
and  I  welcomed  Christianity,  as  I  thought  it  a 
great  en^ina--lef'-eatTyiTrg'-tmtthifr  design.  And 
O  ho^^^lnany  do  still  accept  it  for  its  socio-political, 
■^sons!  But  now  the  love  of  country  was  to  be 
sacrificed  for  the  love  of  heaven,  that  the  former 
might  be  restored  to  me  in  its  truest  and  highest 
significance. 

^Feb^-2;— ==Ttie~rcrea  of  my  sonship  to  God; 
greatly  encouraged. 


130  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Feb.  11.— Read  Phillips  Brooks  on  "Influ- 
ence of  Jesus,"  and  greatly  encouraged. 

A  grand  discovery  that  I  am  'Grod's  son  and  not 
his  brother  or  equal.  Why  strive  to  compete  with 
him  in  strength  and  purity,  that  I  be  received 
upon  '^equal  footings"  by  Him?  Presumptuous 
little  god  of  the  world!  know  thyself,  and  things 
will  go  well  with  thee. 

And  Phillips  Brooks!  what  struggling  souls 
did  he  strengthen  and  support?  What  a  depth 
under  his  surplice,  and  ^iiat  a  broadness  behind 
his  Prayer-Book!  As  I  pored  over  his  book,  I 
thought  he  knew  personally  all  my  ills  for  which 
he  had  specifics  to  offer.  A  wayfarer  takes  in  a 
breath  after  a  draught  of  his  elixir,  and  for  a  week 
or  two,  he  marches  on  with  songs  upon  his  lips, 
the  earth  with  all  its  bristles  and  mountains  and 
valleys  leveled  and  smoothed  before  him. 

Feb.  14. — As  far  as  I  know  is  my  own 
know^ledge  and  truth.  The  world  may  have 
different  opinions,  but  they  are  not  mine; 
hence  I  am  not  responsible  for  them.  Let  me 
care  for  what  I  know,  and  for  no  more. 

The  extent  and  limit  of  my  knowledge  was  to  be 
defined  that  1  might  armor  myself  against  the 
multitudinous  opinions  which  were  now  forced 
upon  me  for  acceptance.  xVmerica  is  a  land  of 
sects,  where  each  tries  to  augment  its  numbers 
at  the  expense  of  others.  Already  such  strange 
isms  as  Unitarianism,  Swedenborgism,  Quaker- 
ism, etc.,  to  say  nothing  of  others  with  which  I 
was  already  familiar,  were  being  tried  upon  me. 
The  poor  heathen  convert  is  at  loss  which  to  make 
his  own;   so  I  made  up  my  mind  to  accept  none 


In  Christendom,  131 

of  them.  What  mortals  under  heaven  can  make 
a  "right  choice"  out  of  dozens  and  scores  of  de- 
nominations, each  having  its  own  merits  and  de- 
merits? Whv  torment  a  poor  convert  with  the 
etymology  of  [^aTmeu  and  persuade  him  to  be 
"dipped,"  when  authorities  equally  as  great  and 
pious  maintain  that  even  sprinkling  is  not  neces- 
sary for  his  eternal  salvation.  Be  merciful  to  the 
poor  convert,  ye  "Christians  at  home." 

Feb.  18. — Much  doubting;  not  a  little 
troubled.  My  heart  must  be  fixed  upon  God. 
Men^s  opinions  are  various,  but  God's  Truth 
must  be  one.  Unless  taught  by  God  Himself, 
the  true  knowledge  cannot  be  obtained. 

Horrid  struggles  with  the  "selections"  of  Truth. 
Is  Jesus  a  God  or  a  man?    If  I  believe  He  is  a 
man,  shall  I  not  be  condemned  in  eternal  hell-fire? 
^^et  they  say  that   Emerson,  Garrison,  Lowell, 
/^Martineau,  and  other  great  and  brave  and  learned 
(       men  said  that  He  was  a  man.     My  belief  in  the  di 
\^    vinity  of  Christ  was  then  as  foolish  and  ground- 
"M^ss  as  the  superstitious  idolatary  I  had  left  J^ 
hind  with  so  much  sacrifice.     While  my  struggle 
upon  this  point  is  yet  unsettled,  another  set  of  di- 
vines comes  to  me,  and  kindly  cautions  me  not  to 
be  deceived  by  Protestant  devils,  and  favors  me 
with  a  copy  of  Cardinal  Gibbons'  "Faith  of  Our 
Fathers,"  to  peruse  it  with  all  prayerful  diligence. 
And  as  soon  as  my  attention  is  seriously  turned 
toward  the  solution  of  this  momentous  problem, 
the  agnostic  in  the  name  of  Darwin,  Huxley,  and 
Spencer,  admonishes  me  to  give  up  the  futile  ques- 
tion, and  to  rest  in  the  visible  and  the  tangible. 
Then  souls  in  all  outward  appearances  as  pious  as 
Madame  Guiyon  herself,  tells  me  that  M^^r  prophet 


132  Dkuij  of  ((  Japanese  Convert 

Swedenborg  saw  lieaven  with  liis  own  eyes,  and 
testified  with  all  his  mighty  intellect  that  all  what 
he  said  and  wrote  was  absolutely  true.  But  says 
great  ph3^,siologist  Dr.  Flint,  that  Swedenborg 
was  a  genuine  lunatic.  Woe  is  a  conscientious 
heathen  convert  in  the  midst  of  all  these  contro- 
versies. His  mind  is  hurled  from  one  end  of  the 
intellectual  universe  to  the  other,  with  no  posi- 
tion safe  from  some  attacks  of  most  ponderous  na- 
ture. Once  more  I  thought  of  peace  and  serenity 
in  my  grandma's  ''heathen"  faith.  Say  not,  O  ye 
sect-bound  Christians,  "Better  one  year  of  Europe 
than  a  cycle  of  Cathay;"  for  you  promised  us  a 
peace  which  you  really  do  not  have.  If  dissen- 
sions and  religious  animosities  are  the  things  to 
be  desired,  we  had  them  enough  in  ''Cathay"  with- 
out entangling  ourselves  in  fresh  dissensions  of 
your  make  and  origin.  I  rememiber  I  once  went 
to  a  missionar}^  and  asked  him  the  raison  d'etre^, 
if  there  was  one,  of  sects  among  Christians.  He 
told  me  that  in  his  view  the  existence  of  sects  was 
a  real  blessing,  as  it  engendered  "emulation" 
among  ditferent  denominations,  and  thus  brought 
about  more  purity  in  churches,  and  rapider 
growth  of  God's  kingdom.  When,  however,  a  few 
months  after  this,  we  started  up  a  new  church  of 
our  own,  contrived  in  a  fashion  not  very  palatable 
to  his  taste,  the  very  same  missionary  sharply 
reprimanded  our  audacity,  by  telling  us  that  we 
must  not  add  one  more  new  sect  to  hundreds 
which  were  already  disgracing  the  cause  of  Chris- 
tianity. But  we  never  have  been  able  to  compre- 
hend his  logic.  If  the  existence  of  sects  is  "a  real 
blessing,"  why  not  increase  the  number  of  sects, 
and  get  more  benefit  out  of  them  I  P>ut  if  it  is  a 
curse,  as  we  poor  converts  imagine  it  to  be,  why 
not  attempt  to  annihilate  it,  and  make  Methodism, 


In  Clmstendom,  133 

Presbyterianism,  Congregationalism,  Quakerism, 
and  all  otlier  harmless  and  harmful  isms  into  one 
great  united  whole.  Crank-headed  as  we  are,  we 
never  can  unriddle  the  paradoxical  statement  of 
our  missionary  friend. 

March  8. — Feeling  the  importance  of  sanc- 
tification  more  and  more.  The  "Ideal  Purity" 
lies  before  my  eyes,  but  I  cannot  enter  that 
state.    A  wretched  being  that  I  am ! 

March  22. — Man  is  too  finite  a  creature  to 
be  able  to  rest  upon,  and  occupy,  the  whole  of 
the  Infinite  Foundation  of  Wisdom.  The 
only  thing  he  can  do  is  to  lodge  himself  in  a 
little  corner  of  this  Foundation.  As  soon  as 
he  gets  to  even  this  corner,  he  can  be  calm 
and  quiet, — so  strong  is  the  Rock.  This  ex- 
plains the  existence  of  different  sects,  and  the 
success  of  every  one  of  them. 

A  more  humane  and  rational  explanation  of 
"sects."  I  believe  Phillips  Brooks  helped  me  out 
to  this. 

April  5,  Easter  Sunday. — Beautiful  day. 
Spirit  was  poured  out,  and  for  the  first  time  in 
my  life,  had  a  glimpse  of  Heaven  and  Immor- 
tality! O  the  joy  inestimable!  A  moment  of 
such  holy  joy  is  worth  years  of  all  the  joys 
which  the  world  can  give.  My  spiritual  blind- 
ness was  felt  more  and  more,  and  I  prayed 
earnestly  for  light. 


134  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

A  day  of  Resurrection  indeed!  After  months  of 
continual  gloom  and  wrestlings  with  Spirit,  this 
revelation  and  respite  were  welcome  to  me  be- 
yond my  powders  of  description.  I  remember  I 
tasted  the  painted  eggs  placed  before  me  with  a 
relish  more  than  lingual.  In  them,  (i.  e.  when 
they  were  fresh,  and  not  after  they  were  boiled 
and  hardened  and  painteid,)  I  read  a  sermon  illus- 
trasting  the  then  state  of  my  soul.  All  my  stock 
of  embryological  knowledge  was  now  brought  be- 
fore my  mind  for  spiritualization,  and  I  pondered 
in  what  stage  of  soul-development  I  then  was, — 
whether  it  was  in  the  "cleavage  stage,''  or  in  the 
"mulberry  stage,"  or  so  far  advanced  as  to  be  near 
the  "chick  stage."  Soon  the  shell  shall  be  broken, 
and  I  shall  mount  high  on  my  wings  to  my  Savior 
and  Perfection.    O  for  more  light! 

April  6. — More  zest  and  fervor  in  teaching 

the  idiotic  children. 

The  day  before  this,  I  came  in  contact  with  one 
of  the  most  remarkable  men  I  ever  have  seen  in 
my  life-time.  The  same  was  the  late  James  B. 
Richards,  of  world-wide  renown  as  an  indefati- 
gable teacher  of  idiotic  children.  I  heard  from  his 
very  lips  some  of  his  early  pedagogic  experiences, 
demonstrating  to  us  the  practical  possibility  of 
"showing  the  Father"  even  to  the  lowest  of  His 
children.  The  impression  I  received  was  electric, 
and  its  effect,  permanent.  Since  then  Philan- 
throjjy  and  Education  ceased  to  be  the  works  of 
mere  Pity  and  Utility.  Both  were  seen  to  have 
high  religious  purposes, — dispencers  of  God,  the 
only  Good.  My  attendantsh'ip  in  the  asylum  was 
now  glorified  to  a  holy  and  sacred  office,  and  Duty 
dropped  all  the  slavish    elements    it  had  in  it. 


In  Christendom.  135 

Him,  Richards,  Unitarian  in  his  church-relation- 
ship, I  count  among  the  best  missionaries  that 
have  been  sent  to  me.  His  personality,  his  depth 
of  sympathy,  saying  nothing  of  his  extraordinary 
genius  as  a  teacher,  smoothed  away  much  of  my 
Trinitarian  prejudices  I  was  bred  up  to  in  my 
Orthodox  relationship  and  reading. 

April  8. — The  highest  conception  of  human 
capabilities  may  be  the  origin  of  Unitarian- 
ism  in  its  purest  and  highest  form.  Man, 
howeyer,  cannot  attain  his  highest  possible 
moral  altitude  by  his  own  efforts;  so  he  drags 
dowm  Christ  to  suit  his  w^eak  intellect. 

Conception  of  God  is  perfectly  clear  till  we 
come  to  Christ.  Here  all  stumble.  I  often 
think  how'  clear  a  yiew^  must  I  haye  with  re- 
gard to  my  God  had  there  been  no  Christ. 

Christ  a  stumblingblock,  not  only  to  the 
heathen  Greeks  of  old,  but  to  the  heathen 
Japanese,  Chinese,  and  all  other  heathens 
of  this  yery  day.  The  Unitarian  explanation  of 
him  is  too  simple  for  the  mystic  Oriental,  but  the 
Trinitarian  ''theory"  is  no  less  unbelieyable.  Who 
shall  roll  away  the  stone  for  me? 

April  16. — Read  Fernald's  "True  Christian 
Life." 

April  18. — Much  interested  in  reading 
Drummond's  "Natural  Law  in  Spiritual 
World." 


136  Diarj/  of  a  Japanrsc  Convert, 

April  19. — Took  great  interest  in  reading 
Revelation. 

Fernald  was  the  first  Swedenborgian  author  I 
read  with  any  degree  of  seriousness.  Indeed  I 
peeped  into  "Arcana  Celestia"  some  three  years 
before  this,  but  then  it  w^as  too  spiritual  for  my 
materially-disposed  mind.  But  now  in  a  strange 
land,  grappling  with  great  spiritual  problems, 
mysticism  of  any  sort  w^as  welcome  to  me,  for 
what  I  could  not  remove  in  Fact,  I  could  fly  over 
in  my  Spirit.  Then  came  Drummond  to  spirit- 
ualize my  science,  and  they  two  made  me  ex- 
tremely spiritual,  ^owthere  was  left_nothing 
thati  could  not  ex^taln'  away.  So  I~tQoS  up 
'Revelation,  the  book  that  Thad  left  untouched 
for  fear  that  it  might  turn  me  a  skeptic, — a  book, 
I  thought,  which  was  intended  for  angel-kind, 
and  not  for  inductive  human-kind.  But  if  it  is  a 
^ivid  portraiture  of  man's  spiritual  experiences, 
I  lacked  nothing  in  me  to  illustrate  every  passage 
in  it.  The  Trinity  chasm  can  also  be  bridged 
over  in  that  way,  and  the  Immaculate  Conception 
and  Resurrection  are  soon  counted  among  of- 
courses.  And  that  fearful  struggle  about  the 
reconciliation  of  Genesis  and  Geology,  the  struggle 
that  drove  the  famed  author  of  the  "Natural  His- 
tory of  Selbourne"  to  madness — it  too  melts  away 
as  easily  as  September  frost  before  the  sun,  under 
the  treatment  of  the  author  of  "Arcana  Celestia." 
But  I  never  have  counted  'Swedenborg  among 
blockheads,  as  many  people  do.  His  was  a  mind 
beyond  my  power  of  conception,  and  his  insights 
in  very  many  cases  are  truly  wonderful.  He  who 
tries  to  p^et  the  whole  truth  from  Swedenborg 
may  stumble;  but  he  that  goes  to  him  in  true 
scholarly  humility  and  wdth  iChristian  reverence, 


In  Christendom,  187 

will,  I  doubt  not,  come  out  greatly  blessed.  After 
mucb  gross  spiritualism  into  wbicli  I  sank  at  my 
first  contact  with  his  doctrines,  the  influence  of 
that  remarkable  man  upon  my  thought  has  ever 
been  healthful.  This  is  not  the  place,  liowever,  to 
state  in  detail  in  what  respect  it  was  so. 

May  14. — Read  Jeremiah;  much  affected. 

May   16. — Jeremiah   affected   me   a   great 
deal. 

May  27. — Much  benefitted  by  reading  Jere- 
miah. 

My  religious  readings  thus  far  had  been  more 
from  '^Christian  Evidences"  and  such  stuffs,  and 
less  from  the  Bible  itself.  Hence  I  conceived  an 
idea  that  the  Old  Testament  prophesies  were 
mostly  future-tellings,  delivered  unto  mankind  to 
astonish  the  world  with  ''coincidences"  when  the 
Savior  of  the  race  did  come  at  last.  So  I  early 
included  the  books  of  prophets  among  the  incom- 
prehensible. I  read  adout  them,  but  not  in  them. 
But  now  with  half  curiosity  and  half  fear,  I 
peeped  into  Jeremiah,  though  the  Superintendent 
once  gave  us  a  notice  that  he  would  not  allow 
any  Jeremiah  upon  his  ground,  for  such  woald 
set  the  wbole  house  to  weeping  in  sight  of  all  the 
miseries  in  the  Hospital.  And  lo!  what  a  book! 
So  human,  so  understandable;  so  little  of  future- 
tellings  in  it,  and  so  much  of  present  warnings! 
Without  a  single  incident  of  miracle-working  in 
the  whole  book,  the  man  Jeremiah  was  presented 
to  me  in  all  the  strength  and  weakness  of  hu- 
manity. "May  not  all  great  men  be  called 
prophets?"  I  said  to  myself.   I  recounted  to  myself 


Duiry  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

the  great  men  of  my  own  lieatlien  land  and 
wei«»lied  their  words  and  conducts;  and  I  came 
to  the  conclusion  that  the  same  God  that  spoke  to 
Jim^mhilLdid  also  speak  to  some  of  my  own  coun- 
trymen, though  not  so  audibly  as  to  him:  thatiie 


did  notU£ax£,jis  entirely  without  His  light  and' 

gUida^e^but  W^rl  ng  qnrl^-ntrhe<"'  nvpf~ns  tlj^F^ 

long  cenTuri?^  as  iie''"^T3Tlie  most  Christian  of 
nations.  The  thought  was  inspiring  beyond  my 
power  of  expression.  Patriotism  that  w^as 
quenched  somewhat  by  accepting  a  faith  that  was 
exotic  in  origin,  now  returned  to  me  with  hundred- 
fold mare  yigor  and  impression.  I  looked  at  the 
nxap  of  my  country,  and  weeped  and  prayed  over^ 
I  compared  Russia  to  Babylonia,  and  the  Czar 
to  Nebuchadnezzar,  and  my  country  to  the  belp- 
ess  Judea  to  be  sayed  only  by  owning  the  God  of 
hteousness.  In  my  old  English  Bible  I  note^ 
dovKi^such  remarks  as  these: 

Jer.^THyJ^Sj-— \Vho  can  resist^  this  solicitation? 

Jer.  IV,  nSp^TliFFrafe' words  of  sorrow.  Ah, 
my  country,  my  empire,  follow  thou  not  the  foot- 
steps of  Judea. 

Jer.  IX,  18-31; — Is  not  Russia  of  the  North  our 
Chaldea?    Etc. 

For  two  years  from  this  time  I  read  almost  noth- 
ing from  my  Bible  but  the  Prophets.  The  whole 
j^f-  my  religious  thought  was  changed  thereby-. 
My  friends  say  that  my  religion  is  more  a  form  of 
Judaism  than  the  Christianity  of  Gospels.  Biit 
it  is  not  so.  I  learnt  from  Christ  and  His  Apostles 
how  to  save  my  soul,  but  from  the  Prophets,  /w7£j 
to  save  my  coimtry. 

4  remained  in  the  hospital'serrice  for  nearly 
eight  moiTtlra,  wherr^^tlQubts-^  within  me  became 
impossible  to  be  borne  for  any  greater  length  of 
time.     Relief  must  be  sought  somewhere.     The 


in  Christendom.  130 

good  Doctor  said  I  needed  rest,  and  prescribed  for 
me  Appolinaris'  ^yater  for  my  torpid  liver;  for 
in  his  practical  view,  mucli,  if  not  all,  of  so-called 
spiritual  struggles  could  be  explained  by  some 
derangement  of  digestive  organs.  Taking  ad- 
vantage of  his  medical  advice,  I  went  to  New 
England  where  I  had  some  friends  from  my  na- 
tive land,  for  I  thought  something  '4ucky"  might 
come  out  by  change  of  locations.  My  heathen 
trust  in  ''good  lucks"  always  cropped  out  when 
I  came  to  extremities. 

With  a  sad  heart  I  left  the  Hospital  and  many 
good  friends  I  made  there,  deeply  regretting  my 
imperfect  services,  and  change  of  plans  so  soon 
after  committing  myself  to  the  care  of  the  good 
Doctor.  Philanthropy,  "love-man''  business,  I 
found  to  be  not  my  own  till  my  "love-self  pro- 
pensity is  totally  annihilated  within  me.  Soul- 
cure  must  precede  body-cure,  in  my  case  at  least; 
and  Philanthropy  of  itself  was  powerless  for  the 
former  purpose. 

But  be  it  far  from  me  to  say  anything  de- 
preciatory of  the  work  which  "angels  do  envy." 
It  is  a  work  nobler  than  w^hich  cannot  be  met  with 
anywhere  else  in  this  wide  universe.  Some  say 
mission  work  to  the  heathen  is  nobler.  Perhaps 
so,  since  as  the  body  is  more  than  garments,  so 
the  soul  is  more  than  i^s  garment,  the  body.  But 
who  ever  separated  the  body  from  the  soul,  as 
we  do  the  orange-skin  from  the  pulp  inside?  Who 
ever  can  save  the  soul  without  reaching  it  through 
the  body?  A  minister  of  religion  working  upon 
the  depart-in-peace-be-ye-fllled-and-warmed  prin- 
ciple is  as  far  removed  from  heaven,  as  a  curer 
of  the  body  working  upon  the  health-f or-fees  prin- 
ciple is  near  to  heaven's  opposite  extremities. 
Philanthropy  is  Agapanthropy,  if  you  are  particu- 


140  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

lar  about  the  relative  meanings  of  the  two  Greek 
words  for  love.  "Medicine"  said  a  Chinese  sage, 
''is  an  art  of  love,"  and  as  far  as  I  know,  the 
Christianity  of  Gospels  seems  to  approve  this 
saying  though  uttered  by  a  heathen.  Who  then 
can  distinguish  Medicine  from  Theology? 


In  Christendom,  141 


CHAPTER  VIII. 
IN  CHRISTENDOM— NEW  ENGLAND  COLLEGE  LIFE. 

I  was  to  see  New  England  by  all  means,  for  my 
Christianity  came  originally  from  New  England, 
and  she  was  responsible  for  all  the  internal  strug- 
gles caused  thereby.  I  had  a  sort  of  claim  upon 
her,  and  so  I  boldly  entrusted  myself  to  her.  I 
first  went  to  Boston,  and  thence  to  a  fishing  town 
near  Cape  Ann,  there  to  acclimatize  myself  to 
New  England  blue-berries,  and  to  Yankee  modes 
of  life  and  action.  For  two  weeks  I  wrestled  in 
prayer  upon  a  rocky  promontory  of  the  Eastern 
Massachussetts,  with  the  billows  of  the  Atlantic 
to  moan  my  wretchedness,  and  the  granite  quarries 
of  the  state  to  illustrate  the  hardness  of  my  heart. 
I  returned  to  Boston  somewhat  becalmed.  I  se- 
cluded myself  in  one  of  its  obscure  cow-traced 
streets  about  a  fortnight  more,  and  then  I  made 
my  way  to  the  Connecticut  valley. 

My  object  in  going  there  was  to  see  a  man,  the 
president  of  a  well-known  college,  of  whose  piety 
and  learning  I  had  previously  tasted  in  my  home- 
land through  some  of  his  writings.  To  us  poor 
heathens,  the  idea  of  great  intellectual  attain- 
ments always  carries  with  it  that  of  imperious- 
ness,  and  hence  of  unapproachableness.  A  man 
with  the  double-title  of  D.  D.  and  LL.  D.  need  not 
condescend  to  the  commonality  to  solve  its  doubts 
and  see  to  its  sorrows.  Is  not  his  mind  always 
occupied    with    ^'Evolution,"    ''Conservation    of 


142  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Energy,"  and  such  like?  To  expect  from  liini  any- 
thing like  personal  help  to  my  little  soul,  I  thought 
to  be  wholly  presumptuous  on  mj  part.  I  was 
told,  however,  that  I  could  see  him,  and  I  made 
up  my  mind  to  see  him  from  a  distance,  if  I  could 
do  nothing  else. 

Miserably  clad  in  an  old  nasty  suit,  with  no 
more  than  seven  silver  dollars  in  my  pocket,  and 
five  volumes  of  Gibbon's  Rome  in  my  valise,  I 
entered  the  college  town,  and  soon  appeared  in 
the  president's  gate.  A  friend  of  mine  had  previ- 
ously introduced  my  name  to  him;  so  he  knew 
that  a  young  savage  was  coming  to  him.  I  was 
introduced  to  his  parlor,  and  there  waited  for  my 
doom  to  be  stunned  by  his  intellectuality  and 
Platonic  majesty.  Hush!  he  is  coming!  Prepare 
thy  soul  to  stand  before  his  sinless  presence.  He 
may  look  through  thy  heart  at  once,  and  take  thee 
for  what  thou  really  art,  and  refuse  to  own  thee 
as  his  pupil.  The  door  opened,  and  behold  the 
Meekness!  A  large  well-built  figure,  the  leonine 
eyes  suffused  with  tears,  the  warm  grasp  of  hands 
unusually  tight,  orderly  words  of  welcome  and 
sympathy, — why,  this  was  not  the  form,  the  mind, 
the  man  I  had  pictured  to  myself  before  I  saw 
him.  I  at  once  felt  a  peculiar  ease  in  myself.  I 
confided  myself  to  his  help  which  he  most  gladly 
promised.  I  retired,  and  from  that  time  on  my 
Christianity  has  taken  an  entirely  new  direction. 

I  was  given  a  room  in  the  college  dormitory  free 
of  charge;  and  as  I  had  neither  a  table,  nor  a 
chair,  nor  a  bed,  nor  even  a  washtub,  the  kind 
president  ordered  the  janitor  to  provide  me  with 
few  such  necessities.  There  in  a  room  in  the 
uppermost  story  I  settled  myself,  firmly  making 
up  my  mind  never  to  move  from  the  place  till  the 
Almighty  should  show^  Himself  unto  me.     With 


In  Christendom.  143 

an  aim  like  this  in  view,  I  was  entirely  insensible 
to  the  lack  of  mj  personal  comforts.  The  former 
occupant  of  mv  room  had  the  carpet  removed 
from  the  floor,  and  the  new  occupant  was  not  able 
to  re-carpet  it.  There  I  found  however  a  table 
crippled  of  its  drawers,  but  as  its  four  feet  were 
stiff  and  strong,  I  made  a  very  good  use  of  it. 
There  was  also  an  old  easy  chair  with  one  of  its 
corners  broken  off,  so  that  it  stood  really  upon 
tripods;  but  with  a  slight  equiposing  of  my  body, 
I  could  sit  and  work  upon  it  quite  comfortably. 
The  bedstead  was  of  wooden  frame  and  a  good 
one,  but  it  squeaked,  and  the  bed-cover  harbored 
some  living  specimens  of  Cimex  lectularius,  com- 
monly called  the  bed-bug.  I  provided  myself  with 
a  Yankee  lamp  of  the  simplest  construction,  and 
this  with  a  small  wash-vase  besides  constituted 
the  whole  of  my  furnitures.  I  had  my  pen  and 
ink  and  paper,  and  a  praying  heart  to  fill  up  all 
the  rest. 

Thus  I  began  my  New  England  college  life.  To 
describe  it  fully  is  not  demanded  by  my  American 
or  English  readers.  I  got  from  it  all  the  fun  and 
jest  which  every  student  carries  away  with  him. 
I  liked  all  its  professors.  Professor  in  German 
was  the  j  oiliest  man  I  ever  saw.  I  read  Goethe's 
Faust  with  him,  and  he  made  it  exceedingly  in- 
teresting to  me,  adding  not  a  little  of  his  own 
pathos  to  it.  The  tragedy  struck  me  like  a  thun- 
derbolt from  Heaven.  I  still  refer  to  that  ''World- 
Bible"  only  less  frequently  than  to  the  Bible  itself. 
Professor  in  History  was  a  genuine  gentleman. 
He  taught  me  how  to  be  fair  in  judging  the  past, 
and  with  it,  the  present  as  well.  His  lectures  ><f 
were  to  me  a  veritable  course  in  Divinity,  though 
he  seldom  spoke  about  religion,  but  touched  most- 
ly upon  ''the  progress  of  humanity."    Professor  in 


144  DUnij  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

Biblical  Interpretation  gave  me  special  lessons  in 
Old  Testament  History  and  Theism.  The  good  old 
Doctor  looked  after  me  with  genuine  interest,  and 
as  I  was  the  only  student  in  his  class,  we  two  had 
a  regular  debating  club  for  three  terms  in  succes- 
sion. He  fished  out  Confucianism  and  other  good 
heathenisms  that  were  in  me,  and  weighed  them 
'/  over  against  the  Scriptural  standards.  In  Philo- 
sophy I  was  a  total  failure.  My  deductive 
Oriental  mind  \tas-wb^lly  incompa^itrle.^  with 
rigoroii»4iiTlucRve  processes  of  perceptions,  con- 
ions  and  all  that,  all  of  which  appeared  to 
either  as  self-evident  facts  which  needed  ng 
distinguishing,  or  as  different  names  for  one  an^ 
the  same  thing,  so  treated  that  the  philosouhfer 
^  have  something  to  do  to  kill  his  tirn^TTo 
us  OrlehtHbr  who^depend  more  ugon:jiu¥-«ight 
than  upon  logic  foFTlie  establisHment  of  Truth, 
the  Philosophy  as  I  was  taught  in  my  New  Eng- 
land college  is  of  comparatively  little  use  in  clear- 
ing up  our  doubts  and  spiritual  phantasmagorias. 
I  believe  no  body  made  a  greater  mistake  than 
those  Unitarian  and  other  intellectually-minded 
missionaries,  who  thought  that  we  Orientals  are 
intellectual  peoples,  and  hence  w^e  must  be  in- 
tellectually converted  to  Christianity.  We  are 
poets  and  not  scientists,  and  the  labyrinth  of 
syllogism  is  not  the  path  by  which  we  arrive  at 
the  Truth.  It  is  said  of  thej[£w»41ratthej  eanie  to 
the  knowledge.-jo^-^rne'^God  by  "a  succession  "of 
jieyekrttOnsT^    So  I  believe  all  the  Asiatics  ^^^ 

So  I  liked  Geology  and -Mineralfrgr-tetrre' than 
Philosophy,  not  only  for  what  they  really  are, 
but  as  helps  to  lead  me  to  the  knowledge  of  Peace 
that  passeth  all  understandings.  Crystallography 
was  to  me  a  sermon  by  itself,  and  the  measure- 
ment of  the  angles  of  a  topaz  or  an  amethyst  was 


In  Christendom.  145 

to  me  a  real  spiritual  pastime.  Then  our  Pro- 
fessor in  these  branches  of  our  study  was  the  best 
of  mankind.  He  could  talk  on  whole  hours  upon  a 
single  stone  picked  up  on  the  street,  while  a  Roger 
and  a  \Miitmarsh  and  other  good  fellows  were 
indulging  in  delicious  naps  in  one  corner  of  his 
lecture-room.  I  never  asked  mv  Professor  how  he 
reconciled  Genesis  to  Geology,  for  I  knew  his 
head  had  no  place  for  such  things,  stuffed  as  it 
was  with  rocks  and  minerals  and  fossils  and  foot- 
prints more  than  it  could  easily  hold. 

But  none  influenced  and  changed  me  more  than 
the  worthy  President  himself.  It  was  enough  that 
he  stood  up  in  the  chapel,  gave  out  a  hymn,  read 
from  the  Scripture,  and  prayed.  I  never  have 
"cut"  my  chapel-service,  i.  e.  absented  myself  from 
it,  even  for  the  sole  purpose  of  casting  a  view 
upon  the  venerable  man.  He  believed  in  God,  in 
the  Bible,  and  in  the  power  of  prayer  to  accom- 
plish all  things.  I  think  those  innocent  fellows 
who  studied  their  Latin  lessons  while  that  holy 
man  prayed  will  repent  of  their  doings  when  they 
go  to  heaven.  To  me  I  needed  nothing  more  than 
his  clear  ringing  voice  to  prepare  myself  for  the 
battle  of  the  day.  That  God  is  our  Father,  who  is 
more  zealous  of  His  love  over  us  than  we  of  Him; 
that  His  blessings  are  so  emanant  throughout  the 
Universe  that  we  need  but  open  our  hearts  for 
His  fulness  to  ''rush  in;"  that  our  real  mistakes 
lay  ir|  nur  very  effortS-to-bc  pure  when^ 
God  Himself  could  make  us  pure;  that  selfishness 
is  really  hatred  of  self,  for  he  that  reallylo: 
jimself^ould  first ^a±a^imself  and.gi^e'gij 
for  others;  etc.,  etc.; — these  and  other  precious 
lessons  the  good  President  taught  me  by  his  words 
and  deeds.  I  confess  Satan's  power  over  me  be- 
gan to  slacken  ever  since  I  came  in  contact  with 


14()  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

tliat  man.  Gradually  I  was  exorcized  of  my  sins 
original  and  sins  derived.  I  tliink  after  two  years 
of  my  college  life  (for  I  joined  the  Junior  class), 
I  found  myself  in  a  path  which  pointed  heaven- 
ward. Not  that  I  ceased  to  stumble,  for  that  I 
still  constantly  do,  but  because  I  now  know  that 
the  Lord  is  merciful,  and  that  He  blotted  out  my 
sin  in  His  Son,  on  whom  relying  I  am  not 
estranged  from  the  Everlasting  Love.  My  subse- 
quent diaries  will  show  that  such  was  really  the 
case. 

Soon  after  my  settlement  in  the  college,  I  was 
taken  by  the  President  to  attend  one  of  great  mis- 
sionary meetings.  Indeed,  nothing  is  more  indica- 
tive of  the  christianness  of  Christendom  than 
these  meetings.  Heathendom  has  no  such  things; 
for  we  care  nothing  about  other  people's  souls. 
The  mere  fact  that  ten  thousand  intelligent  men 
and  women  should  fill  three  or  four  spacious  halls 
to  overflowing  to  hear  about  how  they  can  make 
other  nations  taste  the  goodness  of  Gospel,  is  by 
itself  impressive  enough.  Granted  that  many  do 
come  to  see  shows,  and  that  many  others  come  to 
be  such  shows,  the  fact  remains  clear  that  to  these 
people  the  mission  work  among  heathens  is  worth 
to  be  made  a  show ;  and  it  is  doubtless  the  noblest 
and  divinest  of  all  religious  shows.  But  when 
this  Mission-show  is  partaken  by  the  toughest  and 
coolest  of  the  nation's  heads,  and  men  and  women 
deadly  earnest  about  it  ai)pear  upon  the  stage, 
and  with  scars  and  wrinkles  upon  their  foreheads, 
tell  of  their  moral  warfare  with  the  Kaffirs  and 
the  Hottentotts,  then  the  show  ceases  to  be  a 
show,  and  we  too  get  fired  by  it.  I  advise  any  one 
of  my  non-Christian  countrymen  to  be  in  one  of 
these  Mission-shows  whenever  he  finds  such  an 
opportunity  in  Christendom;  and  I  can  assure  him 


In  Christendom.  147 

that  he  ^ill  not  repent  of  doing  so.  The  show  is 
worth  seeing  in  all  respects.  He  may  see  in  it  the 
reason  of  Christendom's  greatness,  and  at  the 
same  time,  that  of  his  country's  smallness.  He 
may  thus  cease  to  speak  loud  about  ''the  brutality 
of  Christians."  I  tell  you,  those  Mission-shows 
are  inspiring. 

But  the  worst  lot  in  these  shows  falls  to  some 
specimens  of  conyerted  heathens  who  happen  to 
be  there.  They  are  sure  to  be  made  good  use  of,' 
as  circus-men  make  use  of  tamed  rhinoceroses. 
They  are  fetcht  d  up  for  shows;  and  such  wonder- 
ful shows!  Till  but  recently  bowing  before  wood 
and  stones,  but  now  owning  the  same  God  as  that 
of  these  white  people!  "O  just  tell  us  how  you 
were  conyerted,"  they  clamour;  ''but  in  fifteen 
minutes  and  no  more,  as  we  are  going  to  hear 
from  the  great  Reyerend  Doctor  So-and-So  about 
the  ways  and  means  and  rationale  of  the  mission." 
The  tamed  rhinoceros  is  a  Hying  illustration;  not 
a  blackboard  illustration,  but  the  yeriest  speci- 
men from  the  yeriest  field.  And  those  rhinoce- 
roses who  like  to  be  seen  and  petted  gladly  obey 
the  behest  of  these  people,  and  in  the  most  awk- 
yvard  manner,  tell  them  how  they  ceased  to  be 
animals  and  began  to  liye  like  men.  But  tliere 
are  other  rhinoceroses  who  do  not  like  to  be  so 
used.  They  do  not  like  to  be  robbed  of  their 
internal  peace  by  being  made  shows  to  the  people, 
all  of  vvhom  cannot  comprehend  through  what 
tortuous  and  painful  processes  were  they  made  to 
giye  up  the  rhinoceros-life.  They  like  to  be  left 
alone,  and  walk  silently  in  God's  green  field  away 
from  the  sight  of  man.  But  the  circus-men  do  not 
usually  like  such  rhinoceroses.  So  they  some- 
times bring  some  wieldy  specimens  from  the  In- 
dian jungles  for  this  special  purpose,  (usually  yery 


1  is  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

joung  ones),  and  take  them  through  the  land, 
show  tlliem  to  the  Sunday  school  children,  fetch 
them  upon  pulpits,  and  make  them  sing  rhinoceros 
songs,  and  get  people  interested  in  missionwork 
in  that  way. 

Now  I,  a  regenerate  rhinoceros,  advise  the  mis- 
sion circus-men  to  be  more  considerate  in  this 
matter.  On  one  hand,  they  spoil  the  tamed 
rhinoceroses,  and  also  induce  the  untamed  ones  to 
simulate  the  tamed,  for  that  they  find  the  easiest 
possible  way  of  getting  things  good  for  their 
rhinoceros-flesh.  On  the  other  hand,  I  believe  you 
give  false  conceptions  of  w^hat  the  Christian  mis- 
sion really  is  to  the  people  whom  you  like  to  get 
interested  in  your  work  in  that  way.  I  do  not 
read  in  the  Bible  that  Paul  or  Barnabus  brought 
a  Titus  or  a  Timothy  to  Jerusalem  for  the  purpose 
of  making  them  sing  Gentile  songs,  and  tell  the 
brethren  there  in  his  queer  half-incomprehensible 
way  "  how  he  cast  his  idols  into  fire  and  clung 
unto  the  Gospel."  I  read  how  the  great  Apostle 
defended  the  cause  of  Gentiles  with  all  his 
vehemence,  and  told  God's  people  that  they  were 
no  better  than  the  godless  Gentiles,  that  both 
were  condemned  in  sins,  and  came  short  of  the 
glory  of  God; — from  all  which  I  conclude  that  to 
Paul  and  Paully-minded  people,  Gentilism  was 
nothing  to  make  merry  about,  or  even  to  be 
"pitied,"  but  it  was  a  thing  to  be  sympathized 
with,  to  be  taken  as  their  own  state,  and  hence 
to  be  treated  with  all  reverence  and  Christian 
graces.  I  do  not  value  tliose  contributions  raised 
by  making  a  -Hindoo  youth  in  his  native  attire 
sing  Toplady  in  his  own  Paoli,  any  more  than  I  do 
money  raised  by  showing  tamed  ourangoutangs.  1 
do  not  call  that  a  Mission-work  that  appeals  to 
people's  Pharisaic  pride,  and  showing  them  that 


In  Christendom,  149 

tiiej  are  better  tlian  heathens,  urges  "the  Chris- 
tians at  home"  to  "pity  them."  The  best  of  mis-X 
siouaries  are  always  upholders  of  the  cause  and 
dignity  of  the  people  to  whom  they  are  sent,  and 
they  are  as  sensitive  as  the  patriotic  natives  them- 
selves to  expose  the  idolatories  and  other  degrada- 
tions before  the  so-called  Christian  public. 

Indeed,  there  are  some  people  w^ho  seem  to 
imagine  that  the  cause  of  Missions  can  be  upheld 
only  by  picturing  the  darkness  of  heathens  in  con- 
trast with  the  light  of  Christians.  So  they  make 
a  diagram  showing  heathens  by  jet-black  squares, 
and  Protestant  Christians  by  ^^hite  squares.  Mis- 
sionary Magazines,  Reviews,  Heralds,  all  are  full 
of  the  accounts  of  the  wickedness,  the  degrations, 
the  gross  superstitions  of  heathens,  and  scarcely 
any  account  of  their  nobleness,  godliness,  and 
highly  Christlike  characters  makes  its  way  into 
their  columns.  Many  a  time  in  our  own  experi- 
ences, we  were  not  a  little  chagrined  to  meet  no 
words  of  approbation  for  the  talks  we  gave  in  some 
mission  gatherings,  as  we  touched  more  upon  the 
virtuous  part  of  our  national  character,  and  less 
upon  the  heathenish  aspect  of  the  same.  They 
said,  "If  your  people  are  so  fine  a  set  of  people, 
why,  there  is  no  need  of  sending  them  mission- 
aries." "My  dear  friend,"  we  often  replied,  "it 
is  those  virtuous  set  of  people  who  hunger  after 
Christianity  more  than  any  other  class."  The  fact 
is,  if  we  heathens  are  but  slightly  better  than  gib- 
bons or  chimpanzees,  the  Christians  may  give  up 
their  mission  works  as  total  failures.  It  is  be- 
cause we  know  something  about  Right  and 
Wrong,  Truth  and  Falsehood,  that  we  are  readily 
brought  to  the  Cross  of  Christ.  I  sincerely  believe 
that  the  Christian  mission  based  upon  no  higher 
motive  than  "pity  for  heathens"  may  have  its  sup- 


150  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

port  entirely  withdrawn,  without  much  detriment 
either  to  the  sender  or  to  the  sent. 

March  1. — When  God  giveth  us  gifts,  they 
are  substantial.  Not  mere  speculations  sup- 
ported by  the  opinions  of  others,  nor  mere 
visions  which  are  products  of  imaginations, 
but  real  substance  which  cannot  be  disturbed 
by  the  winds  of  the  world. 

March  8. — Very  important  day  in  my  life. 
Never  was  the  atoning  power  of  Christ  more 
clearly  revealed  to  me  than  it  is  to-day.  In 
the  crucifixion  of  the  Son  of  God  lies  the  solu- 
tion of  all  the  difficulties  that  buffeted  my 
mind  thus  far.  Christ  paying  all  my  debts, 
can  bring  me  back  to  the  purity  and  inno- 
cence of  the  first  man  before  the  Fall.  Now  I 
am  God's  child,  and  my  duty  is  to  believe 
Jesus.  For  Eis  sake,  God  will  give  me  all  I 
want.  He  will  use  me  for  His  glory,  and  will 
save  me  in  Heaven  at  last.     ***** 

Those  of  you  who  are  'Thilosophically"  inclined 
may  read  the  above  passage  with  a  sort  of  pity, 
if  not  with  disdain.  You  say,  by  the  advent  of 
new  science  into  this  world,  the  religion  of  Luther, 
Cromwell,  and  Bunyan,  has  now  passed  into  a 
^'tradition."  You  say  that  ''it  stands  against 
reason"  that  faith  in  a  dead  Saviour  should  give 
a  man  life.  I  do  not  argue  with  you  then.  Per- 
haps a  thing  like  "the  responsible  soul  before  the 
Almighty  God"  has  never  troubled  you  much. 


In  Christendom.-  151 

Your  ambition  mav  not  extend  beyond  this  short 
span  of  existence  called  Life,  and  your  Almighty 
Judge  may  be  that  conventional  thing  called 
Society,  whose  ''good  enough''  may  give  you  all 
the  peace  you  need.  Yes,  the  crucified  Saviour  is 
necessarv  onlv  to  him  or  her  who  has  eternity  to 
hope  for^  and^he  Spirit  of  the  Universe  to  judge 
his  or  her  inmost  heart.  To  such  the  religion  of 
Luther  and  Cromwell  and  Bunyan  is  no/  a  tradi- 
tion, but  the  verity  of  all  verities. 

With  all  the  ups  and  downs  that  followed  the 
final  grasping  of  the  Crucified  Son  of  God,  I  will 
not  trouble  mv  reader.  Downs  there  were;  but 
thev  were  less  than  ups.  The  One  Thing  rivetted 
my' attention,  and  my  whole  soul  was  possessed 
by  It.  I  thought  of  it  day  and  night.  Even  while 
bringing  up  scuttles  of  coal  from  the  basement- 
floor  to  the  topmost  story  where  my  lodging  was, 
I  meditated  upon  Christ,  the  Bible,  the  Trinity, 
the  Resurrection,  and  other  kindred  subjects. 
Once  I  laid  down  my  two  scuttles  (I  carried  two 
to  balance  myself)  when  I  reached  the  middle 
floor,  and  then  and  there  burst  into  a  thanks- 
giving prayer  for  a  new  explanation  of  the  Trinity 
Uiat  was  revealed  to  me  on  my  way  from  the  ''coal- 
Liill."  Mv  paradise  came  when  the  vacation  be- 
can,  and  the  boys  all  went  home  to  see  their 
mammas,  leaving  me  the  sole  occupant  of  the  col- 
lege-hill, to  be  alone  with  my  Mamma,  the  gentle 
Spirit  of  God.  The  hill  that  rang  with  class-yells 
and  other  heathenish  noises  was  now  transformed 
into  a  veritable  Zion.  \Mienever  Satan  left  me 
free  to  mvself,  I  pictured  to  myself  the  dear  and 
blessed  homeland  away  beyond  the  seas,  and 
spotted  it  with  churches  and  Christian  colleges, 
which  of  course  had  their  existences  in  my  imagi- 
nations only.    No  inspiring  thought  ever  came  to 


152  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

mj  mind  but  I  reserved  it  as  a  message  to  my 
countrymen.  Indeed,  an  empire  and  its  people 
swallowed  up  all  my  leisure  hours. 

May  26. — Much  impressed  by  the  thought 
that  there  is  so  much  more  good  in  this  world 
than  the  evil.  Birds,  flowers,  sun,  air, — how 
beautiful,  bright,  balmy!  Yet  man  is  com- 
plaining all  the  while  of  the  evil.  The  world 
needs  but  one  thing  to  make  it  a  paradise, 
and  that  is  the  Religion  of  Jesus  Christ. 

Am  getting  to  be  a  real  optimist,  and  this  just 
after  I  passed  a  severe  New  England  winter  with- 
out a  stove  of  mine  to  warm  me,  and  while  I  was 
yet  in  uncertainty  as  to  the  payment  of  my  term- 
bills! 

June  3. — Studied  the  doctrine  of  Predes- 
tination, and  was  strongly  impressed  with  its 
import.  Heart  leaped  with  joy.  Temptations 
seem  to  vanish  away,  and  all  the  noble  quali- 
ties of  my  mind  burn  with  emotions.  Where 
is  fear,  where  is  the  power  of  the  tempter,  if 
I  am  one  of  God's  chosen  elects,  predesti- 
nated for  his  heirship  before  the  foundation 
of  the  world! 
^  The  doctrine  that  once  proved  to  be  the  great- 
est stumbling  block  to  me  is  now  turned  to  be  the 
corner-stone  of  my  faith.  And  I  believe  this  doc- 
trine was  enunciated  for  such  very  purposes.  I 
believe  those  are  pretty  sure  to  find  themselves 
among  the  elect  who  are  really  seriously  anxious 
about  their  election  while  they  are  doing  their 


f^  OF  THJt^^V-X 

«  UNlVEBsiTYJ 
In  (^^irisiemt^miSF^^^^^^^ 

best  to  please  their  God.     The  non-elect  do  not 
usually  trouble  themselves  with  this  question. 

June  5. — O  a  thought  which  should  humble 
every  Christian!  What  worthiness  attaches 
to  me  that  I  should  be  one  of  the  elects!  Yet 
to  think  that  I  am  daily  committing  sins! 

^'Enviable  delusion!"  my  Philosopher-friend 
will  say.  But  not  so  enviable  as  you  imagine,  for 
the  lot  of  God's  elect  is  the  miserablest  upon  this 
earth,  and  you  will  surely  decline  it  were  it  offered 
unto  you.  ^  Die-to-self-ing  day-by-day,  that  is  the 
election.  How  do  you  like  it,  my  Philosopher- 
friend? 

June  15.— Salvation  of  my  soul  is  entirely 
unconnected  with  the  conditions  of  my  sur- 
roundings and  worldly  fortunes.  Even 
though  I  be  "steeped"  in  gold,  my  soul  would 
remain  wholly  unaffected.  Even  though  I 
pass  through  the  severest  disciplines  of  an 
ascetic,  my  soul  would  be  like  a  hungry  beast, 
and  would  pride  itself  in  its  devotion.  Unless 
the  Spirit  of  God  touches  my  heart  directly, 
there  cannot  be  any  conversion.  What  a  con- 
soling thought !  I  mourn  for  poverty,  because 
my  flesh  suffers  thereby.  I  fear  prosperity,  be- 
cause my  souPs  salvation  is  in  danger.  But 
no!  salvation  is  of  God,  and  no  man  or  thing 
or  circumstance  can  take  it  from  me.  It  is 
surer  than  a  mountain  itself. 

This  is  my  version  of  Rom.  VIH,  38,  39.    Be  not 


154  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

cast  down  O  Poor,  for  His  grace  is  sufficient  unto 
thee.  Be  not  afraid,  O  Rich,  for  He  can  let  go  a 
camel  through  the  eye  of  a  needle. 

July  31. — A  terrific  thunder-storm  last 
night.  I  was  just  then  meditating  upon 
eternal  life,  and  fighting  against  some  of  my 
infirmities.  All  at  once,  flashings  and  thun- 
derlngs  removed  these  "fleshy  elements"  from 
my  heart,  and  I  found  myself  dreaming  of  be- 
ing struck  by  a  thunder-bolt  and  lying  in  rest- 
ful peace.  The  first  time  in  my  life  when  I 
enjoyed  a  rattling  thunder-storm. 

I  disliked  thunder,  and  I  always  thought  my 
end  did  come  when  it  rattled  right  above  my  head. 
In  my  heathen  da^'s,  I  called  in  the  help  of  all  my 
protecting  gods,  burnt  incense  to  them,  and  took 
my  refuge  under  a  mosquito-net  as  the  safest  place 
to  flee  from  "the  wrath  of  heaven."  And  oft  in  my 
Christian  days  as  well,  my  faith  was  put  to  the 
severest  test  when  ''God  roared"  in  the  cloud. 
But  now  by  the  grace  of  God,  I  was  thunder- 
Ijroof,  for  fear  of  all  sorts  had  departed  from  my 
heart  by  the  revelation  of  the  crucified  Jesus  unto 
me.  I  said  in  my  heart,  ''Strike  O  Thunder,  for  I 
am  safe." 

Aug.  16. — O  what  joys  and  peace  in  Jesus, 
joys  in  loneliness,  joys  in  friendlessness,  yea 
joys  too  in  sinfulness.  O  my  soul,  cling  to 
this  precious  truth,  and  turn  thy  whole  at- 
tention to  it! 

*'A  mere  rhetorical  contrast,"  my  critic  will  say. 


In  Christendom.  155 

But  not  so,  my  friend  in  Syntax.  We  Christians 
do  rejoice  in  our  sinfulness.  It  was  the  philoso- 
pher Leibnitz  who  said  that  nothing  served  to  lift 
mankind  more  than  its  fall  in  Adam.  Sin  is  a 
lever  by  which  we  mount  to  God  through  His 
Son,  oftentimes  to  a  height  wholly  unattainable 
by  men  and  women  of  the  Marcus  Aurelius  type. 

Sept.  13. — Evening  was  serene  and  beauti- 
ful.   Just  when  I  w^as  going  out  to  my  sup- 
per, thought  came  to  me  that  devils  cannot 
attack  me  when  I  am  dead  to  the  flesh.    And 
this  "death  to  sin"  can  be  accomplished,  not 
by  looking  into  my  sinful  heart,  but  by  look- 
ing up  to  Jesus  crucified.    I  can  be  more  than 
a  conqueror  through  Him  that  loved  me.    The 
thought  was  extremely  refreshing,  and  all  the 
burdens  of  the  day  were  entirely  forgotten. 
Gratitude  filled  my  heart,  and  I  wished  to 
commemorate  the  day  by  partaking  the  Lord's 
supper.     So  I  pressed  a  little  juice  out  of  a 
cluster  of  wild  grapes,  and  put  it  in  a  little 
porcelain  dish.    Also  I  cut  a  small  piece  of 
biscuit.    I  placed  these  upon  a  cleanly -washed 
handkerchief,  and    I  sat  in   front   of   them. 
After  a  thanksgiving  and  a  prayer,  I  took  the 
Lord's  body  and  blood  with  very  thankful 
heart.    Extremely  sanctifying.    I  must  repeat 
this  again  and  again  during  my  life. 

"Sacrilegious !    Playing  with  a  holy  ordinance," 
the  Churchism  and  other  Popish  isms  will  say  to 


156  Diaty  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

this.  But  wlij  defj  tlie  Roman  Pope  and  his 
fellow  priests  in  this  matter  of  the  Sacrament, 
and  grudge  to  us  the  same  mortals  as  yourselves 
this  priviledge  of  remembering  the  Lord's  death 
when  we  feel  most  to  do  so.  If  the  Pope  has  no 
exclusive  authority  of  sanctifying  this  ceremony, 
and  his  vicarship  a  mere  figment  of  imagination, 
what  authorities  have  you  to  support  your  "apos- 
tolicity?"  I  know  a  Japanese  who  presented  him- 
self for  membership  to  a  certain  evangelical 
church  as  a  baptized  Christian,  and  who,  when 
asked  what  authorized  prelate  baptized  him,  an- 
swered ^'Heaven."  The  fact  was,  one  summer 
afternoon,  he  was  deeply  convinced  of  his  sin  and 
found  forgiveness  in  crucified  Jesus.  He  thought 
the  occasion  was  too  solemn  to  let  go  without  pre- 
senting himself  for  the  Holy  Baptism.  But  no 
^'licensed  minister"  w^as  to  be  found  within  twen- 
ty-five miles  of  his  residence.  Just  then,  however, 
a  summer  shower  of  the  most  refreshing  sort 
came  pouring  upon  his  district.  He  thought  the 
heaven  itself  was  inviting  him  to  the  holy  cere- 
mony. So  he  rushed  right  into  the  midst  of  rain, 
and  there  in  a  reverential  attitude  had  his  whole 
body  drenched  by  the  "heavenly  water."  He  felt 
the  process  satisfactory  to  his  conscience,  and 
ever  since  confessed  himself  as  a  disciple  of 
Christ  before  his  idolatrous  countrymen.  I  do 
not  disturb  other  peoples  in  their  reverence 
toward  the  host  and  golden  chalices;  and  I  do 
not  wis'h  myself  to  be  disturbed  in  my  preference 
in  these  matters.  The  pith  of  the  whole  affair  is 
He  Himself,  and  nie»-^^"iaitfe{UeJheiii^w«^^^ 
appropriating  Him.  \Liberty  in  non-essentiajsl^ 

Nov.  24. — Thanksgiving  Recess  begins.    A 
very  refreshing  rest. — In  morning  as  I  got  up, 


In  Christendom,  157 

I  found  outside  the  door  of  my  room  a  pile 
of  ruddy  palatable  apples  in  an  artistic  tri- 
angular basket.  It  was  a  great  surprise  to 
me.  Some  kind  friend  must  have  left  it  there 
to  console  my  lonely  soul.  O  what  a  kind- 
ness! Remember,  my  Soul,  such  an  experi- 
ence! Often  a  deed  of  such  kind,  though  small 
it-  is,  touches  a  human  heart  more  than  gifts 
of  hundreds  of  dollars.  How  I  felt  comforted 
throughout  the  whole  da}- ,  knowing  that  there 
are  some  unknown  souls  who  think  of  me,  and 
take  interest  in  me!  I  bowed  down,  and  of- 
fered a  prayer  of  thanks  with  tears  of  grati- 
tude. 

Blessings  upon  blessings  be  upon  that  somebody 
who  has  not  yet  made  his  name  known  to  me! 

Nov.  26. — Visited  David  Brainard's  tomb. 

Nov.  28. — Read  the  life  of  David  Brainard. 
As  I  read  his  diaries,  I  felt  as  if  I  was  reading 
my  own.  When  I  came  to  the  passage  where 
he  says  "that  which  makes  all  my  difficulties 
grievous  to  be  borne,  is  that  God  hides  his 
face  from  me,"  I  could  not  help  crying.  It 
was,  however,  very  consoling  to  think  that  I 
am  not  the  only  one  whom  God  disciplines 
with  goads  internal  and  external.  I  yearned 
after  that  sweet  communion  in  heaven  with 
such  blessed  and  tried  spirits  as  his. 


158  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Dec.  4. — In  morning  at  the  President's  class, 
I  spoke  how  I  came  to  believe  Christianity  as 
the  Truth.  I  honestly  and  openly  told  the 
class  how  I  came  to  find  the  conciliation  of 
"moral  schism-'  only  in  Christ,  and  closed  my 
remarks  with  Luther's  words,  "I  cannot  do 
otherwise;  God  help  me."  Indeed,  God 
helped  me,  and  I  felt  throughout  the  day  that 
I  had  done  something  honest  and  conscien- 
tious. Be  instructed,  O  my  Soul,  that  thou 
art  to  be  a  "witness"  of  what  God  hath  done 
unto  thee.  Thou  art  not  to  proclaim  to  the 
world  what  thy  little  intellect  has  framed  to 
thyself.  Trust  in  the  Lord,  and  be  saved 
through  His  righteousness. 

Our  worthy  President,  like  all  true  Christians, 
looked  upon  ^'heathen  converts"  with  profound 
respect.  (I  speak  this  from  my  own  experience). 
He  told  me,  how  early  in  1859,  when  one  of  my 
countryman,  a  Christian,  passed  a  night  under 
his  roof,  he  was  so  overtaken  with  the  solemnity 
of  the  fact  that  ''the  Gentiles  heard  the  Gospel," 
that  he  could  not  sleep  all  through  the  night.  I 
was  even  afraid  that  he  attached  undue  worth  to 
us  converted  heathens,  so  much  so  that  I  had  to 
frankly  tell  him  once  that  any  helps  tendered  me 
on  account  of  my  being  a  Christian  must  be  de- 
clined by  all  means.  But  I  was  always  willing 
to  be  of  any  service  to  him  in  his  classes  and 
prayer-meetings,  as  I  knew  he  was  not  going  to 
use  me  as  a  specimen  of  the  tamed  rhinoceros. 
That  morning  I  was  to  confess  myself,  how  with- 
out any  hereditary  influence,  I  came  to  embrace 


Ill  Christendom.  159 

Christianity  as  my  faith.    I  did  so  right  frankly, 
and  I  felt  the  better  for  having  done  so. 

Dec.  5. — Much  impressed  by  the  thought 
that  God's  providence  must  be  in  my  nation. 
If  all  good  gifts  are  from  Him,  then  some  of 
the  laudable  characters  of  my  countrymen 
must  be  also  from  on  high.  We  must  try  to 
serve  our  God  and  the  world  with  gifts  and 
boons  peculiar  to  ourselves.  God  does  not"" 
want  our  national  characters  attained  by  the 
discipline  of  twenty  centuries  to  be  wholly 
supplanted  by  American  and  European  ideas. 
The  beauty  of  Christianity  is  that  it  can  sanc- 
tify all  the  peculiar  traits  which  God  gave  to 
each  nation.  A  blessed  and  encouraging 
thought  that  Japan  too  is  God^s  nation, 

Dec.  23. — Took  much  thought  about  the 
means  of  paying  my  term  bill. 

Some  of  my  readers  may  be  curious  to  know 
how  I  got  my  living  all  these  days.  In  several 
ways.  My  earnings  in  Pennsylvania,  together 
with  little  story- telling  with  my  awkward  pen, 
kept  me  comfortable  pretty  nearly  through  the 
first  year  of  my  college  existence.  The  good  Dr. 
F.,  my  teacher  in  Biblical  Interpretation,  once 
dropped  one  hundred  dollars  into  my  pocket,  as 
from  a  friend  of  his,  and  told  me  ''to  come  again" 
in  time  of  need.  Then  I  am  ashamed  to  say,  I 
showed  myself  a  tamed  rhinoceros  about  half-a- 
dozen  times,  and  had  some  things  given  me  in  that 
wav,  but  not  much.    Here  let  it  be  said  in  honor 


IGO  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

of  Christian  America,  that  a  heathen  convert  who 
proposes  to  become  a  minister  of  the  Gospel 
among  his  countrymen,  usually  has  no  difficulty 
about  his  bodily  necessities,  yea  comforts,  in  that 
land.  But  here  hypocrisy  creeps  in,  and  some 
Turks,  Greeks,  Armenians,  Hindoos,  Brazilians, 
Chinese,  Japanese,  who  really  love  their  bellies 
more  than  their  God,  feign  themselves  tamed  rhi- 
noceroses, and  craftily  indulge  in  the  kindheart- 
edness  of  the  American  Christians  in  that  way. 
And  once  in  a  while  the  home-churches  are  cau- 
tioned by  their  missionaries  on  the  field  of  their 
"promiscuous  charity."  They  are  told  that  those 
converts  whom  they  housed  and  educated  while 
they  stayed  with  them,  cast  their  Gospel  into  the 
sea  on  their  way  home,  entered  government  serv- 
ice or  some  others  of  Devil's  service,  and  even 
went  so  far  as  to  malign  Christendom  before  their 
heathen  countrymen. 

But  that  is  not  the  worst  suspicion  which  a  con- 
scientious convert  likes  to  avoid.  He  goes  back 
to  his  homeland,  to  preach  the  Gospel  he  learnt  in 
Christendom  by  charity.  What  say  his  country- 
men of  him  and  his  Gospel?  Why,  they  say 
"<"there  is  money  in  that  Gospel,"  and  hoot  him  and 
his  Gospel  off.  Poor  Convert!  he  is  to  sacrifice 
the  very  Christian  charity  to  which  ne  is  entitled 
by  his  other  sacrifices,  that  he  might  win  his  kins- 
men to  Christ. 

Under  such  circumstances,  indep^ndenceis  pru- 
.  dFrm^pEo^say  the  least,  anji.I  made  up  myuund  to" 
stick  to  it  as  much  as  possible.  First  of  all,  I  cut 
down  my  expense  to  a  minimum,  and  tried  to  get 
from  the  fresh  air  and  God's  Spirit  whatever  nu- 
triment and  comforts  that  were  lacking  in  my 
food  and  garnitures.  For  the  first  eighteen 
months  of  my  college  days  things  went  pretty 


In  Christendom.  161 

nearly  as  I  calculated.  But  now,  this  my  second 
Christmas  in  New  England,  I  had  not  seen  a 
greenback  or  a  ''We  Trust  in  God"  for  a  long 
while.  I  fervently  prayed  for  veritable  manna 
from  heaven,  but  it  did  not  come.  I  remembered 
good  Dr.  F.'s  words.  I  prayed  again,  made  up  my 
mind,  and  waded  through  snow  and  slashes  to  his 
home.  O  how  the  way  appeared  long  to  me  that 
night,  though  it  was  not  more  than  a  few  hun- 
dred rods!  Finally  I  came  to  the  front  of  his 
house,  and  gazed  at  the  light  in  his  study.  Shall 
I  enter  and  ask  for  help?  For  ten  long  minutes 
I  stood  amid  snow,  reflecting.  What  if  my  coun- 
trymen say  that  I  lived  by  my  religion?  My 
heart  failed.  I  could  proceed  no  further. 
"Wait,"  I  said  finally  to  myself,  and  once  more  I 
turned  my  lonely  steps  toward  my  room,  now  the 
only  lighted  room  upon  the  whole  college  hill.  I^ 
weighed  two  advantages,  and  found  hunger  pref- 
erable to  misunderstanding,  both  by  my  country- 
men and  other  countrymen, — for  the  Gospel's 
sake. 

Jan.  5,  1887. — In  evening,  called  upon  Dr. 
F.  to  ask  for  some  monitary  help.  It  was  in- 
deed a  fiery  trial.  I  could  scarcely  control 
myself.  But  he  was  very  kind  to  me,  and 
promised  me  to  get  some. 

I  had  put  off  the  trial,  and  tried  to  remove  it 
from  me  by  my  efforts  during  the  Christmas  re- 
cess. Indeed,  necessity  drove  me  to  show  myself 
a  tamed  rhinoceros  once  or  twice  in  some  country 
churches;  but  still  there  remained  a  considerable 
deficit.  The  dilemma  was  now  for  me  either  to 
tax  American  Christianity,  or  to  remain  in  debt 
to  the  mistress  of  my  boarding  house, — she  a 


162  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

good-hearted  woman,  recently  widowed.  While 
in  this  terrible  dilemma,  Providence  sent  me  a 
help,  not  indeed  in  the  foi'm  of  the  eatable  manna 
as  I  expected,  but  in  a  thought  which  has  ever 
since  been  of  priceless  value  to  me.  In  an  old 
magazine  that  I  took  up  during  those  drowzy 
hours,  my  eyes  caught  the  following  stanza,  by 
one  of  America's  sweetest  singers,  Adelaide  A. 
Proctor: 


hold  him  great  who,  for  love's  sake, 
Can  give  with  generous,  earnest  will; 
Yet  he  who  takes  for  love's  sweet  sake 
I  think  I  hold  more  generous  still." 


In  the  power  of  this  song,  I  once  more  braved 
my  way  to  the  Doctor,  laid  my  case  before  him, 
though  tremblingly,  and  passed  through  the  firey 
trial  in  that  way.  A  few  days  a/fter  he  fulfilled 
his  promise,  when  I  met  him  right  in  front  of  the 
town  post  office.  It  was  near  the  dusk  when  one 
could  hardly  know  another.  The  good  man  ap- 
proached me,  said  a  few  kind  words,  thrust  some- 
thing into  my  pocket,  and  soon  plodded  away, 
leaving  the  world  to  darkness  and  to  me. — Having 
had  m.j  bodil}^  need  supplied,  I  dived  once  more 
for  the  pearls  of  the  Spiritual  Truth. 

Feb.  5. — Clear,  cold. — There  are  cold  days 
in  spiritual  world  too.  I  try  to  warm  my 
heart,  to  increase  my  love  toward  others,  to 
make  my  prayers  more  earnest;  but  such  ef- 
forts are  like  coal-fires  in  a  cold  weather,  and 
are  only  partially  and  temporarily  effectual. 
But  once  the  warm  and  genial  wind  of  the 


In  Christendom.  163 

Spirit  blow,  and  how  easy  to  warm  my  love, 
how  earnest  become  my  prayers,  and  how 
easy  to  be  cheerful  and  satisfied!  With  all 
the  efforts  on  our  part,  we  are  yet  miserable 
sinners.  There  must  come  a  Help  superna- 
tural to  make  us  pure  and  holy. 

Those  piercing  Xew  England  winters  were  se- 
verely felt  by  me,  not  so  much  on  account  of  their 
biting  effects  upon  my  body,  for  I  soon  got  accus- 
tomed to  them,  but  because  of  their  consumptive 
power  of  my  precious  coal.  The  very  bricks  of 
the  dormitory  building  had  to  absorb  heat  from 
the  poor  student's  stove  before  he  got  himself 
warmed  thereby.  But  are  there  not  some  spir- 
itual lessons  too  in  this  climatic  phenomenon? 
The  cheerless  room  is  my  heart  when  left  by  the 
Spirit  of  God,  which  howmuchsoever  we  heat  is 
still  cold.  That  genial  wind  from  the  direction  of 
the  Bermudas  is  His  Spirit,  which  when  it  blows 
put  all  things  to  thawing,  and  relieves  the  poor 
student  from  the  fear  of  coal  bills.  Blow,  O 
Heavenly  Zephyr,  and  let  freezings  cease  in  my 
heart  and  elsewhere. 

April  15. — Morning  Prayer:  I  come  unto 
Thee,  not  because  I  am  clean  and  pure  and 
loving.  I  came  unto  Thee  that  I  may  be 
filled  by  Thee,  so  that  I  can  pray  to  Thee  more 
earnestly,  love  more,  and  be  instructed  more 
in  Thy  words  and  truth.  Thou  requirest  me 
to  feed  on  Thee,  to  possess  Thee,  the  Fountain 
of  all  goodness,  mercy,  and  love.  Obedience, 
faithfulness,  purity  come  only  from  Thee,  and 


1G4:  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

I  cannot  produce  them  by  the  most  strenuous 
efforts  of  mine.  Thou  orderest  obedience  to 
Thy  laws,  not  because  we  are  capable  of  so- 
doing  by  ourselves,  but  that  by  becoming  con- 
scious of  our  incapabilities,  AA^e  may  come  unto 
Thee,  and  possess  Thee.  Thou  hast  given  us 
Law  that  it  may  take  us  to  Thee.  So  O  Lord, 
acknowledging  my  total  incapacity  and  de- 
pravity, I  come  unto  Thee  to  be  filled  with 
Thy  life.  I  am  unclean ;  I  pray  Thee  to  cleanse 
me.  I  have  no  faith;  give  TJioit  me  faith. 
Thou  art  Goodness  Itself,  and  without  Thee 
I  am  all  darkness.  Behold  my  foulness,  and 
cleanse  Thou  me  from  my  guiltiness.    Amen. 

April  23. — The  Christian's  prayer  is  not 
asking  for  his  desires  to  be  fulfilled  by  God's 
special  interpositions.  It  is  truly  a  commun- 
ion with  the  Eternal  Spirit,  so  that  he  is  made 
to  pray  for  what  He  hath  already  in  His 
Mind.  All  prayers  offered  in  such  an  attitude 
will  and  must  be  heard.  The  Christian's 
prayer  is,  therefore,  a  prophecy. 

This  I  say  is  a  considerable  improvement  upon 
my  old  heathen  idea  of  prayer,  which  I  am  sorry 
to  say,  is  still  held  by  many  under  the  Christian 
dispensation.  I  imagined,  and  many  do  still  im- 
agine, that  God  can  be  so  prevailed  upon  with 
our  prayers  that  the  very  laws  of  Nature  can  be 
reversed  thereby.  Not  so,  my  Soul.  Conform 
thy  will  to  His  which  always  meaneth  good,  and 


In  Christendom,  165 

thou  Shalt  cease  to  wrestle  in  impossible  prayers 
to  stop  the  sun  in  its  course,  and  get  more  light 
and  pleasure  therefrom. 

With  reflections  like  these,  my  New  England 
college  days  came  to  close.  I  entered  it  in  heavi- 
ness of  heart,  and  left  it  with  triumphant  glory- 
ings  in  my  Lord  and  Savior.  Since  then  I  studied 
more  and  learnt  more,  but  only  to  corroborate 
what  I  learnt  upon  the  classic  hill  of  my  college. 
I  believe  I  was  really  converted,  that  is  turned 

--^^  back,  there,  some  ten  years  after  I  was  baptized 
in  my  homeland.  The  Lord  revealed  Himself  to 
me  there,  especially  through  that  one  man, — the 

^^'^  pnrrlp-eved^lion-faced,  lamb-heartejj^fifesident  of 
my  college.  The  Spirit  within  me,  examples  be- 
fore me,  and  Nature  and  things  around  me,  sub- 
jugated me  at  last.  Of  course  the  complete  sub- 
jugation is  the  work  of  life-time;  but  I  was  right- 
ed so  far  as  to  depend  no  more  upon  vain  efforts 
of  mine  in  subjugating  myself,  but  to  have  re- 
course to  the  Power  of  the  L^niverse  for  that  end. 
A  little  god  of  the  world, — he  is  subjugatable  only 
by  the  Almighty  Power  Itself. 

As  for  my  intellectual  gains  in  my  college,  they 
amounted  to  but  very  little;  or  at  least  they  ap- 
peared so  in  comparison  with  what  I  gained  in 
my  spirit.  A  student  whose  mind  is  so  much 
taken  up  with  the  salvation  of  his  own  soul,  and 
not  a  little  about  the  sustenance  of  his  body,  can- 
not be  expected  to  make  much  progress  in  his 
study.  But  the  college  dealt  with  me  very  leni- 
ently, indeed  munificently.  Though  I  entered  it 
as  a  special  student,  and  hence  was  not  entitled 
to  any  organic  relation  with  it,  they  adopted  me, 
and  gave  me  a  place  among  her  genuine  sons,  and 
the  boys  gave  me  three  yells  for  the  honor  thus 
conferred  upon  me.    Thus  I  was  made  to  live 


If) 6  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

noblj  and  honorably,  not  only  for  my  religion  and 
country,  but  for  my  alma  mater  as  well.  The 
^'college-spirit,"  outside  of  baseball  grounds,  is  a 
noble  and  Christian  sentiment,  which  if  loyally 
stuck  to,  should  alone  be  sufficient  to  keep  her  sons 
from  demagogism,  cloth-worship,  man-face-fear- 
ing, and  meannesses  and  unmanlinesses  of  very 
many  kinds  in  this  world.  I  understand  the 
spirit  of  my  college  to  be  noble  independence, 
braye  defiance  of  hollow  shows  of  all  kinds, 
patient  and  reyerential  search  after  Truth, 
orthodoxy  in  aiiti-head-religion  sense  of  the 
term,  and  not  published  Paganism,  not  the  re- 
ligion of  ''the  greatest  probability,"  not  "success" 
in  its  yulgar  nineteenth  century  sense.  I  am  ex- 
ceedingl}^  thankful  that  I  was  giyen  another  such 
mother  to  serye  and  satisfy.  May  I  live  worthy 
of  her  name  and  glory! 

I  stayed  during  two  long  months  of  the  summer 
vacation  alone  in  the  dormitory,  now  deserted  by 
its  turbulent  occupants,  to  prepare  myself  for  en- 
trance to  a  theological  seminary  in  the  coming 
Fall.  The  time  thus  spent  was  the  best  I  have 
had  in  my  life.  Serene  loneliness,  beautiful  nat- 
ural surroundings,  constant  presence  of  God's 
Spirit  within  me,  reflections  upon  Past  and  Fu- 
ture,— indeed  the  whole  hill  was  beautified  into  a 
Zion,  a  Home  of  my  God.  Here  is  the  record  of 
one  of  those  happy  days: 

Aug.  27. — Clear,  delightful  day. — Calm. 
Often  feel  very  lonely,  but  I  rest  upon  my  God. 
I  asked  my  soul  what  shall  she  do  if  God  take 
away  my  life  right  now.  She  answered:  "I 
shall  rejoice  even  though  He  slay  me.  God's 
will  will  surely  be  carried  out  even  though  I 


In  Cliristendom.  167 

be  destroyed.  The  consecrated  soul  rejoices 
only  in  the  glorification  of  God,  and  not  in  its 
own  success." 

Sept.  12. — The  last  day  in  A. — A  very  im- 
pressive day.  I  thought  of  many  struggles 
and  temptations  I  met  here  during  the  last 
two  years.  I  also  thought  of  many  triumph- 
ant victories  I  have  gained  over  my  sin  and 
weakness  by  God's  help,  and  of  many  glorious 
revelations  from  Him.  Indeed,  my  whole 
life  has  been  directed  toward  new  paths,  in 
which  I  can  now  proceed  with  hope  and  cour- 
age. May  God's  choicest  blessings  accom- 
pany this  hallowed  hill!— Went  to  see  Presi- 
dent to  say  good-bye.  As  usual,  tears  came 
to  my  eyes  when  I  stood  before  that  vener- 
able man,  and  I  had  but  very  little  to  say, 
because  I  had  so  much  to  say.  After  giving 
me  some  advice,  he  handed  me  one  hundred 
dollars  to  help  me  in  my  further  career,  and 
then  dismissed  me  with  rich  blessing.  Tears 
burst  into  my  eyes,  and  I  spoke  to  him  some 
sobbing  words.  Lord  knoweth  how  much  I 
think  of  that  man.  He  did  me  everything, 
and  now  after  receiving  my  education,  di- 
ploma, and  many  other  things,  I  go  away 

with  I as  a  ^'balance,"  as  he  said!    O  my 

Soul,  be  sure  to  open  thy  purse  and  heart 


168  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

freely  to  the  poor  and  afflicted  when  Lord  will 
intrust  thee  with  money  and  grace. — When  I 
returned  to  my  room,  I  found  three  swallows 
straying  into  it,  because  the  night  was  dark 
and  boisterous  outside.  They  flapped  their 
wings  furiously  against  the  walls.  I  gently 
caught  the  timid  creatures,  and  though  I  was 
afraid  of  sending  them  into  darkness,  I  dared 
not  to  keep  them  in  my  room,  because  they 
w^ere  afraid  of  my  presence.  So  after  com- 
mending them  to  the  merciful  care  of  the 
Father  of  the  Universe,  I  sent  them  away. 

The  next  day,  I  left  my  college-town,  and  came 
to  my  seminary. 


In  Christendom,  169 


CHAPTER  IX. 

IN  CHRISTENDOM— A  DIP  INTO  THEOLOGY. 

It  was  after  long-continued  fearful  struggles 
that  I  finally  submitted  myself  to  become  a  tbeo- 
logue.  I  toid  you  before  that  I  was  born  in  a  sol- 
dier family,  and  soldiers  with  all  practical  men 
despise  pedantries  and  sentimentalities  of  all 
kinds.  And  what  class  of  men  are  usually  more 
unpractical  than  priests?  The  wares  they  deal 
out  to  this  busy  society  are  what  they  call  senti- 
ments,— those  uncertain  nothings  manufactur- 
able  by  the  worst  sluggard  in  the  world, — for 
which  they  get  in  return  food,  clothing,  and  other 
things  of  real  and  substantial  worth.  So  we  say 
priests  liye  by  charity,  and  we  belieyed  sword  to 
be  more  honorable  means  of  existence  than  char- 
ity. 

To  be  a  priest  is  bad  enough ;  but  to  be  a  Chris- 
tian priest  I  considered  to  be  the  end  of  my  doom. 
In  a  heathen  country  like  mine.  Christian  minis- y 
ters  are  supported  either  directly  or  indirectly  by 
foreigners,  and  are  to  place  themselyes  under  the 
jurisdiction  of  foreign  bishops  of  one  kind  or  the 
other.  As  no  true  German  suffers  himself  to  be 
ruled  by  an  Italian  or  a  French  priest,  so  no  true 
countryman  of  mine  suffers  himself  to  be  shackled 
by  a  foreign  influence  of  any  kind.  To  call  in  an 
aid  of  economic  principles,  like  Laissez  faire  and 
Quid  pro  quo,  to  deliyer  oneself  from  this  consci- 
entious regard  for  national  honor,  we  consider  to 
be  a  baseness,  and  eyen  a  danger  to  our  national 


1 70  D  ia )!/  of  a  J  a  pa  n  r,9r  Con  vert 

independence.  Thought  is  cosmopolitan,  and  we 
are  ghid,  yea  thankful,  to  be  taught  by  all  men  of 
all  nations.  But  not  so  bread.  The  fact  is,  the 
bondage  of  mind  is  not  the  most  dangerous  kind 
of  bondage;  but  that  of  stomach  is.  France  had 
great  Frederick's  mind  in  bondage;  but  it  was  he 
who  delivered  Germany  from  French  domination. 
I*russia  had  Voltaire's  stomach  in  bondage;  and 
behold  his  misery  and  degradation.  Cosmopoli- 
tanism in  the  sphere  of  things  is  always  a  vicious 
principle. 

Thus  in  my  case  Christian  priesthood  meant  a 
bondage  of  dou'ble  nature;  and  honor  for  myself 
and  honor  for  my  country  had  kept  me  from  con- 
ceiving any  idea  whatever  of  entering  into  v^hris- 
tian  ministerial  service.  Indeed,  the  first  and 
grea^€si-"fEirriE--hM-4di£iiJLjms_fi^ 
^accgjytChristianity  was  that  they  might  make  a 
priesFoiTrof  me. — ±Trd  afterward  when  my  enthu- 
siasm in  religious  works  called  forth  the  attention 
of  my  Christian  friends,  and  made  them  think 
that  m}^  probable  mission  in  this  life  might  be 
preaching,  I  rejected  their  suggestions  with  oaths 
;^and  fistings.  Professional  clergymen  I  hated 
from  the  bottom  of  my  heart,  and  I  was  perfectly 
wild  when  any  of  my  friends  persuaded  me  to  be- 
come one. 
y  But  this  life-long  prejudice  against  priesthood 
was  greatly  mitigated  by  my  contact  with  clergy- 
men of  high  and  noble  order.  The  worthy  Presi- 
dent of  my  New  England  college  was  a  clergyman 
and  theologian.  The  Methodist  minister  from 
whom  I  received  baptism  was  a  clergyman  of 
most  admiring  character;  and  I  always  excepted 
him  wlien  I  indulged  in  my  usual  denunciations 
of  priest-class.  Dr.  F.,  my  teacher  in  the  Biblical 
Interpretation,  Dr.  B.,  our  college-pastor,  and  oth- 


In  Christendom.  I'J'l 

ers,— they  were  all  elergTmen,  and  were  not  hum- 
bugs and  traders  in  wind.  I  cauie  to  see  that 
clergymen  are  sometimes  the  most  useful  mem- 
bers of  society,  that  it  does  pay  to  haye  a  good 
minister,  that'they  are  here  upon  this  earth  doing 
something,  and  many  a  time,  great  things. 

Was  not  Luther  too  a  clergyman,  though  not  a 
common  clergyman?     Was  not  John  Knox,  that 
yaliant  idol-breaker,  a  clergyman  and  theologian  . 
VN^ere  not  some  of  the  world's  greatest  warriors 
too    thoughtful    students    of    Theology?     John 
Hampden,   my   ideal    gentleman    and   Christian, 
thouo-h  an  Englishman  he,— was  not  his  heroic 
deedW  result  of  his  profound  theologic  conyic- 
tions?     Gaspar  de  Coligny,— was  his  Theology  of 
no  account  to  him  in  forming  his  gigantic  scliemes 
for  the  renoyation  of  his  beloyed  France?     If  The- 
ology was  a  plaything  and  a  sorcerer's  cup  ot  tne 
world's  greatest  liars  and  hypocrites,  has  it  not 
also  been  the  employment  of  the  world's  mightiest 
intellects,  and  the  discipliner  of  the  world  s  no- 
blest souls?    If,  as  its  etymology  indicates,  ihe- 
oloijy  is  the  science  of  God,  what  true  sons  of 
Adam  can  excuse  themselyes  from  the  reyerential 
study  of  the  same?    What  science  of  God  s  Ln  - 
yerse  is  not  Theology?  And  what  actions  of  man 
Ian  be  right  and  true  if  not  guided  by  the  science 
of  God'^     O  my  Soul,  be  thou  a  theologue  then. 
Deliyer  it  from^the  hand  of  hypocrites  and  spirit- 
ual quacks,  as  Dayid    did  God's  Ark   from  the 
hand  of  the  Philistines.     The  science  itself  is  the 
noblest  of  all;   man  only  is  yile  who  leayes  it  in 
the  hand  of ''heathens."  . 

The  daily  increasing  sense  of  reality  of  spiritual: 
experiences  helped  me  to  dispel  all  the  notions  of 
hoHowness  and  non-utility  which  I  had  once  at^ 
tached  to  Theology.    Indeed  I  saw  the  reason  of 


172  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

my  hatred  of  Theology.  If  spirit  is  real,  as  rice 
and  potatoes  are  real,  why  despise  Theology  and 
praise  Agriculture?  If  it  is  noble  to  grow  corn, 
and  feed  myself  and  my  hungering  fellowmen 
with  the  fruits  of  God's  Earth,  why  ignoble  to 
learn  of  His  Laws  to  appropriate  His  Spirit  to  our 
hungering  souls,  and  be  made  nobbier  and  manlier 
thereby?  xVgriculture  that  raises  only  husks  and 
straw,  and  gives  them  out  to  the  public  as  real 
wheat  and  rice,  we  despise  and  hoot  at.  That 
indeed  is  no  Agriculture,  but  it  is  Rock-Culture 
and  Sand-Culture,  which  really  feed  nobodj'.  So 
Theology  I  have  been  reviling  at  is  Xo-Theology. 
It  was  Demonology.  that  gives  out  wind  in  place 
of  spirit,  rhetoric  in  place  of  sermon,  and  sound 
in  place  of  music.  Theology  is  substantial,  eat- 
able and  drinkable, — so  substantial,  so  nutritious 
that  whosoever  drinketh  of  the  water  it  giveth 
shall  not  thirst,  and  whosoever  eateth  of  the  flesh 
it  giveth  shall  not  hunger.  Ashamed  of  The- 
ology? Yes,  be  thou  forever  ashamed  of  No-The- 
ology, of  Demonology,  be  it  taught  in  Theological 
Seminaries  or  other  institutions;  but  of  Theology 
proper,  wherever  taught,  be  thou  proud.  The 
world  that  holds  in  honor  the  names  of  George 
Peabody  and  Stephen  Girard,  who  freely  gave  out 
their  perishable  possessions  for  the  relief  of  the 
poor  and  hungry,  will  continue  to  revere  the 
names  of  Neander  and  Julius  Muller  and  others 
of  their  kind,  who  systematized  our  religious 
thought,  and  made  good-doing  and  God-serving 
almost  a  scientific  possibility.  "Heart  is  the  cen- 
tre of  Theology,"  said  the  father  of  the  Church 
History,  and  he  that  has  no  heart,  but  stomach 
only,  should  stand  outside  of  it. 

Thus  persuaded,  I  made  up  my  mind  to  study 
Theology,  but  upon  one  important  condition;  and 


In  Christendom,  173 

that  was  that  /  should  never  be  licensed,  I  said 
in  my  heart,  "Lord,  i  sHall  ^sluayTheologv  if  Thou 
compellest  me  not  to  be  a  reverend.  Should  I 
succeed  to  take  in  all  the  theologies  of  Christen- 
dom, I  shall  not  add  to  mv  name  that  ponderous 
title  designated  bv  double  D's.  Fi'om  that  Thou 
must  release  me  for  this  final  sacrifice  of  mine." 
He  said  Yea,  and  upon  that  agreement  I  entered 
a  Theological  Seminary. 

Sept.  18.  Sunday. — If  Theology  is  a  science 
in  which  there  is  nothing  real  and  practical, 
it  is  not  worth  studying.  True  Theolog}^ 
how^ever,  is  something  real,  yea,  more  real 
than  any  other  science.  Medicine  alleviates 
physical  sufferings  of  man;  Jurisprudence 
treats  of  the  civil  relations  of  man  to  man; 
but  Theology  looks  into  the  very  cause  of 
physical  diseases  and  civil  disorders.  The  true 
Theologian  is  naturally  an  idealist,  but  he  is 
not  a  dreamer.  The  realization  of  his  idea 
lies  many  centuries  in  future.  His  w^ork  is 
like  contributing  a  brick  or  tw^o  into  a  mas- 
sive building  w^hich  takes  an  infinite  number 
of  years  to  be  completed.  He  puts  his  hand 
upon  it,  only  believing  that  honest  and  faith- 
ful w^orks  will  never  be  lost. 

-^  Sept.  19. — Theology  is  too  big  a  theme  to  be 
comprehended  by  small  men.  When  small 
minds  find  themselves  too  small  for  such  a 
gigantic  theme,    they    construct    their   ow^n 


174  Diarif  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

theologies  fitting  their  own  smallness,  and 
throw  anathemas  at  those  who  comprehend 
it  better  than  thej.  O  my  Soul,  do  not  con- 
tract Theology  to  fit  thy  smallness,  but  ex- 
pand thyself  to  fit  its  largeness. 

Oct.  12. — Rather  disgusted  with  works  in 
the  recitation  rooms.  We  discussed  upon  hell 
and  purgatory  in  New  Testament  exegesis, 
and  on  equally  unsubstantial  subjects  in 
Apolegetics.  Spiritless  Theology  is  the  driest 
and  most  worthless  of  all  studies.  To  see 
students  laughing  and  jesting  while  discus- 
sing serious  subjects  is  almost  shocking.  No 
wonder  they  cannot  get  at  the  bottom  of  the 
Truth.  It  requires  the  utmost  zeal  and  earn- 
estness to  draw  life  from  the  Rock  of  Ages. 

Nov.  3. — I  am  seeking  for  a  higher  type  of 
morality  than  "must."  I  am  hungering  after 
the  morality  that  cometh  from  God's  grace. 
But  such  a  morality  is  denied  not  only  by  the 
majority  of  mankind,  but  very  little  seems  to 
be  believed  in  by  the  students  and  professors 
of  theological  seminaries.  I  do  not  hear  any- 
thing new  and  different  within  these  sacred 
walls  from  those  which  I  hear  outside.  Con- 
fucius and  Buddha  can  teach  me  the  largest 
part  of  what  these  theologues  are  presuming 
to  teach  to  the  heathen. 


In  Christendom,  175 

Nov.  7. — What  is  this  world?  It  is  a  scene 
of  universal  enmity  and  dissension.  Infidelity 
versus  Christianity,  Roman  Catholicism  ver- 
sus Protestantism,  Unitarianism  versus  Or- 
thodoxy,— mankind  pitches  its  tent,  one  part 
against  another  part,  one  section  of  one  part 
against  another  section  of  the  same  part, — 
each  trying  to  benefit  itself  by  the  mistakes 
and  failures  of  others.  Not  only  are  individ- 
;uals  not  to  be  trusted,  but  mankind  as  a  whole 
^re  generations  of  vipers,  manhaters,  descend- 
ants of  Cain.  O  my  soul,  away  from  isms,  he)( 
they  Methodism  or  Congregationalism,  or  any 
other  high-sounding  isms.  Seek  the  Truth, 
quit  thyself  like  a  man,  cease  from  men,  and 
look  above  thee. 

Nov.  18. — Am  reading  Life  of  David  Hume. 
My  religious  enthusiasm  is  cooled  down  by 
coming  in  contact  with  the  cool  mind  of  this 
acute  philospher.  But  I  am  willing  to  test 
my  religious  experiences  in  rigorous  scientific 
ways.  I  want  to  be  intellectually  certain  that 
I  am  not  dwelling  in  "the  Fata  Morgana  of 
philosophic  dreamland.''  In  this  age  of  pro- 
gress of  physical  science,  it  won't  do  to  get 
rid  of  doubters  with  anathemas.  Religion 
must  be  objectivized,  made  "tangible"  and 
scientifically   comprehensible.     Yet  alas!     I 


176  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  VonrerL 

see  around  me  the  trodding  of  the  same  old 
paths,  each  trying  to  excel  the  other  how  to 
ape  the  good  old  ministers  who  were  "very 
much  liked  by  their  parishioners." 

Dec.  5. — In  every  man's  life  there  is  a  sort 
of  paradigm  divinely  appointed  beforehand. 
Ills  success  consists  in  conforming  himself  to 
this  paradigm,  neither  coming  short  of  it,  nor 
exceeding  it.  In  it  alone  is  perfect  peace. 
His  body  and  mind  can  be  used  to  the  best 
possible  advantage  when  he  walks  in  it.  Lack 
of  ambition  often  keeps  him  short  of  it,  and 
he  goes  away  from  this  world  without  accom- 
plishing his  work  to  the  utmost  of  his  capac- 
ity. On  the  other  hand,  too  much  ambition 
causes  him  to  overleap  it;  hence  shattered 
system  and  premature  death.  Man's  selective 
power  (free-will)  lies  in  conforming  himself  to 
this  paradigm.  Once  he  puts  himself  in  the 
current,  then  his  efforts  are  no  more  spent  in 
propelling  him  forward,  but  only  in  keeping 
him  in  the  current.  Take  up,  enjoy  any  bless- 
ings that  lie  in  this  current,  but  never  go  out  of 
it  to  hunt  after  them.  Dare  through  any  ob- 
stacle which  obstructs  this  current,  for  it  can- 
not be  an  immovable  mountain,  since  God  ap- 
pointed the  way.  For  all  this,  trust  not  thy- 
self.   God  hath  appointed  thy  current ;  He  also 


In  Christendom,  177 

hath  appointed  a  Captain  for  thee.     "Hear  ye 

Dec.  29. — I  feel  ashamed  that  I  am  still 
ashamed  sometimes  before  others  of  my 
studying  Theology.  The  fact  is,  the  worldly- 
minded  cannot  see  the  spiritual  side  of  any 
study,  and  of  course  the  idea  of  preaching  for 
the  sake  of  bread  and  butter  must  appear  to 
them  extremely  mean.  The  real  self-sacrifice/' 
of  becoming  a  true  preacher  of  the  Gospel 
lies  in  the  fact  that  the  self-sacrifice  does  not 
look  like  a  self-sacrifice  to  the  mass  of  man- 
kind. Yea  more,  it  does  look  like  the  greatest 
possible  meanness  to  them.  Not  so  with  prac- 
tical charity  and  kind  deeds  of  other  sorts. 
To  hide  it  (study  of  Theology)  as  much  as  pos- 
sible from  those  who  consider  it  a  sacrifice, 
and  to  confess  it  before  those  who  consider  it 
a  meanness, — ah  yes,  the  Christian  must  go 
on  a  pretty  thorny  path  in  this  world.  In- 
deed, narrow  is  the  way  that  is  alloted  to  the 
children  of  the  Cross.  Father,  forgive  my 
open  denials  of  Thee  before  men,  and  give  me 
more  courage  and  confidence  in  my  calling. 

But  I  was  not  to  continue  my  study  of  Theology 
any  further.  Severe  mental  strains  of  the  past 
three  years  unsettled  my  nerves,  and  chronic  in- 
somnia of  a  mo^t  fearful  kind  took  hold  of  me. 


178  Diai'ii  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Rest,  bromides,  prayers  proved  ineffectual,  and 
the  only  way  now  open  for  me  was  one  leading 
toward  my  homeland.  I  was  to  quit  Theology, 
and  to  go  home  with  whatever  gains  I  had  made 
during  my  exile  in  foreign  lands. 

Further  recollections  showed  me,  however,  the 
wisdom  and  reasonableness  of  such  an  order  of 
Providence.  American  seminaries,  established 
expressly  to  train  young  men  for  American 
churches,  are  not  the  fittest  places  to  train  one 
destined  for  fields  otherwise  circumstanced  than 
that  country.  Besides  the  exegetical  studies  of 
the  Old  and  New  Testaments,  much  that  is  taught 
in  these  seminaries  may  be  dispensed  with  with- 
out detracting  much  from  the  usefulness  of  prac- 
tical workers  in  missionary  lands.  Not  that  Pas- 
toral and  Historical  and  Dogmatic  and  Syste- 
matic Theologies  are  of  no  moment  to  us,  for  I 
sincerely  believe  there  is  no  branch  of  the  human 
knowledge  which  the  Christian  need  not  know; 
but  the  question  is  that  of  comparative  import- 
ance. Not  sceptic  Hume,  nor  analytic  Baur  are 
we  to  grapple  with,  but  with  the  subtilities  of 
Hindoo  philosophies,  the  non-religiosities  of  Chi- 
nese moralists,  together  with  the  confused 
thoughts  and  actions  of  new-born  nations,  mate- 
rialistic in  their  new  aspirations,  but  spiritual- 
istic in  their  fundamental  conceptions.  ''Church'^' 
in  the  common  acceptation  of  the  term  as  used  by 
the  Occidental  Christians  is  wholly  unknown 
among  my  countr;yTiien,  and  it  is  yet  a  grave  ques- 
tion whether  this  institution,  valuable  though  it 
doubtless  is  in  other  countries,  can  be  planted 
with  any  hope  of  stability  among  the  people  to 
whom  I  belong.  The  method  of  moral  and  relig- 
ious teachings  to  which  we  have  been  accustomed 
during  twenty  centuries  of  our  national  existence 


In  Christendom.  179 

is  not  that  of  sermonizing  upon  texts  and  deliv- 
ery from  pulpits.  With  us  we  make  no  distinc- 
tions between  moral  and  intellectual  trainings. 
The  school  is  our  church,  and  we  are  expected  to 
bring  up  our  whole  beings  in  it.  Idea  of  special- 
ity in  religion  sounds  extremely  odd,  and  even  re- 
pulsive, to  our  ears.  Priests  we  have,  but  they 
are  essentially  temple-keepers,  and  not  teachers 
in  Truth  and  Eternal  Verities.  All  our  moral  re- 
formers were  teachers,  ''pedagogues,"  who  taught 
in  things  of  spirit  while  they  taught  in  letters  and 
science.  "Knowledge  is  of  worth  as  it  enlightens 
ways  of  righteousness.  Man  applies  himself  to 
its  acquisition  nof  to  become  a  professional  mor- 
alist thereby."  So  said  Takayama  Hikokuro, 
that  eccentric  heathen  Japanese,  and  it  was  he, 
together  with  many  such  as  he,  that  wrought  the 
grandest  and  noblest  reform,  moral,  political,  and 
otherwise,  that  that  island  empire  has  ever  wit- 
nessed. 

And  what  about  means  and  arts  of  soul-convert- 
ing, church-member-making,  and  other  similar 
business?  A  soul  converted  to  Christianity  by 
means  and  arts  can  be  reconverted  to  healhenism 
also  by  means  and  arts.  We  in  this  materialistic 
century  make  too  much  out  of  environments. 
Darwinism  seems  to  have  converted  Christianity 
at  last.  Good  choirs,  pleasant  church  sociables, 
young  ladies'  bazars,  free  lunches,  Sunday-school 
picnics, — all  such  are  now  considered  as  '  impori- 
a?it  7neans  to  keep  up  spirit,  and  much  of  "Pas- 
toral Theology"  seems  to  be  occupied  with  such 
business.  And  if  polished  Rhetoric  is  more  cov- 
eted by  young  theologues  than  Fire, — and  even 
that  Fire  for  Rhetoric's  sake, — and  if  preachers' 
sermons  are  talked  about  more  from  the  elocution- 
ary and  dramatic  standpoints  of  view  than  from 


180  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

their  fire-setting  and  idol-breaking  aspects,  well 
might  Chrysostom  curse  his  tongue  that  deliv- 
ered heavenly  oracles  with  golden  resonance,  and 
Augustine  despise  Rhetoric  as  an  art  of  deception. 
If,  as  critics  tell  us,  St.  Paul  was  not  the  handsom- 
est of  men,  and  his  Greek  not  the  purest  of  its 
kind;  if  Bossuet's  eloquence  and  Masillon's  fin- 
ished style  could  not  revert  the  onslaught  of  the 
French  Revolution ;  if  Bunyan  a  tinker  and  Moody 
a  store  clerk  could  make  as  good  preachers  of 
Gospel  Truth  as  their  ages  could  wish, — then 
need  I  not  be  sorry  that  I  was  not  able  to  finish 
my  training  in  a  theological  seminary. 

I  told  you  that  I  came  to  my  seminary  upon  an 
agreement  that  I  should  never  be  licensed.  Some 
of  my  good  friends  were  sorry  of  my  quitting  the- 
ological study  without  having  gone  with  it  so  far 
as  to  get  a  license.  With  me,  however,  license 
was  the  thing  I  was  seriously  afraid  of.  And  the 
fear  that  I  had  entertained  about  the  bestowal  of 
this  new  privilege  upon  me  grew  more  as  I  ob- 
served its  benefits  talked  about  within  the  walls 
of  my  seminar3\  ''One  thousand  dollars  with 
parsonage,"  "twenty  dollars'  sermon  upon  Chi- 
cago anarchy,"  and  similar  combinations  of  such 
words  and  phrases  sounded  very  discordantly  to 
my  ears.  That  sermons  have  market-values,  as 
porks  and  tomatoes  and  pumpkins  have,  is  not  an 
Oriental  idea  at  least.  We  Orientals  are  very 
suspicious  set  of  peoiple.  So  remarked  John  Stu- 
art Mill,  and  compared  us  to  Catholic  Spaniards. 
And  none  we  suspect  more  than  one  who  has  re- 
ligion for  sale.  With  us,  religion  is  no^  usually 
convertible  into  cash.  Indeed,  more  religion,  /^ss 
cash.  Superstitious  as  we  are,  we  cannot  yet  rec- 
oncile Religion  with  Political  Economy.  And  if 
license  seals  market-values   upon   our   religion, 


In  Christendom,  181 

happj  am  I  if  I  am  not  so  sealed,  for  I  thus  escaipe 
from  the  temptation. 

Indeed,  this  matter  of  paid  ministry  is  yet  a 
much  mooted  question  with  us.  Our  heathen 
teachers  used  to  have  no  stipulated  pays  for  their 
services.  Twice  every  year,  their  pupils  brought 
to  them  whatever  did  lie  in  the  power  of  each  to 
bring.  From  ten  pieces  of  gold  to  a  bundle  of 
parsnips  or  carrots,  were  gradations  of  such 
''tokens  of  gratitude,"  as  they  were  called.  They 
had  no  deacons  to  poke  them  to  death  for  church- 
dues  and  pew-rents,  and  other  such  things.  A 
teacher  was  expected  to  remain  as  no-teacher  till 
he  had  made  enough  progress  in  his  spiritual  dis- 
ciplines as  to  be  able  to  rely  entirely  upon  heaven 
and  his  fellowmen  for  the  support  of  his  body. 
This  they  considered  a  most  practical  method  of 
"natural  selection,"  no  danger  thus  of  being  im- 
posed upon  with  pseudo-teachers  and  time-serv- 
ers. 

I  grant  that  man  does  not  live  by  spirit  alone, 
but  by  every  thing  that  springs  out  of  the  ground 
as  well.  This  is  an  argument  for  paid  ministry, 
and  we  consider  it  an  entirely  fair  argument.  Our 
present-day  Physiology  deduces  forces  mental 
and  forces  spiritual  from  pieces  of  bread  and  mut- 
ton ;  and  why  not  upon  the  principle  of  ''Transmu- 
tability  of  Energy"  exchange  spirit  for  mutto7i? 
Starvation  of  our  bodies  is  no  less  a  sin  than  that 
of  our  souls.  Divine  laws  of  health  require  that 
head-working  and  heart-taxing  ministers  of  Gos- 
pel be  properly  and  nicely  fed  and  clothed. 

The  poor  exacting  Orientals  cannot,  however, 
see  into  this  simple  scientific  argument.  They 
do  believe  that  man  does  not  live  by  bread  alone; 
that  spirit  somehow  is  a  bodily  food  as  well,  and 
that  mutton-chops  and  chicken-pies  can   be  dis- 


182  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

pensed  with  bv  tliose  who  live  with  the  plenitude 
of  heavenly  spirit  in  them.  Hence  ''unkind"  crit- 
icisms upon  the  ways  of  missionaries'  living.  Of 
course  these  missionaries  do  not  live  in  "palatial 
styles/'  as  sometimes  reported  by  the  enemies  of 
Missions.  They  only  live  as  they  live  in  their 
own  lands.  But  to  the  people  among  whom  they 
are  sent,  they  do  appear  to  live  palatially.  You 
know  w^ealth  and  comforts  are  only  comparative 
terms,  and  a  lounge  is  a  luxury  to  one  who  rolls 
upon  a  straw-mat.  Herein  comes,  therefore,  one 
barrier  through  which  missionaries'  zeal  had  to 
work  pretty  hard,  in  order  to  reach  the  perishing 
heathens  with  the  glad  tidings  of  salvation. 

And  once  in  a  while  come  some  ''blessed"  mis- 
sionaries, who,  looking  into  this  idiosyncracy  of 
heathens,  comport  themselves  accordingly.  They 
strip  off  their  white  neckties,  have  their  heads  pig- 
tailed,  deny  themselves  of  pies  and  other  home- 
delicacies,  learn  to  bend  their  legs  upon  straw- 
mats,  and  in  all  ways  and  diverse  manners,  go 
into  their  earnest  business  of  winning  souls  to 
Jesus.  To  such  we  heathens  'bear  with  gladness. 
They  help  us  wonderfully  in  coming  to  Light  and 
Trulh,  and  we  bless  them  and  Him  that  sent  them 
for  the  good  they  do  unto  us.  Such  a  missionary 
was  one  Mr.  Crossett,  a  Presbyterian  missionary 
to  China.  He  became  a  Chinaman  himself,  and 
that  not  a  Mandarin  kind  of  Chinamen.  Finally 
his  "eccentricity"  deprived  him  of  home-support; 
but  he  had  heathens  themselves  to  help  his  works 
on.  He  started  poor-houses  in  Pekin,  supported 
by  heathen  Pekinese  merchants.  He  travelled 
in  steerage  with  average  Chinamen.  While  thus 
on  his  mission  over  the  Yellow  Sea,  the  call  to  his 
high  home  came  to  him.  The  remonstrance  of  the 
ship's  captain  to  him  to  come  to  his  cabin  and 


tn  Christendom.  183 

there  lie  in  comfort  was  gently  declined,  as  lie 
would  like  to  die  among  tlie  people  to  whom  he 
was  sent.  They  forced  him  to  the  cabin,  and 
there  he  expired,  commending  all  around  him  to 
his  God  and  Savior.  The  news  of  his  death 
reached  his  homeland.  Religious  papers  passed 
it  over  without  much  comment  upon  it.  Yea 
more.  Cases  were  cited  tacitly  proving  that  his 
sacrifice  was  a  foolish  sacrifice,  that  good  can  be 
done  in  the  first-class  cabin,  with  white  neck-ties 
on.  Yet  Pekinese  and  Tentsinese  and  other  pig- 
tailed  gentlemen  do  not  forget  his  service.  They 
gave  him  the  name  of  '^Christian  Buddha,"— so 
hallowed  was  his  presence  among  them.  Of  his 
religion  perhaps  verv  few  of  them  benefited  them- 
selves; but  of  him\ill  had  to  learn  something 
about  divine  sorrow  and  love. 

A  fortunate  missionary  he!  Perhaps  not  every- 
body can  imitate  him.  Perhaps  his  stomach  was 
that  of  an  ostrich,  that  could  digest  Chinamen's 
food  without  dyspeptic  effects.  I  say  he  was  fortu- 
nate, because 'such  as  he  need  not  complain  of 
'^the  difficulty  of  the  station."  We  will  not  try  to 
ape  him,  because  aping  is  hypocrisy,  and  no  good 
conies  out  of  it.  Pigtailing  and  steeraging  are 
not  the  essence  of  the  matter,  of  course;  but  his 
spirit  isy  which  we  will  not  despise  as  an  ''eccen- 
tricity." We  will  pray  to  be  made  like  him,  if 
any  of  us  are  ever  ambitious  to  be  successful  mis- 
sionaries among  heathens. 

But  this  adaptability  to  all  surroundings  is  not 
to  be  acquired  by  seminary  trainings.  Such  train- 
ings do  indeed  adapt  us  to  wrong  surroundings, 
from  which  it  is  extremely  difficult  to  un-adapt 
ourselves.  Many  a  case  do  I  know  of  my  own 
eountrvmen,  who  have  adapted  themselves  to  Oc- 
cidental ways  of  life  and  thought  during  such 


184  Dianj  of  a  Japanese  Cmwert 

trainings,  and  coming  Tiome  as  strangers,  "has 
each  to  re-adapt  himself  to  his  former  surround- 
ings with  the  utmost  difficulty.  Boiled  rice  and 
smashed  beans  do  not  afford  him  all  the  nutriment 
his  newly-adapted  system  requires,  and  sittings 
upon  hard  straw-mats  cause  synovitis  and  other 
troubles  of  his  lower  limbs.  His  throat  suffers, 
because  native  churches  have  no  steam-heaters  to 
take  off  chill  from  the  air,  and  his  head  rings,  be- 
cause the  ventilation  is  poor.  The  least  he  needs 
is  greatest  in  the  eyes  of  his  people.  He  loses 
flesh,  and  with  flesh,  spirit.  Preaching  becomes 
unbearable.  To  some  other  occupations  he  be- 
takes himself,  and  others  hardier  than  he  take  his 
place.  Struggle  for  existence  is  too  much  for 
him. — ^Then  his  method  of  thought:  how  incom- 
patible it  too  has  become  with  that  of  his  country- 
men! He  denounces  Hume-ism  and  Theodore- 
Parker-ism;  but  Hume  and  Parker  have  had  no 
existence  in  the  minds  of  the  people  to  whom  he 
is  preaching.  The  downfall  of  the  Roman  Em- 
pire and  the  persecutions  of  Bloody  Mary  sound 
as  ''wind  to  the  horse's  ear,"  as  we  term  all  incom- 
prehensibilities. He  proves  Biblical  truths  by 
the  Bible;  but  the  Bible  is  no  more  to  these  people 
than  some  sooty  parchments  of  idle  antiquarians. 
His  sermons  fly  over  their  heads  and  vanish  into 
the  air.  He  is  disappointed  with  his  hearers, 
and  his  hearers  with  him.  Dissatisfaction, 
grumbling,  resignation,  separation.  Should  we 
make  princes  to  send  to  beggars?    *     *     * 

But  these  are  only  the  negative  aspects  of  sem- 
inary life,  which  I  called  forth  to  my  reflections 
to  console  myself  in  the  misfortune  of  the  hour. 
The  positive  benefits  of  theological  training  need 
not  be  counted  here  in  detail.  If  a  seminary  can- 
not make    a  prophet, — for  the  prophet,  like  the 


hi  Christendom,  185 

poet,  is  born^ — it  is  tlie  very  best  place  for  him  to 
grow  and  develop.  If  it  is  not  an  abode  of  angels, 
— for  sucb  is  nowhere  to  'be  found  in  this  nether 
world, — it  is  a  purer  and  holier  association  than 
any  under  heayen.  The  yery  fact  that  its  defects 
stand  out  in  stronger  reliefs  than  those  of  any 
other  institutions,  proves  the  light  shining  therein 
to  be  brighter  and  more  searching.  Poor  theo- 
logues,  they  stand  in  the  greatest  disadvantage 
in  their  attitude  toward  this  criticism-loving  gen- 
eration. The  world  expects  from  them  what  it 
can  expect  only  from  angels;  it  throws  stones  at 
them,  while  it  is  guilt3'  of  the  very  same  sins  it 
condemns  in  them.  Mammonism  it  openly  and  Po- 
litical-Economicaily  follows,  it  reviles  in  the  min- 
isters of  Gospel.  Let  Christian  ministers,  mis- 
sionaries, repent  in  ashes  and  sackclothes  toward 
their  Almighty  God  and  Savior;  but  toward  men, 
they  as  a  class  need  not  feel  ashamed.  We  of  the 
King's  household  make  so  much  of  failings  which 
in  the  outsider's  estimate  are  not  worth  a  mo- 
ment's reflection.  Let  not  the  commotion  in  Zion 
be  construed  by  them  as  similar  in  nature  to  bowl- 
ings and  gnashings  of  teeth  in  their  own  Mam- 
mondom. 

I  left  my  seminary  to  retrace  my  steps  toward 
my  homeland. 


186  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 


CHAPTER  X. 

THE  NET  IMPRESSIONS  OF  CHRISTENDOM.— 
RETURN  HOME. 

Now  that  my  disciplines  in  Christendom  came 
to  end,  my  readers  would  like  to  know  what  I 
think  of  it  after  all.  Did  I  retain  to  the  last  the 
impressions  I  received  on  my  first  landing  upon 
it?  Is  Christendom  after  all  better  than  Hea- 
thendom? Is  Christianity  worth  introducing  to 
my  country;  or  is  there  raison  d'etre  of  Christian 
mission? 

First  let  me  frankly  -confess  that  I  was  not  en- 
tirely taken  up  by  Christendom.  Three-and-a- 
half  years'  stay  in  it,  with  the  best  of  hospitality 
it  gave  me,  and  the  closest  of  friendships  I  formed 
in  it,  did  not  entirely  naturalize  me  to  it.  I  re- 
mained a  stranger  throughout,  and  I  never  had 
exerted  myself  to  be  otherwise.  Not  as  Terra-del- 
Fuegians  in  a  civilized  country  yearn  after  their 
former  roamings  over  the  foamy  cliffs  under  the 
Southern  Cross,  or  as  latinized  Indians  seek  for 
re-companionship  with  buffaloes  in  their  native 
prairies,  but  with  aims  higher  and  nobler  I  3^earn- 
ed  after  my  homeland  with  "Home-Sweet-Home-^ 
yearnings  till  the  very  last 'of  my  stay  in  Christen- 
dom. Never  have  I  entertained  any  wish  what- 
ever of  becoming  an  American  or  an  Englishman; 
but  I  rather  reckoned  my  heathen  relationship 
a  special  privilege  of  my  own,  and  thanked  God 
once  and  again  for  having  brought  me  out  into 
this  world  as  a  "heathen,"  and  n'ot  as  a  Christian. 


'Net  Impnssions  of  Christendom.       187 

For  there  are  several  advantages  to  be  born  a 
heathen.  Heathenism  I  consider  as  an  undevel- 
oped stage  of  humanity,  developable  into  a  high^ 
and  perfecter  stage  than  that  attained  by  any\ 
form  of  Christianity.  There  are  perennial  hopes/ 
in  heathen  nations  still  untouched  by  Christian-' 
ity;  hopes  as  of  the  youth  venturing  for  life 
grander  than  that  of  all  his  predecessors.  And 
though  my  nation  is  more  than  two  thousand 
years  old  in  History,  it  is  yet  a  child  in  Christ,  and 
all  the  hopes  and  possibilities  of  future  lie 
shrouded  in  its  rapidly  developing  days.  Thrice 
thankful  am  I  that  I  can  witness  many  such  days. 
Then  I  could  feel  the  power  of  the  New  Truth 
more.  What  to  the  '^born  Christians''  sounded 
as  time-worn  commonplaces,  were  to  me  new  rev- 
elations, and  called  forth  from  me  all  the  praises 
sung  perhaps  by  our  first  parents,  when, 

"  'neath  a  curtain  of  translucent  dew, 
Bathed  in  the  rays  of  the  great  setting  flame, 
Hesperus,  with  the  host  of  heaven,  came. 
And  lo!   creation  widened  in  man's  view." 

In  myself  I  could  witness  the  changes  and  prog- 
ress of  the  eighteen  Christian  centuries,  and  when 
I  came  out  of  all  my  strifes,  I  found  myself  a  sym- 
pathetic man,  acquainted  as  I  was  with  all  the 
stages  of  spiritual  development  from  idol-worship 
up  to  soul's  emancipation  in  the  Crucified  Son  -of 
God.  Such  visions  and  experiences  are  not 
vouchsafed  to  all  of  G-od's  children,  and  w^e  who 
are  called  in  the  eleventh  hour  haA^e  at  least  this 
privilege  to  make  up  for  all  the  loss  of  having  re- 
mained in  darkness  so  long. 

In  forming  any  right  estimate  of  Christendom, 
it  is  essential  for  us  first  of  all  to  make  a  rigid 


188  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

distiiU'Hon  between  Christianity  pure  and  simple, 
and  Christianity  garnished  and  dogmatized  by 
its  professors.  I  believe  no  sane  man  of  this  gen- 
eration dare  speak  ill  of  Christianity  itself.  After 
reading  all  the  skeptic  literature  that  had  come 
to  my  hand,  I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  Jesus 
of  Nazareth  remains  untouched  after  all  the  fu- 
rious attacks  made  upon  those  who  are  called  by 
His  name.  If  Christianity  is  what  I  now  believe 
it  to  be,  it  is  as  firm  and  fixed  as  the  Himalaya  it- 
self. He  that  attacks  it  does  so  to  his  own  disad- 
vantage. \Yho  but  fools  dare  rush  at  rocks? 
Some  indeed  rush  at  what  they  imagine  to  be 
Christianity,  which  in  fact  is  no  Christianity,  but 
superstructures  over  the  same,  built  by  some 
faithless  believers,  who,  thinking  that  the  Rock 
by  itself  cannot  stand  all  the  wear  and  tear  of 
Time,  shed  it  over  with  shrines,  cathedrals, 
churches,  doctrines,  Thirty  Nine  Articles,  and 
other  structures  of  combustible  nature;  and 
some  fools  of  this  world,  knowing  that  such  are 
combustible,  set  fire  to  them,  and  rejoice  over 
their  conflagration,  and  think  that  the  Rock  itself 
has  also  vanished  in  the  flame.  Behold  the  Rock 
is  there,  "towering  o'er  the  w^recks  of  Time." 

But  what  is  Christianity?  Certainly  it  is  not 
the  Bible  itself,  though  much  of  it,  and  perhaps 
the  essence  of  it,  is  contained  />2  it.  Neither  can 
it  be  any  set  of  Bogmas  framed  by  men  to  meet 
the  exigencies  of  a  time.  Really  we  know  more 
of  what  it  is  not  than  what  it  is. 

We  Kay  Christianity  Is  Tnjth, — Buljthat  is  de- 
fining an  undefinable  by  another  undefinabTeT 
"What  is  Truth?"  is  asked  by  the  Roman  Pilate 
and  other  unveracions  men.  Truth,  like  Life,  is 
hardest,  yea  impossible,  to  be  defined;  and  this 
mechanical  century  has  begun  to  doubt  both  be- 


"Net  Impress  ions  of  Christendom.       189 

cause  of  their  undefinability.  Bichat,  Trevi- 
ranus,  Beclard,  Huxlev,  Spencer,  Haeckel,  each 
•has  his  own  definition  of  Life;  but  all  unsatisfac- 
tory. ^'Organization  in  action/'  says  one;  "the 
sum  total  of  the  forces  which  resist  death,"  says 
another.  But  we  know  it  is  more.  The  true 
knowledge  of  Life  ocmes  only  by  living  it.  Scal- 
pel and  Microscope  show  only  the  mechanism  of 
it. — So  Truth.  We  come  to  know  it  only  by  keep- 
ing it.  Logic-<chopping,  hair-splitting,  and  wire- 
drawing only  make  it  less  true.  Truth  is  there, 
unmistakable,  majestic;  and  we  have  but  to  go 
there  from  ourselves,  and  not  call  it  to  us.  The 
very  attempt  to  define  Truth  shows  our  own  stu- 
pidity, for  what  but  the  Infinite  Universe  can  de- 
fine or  limit  Truth?  So  we  shall  give  up  the  defi- 
nition of  Truth,  if  for  the  mere  purpose  of  hiding 
our  own  stupidity. 

So  I  came  to  see  that  the  undefinability  of 
Christianity  is  not  an  evidence  of  its  non-exist- 
ence, much  less  of  its  humbugness.  The  very  fact 
that  it  grows  more  to  me  the  more  I  conform  my- 
self to  its  teachings,  shows  its  close  relationship 
with  the  Infinite  Truth  itself.  I  know  it  is  not  a 
thing  wholly  unrelated  to  other  religions.  It  is 
one  of  "ten  great  religions,"  and  we  will  not,  like 
some,  depreciate  all  others  to  make  it  appear  as 
the  only  religion  that  is  worth  having.  But  to 
me  it  is  more,  very  much  more,  than  any  religion 
that  I  am  acquainted  with.  At  least  it  is  per- 
fecter  than  the  religion  in  which  I  was  brought 
up,  and  now  after  sifting  all  that  has  been  lec- 
tured upon  "Comparative  Keligion,"  I  can  yet 
think  of  nothing  perfecter  than  it. 

"But  no  more  panegyrics,"  you  say.  "Tell  us 
in  what  respect  it  is  perfecter  than  your  heathen- 
ism," 


190  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Heathenism,  like  mucli  of  what  passes  for 
Christianity  in  Christendom,  teaches  morality, 
and  inculcates  upon  us  the  keeping  of  the  same. 
It  shows  us  the  way,  and  commands  us  to  walk 
therein.  No  more  and  no  less.  As  for  Jugger- 
naut, infant-sacrifice,  and  so  forth,  let  us  elimi- 
nate them  from  our  account  of  heathenism,  for 
they  are  not  it,  as  mamm'on-worship,  and  infant- 
killing  by  other  methods  than  that  of  throwing 
them  to  gavials,  and  other  horrors  and  supersti- 
tions of  Christendom  are  not  Christianity.  There- 
in let  us  be  fair  and  forgiving  in  judging  others. 
We  will  meet  our  enemy  in  his  best  and  strongest. 

I  do  not  hesitate  to  say  that  Christianity  does 
the  same ;  i.  e.,  shows  us  the  way  to  walk  in.  In- 
deed, it  does  so  more  clearly  and  unmistakably 
than  any  other  religion.  In  it  there  is  no  will-of- 
the-wisp-ness  of  the  guiding  light  that  I  often 
meet  with  in  other  faiths.  Indeed,  one  promi- 
nent feature  of  Christianity  is  this  sharpness  of 
distinction  between  Light  and  Darkness,  Life  and 
Death.  But  let  any  fair  judge  compare  the  Ten 
Commandments  of  Moses  with  those  of  Buddha, 
and  he  will  see  at  once  that  the  difference  is  not 
that  of  day  from  night.  '^The  Rectitude  of  Life" 
as  taught  by  Buddha,  Confucius,  and  other 
^'heathen"  teachers,  is  something,  which  if  care- 
fully studied  by  Christians,  will  make  them 
ashamed  of  their  former  self-satisfaction.  Do 
but  make  the  Chinese  and  the  Japanese  keep  the 
commandments  of  their  own  Confucius,  and  you 
make  fairer  Christendoms  out  of  these  two  na- 
tions than  any  you  have  in  Europe  or  America. 
The  best  of  Christian  converts  has  nevergiven  up 
the  essence  of  Buddlii^nt-oi^f^otrfiTr-ianism.  We 
weliuwfte-ChiTslianity,  because  it  heli)s  us  to  be- 
come more  like  our  own  ideals.     Only  zealots^ 


^et  Impressions  of  Christendom,       191 

^'reyiyalists,''  pleasers  of  some  show-loving  mis- 
sionaries, indulge  in  the  auto-da-fe  of  the  objects 
of  their  former  worship.  "I  came  to  fulfill,  and 
not  to  destroy,"  said  the  Founder  of  Christianity. 

Christianity  is  more  and  higher  than  Heathen- 
ism /«  ///^/  /V  makes  tis  keep  the  laiv.  It  is  Hea- 
thenism plus  Life.  By  it  alone  the  law-keeping 
becomes  a  possibility.  It  is  the  Spirit  of  the  Law. 
It  of  all  religions  works  from  inside.  It  is  what 
Heathenism  has  been  searching  and  groping  after 
with  much  wee^Hng.  It  not  only  shows  us  the 
Good,  but  it  makes  us  good  by  taking  us  right  at 
once  to  the  Eternal  Goodness  Himself.  It  pro- 
vides us  not  only  with  the  Way,  but  with  the  Life 
as  well;  with  the  Rail  as  well  as  with  the  Engine; 
I  am  yet  to  be  taught  by  "Comparative  Religion'' 
of  some  other  religion  that  does  likewise.* 

With  the  "Philosophy  of  the  Plan  of  Salvation" 
let  Philosophical  Wisdom  concern  itself  to  its 
heart's  content.  The  fact  of  salvation  is  there, 
and  Philosophy  or  No-Philosophy  cannot  unmake 
facts.  The  human  experience  has  yet  known  of 
no  other  name  under  heaven  given  among  men, 
whereby  we  must  be  saved.  Of  moral  science  we 
have  more  than  enough.  That  any  Ph.  D.  can  tell 
us,  if  we  but  pay  big  fees  to  him.  We  know  we 
must  not  steal,  without  a  doctor  to  teach  us.  But 
oh  not  to  steal,  in  the  jnanifold  and  spiritual  sense 

*  The  Right  Honorable  William  Ewart  Gladstone's 
definition  of  Christianity  is  this: 

"Christianity  in  the  established  Christian  sense,  is 
the  presentation  to  us,  not  of  abstract  dogmas  for  ac- 
ceptance, but  of  a  living  and  a  Divine  Person,  to  whom 
we  are  to  be  united  by  a  vital  incorporation.  It  is  the 
reunion  to  God  of  a  nature  severed  from  God  by  sin,  and 
the  process  is  one,  not  of  teaching  lessons,  but  of  impart- 
ing a  new  life,  with  its  ordained  equipment  of  gifts  and 
powders." — From  Criticism  on  "Robert  Elsmere," 


192  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

of  stealing!  "Look  at  me,  and  be  ye  saved."  "As 
Moses  lifted  up  the  serpent  in  the  wilderness,  even 
so  must  the  Son  of  Man  be  lifted  up;  that  who- 
soever believeth  in  him  should  not  perish,  but 
have  eternal  life."  In  this  looking  at  Him  is  our 
salvation,  whatever  be  the  philosophy  of  it.  The 
nineteen  Christian  centuries  teach  me  so,  and  my 
little  soul  too  can  testify  (God  be  thanked)  that 
it  is  so. 

This  then  is  Christianity.  It  is  at  least  so  to 
me.  Deliverance  from  sin  by  the  atoning  grace  of 
the  Son  of  God.  It  may  be  more,  but  it  cannot  be 
less.  This  the  essence  of  Christianity  then;  and 
popes  and  bishops  and  reverends  and  'other  ad- 
juncts, useful  and  otherwise,  are  no^  tlie  necessary 
parts  of  it.  As  such  it  is  worth  having  above  all 
other  things.  No  true  man  can  get  along  without 
it,  and  Peace  cannot  be  his  without  it. 

Webster  defines  Christendom  as  "that  portion 
of  the  world  in  wliich  Christianity  prevails,  or 
which  is  governed  under  Christian  institutions, 
in  distinction  from  heathen  or  Mohammedan 
lands."  He  does  not  say  it  is  a  land  of  perfected 
angels.  It  is  where  Christianity  prevails,  or  is 
looked  up  to  by  the  majority  of  the  people  as  the 
guide  of  their  lives.  Two  elements.  Belief  and 
Believers,  determine  the  practical  morality  of  any 
nation.  Fierce  Saxons,  piratical  Scandinavians, 
pleasure-loving  French,  trying  to  manage  them- 
selves in  this  world  by  the  tenets  of  the  Divine 
Man  of  Nazareth,— that  is  what  we  witness  in 
Christendom.  Lay  no  blame  then  upon  Christi- 
anity for  ^/lei'r  untowardness;  but  rather  praise 
it  for  its  subduing  power  over  tigers  such  as  tbey. 

What  if  these  people  had  no  Christianity? 
What  if  no  Pope  Leos  are  with  them  to  curb  their 
depredations,  and  turn  them  over  to  Justice  and 


ISlet  Impressions  of  Christendom.       193 

Forgiveness?  Buddhism  and  Confucianism  will 
be  to  them  as  Apollinaris'  Water  is  to  chronic 
dyspepsia, — inertness,  insipidity,  the  return  of 
animalism,  eternal  destruction.  It  is  only  by 
the  Church  Militant  arrayed  against  the  huge 
monstrosities  of  mammonism,  rum-traffic,  Louisi- 
ana lottery,  and  other  enormities,  that  Christen- 
dom is  kept  from  precipitating  into  immediate 
ruin  and  death.  A  son  of  a  Presbyterian  minister, 
by  the  name  of  Ro'bert  Ingersoll,  said  that  it 
would  be  better  fk)r  his  country  to  turn  all  of  its 
churches  into  theatres.  He  said  so  because  he  was 
sure  that  his  country  would  never  follow  his  ad- 
vice. Say  whatever  we  may  of  the  ''beastliness" 
of  Christendom ;  does  not  its  very  disease  testify 
to  the  vitality  oi  the  Life  that  keeps  it  alive? 

Then  observe  this  optic  phenomenon  of  the 
greatest  darkness  with  the  greatest  light.  The 
shadow  is  the  deeper,  the  brighter  the  light  that 
casts  it.  One  characteristic  of  Truth  is  that  it 
makes  the  bad  worse  and  the  good  better.  It  is 
useless  to  ask  why  this  is  so.  "For  whosoever 
hath,  to  him  shall  be  given,  and  he  shall  have 
more  abundance:  but  w^hosoever  hath  not,  from 
him  shall  be  taken  away  even  that  he  hath;" — in 
morals  as  in  economics.  The  same  sun  that  melts 
wax  hardens  clay.  If  Christianity  is  light  unto 
all  men,  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  at  that  it  de- 
velops badness  as  well  as  goodness.  We  may 
reasonably  expect  therefore  the  worst  badness  in 
Christendom. 

It  is  said  that  th^  state  of  New  York  with  a 
population  of  5,000,000  produces  more  murderers 
than  Japan  with  40,000,000  souls.  General 
Grant's  observation  in  the  latter  country  was  that 
the  number  and  state  of  its  poor  were  nothing 
compared  with  what  he  saw  in  his  own  United 


194  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

States.  London  is  proverbial  for  tlie  magnitude 
of  its  pauperism,  and  Christendom  generally  for 
its  gambling  and  drinking  habits.  Some  of  the 
alcoholic  liquors  that  can  satisfy  the  appetite  of 
these  people  are  strong  enough  to  upset  the  heads 
of  our  drunkards,  if  taken  in  any  considerable 
quantity.  Scenes  in  those  back  streets  of  some 
of  the  largest  cities  of  Christendom,  which  no 
decent  men  dare  even  to  look  into,  can  be  de- 
scribed with  no  milder  words  than  the  vilest  in 
any  language.  Shameless  gamblings,  open-day 
piracies,  co'ol-blooded  sacrifice  of  fellowmen  for 
one's  own  aggrandizement,  are  being  conducted 
there  on  gigantic,  business-like  scales.  You  who 
look  with  pity  upon  heathens,  and  glory  in  the 
blessedness  of  your  Christian  civilization,  read 
with  fair  open  eyes  the  following  that  came  to 
my  ears  from  one  of  your  own  philanthropists: 

In  the  suburb  of  the  capital  city  of  one  of  the 
most  Christian  of  Christian  countries,  lived  in 
silence  an  old  couple,  in  apparent  enjoyment  of 
the  good  things  of  this  world.  The  cause  of  their 
wellbeing  remained  a  secret  to  themselves  alone. 
One  thing  peculiar,  however.  They  had  a  stove 
which  to  all  outward  appearances  was  altogether 
too  large  for  their  cooking  purpo.ses;  and  the 
chimnoy-pipe  smoked  late  in  the  stillness  of  night, 
when  no  man  eats,  but  all  go  to  sleep.  The  quaint 
little  household  called  forth  the  attention  of  a 
heroic  woman  of  the  city,  who  with  her  keen 
womanly  instinct  combined  a  tact  of  the  most 
practical  kind  when  in  pursuit  of  the  dark  things 
of  the  world.  She  investigated  the  case  carefully, 
quietly.  Evidences  upon  evidences  were  secured, 
and  further  skepticism  became  impossible.  One 
dark  night,  she  v*'ith  proper  authorities  breaks 
into  the  house.     The  stove  is  the  object  of  sus- 


'Net  Impressions  of  Chrisitndom,       195 

pi'cion.  Thej  open  it,  and  wliat  do  jou  think  they 
find  in  there?  Embers  of  anthracites  to  cheer 
the  old  age?  Xo.  The  horror  of  horrors!  Human- 
looking  things  there  I  Supple  babies  being  baked ! 
The  price  of  baking,  two  dollars  a  piece!  En- 
gaged in  this  business  for  twenty  years  unmo- 
lested! and  made  quite  a  fortune  out  of  it,  too! 
For  what  purpose  this  horror?  To  cover  and 
annihilate  the  shame  that  called  the  unlucky 
babies  into  being!  The  city  too  full  of  illegiti- 
macies; hence  the  prosperity  of  the  old  couple's 
trade!  And  my  narrator  continued,  ''I  do  not 
wonder  if  some  of  these  poor  things  owed  their 

advent  to  this  world  to " 

(disgrace  upon  disgrace)! 

Moloch-worship  in  Christendom  as  well!     No 
need  of  scouring  through  Indian  mythologies  to 
create  in  one's  imagination  the  horrors  of  Jugger- 
naut.    The  heathen  Ammonites  sacrificed  their 
infants    with    distinct    religious    purposes;     but 
these  night-hags,  with  no  higher  aim  than  those 
"two    dollars    a    piece."      Assuredly    you    have 
"heathens    at    vour   door."     "Christendom    is   a 
beastly  land."    So  report  some  of  my  countrymen 
who  have  travelled  abroad,  and  saw  only  its  dark 
half.     True,  they  are  unfair;    but  as  far  as  the 
said  beastliness  "^goes,  the  impressions  they  have 
received  are  correct.     Heathendom  cannot  com- 
pete with  Christendom  in  its  beastliness  as  well. 
But  if  Christendom's  bad  is  so  bad,  how  good 
is  its  good!    Seek  through  the  length  and  breadth 
of  Heathendom,  and  see  whether  you  can  find  one 
John  Howard  to  ornament  its  history  of  humanity. 
Mv  father,  who,  as  I  told  you  in  my  first  chapter, 
is*^a  deep  Confucian  scholar,  and  whose  admira- 
tion for  the  ancients  of  China  is  very  strong,  has 
told  me  once  and  again,  that  from  what  he  knows 


lliG  Diarij  of  a  '/(ipdncse  Convert, 

of  George  Washington,  Ya'o  and  Sliun,  upon 
wliom  Confucius  spent  all  his  stock  of  eulogies, 
were  nothing  compared  with  this  liberator  of 
America;  and  I,  with  more  knowledge  of  Wash- 
ington than  my  father,  can  endorse  his  ''historic 
criticism"  in  full.  Such  combinations  of  heroism 
and  tenderness  of  heart,  of  ability  and  disinterest- 
edness of  purpose,  of  common-sense  and  en- 
thusiasm in  his  religious  conviction,  as  were  those 
of  Oliver  Cromwell,  cannot  be  imagined  of  ex- 
istence under  non-Christian  dispensation.  We 
have  heard  of  our  magnates  hoarding  millions,  and 
spending  them  upon  temples,  or  feeding  the  poor 
for  their  own  ''future's  sake;"  but  a  George  Pea- 
body  or  a  Stephen  Girard,  who  "hoarded  for  the 
sake  of  giving,  and  took  delight  in  giving,  is  not 
a  phenomenon  observable  among  heathens.  And 
not  these  select  few  only,  but  widely  distributed 
throughout  Christendom,  though  necessarily  hid- 
den from  view,  are  to  be  found  w^hat  might  be 
specially  named  good  men, — souls  who  love  good- 
ness for  its  own  sake,  and  are  bent  toward  doing 
good,  as  mankind  in  general  is  bent  toward  doing 
evil.  How  these  souls,  charily  keeping  themselves 
from  the  view  of  the  public,  are  striving  to  make 
this  world  any  bit  better  by  their  efforts  and 
prayers;  how  they  often  shed  tears  for  the 
wretchedness  of  the  state  of  the  people  of  whom 
they  read  only  in  newspapers;  how  they  lay  upon 
their  liearts  the  welfare  of  the  whole  mankind; 
and  how  willing  they  are  to  take  part  in  the 
work  of  ameliorating  human  misery  and  igno- 
rance;— these  I  saw  and  witnessed  with  my  own 
eyes,  and  can  testify  to  the  genuine  spirit  that 
underlies  them  all.  These  silent  men  are  they, 
who  in  their  country's  peril  are  the  first  to  lay 
down  their  lives  in  its  service;  who,  when  told  of 


Net  Impressions  of  Christendom,       107 

a  new  mission  enterprise  in  a  lieafhen  land,  will 
deliver  tlieir  railroad  fares  to  the  missionary  wlio 
undertakes  it,  and  return  home  tramping  on  their 
own  feet,  and  praise  God  for  their  having  done  so; 
who  in  their  big  tearful  hearts,  understand  all 
the  mysteries  of  Divine  Mercy,  and  hence  are 
merciful  toward  all  around  Ihenu.  .]^^o  fierceness 
and  blind  zeal  with  these  men,  but  gentlen^»,^d 
cool  calculation  in  doing  good.  Indeed,  I  can  sa> 
with  all  truthfulness  that  I  saw  good  moi  only 
in  Christendom.  Brave  men,  honest  men,  righte- 
ous/men  are  not  wanting  in  Heathendom,  but  I 
doiibt  whether  good  men^ — by  that  I  mean  those 
men  summed  up  in  that  one  English  word  which ' 
haWio  equivalent  in  any  other  language: 
w«^,j^-jdQubt  whether  such  is  possible^ 
'the  religion  of  Jesus  Christ  to  mould  us.  ''The 
Christian,  God  Almighty's  gentleTnan,^^ — he-i^s  a 
unique  figure  in  this  world,  undescribably  beauti- 
ful, noble,  and  lovable. 

And  not  only  are  there  such  good  men  in  Chris- 
tendom, but  their_^?w£r_  over  bad  men  is  im- 
mense, considering  the  comparative  scarcity  of 
good  men  even  in  Christendom.  This  is  another 
feature  of  Christendom,  that  goodness  is  more 
possible  and  more  powerful  there  than  in  Hea- 
thendom. One  Lloyd  Garrison  "friendless  and  un- 
seen," and  the  freedom  of  a  race  began  with  him. 
One  John  B.  Gough,  and  the  huge  intemperance 
begins  to  totter.  Minority  does  not  mean  defeat 
with  these  people,  though  their  Constitution 
seems  to  imply  that  effect.  They  are  sure  of  their 
righteous  cause,  and  soire  of  the  national  con- 
science, they  feel  sure  to  win  the  nation  over  to 
them.  Klch  men  they  fear  and  honor  and  admire, 
but  good  men,  more.  They  are  more  proud  of  the 
goodness  of  Washington  than  of  his  bravery;  of 


198  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

Phillips  Brooks  than  of  Jay  Gould.  (Indeed,  very 
many  of  them  are  really  ashamed  of  the  latter.) 
Righteousness  with  them  is  a  power;  and  an 
ounce  of  righteousness  goes  against  a  pound  of 
wealth,  and  often  outweighs  it. 

Tlien  their  national  conscience^ — .by  that  I  mean 
the  sum  total  of  the  people's  conscience  as  a  na- 
tion,— ^how  infinitely  higher  and  purer  than  their 
average  conscience!  What  as  individuals  they 
freely  indulge  in,  they  as  a  nation  strongly  pro- 
test against.  I  have  heard  it  stated  that  many 
a  blasphemer  died  a  Christian  death  on  the  bat- 
tlefields of  the  late  Civil  War  in  America;  and 
I  do  not  doubt  the  statement.  The  battle  w^as 
one  of  principles,  and  not  of  honor  and  filthy  lucre. 
They  marched  with  a  Christian  aim  in  view :  the 
liberation  of  an  inferior  race.  Never  in  History 
has  a  nation  gone  into  war  with  such  an  altruis- 
tic end  in  view.  None  but  a  Christian  nation  can 
go  to  such  a  war.  Yet  all  were  not  Christians  who 
went  to  this  war. — Observe,  too,  how  scrupulous 
these  people  are  about  the  moral  perfection  of  the 
men  whom  they  choose  as  their  Presidents.  The 
men  must  not  merely  be  able  men,  but  moral  men 
as  well.  No  Richelieus  or  Mazarins  can  be  their 
Presidents.  Woe  to  that  poor  candidate,  who  in 
other  respects  is  the  fittest  to  rule;  but  a  stain 
or  two  that  mar  his  charaicter  has  made  him  a 
failure.  Morality  does  not  usually  count  with 
statesmanship  in  Heathendom. — Why  do  they  pur- 
sue the  Mormons  with  so  much  rigor?  Are  not 
concubinage  and  polygamy  of  an  '^occult  kind" 
actually  practiced  among  these  people?  A 
strange  inconsistency,  you  say.  Strange,  but  to 
be  admired.  As  a  nation  they  cannot  allow  poly- 
gamy. Let  those  who  practice  it,  do  it  secretly. 
The  national  conscience  is  not  yet  sharp  enoug'h 


TVe/  Impressions  of  Christendom.       199 

to  look  after  secrecies  of  this  sort.  But  polygamy 
as  an  institution,  under  the  sufferance  and  pro- 
tection of  the  nation's  laws,  that  neither  Chris- 
tians nor  infidels  will  wink  at.  The  Mormons 
must  submit;  else  Utah  shall  not  add  one  more 
star  to  the  banner  already  spangled  with  so  many 
bright  and  honorable  stars. 

The  same  national  conscience  that  fosters  all 
noble  and  worthy  sentiments,  keeps  at  bay  all  that 
are  ignoble  and  unworthy.  Broad  daylight  is 
denied  to  hags  of  all  kinds.  Such  must  put  on 
garments  of  rig-hteousness  when  they  appear 
among  the  people;  else  they  will  be  ''lynched"  by 
the  very  hags  like  themselves,  and  handed  over 
to  Oblivion  and  his  angels.  Mammon  walks  by 
the  ^a-ws  of  righteousness.  Honesty  is  believed 
to  be  the  best  policy,  in  politics  as  well  as  in  other 
money-getting  business.  A  man  kisses  his  wife 
in  society,  whom  he  beats  in  his  home.  Gambling- 
houses  go  bv  the  name  of 'billiard  rooms,  and  even 
the  fallen  angels  by  the  title  of  ''ladies."  Saloons 
are  all  screened  from  outside  views,  and  men 
drink  in  darkness,  in  evident  shame  of  their  evil 
habit.  All  very  productive  of  tne  hypocrisies  of 
the  worst  sort,'  you  say.  But  does  Virtue  mean 
the  licence  of  evils?    I  think  not. 

So  then,  this  differencing  of  good  from  evil,  of 
sky-loving  larks  from  cave-dwelling  bats,  of  sheep 
on  the  right  hand  from  goats  on  the  left, — this  I 
consider  to  be  a  Christian  state,  the  foretaste  of 
that  into  which  we  are  all  going,  the  complete 
separation  of  the  good  from  the  bad.    This  Earthj_ 
though  b^a^^^-i^"!;  ^^^^  ^»^  nriginnlly  uT^nt  ns  nn 
angel-land.    It  w;as  meant  as  a  schooLio.  prepare., 
^msTor  some  other  places^.  This  edu^-<itional  xxilue, 
: — of  the  Earth  must  not  be  lost  sight  of  in  our  poor 
attempts  to  make  it  what  it  should  be.    Utilitari- 


200  Dkirji  of  a  Japanese  Convert. 

anism,  Sentimental  Christianity,  and  other  shal- 
low things,  that,  like  the  ancient  Greeks,  think 
this  world  to  be  gods'  home,  will  stumble  at  Crom- 
wells  and  other  no-sweet  prophets,  because  they 
cannot  make  all  happy.  In  too  many  cases,  ''the 
greatest  happiness  to  the  greatest  number"  means 
just  the  reverse  of  a  righteous  and  just  govern- 
ment. I  suppose  nowhere  under  heaven  are  more 
''universal  satisfactions"  found  than  in  African 
jungles  upon  the  Congo  or  the  Zambesi.  That 
state  is  the  best  in  wliich  the  best  discipline  of 
soul  is  possible,  and  hence  the  original  aim  of  the 
creation  of  this  Earth  is  best  realized.  When 
this  is  done,  we  all  may  quit  this  earth,  and  go, 
some  of  us  to  eternal  bliss,  and  others  to  eternal 
no-bliss,  and  the  Earth  itself  to  its  original  ele- 
ments, as  a  thing  that  has  finished  its  business. 

One  more  feature  of  Christendom  before  I  cease 
to  speak  good  things  about  it.  There  is  one  doc- 
trine in  Christianity  upon  which  the  recent  Bio- 
logy makes  many  after-dinner  speeches; — I  mean 
Resurrection.  Let  Renan  and  his  disciples  make 
whatever  they  please  out  of  this  doctrine;  but 
the  practical  significance  of  this  unique  doctrine 
cannot  be  overlooked  by  "historical  schools"  of 
any  turn  of  mind.  Why  is  it  that  heathens  in 
general  go  into  decay  so  soon,  but  Christians  in 
general  know  no  decay  whatever,  but  hope  even  in 
Death  itself?  Octogenarians  still  scheming  for 
future  as  if  they  were  still  in  twenties  are  objects 
of  almost  miraculous  wonders  with  us  heathens. 
We  count  men  above  forty  among  the  old  age, 
while  in  Christendom  no  man  below  fifty  is  con- 
sidered to  be  fit  for  a  position  of  any  great  re- 
sponsibility. We  think  of  rest  and  retirement  as 
soon  as  our  children  come  to  age;  and  backed 
by  the  teaching  of  filial  piety,  we  are  entitled  to 


Xet  Impressions  of  Christendom.       201 

lazv  idleness,  to  be  eared  and  caressed  by  the 
young  generation.  Judson,  a  missionary,  after 
hardships  of  his  life-time,  exclaims  he  wants  to 
live  and  work  more,  as  he  has  eternity  to  rest. 
Victor  Hugo  in  his  eighty-four  can  say:  ''I  im- 
prove every  hour  because  I  love  this  world  as  my 
fatherland.  My  work  is  only  beginning.  My 
monument  is  hardly  above  its  foundation.  1 
would  be  glad  to  see  it  mounting  and  mounting 
forever."  Compare  these  with  a  Chinese  poet 
Tao-Yuen-Ming  who  sought  the  solace  of  his  old 
age  in  cups  of  liquor,  or  many  of  my  own  country- 
men excusing  themselves  from  the  busy  world  as 
soon  as  grayness  appears  upon  their  heads.  The 
godless  physiology  attributes  all  this  to  difference 
in  diet,  climate,  and  so  forth;  but  the  ver.  fact 
that  we  too  with  our  rice  and  monsoon  can  be 
other  than  what  we  used  to  be,  calls  for  some 
other  explanation  than  physiological. 

I  attribute  the  progressiveness  of  Christendom 
to  its  Christianity.  Faith,  Hope,  and  Charity,  the 
three  Life-angels  that  defy  and  shun  Death  and 
his  angels,  have  worked  upon  it  for  the  past  nine- 
teen hundred  years,  and  have  made  it  as  we  have 
it  now. 

"Life  mocks  the  idle  hate 
Of  his  arch-enemy  Death, — yea  sits  himself 
Upon  the  tyrant's  throne,  the  sepulchre, 
And  of  the  triumphs  of  his  ghostly  foe 
Makes  his  own  nourishment." — Bryant. 

Enormous  yet  though  their  sins  are,  these  people 
have  the  power  to  overcome  them.  They  have  yet 
no  sorrows  which  they  think  they  cannot  heal.  Is 
not  Christianity  worth  having  if  but  for  this 
power  alone? 


202  Diarjj  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

The  raison  d'  ctre  of  Christian  mission?  1 
think  I  have  stated  it  already.  It  is  the  raison 
d'  etre  of  Christianity  itself.  Said  David  Livinj;- 
stone:  ''The  spirit  of  missions  is  the  spirit  of  our 
Master;  the  very  genius  of  His  religion.  A  diffu- 
sive philanthropy  is  Christianity  itself.  It  re- 
quires perpetual  propagation  to  attest  its  genuine- 
ness." Once  it  ceases  to  propagate,  it  ceases  to 
live.  Have  you  ever  thought  why  it  is  that  God 
leaves  so  large  a  part  of  the  human  race  still  in 
the  darkness  of  heathenism?  I  think  it  is  that 
your  Christianity  may  live  and  grow  by  your  ef- 
forts to  diminish  the  darkness.  One  hundred  and 
thirty-four  millions  of  heathens  yet!  Thank  God, 
there  are  still  so  many,  for  w^e  need  not  like  Alex- 
ander weep  for  the  lack  of  the  world  to  be  con- 
quered. Suppose  God  tells  you  to  stay  at  home, 
and  keep  your  purse-strings  tight,  and  your  hearts 
closed  toward  heathens.  Think  you  you  will  thank 
Him  for  relieving  you  from  useless  obligations? 
If  Christian  mission  is  an  obligation  to  you,  for 
wliich  you  must  have  God's  further  blessings  to 
reward  you,  and  heathens'  gratitude  to  keep  your 
hearts  warm,  I  believe  you  better  cease  to  take 
any  part  in  it,  as  neither  God  nor  heathens  get 
any  good  from  you.  "Woe  is  me  if  I  preach  not  the 
Gospel."  That  was  Apostle  Paul.  I  believe,  to 
him  the  greatest  trial  was  not  to  be  a  missionary. 
With  an  expansive  life  in  him,  could  he  refrain 
himself  from  expanding  into  universal  charity, 
which  is  Christian  mission.  I  believe  we  better 
confess  rig'ht  honestly  -that  we  have  no  Chris- 
tianity to  speak  of,  than  to  grumble  at  ''the  diffi- 
culties of  the  station,"  "the  insolence  of  heathens," 
and  other  cowardly  things. 

But  why  send  missionaries  to  heathens  when 
you  have  heathens  enough  in  your  own  land? 


UNIVERSITY  \ 

Net  Impressions  of  Christendom.       203 

You  know  this  world  is  a  unit,  and  the  human 
race  is  one  great  family.  This  is  what  I  read  in  my 
Christian  Bible,  though  Patriotisms,  Christian 
and  otherwise,  seem  to  deny  this.  You  cannot 
make  yourself  perfect  without  making  others  per- 
fect. An  idea  of  a  perfect  Christendom  in  the 
midst  of  encircling  heathenism  is  impossible.  In 
Christianizing  other  peoples,  you  Christianize 
yourself.  This  is  a  philosophy  abundantly  illus- 
trated by  actual  experiences. 

Suppose  you  stop  your  foreign  mission,  and 
concentrate  your  whole  energy  upon  home  mis- 
sion. What  will  you  have?  Many  more  striking 
conversions,  many  more  homes  freed  from  the 
curses  of  whisky,  many  more  children  decently 
clothed,  no  doubt.  But 'withal  what?  Many  more 
heresy-huntings,  many  more  denominational  back- 
bitings,  with  perhaps  more  Sunday-school  excur- 
sions, and  '^Japanese  marriages"  in  churches.  I 
think  you  who  have  had  Christianity  now  over 
eighteen  hundred  years  have  got  over  by  this 
time  that  foolish  and  heathenish  notion,  that  good 
done  in  one  direction  diminishes  good  to  be  done  in 
others — Growth  outside  always  means  growth  in- 
side. You  are  troubled  with  some  intestine 
lethargy.  You  go  to  your  physician,  and  he  medi- 
cates upon  you  nostrum  after  nostrum.  But  noth- 
ing heals  you,  and  you  begin  to  lose  faith  in  your 
doctor.  Finally  you  come  to  the  true  knowledge 
of  your  trouble.  You  turn  your  attention  from 
inside;  that  is,  you  forget  yourself,  and  go  to 
some  outside  work,  cultivation  of  cabbages,  it  may 
be.  Then  you  begin  to  breathe  freely,  your  bicep- 
muscles  get  bigger  and  firmer.  Gradually  you 
feel  your  trouble  is  gone,  and  you  are  now  a 
stronger  man  than  before.    You  healed  yourself 


204  Diary  of  a  Japanese  Cofiivert, 

by  reflex  influeuces.  You  gave  yourself  upon  cab- 
bages, and  cabbages  healed  you. 

So  with  churches.  Pruning  with  heresy-hunt- 
ings, and  medicating  with  New  Theologies  may 
never  heal  them.  Nay,  they  may  grow  even  worse. 
Now  some  wise  men  prescribe  foreign  missions 
to  them.  They  take  part  in  it,  and  they  soon  get 
interested  in  it.  They  have  taken  the  whole 
world  into  their  sympathy,  and  they  feel  them- 
selves expanding  by  having  done  so.  The  new 
sympathy  thus  engendered  calls  up  the  old  sym- 
pathy that  has  gone  to  sleep  by  heresy-trials  and 
New  Theology  medicatings  What  they  failed  to 
revive  within  them  by  spending  themselves  upon 
themselves,  they  now  see  returning  to  them  by 
spending  themselves  upon  other  than  themselves. 
You  converted  heathens,  and  heathens  now  re- 
convert you.  Such  is  humanity,  so  intimately  are 
you  connected  with  the  whole  race.  Pity  the 
heathen?  Do  you  pity  your  own  brother  in 
w^retchedness?  Are  you  not  ashamed  of  him,  and 
blame  yourself  for  his  wretched  state?  I  believe 
this  is  the  true  philosophy  of  Christian  mission; 
and  missions  started  on  any  other  basis  than  this 
are  shows,  plays,  things  to  be  criticized  by  their 
enemies,  and  disregarded  by  the  very  heathens  to 
whom  they  are  sent. 

But  you  ask:  Do  you  heathens  like  to  have 
Christianity? 

Yes,  we  sensible  heathens  do;  and  the  insensi- 
ble among  us,  though  they  throw  stones  at  mis- 
sionaries, and  do  other  mischievous  things  upon 
them,  as  soon  as  they  resume  their  sensibility, 
will  see  that  they  did  wrong.  Of  course,  we  do 
not  like  many  things  that  come  under  the  name 
of  Christianity.  Hoj^ts,  surplices,  compulsory 
prayer-books,  theologies,  unless  they  are  absolute- 


Net  Impressions  of  Christendom,       205 

Iv  necessary  to  convey  Christianity  itself  to  us  in  / 
our  present  state  of  'mental  deyelopment,  we  do  ^ 
desire  to  be  spared  from.  We  also  like  to  haye 
no  Americanianity  and  Anglicanianity  imposed 
upon  us  as  Christianity.  I  hope  none  of  us^ver 
^rew  stones  at  Christ  Him^self.  If  we  did,  we 
stoned  at  the  Almighty  Throne  itself,  and  we 
shall  haye  the  Truth  itself  to  condemn  us.  But 
chide  us  not  for  throwing  stones  at  missionaries 
who  in  the  name  of  Christ  teach  us  their  own 
yiews, — theologies  they  call  them, — and  also  their 
own  manners  and  customs,  such  as  "free  mar- 
riages/' "woman's  rights,"  and  others,  all  more 
or  less  objectionable  to  us.  We  do  this  for  self- 
preseryation.  You  who  tolerate  Catholicism,  but 
not  Roma?i  Catholicism,  who  fling  your  pulpit  ad- 
dresses and  newspaper  editorials  right  at  the 
faces  of  Piuses  and  Leos  for  their  interference  in 
your  school  and  other  public  affairs,  sympathize 
with  us  in  our  protest  against  Americanism, 
Anglicanism,  and  other  foreign  isms. 

Then,  when  you  come  to  us,  come  with  strong 
common  sense.  Do  not  belieye  the  words  of  those 
mission-circus  men  who  tell  you  that  a  nation  can 
be  converted  in  a  day.  There  is  no  spiritual  El 
Dorado  to  be  found  upon  this  earth.  Nowhere 
can  souls  be  converted  by  dozens  and  hundreds. 
The  same  matter-of-fact  world  here  as  there.  Men 
do  doubt,  simulate,  stumble,  here  as  elsewhere. 
I  know  some  missionaries  who  preach  to  us  as  if 
we  were  their  own  countrymen.  They  seem  to 
think  that  the  method  of  Moody  and  Sankey  that 
goes  so  successfully  with  Americans  and  English- 
men, should  succeed  equally  well  with  Japanese 
and  Chinese.  But  Japanese  and  Chinese  are  not 
Americans,  as  you  well  know.  They  had  not  their 
childhood  mothered  with  "Lord  is  my  shepherd," 


20G  Diari/  of  a  Japanese  Convert, 

"Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep,"  and  other  angelic 
melodies.  ^  They  take  as  mucli  delight  in  gong- 
bells  as  in  Esley  pipe-organs.  They  are  "hea- 
thens," and  you  must  teach  them  accordingly.  But 
some  preach  Jesus  Christ  to  them,  give  them  a 
copy  of  New  Testament,  persuade  them  to  be 
baptized,  get  their  names  enrolled  in  church-mem- 
bership, and  so  have  them  reported  to  home- 
churches,  and  think  that  they  are  safe,  and  will 
go  to  heaven  somehow.  Perhaps  they  may,  per- 
haps they  may  not.  Hereditary  influences,  mental 
idiosyncracies,  social  environments,  to  say  noth- 
ing of  the  same  old  Adamic  propensity  to  sin  in 
them,  are  not  so  readily  conformable  to  the  new 
and  strange  doctrines  that  are  preached  to  them. 
Though  we  despise  godless  science,  yet  scienceless 
evangelization  we  do  not  put  much  value  upon. 
I  believe  faith  is  wholly  compatible  with  common- 
sense,  and  all  zealous  and  successful  missionaries 
have  had  this  sense  in  abundance. 

Come  to  us  also,  after  fighting  out  Devils  in 
your  own  souls.  You  know  John  Bunyan  speaks 
of  a  reverend  gentleman  who  had  but  very  little 
experience  with  Devils.  As  he  was  not  able  to 
cure  Bunyan's  soul,  so  such  as  he  cannot  cure  us 
heathens.  "Born  Christians,"  who  have  only 
heard  of  conversions,  as  "reports  from  a  distance," 
cannot  help  us  much  in  our  death-struggles  from 
Darkness  to  Light.  I  know  a  Quaker  professor  in 
America,  who,  when  I  told  him  of  the  doubts  and 
difficulties  that  I  had  to  overcome  in  my  struggles 
Christward,  said  that  he  "could  not  very  well  see 
how  that  could  have  been,  seeing  that  Christianity 
was  so  simple  a  thing  as  was  contained  in  one 
monosyllable  L-O-V-E."  Only  a  monosyllable, 
but  the  Universe  itself  cannot  contain  it!  An 
enviable  man  he.    His  ancestors  had  fought  out 


"Net  Impressions  of  Christendom.       207 

the  battles  for  him.  He  'came  into  this  world  un- 
conscious of  struggles,  a  ready-made  Christian. 
Like  as  a  millionaire's  son  cannot  comprehend  the 
miseries  and  strifes  of  a  self-made  man,  so  this 
professor  and  many  like  him  in  Christendom  can- 
not comprehend  what  we  heathens  have  to  fight 
out  in  our  souls  before  we  get  settled  in  peace  in 
that  monosyllable.  I  adyise  such  as  he  to  stay  at 
home  as  professors,  and  not  come  to  us  as  mis- 
sionaries, for  our  complexities  and  sinuosities 
may  confound  them,  as  their  simplicities  and 
straight-cuttedness  confound  us.  Indeed,  those  of 
us  who  haye  had  some  earnest  experiences  with 
Christianity;,  haye  found  it  not  an  altogether  easy- 
going, home-sweet-home,  and  peace-unto-all-men 
affair.  We  haye  found  it  somewhat  like  poet 
Bryant's  Freedom, 

"A  bearded  man. 
Armed  to  the  teeth,  art  thou;  one  mailed  hand 
Grasps  the  broad  shield,  and  one  the  sword;   thy 
brow 
Glorious  in  beauty  though  it  be,  is  scarred 
With  tokens  of  old  wars;  thy  massiye  limbs 
Are  strong  with  struggling." 

We  can  appreciate  "Pilgrim's  Progress,"  but  as 
for  that  happy,  happy,  honey-moon  style  religion, 
we  know  not  what  it  is,  but  that  it  is  not  the 
Christianity  of  the  Crucified  One.  Heathenism 
first  subdued  in  your  own  soul ;  then  you  can  sub- 
due it  right  successfully  in  us. 

With  your  Christianity  sifted  from  your  own 
isms,  and  your  common-sense  well  sharpened  (if 
not  sharp  already),  and  best  of  all,  with  Devils 
fought  out  in  your  own  souls,  I  see  no  reason  why 
you  should  fail  to  do  immense  good  to  heathens. 


208  Dianj  of  n  Japanese  Convert. 

Heathendom  has  had  such  missionaries  (God  be 
thanked,)  and  it  is  crying  for  more.  We  soon  take 
no  thought  of  them  that  they  are  strangers.  Even 
their  very  kick  of  our  language  is  no  barrier  be- 
tween them  and  us.  Christianity  is  in  their  very 
eyes.  We  feel  it  in  their  grasp  of  our  hands.  O 
how  they  shine  among  us!  Their  very  presence 
dispels  darkness.  They  need  not  preach  unto  us. 
We  will  preach  for  them;  only  let  them  hold  us 
from  behind.  Rather  one  such  than  dozens  and 
hundreds  of  missionary  adventurers  and  experi- 
menters. ''The  work  which  an  Archangel  may 
envy, — the  work  of  preaching  Christ  to  the  hea- 
then." Who  but  an  archangel  himself  can  engage 
in  this  enviable  work? 

Yes,  Christianity  we  do  need.  We  need  it  not 
so  much  to  demolish  our  idols  of  wood  and  stone. 
Those  are  innocent  things  compared  with  other 
idols  worshiped  in  Heathendom  and  elsewhere. 
We  need  it  to  make  our  bad  appear  worse,  and 
our  good  appear  better.  It  only  can  convince  us 
of  sin;  and  convincing  us  of  it,  can  help  us  to  rise 
above  it,  and  conquer  it.  Heathenism  I  always 
consider  as  a  tepid  state  of  human  existence; — 
it  is  neither  very  warm  nor  ve7y  cold.  A  lethargic 
life  is  a  weak  life.  It  feels  pain  less;  hence  re- 
joices less.  £>e  profundis  is  not  of  heathenism. 
We  need  Christianity  to  intensify  us;  to  swear 
fealty  to  our  God,  and  enmity  toward  Devils.  Not 
a  butterfly-life,  but  an  eagle-life;  not  the  dimuni- 
tive  perfection  of  a  pink-rose,  but  the  sturdy 
strength  •f  an  oak.  Heathenism  will  do  for  our 
childhood,  but  Christianity  alone  for  manhood. 
The  world  is  growing,  and  we  with  the  world. 
Christianity  is  getting  to  be  a  necessity  with  all 
of  us. 

For  fifty  days  I  was  upon  the  sea  on  my  way 


^et  Impressions  of  Christendom.       209 

home.  I  sailed  under  the  Southern  Cross,  saw  the 
True  Cross  stand,  and  the  False  Cross  fall.  But 
think  you  not  I  was  happy  to  see  my  dear  ones 
so  soon?  Yes,  happy  in  the  sense  that  a  soldier 
is  happy,  who  dreams  of  conquests  after  encounter 
with  his  enemies.  I  was  found  by  Him,  and  He 
girded  me,  and  intimated  to  me  that  He  would 
carry  me  whither  I  would  not.  Battles  He  as- 
signed me  in  my  own  small  sphere,  and  I  was  not 
to  answer  Nay.  Alas  I  sought  Him  with  much 
fightings.  I  found  Him,  and  He  ordered  me  at 
once  to  His  battlefield!  This  the  lot  of  one  born 
in  a  soldier-family.  Let  me  not  murmur,  but  feel 
thankful. 

May  16,  Noon. — Clear,  hazy  in  afternoon. — 
Came  to  the  sight  of  my  land  about  10  A.  M. 
Run  282  miles  since  yesterday  noon.  63  miles 
more,  and  home.— Read  32nd  chapter  of  Gene- 
sis. Much  consoled  by  the  thought  that  I  am 
not  worthy  of  the  least  of  all  the  mercies 
which  God  hath  shewed  unto  me  during  these 
years  of  my  exile.  His  grace  fills  up  all  the 
vacancies  left  by  the  sad  experiences  of  life. 
I  know  my  life  hath  been  guided  by  Him,  and 
though  I  go  with  much  fear  and  trembling  to 
my  homeland,  I  fear  no  evil,  for  He  will  still 
manifest  more  of  Himself  unto  me. 

Midnight.  Reached  home  9 :30  P.  M.  Thank 
God  I  am  here  at  last  after  travelling  some 
20,000  miles.  The  joy  of  the  whole  family 
knew  no  bounds.    Perhaps  it  was  the  happiest 


210  Diarij  of  a  Japanese  Convert 

time  my  poor  parents  ever  have  had.  Brother 
and  sister  grown  big,  the  former  an  active 
little  fellow,  and  the  latter  a  quite  nice  girl. 
Talked  with  father  all  night.  Mother  doesn't 
care  to  learn  about  the  world;  she  is  only  glad 
that  her  son  is  safely  at  home.  I  thank  God 
for  keeping  my  family  all  these  years  of  my 
absence  from  them.  My  prayer  has  been  to 
see  my  father  in  safety  to  tell  Him  all  that  I 
have  seen  and  experienced. 

"And  Jacob  said,  O  God  of  my  father  Abraham, 
and  God  of  my  father  Isaac,  the  Lord  which  saidst 
unto  me,  Return  unto  thy  country,  and  to  thy 
kindred,  and  I  will  deal  well  with  thee.  I  am  not 
worthy  of  the  least  of  all  the  mercies,  and  of  all 
the  truth,  which  thou  hast  shewed  unto  thy  ser- 
vant; for  with  one  staff  I  passed  over  the  Jordan; 
and  now  I  am  become  two  bands."  (Gen.  XXXII, 
9, 10.)  This  the  state  of  one  wliom  the  Lord  liketh 
to  honor.  Jacob  had  in  Haran  all  that  he  had 
sought  after  and  prayed  for:  Leah  and  Rachel, 
children,  sheep.  I  too,  a  poor  servant  of  His,  had 
in  Christendom  all  that  I  had  sought  after  and 
prayed  for.  Not  indeed  the  kind  with  wliich  Jacob 
was  blessed.  Indeed,  so  strait  was  my  condition 
in  this  respect  that  I  had  only  75  cents  left  in  my 
pocket  after  my  roamings  over  20,000  miles  of  land 
and  sea.  My  meutal  capital  too,  which  I  carried 
home  was  inconsiderable  compared  with  that 
which  is  usually  brought  back  by  my  countrymen 
of  my  own  aj^je  and  circumstance.  Science,  Medi- 
oine,  IMiilosopliy,  Divinity, — not  a  sheepskin  of 
this  kind  had  1  in  my  trunk  to  please  my  parents 


Xet  Impressions  of  Chrisitndom,       211 

as  my  present  to  them.  Bu-t  I  had  what  I  wished 
to  have,  even ,  "unto  the  Jews  a  stumbling- 
block,  and  unto  the  Greeks  foolishness."  True, 
I  did  not  find  it  in  Christendom  in  the  way  I  had 
expected;  i.  e.  I  had  not  picked  it  up  in  streets, 
or  even  in  churches  or  in  theological  seminaries; 
but  in  ways  various  and  contrarious,  I  had  it 
nevertheless,  and  I  was  satisfied.  This  then  my 
present  to  my  parents  and  countrymen,  whether 
they  like  it  or  not.  This  the  Hope  of  human  souls, 
this  the  Life  of  nations.  Xo  philosophy  or  divinity 
can  take  //'i-  place  in  the  history  of  mankind.  "I 
am  not  ashamed  of  the  gospel  of  Christ;  for  it  is 
the  power  of  God  unto  salvation  to  every  one 
that  believeth,  to  the  Jew  first,  and  also  to  the 
Greek." 

I  reached  my  home  late  in  evening.  There  upon 
a  hill,  enclosed  by  Cryptomeria  hedge,  stood  my 
paternal  cottage.  "Mamma,"  I  cried  as  I  opened 
the  gate,  "your  son  is  back  again."  Her  lean 
form,  with  many  more  marks  of  toil  upon  it,  how 
beautiful !  The  ideal  beauty  that  I  failed  to  recog- 
nize in  the  choices  of  my  Delaware  friend,  I  found 
again  in  the  sacred  form  of  my  mother.  And  my 
father,  the  owner  of  a  twelfth  part  of  an  acre  upon 
this  spacious  globe, — ^he  is  a  right  herwtoo,  a  just 
and  patient  man.  Here  is  a  spot  then  ^-"hich  I  may 
call  my  own,  and  by  which  I  am  chained  to  this 
Land  and  Earth.  Here  my  Home  and  my  Battle- 
field as  well,  the  soil  that  shall  have  my  service, 
my  prayers,  my  life,  free. 

The  day  after  my  arrival  at  home,  I  received 
an  invitation  to  the  principal  ship  of  a  Christian 
college  said  to  have  been  started  by  heathens.  A 
singular  institution  this,  unique  in  the  history  of 
the  world.    Shall  I  accept  it? 

But  here  this  book  must  close.    I  have  told  you 


212 


Diary  of  a  Japdncse  Convert. 


how  I  became  a  convert  to  Christianity.  Should 
my  life  prove  eventful  enough,  and  my  readers 
not  tired  of  my  ways  of  tellinjr.  I  have  in  mind 
another  book  of  later  experiences. 


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Smith's  Dictionary  of  the  Bible:  Its  Antiquities,  Biography, 
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